Der Furor Wants His Parade

As you may recall, after visiting Paris and watching the French Bastille Day parade during his first term, Der Furor absolutely had to have a parade of his own, bigger and better than the French one, and tasked the Army with staging a full-on military parade in Washington. Fortunately, there were enough adults in his first administration to dissuade him from that staggeringly bad idea: the DC mayor fretted about the cost of repairing streets torn up by tanks, the Army reminded him of the cost (nearly $100 million), and his more historically-minded advisors reminded him that parades of heavily armed troops, accompanied by tanks and warplane flyovers, were not a tradition observed by an America that didn't like being reminded of potential repression by a powerful military.

That was then. This is now.

Der Furor has told the Army that this time, he wants his parade, and he wants it on his 79th birthday. Of course, even as towering a narcissistic buffoon as Der Furor wouldn't come right out and say that ... instead, he takes advantage of the fact that his 79th birthday - June 14th - happens also to be both Flag Day (celebrating the day in 1777 when the Continental Congress adopted the stars and stripes design of the American flag) and the official birthday of the US Army (celebrating the day in 1775 on which the Continental Congress authorized the enlistment of expert riflemen to serve the United Colonies for one year). He can have his motorized phallic symbol without making it obvious that it's his birthday due (although, to be fair, I would never accuse him of being that subtle).

I love a parade as much as the next guy, but my idea of a fun parade is marching bands, colorful floats, smiling, waving celebrities, and maybe a clown or two. Not rows of marching soldiers and lines of huge tanks churning their way down the streets of Washington while warplanes zoom overhead, distracting the observers from the erosion of their freedoms and the cratering of their economy.

I'm a veteran. I never actually saw combat*, although I spent 23 years in the Air Force and am proud of my service and of my country ... at least, my country as it was before the present maladministration. I don't need to have a wannabe alpha male president taking time out from his golf weekends to wave his military around as if it were a gigantic ... uh ... appendage to remind us of his desire to be a 21st century Napoleon.

Our "leaders" waste enough money buying elections. We can save quite a bit of it by not staging useless parades to stoke the ego of wannabe dictators.

Have a good day. Enjoy Macys' Thanksgiving Day parade if you need a dose of all-American marching spectacle.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* I did get shaken like a rag doll by a drunken helicopter mechanic one time (it's an interesting story, best shared over a beer), but I don't guess that really counts.

Hostile Punctuation

I read an interesting Time Magazine article the other day titled "Are You a Hostile Punctuator?" With a title like that, I just had to read on.

Author Angela Haupt wrote in a concise, one-word summary, "As digital communication has evolved, punctuation’s job description has gotten more demanding." 

E-mails, texts, tweets, and other forms of digital communication can deliver the basics of the message we want to get across, but they lack the social context, verbal cues, and body language that provide the subtle (or not so subtle) additional layers of meaning we may wish to convey. As Dr. Anne Curzan, a professor of English, linguistics, and education at the University of Michigan quoted in the article explains,

“'You don't have facial expressions, you don't have tone, you don't have the shared context of a physical space and gestures.' Is the person you’re talking to happy? Are they joking? Are they angry? Are they drop-dead serious? If you were face-to-face, 'You’d have all of this context to be able to figure it out, [but] in texting, you have very little—so what young people in particular have done is repurpose punctuation.'”

Modern digital communicators have replaced visual and tonal cues with that "repurposed punctuation." As an example, when you're preparing to leave for a dinner engagement, you might send a text message to your partner asking, "Are you ready yet?", but if you write the same message as "Are you ready yet???", the use of multiple question marks implies a degree of impatience the words alone don't give. 

The use of multiple exclamation points can likewise be used to imply anger or disbelief, as in "You've got to be kidding me!!!"

A third example is the presence, absence, or strategic use of the period. In ordinary usage, it symbolizes the end of a sentence, but when used after every word of a sentence, it can indicate an angry or threatening response, as in "You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me."

These are all examples of what is sometimes called hostile punctuation.

Emojis enter the mix, too. There are now thousands of emojis out there which convey various shades of meaning, to most of which I am clueless. A few years ago, we watched a report on the German TV show Galileo in which a pair of the show's reporters tried to guess the meaning of a series of emojis that were all variations on the classic "smiley face," but which represented a wide range of subtle differences of meaning. Neither of them accurately interpreted the meanings. So, what happens when you respond with an emoji that carries a meaning you didn't intend? Are you Hostile emoji-ing?

And, moving beyond punctuation and emojis, using excessive capitalization in digital communication is the equivalent of shouting or attempting to dominate the conversation. When combined with multiple punctuation marks or serial periods, it can emphasize anger and threats. Der Furor is, of course, a master of this, using capitalization as a form of alpha male verbal chest thumping, as in this "Truth Social" post (shared on Twitter/X) about his massive tariff broadside:

"THE OPERATION IS OVER! THE PATIENT LIVED, AND IS HEALING. THE PROGNOSIS IS THAT THE PATIENT WILL BE FAR STRONGER, BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE RESILIENT THAN EVER BEFORE. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!"

One of the funniest (and completely clean!) comedy pieces ever belongs to the wonderful Danish comic Victor Borge and his routine on "Phonetic Punctuation." If you haven't seen it, it's worth your while to take a few minutes and watch ...

So the lesson, if there is one in all this, is to be careful with your punctuation, capitalization, and use of emojis in digital communications. It's a whole new digital world out there, and we're not always speaking the same language.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Ass Clown Special Award

Today marks our second presentation of an Ass Clown Special Award this year. As I've noted before, I prefer not to present too many out-of-cycle special awards for fear of diluting their meaning and impact, but sometimes an individual's gotta do what an individual's gotta do*.

That said, Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, we present this 

Ass Clown Special Award

to

Der Furor and His Economic Advisors

It takes a special kind of twisted view of reality to claim, as Der Furor has, that "THE OPERATION IS OVER! THE PATIENT LIVED, AND IS HEALING. THE PROGNOSIS IS THAT THE PATIENT WILL BE FAR STRONGER, BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE RESILIENT THAN EVER BEFORE," given that the S&P 500 Index has lost more than $2.5 trillion and the stock market is falling like a Russian from a 10th-floor window. 

And to heed the sage financial advice of Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, who urges us all to “Let Donald Trump run the global economy. He knows what he’s doing. He’s been talking about it for 35 years ... You got to trust Donald Trump in the White House." 

And to, as Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent did last week, threaten the leaders of other sovereign nations, many of them once staunch allies of the United States - "Do not retaliate. Sit back, take it in, let’s see how it goes. Because if you retaliate, there will be escalation. If you don’t retaliate, this is the high-water mark."

Maybe ... just maybe ... it isn't a great idea to let the man who sent six businesses into bankruptcy (including a casino, for gawd's sake) make crazy economic decisions for the nation and the world, egged on by billionaires with no concept of what their decisions mean for everyday working class Americans.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, we present a well-deserved Ass Clown Special Award to Der Furor and his Economic Advisors. You may be able to afford things like food and living indoors for the rest of this administration's term ... maybe even for the rest this month ... but I wouldn't bet on it.

Have a good day. Expect better, but prepare for worse.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* I'm saying it that way because I must now legally avoid anything that might hint at any sort of singling out of a particular sex, color, religion, nationality, species, or anything else for special treatment. The Orange Airhorn and his DEI police are on the alert, and a vacation in El Salvador is not on my bucket list.

Musical Sunday

I wanted to start April off with one of the more beautiful songs from my collection, but the time just doesn't seem right. I think we're better off with a NSFW song more appropriate to the ongoing destruction of our government, our freedoms, and our international reputation. Take it away, Grace Jones ... 

Here are the lyrics, for those of you interested:

And if I wander down the wrong road

It's alright baby, just let me go

If I get tired of all those assholes

It's alright cause' I want them to know

I'm sick and tired of all this bullshit

Rough shit, same shit

Hey Jesus come on down and save us, save us, rave on

And on the road I ride through Richmond

Rich man, You know the business I'm in

And feeling sorry, makes me feel mad

Someday, uh baby, I play to win

I'm sick and tired of all this bullshit

Rough shit, same shit

Can't Jesus come on down and save us, save us, rave on

I'm sick and tired of all this bullshit

Same shit, wrong shit

Hey Jesus come on down and save us, save us, rave on

And if I wander down the wrong road

It's alright honey, just let me go

If I get tired of all those assholes

It's alright cause' I want them to know

I'm with you, Grace.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Silly you ... you thought things would be better once we got past the chaos of March.

Der Furor's administration has admitted to mistakenly deporting a man to a notorious El Salvador prison, but says it can't bring him back; on Tuesday afternoon (after the stock market closed), Der Furor imposed a round of huge tariffs on nearly every country on earth (including a remote island inhabited only by penguins) ... in response, markets tanked and the S&P 500 index lost $2.5 trillion; apparently at the urging of far-right activist Laura Loomer, the Orange Airhorn fired several senior national security figures, including the director of the National Security Agency (although no one involved in "Signalgate") for the offense of being insufficiently loyal to the PINO; and a declassified CIA report on an incident from 35 years ago claims that a Russian surface-to-air missile downed a UFO, from the wreckage of which shape-shifting aliens emerged to massacre responding soldiers with an explosive energy burst.

This week, in honor of the professionalism and dedication of President Musk, PINO Der Furor, and their amazing appointees, I thought a batch of cartoons about clowns would be appropriate. But because there are a great many sub-genres of clown cartoons, we'll narrow this week's selections to cartoons about famously-overstuffed clown cars. 

I actually have at least two more cartoons in my collection that riff on this idea ...

Yes ... yes, it is ...

Clown cars have stupid decals, too ...

I've known a lot of used car salesmen who were clowns ...

It's not a question he gets every day ...

Busted! ...

Starting early ...

Didn't you wonder how they did the trick before cars were invented? ...

It would surely help ...

It's job security of a sort ...

And that's it for this first Cartoon Saturday of the new month ... sadly, we now have to go back to dealing with real clowns. And they're not funny.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when we open the door to Musical Sunday and usher in a timely classic from Grace Jones. See you then!

Bilbo

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2025

"How low can you go?" used to be the question asked at limbo contests; now, it's the north star of President Musk and Der Furor's mindless assault on the government and society of the United States ... a time when the limbo bar of decency, honor, respect, and compassion is essentially level with the ground. 

As much as I have tried to identify Ass Clowns from various walks of life to receive these awards, the utter awfulness of the administration for which 77 million of my fellow citizens voted has led me to focus on it as the lowest of low-hanging fruit for selection ... and so it is this week.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the tinfoil and toilet paper crown designating

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2025

 

is presented to

Secretary of Defense

Pete Hegseth

There's not much point in rehashing the nearly criminal incompetence exhibited by Mr Hegseth in the so-called "Signalgate" fiasco; suffice it to say - as have commentators wiser and more esteemed than I - that had any military member exhibited the towering level disregard of classification, operational security, and simple common sense demonstrated by Mr Hegseth, they would have been fired at the very least, and probably court-martialed and imprisoned.

The incident itself was bad enough, but the ho-hum-no-big-deal-nothing-to-see-here-everybody-makes-mistakes-and-Hillary's-emails-were-worse-anyhow reaction of the PINO and his lickspittle cabinet officers, press spokesdrones, and other apologists have made a mockery of an administration that misses no opportunity to loudl trumpets its worship at the festooned altar of "accountability" and "merit." If Mr Hegseth had the least shreds of dignity and respect for his position, he would resign if the PINO didn't fire him. But, of course, in this administration, unflinching and unquestioned loyalty to Der Furor are far more important than basic competence, gravitas, or qualification for the office to which one is appointed.

Mr Hegseth, not satisfied with his shameful performance in "Signalgate," blundered into yet another security-related incident when it was revealed that he had permitted his wife Jennifer, a producer at Fox "News" with no security clearances or need-to-know, to accompany him to meetings with foreign military officials at which sensitive classified information was discussed. Again, as might be expected, no action on this egregious security breach has been taken by the administration.

When I sat down to write this period's award, I was strongly tempted to present it to "Vice President" JD Vance for his shameful, bullying behavior during his uninvited visit to Greenland, which accomplished nothing but driving our allies farther away and further tarnishing what little remains of our international reputation. I finally decided on Mr Hegseth because his childish and thoughtless action had the potential to compromise a military operation in progress, costing the lives of American service members he sent into harm's way.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2025, is Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth - a man out of his depth, lacking mature judgement, and utterly unqualified for one of the most critical cabinet positions.

And, by the way, the attire worn by Mr Hegseth in the photo above violates 4 USC 1, Section 8(j), which states that "No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform." But at least it covers all his offensive tattoos*.

Have a good day. Hope for the best, but expect the worst. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Some of which would probably get him deported to a prison in El Salvador if he weren't white and connected.

The Gohmert-Greene Stupidity Scale, Updated

I first introduced the Gohmert Stupidity Scale in June of 2021, and published the first explanation of its structure and guidelines just a few days later. I updated the scale in March of 2023, expanding the guidelines to account not just for ignorance, but also for greed and malice as factors in the assessment of the individual, rather than the nation level of stupidity as measured by the DUMBCON. That update also changed the name to the "Gohmert-Greene Stupidity Scale," in recognition of another toweringly stupid member of Congress. The basic unit of stupidity is the gag*, defined as "the stupidity value of a single action dumb enough to earn one or more of the following: an eye roll, a head shake, or a forehead slap."

But things have changed rapidly since the inception of the scale, and not for the better. The reelection of Der Furor as PINO, the ascendency of President Musk, and the total servility of the Republican Party in the advancement of an increasingly fascistic program call for improved ways to measure individual levels of stupidity, as well as the overall National Stupidity Condition. Having reset the DUMBCON level yesterday, today I release version 4.0 of the Gohmert-Greene Stupidity Scale: 

If the chart does not click open for easier reading, here it is in non-tabular format:

Score in gags: 0-1,000. 

General Description: Harmless. Makes mistakes and is able to admit error and self-correct once action has been recognized as stupid. 

Examples/Comments: Me* and most people with whom I choose to associate.

Score in gags: 1,001-2,500. 

General Description: Ignorant. Commits dumb acts out of ignorance, and can usually self-correct when stupid action is pointed out. 

Examples/Comments: Person who drives slower after getting a speeding ticket.

Score in gags: 2,501-10,000. 

General Description: Really Ignorant. Commits dumb acts out of ignorance and refuses to change mind when presented with proof of error. 

Examples/Comments: Person who argues with a police officer giving them a ticket.

Score in gags: 10,001-25,000. 

General Description: Extremely Ignorant. Commits dumb acts out of ignorance and refuses to change mind when faced with proof of error. Relies on personal beliefs and power of personal position to impose stupidity on others. 

Examples/Comments: Annoying neighborhood busybodies; extreme homeowners association nazis.

Score in gags: 25,001-50,000. 

General Description: Stupid. Views own opinions and those of persons with similar beliefs as gospel and rejects contrary information. This is the level at which stupidity begins to have harmful consequences beyond the individual. 

Examples/Comments: Education reform zealots; self-appointed censors and book-burners; eco-terrorists; extreme animal rights advocates.

Score in gags: 50,001-100,000. 

General Description: Really Stupid. Doubles down on stupid actions and beliefs when confronted with evidence; believes persons with contrary positions are obviously wrong and must be resolutely opposed. Individuals at this level and above should never occupy positions of leadership and responsibility.

Examples/Comments: Ordinary MAGAts; election deniers; racists (regardless of color); conspiracy theorists; gun rights advocates, intolerantly religious individuals.

Score in gags: 100,001-350,000. 

General Description: Extremely Stupid. Easily swayed by individuals or groups that reinforce personal beliefs. Believes individuals or groups holding contrary points of view are not only wrong, but deliberately malicious. At this level malice and unfocused anger begin to magnify stupidity.

Examples/Comments: Anti-vaccination zealots; white supremacists.

Score in gags: 350,001-750,000. 

General Description: Amazingly Stupid. Utterly devoid of self-doubt. Refuses to listen to other points of view and is totally convinced of the infallibility of deeply-held personal, especially religious positions. Potential for danger to self and others. 

Examples/Comments: Religious fundamentalists; political extremists;  MAGAts who fly multiple giant US and/or Der Furor worship flags from oversized vehicles. 

Score in gags: 750,001-1,500,000. 

General Description: Dangerously Stupid. Aggressively denies validity of any other point of view, rejects all compromise, and refuses to acknowledge any possibility of personal error or responsibility. May be dangerous to self and others when contradicted. At this level greed begins to significantly magnify stupidity. 

Examples/Comments: Extreme hard-core, in-your-face MAGAts, especially those who wear outlandish clothing inspired by Der Furor; Second Amendment zealots; self-styled militia members; oligarchs.

Score in gags: 1,500,001-3,000,000. 

General Description: Normal Extreme Upper Limit of Stupidity. Completely refuses to accept the validity of any points of view other than their own and rejects all contrary information and evidence as “fake news.” Believes aggressive and confrontational response to opposing views, up to and including physical violence, is justified. Dangerous to self and others. 

Examples/Comments: Hardest of the extreme hard-core MAGAts, especially those who sport ostentatious tattoos of Der Furor; extreme militia members who stockpile weapons; extreme religious fundamentalists; violent racists.

Score in gags: > 3,000,000. 

General Description: Level of Stupidity Is No Longer Measurable by Rational Standards. Individual should not be allowed to breed. 

Examples/Comments: Anyone willing to vote for Der Furor again, having seen the results.

That is the updated Gohmert-Greene Stupidity Scale, effective April 2, 2025. Comments welcome. Use as you wish. 

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* For "Gohmert and Greene," of course.

** I like to think so, anyway.

DUMBCON Update

Today is Tuesday, April 1st, April Fool's Day. Thus, it is an appropriate day to reassess the National Stupidity Condition - the DUMBCON.

We last raised the DUMBCON in February of this year, when I determined that the prevailing level was insufficient to account for the astounding level of stupidity in modern America. Indeed, the level had risen so sharply that I had to reach back to a version of the scale with enough levels to accommodate it, AND to raise the level by not one, but two steps. But now, things are even more stupid. To name just a few instances:

The Secretary of Defense, National Security Advisor, Director of National Intelligence, CIA Director, Secretary of the Treasury (?). and other administration officials traded sensitive operational military information on a commercial messaging app, not realizing that they had also invited a reporter to be a member of the group.

PINO Der Furor, descending to new levels of pettiness, issued a new royal decree executive order pompously titled "Restoring Truth and Sanity to American History," in which he accused the Smithsonian Institution of "[conducting] a concerted and widespread effort to rewrite our Nation’s history, replacing objective facts with a distorted narrative driven by ideology rather than truth" and of "improper ideology;"

Der Furor also issued another royal decree executive order, "Preserving and Protecting the Integrity of American Elections," which places new restrictions and limitations on voting rights; 

In a calculated provocation and insult to the governments and populations of Denmark and Greenland, "Vice President" Vance and his wife, uninvited, visited a US Space Force facility in Greenland, where Mr Vance doubled down on US aims to take over Greenland, while soft-peddling previous administration threats to absorb it by force if necessary; and,

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth reportedly allowed his wife, an executive producer at Fox News with no known security clearances or need to know, to attend multiple high-level meetings with foreign military officials where sensitive national security information was discussed.

I don't think I could make a better argument that it's time to reset the DUMBCON than this administration makes for itself every day. When I last set the level, I deliberately left room for subsequent adjustment ... and now it's time.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I am raising the DUMBCON Level to

DUMBCON MINUS FOUR

("Time to Get Ready for That One-Way Mars Mission")

You will note that this version of the DUMBCON index has ten levels. When I first created the system, I never imagined that I might need more than the five levels that mirror the military's DEFCON system ... much less ten levels. I have no idea where we go from here.

And we're only two months into this administration.

Have a good day, and remember the time when we complained about a government that, whether you agreed with it or not, was not actively criminal, unconstitutional, amoral, incompetent, and hell-bent on undoing almost 250 years of our experiment with self-governing democracy. We'll be a long time getting the country back, if it's even possible.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo