Pucker Up, Y'All!

Yesterday's post was a bit of a downer, but things always even out in the universe, and so I need to balance things out with a post on a bit more interesting and fun topic.

Let's kiss!

Just in time for the holiday season, during which women attending Christmas parties dodge drunken co-workers who see the mistletoe as a quasi-legitimate excuse to try to kiss them, CNN has posted an interesting article titled "Why Bad Kissers Don't Get to Second Base." Some of the bad kissers to which the title refers are described as "the lizard," "the washing machine," "the cannibal," and "the spelunker."

Ewwwww...

Okay, I like to kiss. Most people do. But there's a certain art and science to kissing, not to mention a lot of social rules that differ between cultures and social strata. When I lived in Berlin many years ago and worked in an environment with German, British, French, and American co-workers, I had to learn those rules and apply them in various social situations.

There was the French "air kiss," applied in varying numbers on alternating sides of the face - the idea was not to actually touch the lips to the cheek, but to sort of touch cheeks with a little smacking sound. This could be done two (left and right), three (left, right, left) or four (left, right, left, right) times, depending on the individuals involved and where they were from. I also learned that while it is elegant to kiss a lady's hand, one doesn't actually kiss the hand ... it's another air kiss.

There was the British kiss - a handshake, at least until you knew the lady better, at which time a single air kiss to the cheek became appropriate.

The Germans were (still are) masters of the handshake, until the proper level of interpersonal comfort is reached, at which time an air kiss or two may be appropriate. This can take years, and may help account for the falling German birthrate.

A subset of the German version is the "klinkety-kloonk" greeting between our friend Nadja and I - so called because we both wear glasses, and whenever we do the alternating cheek kiss, our eyewear tends to tangle with a "klinkety-kloonk."

Americans are much more open and free with their kisses. Men especially tend to dive right in and see how far they can go before the lady responds with a right hook. Ladies tend to be a bit more reserved, starting with a tiny peck on the cheek which, as the level of comfort with the kissee grows, increases in length and gradually moves forward to the edge of the mouth, then the lips, and then the so-called French, or open-mouthed kiss with tongue fencing. (I should note at this point that I never encountered "French kissing" with a French lady. I don't know what they would call it.)

Why do we kiss? Well, because it's enjoyable, but there are also varying strategies and goals involved in the act of kissing. The CNN article notes that, "For men, kissing is more often used as a means to an end -- namely, to gain sexual access. Men also are more likely to literally kiss and make up, using kissing to attempt reconciliation." Women, for their part, "...use kissing as a mate-assessment technique ... (t)hey subconsciously evaluate mating potential from the chemicals in their partner's saliva and breath, for instance."

That's a little more information than I needed, but it does validate the absolute horror I have of bad breath...after all, for a dancer, nothing can kill the mood like a partner whose breath smells like a fire on a garbage scow.

The article is fun and interesting, and worth investing a few minutes of your time to read. But in the last analysis, kissing is an act with many subtle (or not-so-sutble) layers of meaning packed into a simple, momentary act. It can kill the mood, signal a desire for more intimate contact, express various kinds of love (parental, spousal, friendship, etc), or just be a simple and perfunctory greeting.

However you kiss, be considerate of your partner when you go for that smooch under the holiday mistletoe. Unless you know that lady really well, it probably won't do to check out her tonsils with your tongue, especially if you've had a few drinks. And the ladies will, as they always do, navigate the rocky behavioral shoals of deciding which message to send: "get lost," "nice to see you," "you're a good friend," "I love you," or "let's get a room."

But enough talk - it's time to get ready for work, and then I can kiss Agnes goodbye. She won't know it, being still asleep, but it starts my day off right.

And creates hopes for the evening...

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - The Christmas Party on board the Enterprise is in full swing at Captain Picard's Journal. We're all there - join us! Plenty of mistletoe and synthehol available!

B.