Irritating Phrases

Last November, the Telegraph newspaper (from the UK) published an article titled "Oxford Compiles List of Top Ten Irritating Phrases," and I duly filed the link away for future use.

The time has come.

There are phrases that make my teeth vibrate, that are useless, irritating, or otherwise nonsensical. The Telegraph identified many of them, but my #1 All-Time Champion Irritating Phrase is not on their list. I'll share it with you in a minute. First, here are a few of the phrases identified by the Oxford Worthies as "irritating," with the obligatory commentary:

* "At the end of the day." We used to say things like "when it's all said and done" to refer to the conditions existing once some action was completed. I don't know when "at the end of the day" came into use, but I wish we could turn back the clock and strangle it in its crib. I can hear how the late George Carlin would have commented on this stupid phrase: "At the end of the day ... it's NIGHT, for God's sake! Get over it!!"

* "With all due respect." Translation: "You're an utter moron, so let me try to explain this to you again in words with fewer syllables."

* "24/7." This one refers, of course, to actions which take place constantly, and it has a lesser-used relative - "24/7/365" which, of course, cavalierly omits leap years. Perhaps Numeric Life, were she still on line, might have suggested why we needed to reduce it to numbers. Somehow, I just can't hear Amanda complaining that she has to change Aaron's diapers "24/7," even if she has become our new statistician-in-training.

* "At this moment in time." Translation: "Now." Any questions?

* "Fairly unique." If something is "unique" it is, by definition, one of a kind ("being without like or equal" - Websters New Collegiate Dictionary). "Fairly unique" ranks right up there with "slightly pregnant."

* "Have a good one!" Okay, this one's not on the Oxford list, but it still grinds my gears every time I hear it. The automatic (and meaningless) "Have a good day" was bad enough (I used to have a frowny-face button with the message "Don't tell me what kind of day to have!"), but now we're too lazy even to use this empty phrase...now it's just reduced to "have a good one!" One of what? Have a good pork chop? Have a good root canal? Have a good ton of bauxite? You get the idea.

Okay, you've waited long enough - here's my all-time champion irritating phrase:

* "God willing." This one seems usually to be appended to some call for murder or revenge by a wild-eyed, bearded lunatic like Ayman al-Zawahiri, First Deputy Snake of al-Qaeda. You can read an example in this article: Al Qaeda Message Blames Obama, Egypt for Gaza Violence. Oddly enough, Mr Zawahiri fails to give credit to either Hamas or Israel for the horror in Gaza, and fails to realize that Mr Obama is not yet the president. I suppose this happens when you live in the sixth century instead of the 21st, and are more interested in religiously-sanctioned violence than in reconciliation and goodwill. God willing, a bomb of large size and fearsome yield will soon allow Mr Zawahiri to plead his case directly to The Deity...although the telephone connection between heaven and where he'll be is not likely to be a good one.

What are the phrases that irritate you? Let me know and I'll promise not to use them. Too often.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo