Cartoon Saturday

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas in spite of you-know who and his ICE elves ...

Continuing his penchants both for naming things for himself and meddling in military affairs he does not understand, Der Furor announced that the Navy will create - with his help advice on naval strategy and warship architecture - a new "Trump Class" of "battleships;" the Justice Department, further delaying compliance with last Friday’s congressionally mandated deadline, says it may need a “few more weeks” to release all of the Epstein Files after "suddenly discovering" more than a million new, potentially relevant documents; for the 70th year in a row, the North American Air Defense Command (NORAD) tracked Santa's trip around the world on behalf of anxious children everywhere; hundreds of Victorian era hobnailed shoes have washed up on beaches in Wales, leading the Department of Homeland Security to eye it as an untapped source of hobnails for the boots of ICE agents; and in Panama City, Florida, a man was arrested on Monday night and charged with indecent exposure, battery, and resisting arrest without violence after he walked into a Hobby Lobby store wearing no clothes.

Our last Cartoon Saturday of 2025 features a random selection from my recent acquisitions ... 

If you know your musical theater, you know ..

It's not easy this year ...

Bunzo beats the odds! ...

I'd need an ambulance after screening ...

It's a good sign ...

Have you seen Guillermo del Toro's new version of Frankenstein? ...

It's mostly true of all historic downtown areas ...

I think there are a lot of people suffering from such delusions ...

I often think our spice cabinet is plotting a takeover ...

There are a lot of amateur musicians playing this piece at this time of year ...

And that's it for our last Cartoon Saturday for 2025 - I hope it helped lift you out of your post-Christmas, Der Furor-fueled depression.

Have a good day and enjoy the last weekend of the year. Our last Musical Sunday of the year will appear here tomorrow ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2025

Christmas is over for another year. The gifts have been exchanged, the family dinners eaten, and the gaslights turned up by an unfit and delusional leader desperate to cast the light of fantasy on his reckless destruction of a once proud country. I hate to be a downer, but this is where we are as 2025 draws to a close and a season once characterized by happiness and love sinks into a swamp of concern for an uncertain future.

It's also the last chance this year to present an Ass Clown award.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, it's time to heap dishonor on

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December, 2025

and the tinfoil and toilet paper crown goes to

The Legislative, Executive, and Judicial Branches of the Federal Government

As all Americans - at least, those who were awake during civics classes - know, the Constitution divides the government of the United States into three independent branches: the Legislative, which makes the laws; the Executive, which ensures the laws are "faithfully executed;" and the Judicial, which interprets the laws. A major feature of this structure is what we once knew as the separation of powers, which ensured that each of the three branches would serve as a check on the powers of the others, preventing any branch from becoming too powerful at the expense of the people.

But that was then, and this is now.

Today's America is headed by Der Furor and those who believe in the theory of the "unitary executive," which gives the President complete and unchecked authority over the Executive Branch, including Cabinet departments and independent agencies established by law and organizationally located within the Executive Branch. "Unitary Executive" is what the Founders would have understood to be a "king." It is clear that Der Furor is a man utterly convinced of his own infallibility and the surpassing perfection of his opinions; coupled with the unitary executive theory and the support of the billionaire class, he represents the worst nightmare of The Founders - the sort of king they had just managed to get rid of.

Today's Congress is a cowering, spineless version of the robust Legislative Branch envisioned by the Founders as a coequal partner in government. Under the "leadership" of the Republican majority and in shivering fear of Der Furor and his angry MAGAts, Congress has abdicated virtually all of its responsibilities assigned under Section II of the Constitution to a president singularly unfit to wield them, and has used its power only in the service of big business, the ultra-wealthy, and Der Furor's thirst for revenge against those he believes have wronged him. 

The Supreme Court, dominated by an extremely conservative majority, has consistently ruled in favor of Der Furor, even to the point of granting him 

"... absolute immunity from criminal prosecution for actions within his conclusive and preclusive constitutional authority. And he is entitled to at least presumptive immunity from prosecution for all his official acts."  (Trump v United States, July 2, 2025) 

The court has also eaten away at abortion rights, voting rights, freedom of speech, and religious freedoms* at a pace all but unmatched since the founding of the republic. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, our final Ass Clown Award for 2025 is presented - individually and collectively - to the three branches of our federal government. At the rate Der Furor and his enablers are going, there will only be a need for one branch - The Supreme Executive - before long.

Before we go, an update on voting for the 2025 Ass Clown of the Year:

In fifth place with 200 votes - Congressional Republicans;

In fourth place with 211 votes - Nick "alpha male" Adams;

In third and second place (a tie) with 300 votes - Der Furor and Pete Hegseth (as a set) and Der Furor's Enablers; and,

In first place with 325 votes - Der Furor.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. You probably need something to laugh at after today's award and the prospect of three more years of neo-fascistic lunacy.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Unless, of course, you're a conservative, evangelical "Christian," which seems to be the only officially recognized and approved religion under the current regime.

Christmas Day, 2025

Merry Christmas!

Today is Christmas Day, the day on which Christians* around the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, whose lessons and example many of them find admirable in theory but bothersome to follow in practice. Beyond the Christian world, it is a season for general good cheer, the exchange of gifts, an opportunity for hypocritical politicians to tweet biblical verses they neither understand nor follow, and a month of generally uplifting and sentimental television shows which temporarily offset the sex, violence, and cynicism of the rest of the year.

We’ve long bemoaned the commercialization of Christmas, in which the purchase and exchange of gifts have replaced thoughtful contemplation and love of family and friends. But for years now, Christmas has been politicized just like everything else. Conservative shouting heads anxious to stoke the culture wars for political gain moan bitterly about an imagined “war on Christmas,” and both Christians and non-Christians complain about discrimination because they don’t want to be exposed to religious holiday ideas and traditions which are not their own. Angry conservatives fervently believe that, thanks to Der Furor, they are now permitted to say "Merry Christmas" rather than such detestable and divisive salutations as "Happy Holidays," "Season's Greetings," "Happy Hanukkah," "Joyous Solstice," "Happy Kwanzaa," or "Happy Festivus." Nuisance lawsuits force towns and cities to remove some displays from public places, or to install others more to their religious (or non-religious) liking. The Grinch lives on.

The once-happy season is increasingly characterized more by Scrooge than by Santa. Being of good cheer becomes increasingly difficult because of poisonous differences among family and friends over tribal politics and differing visions of the country’s history and its future. It’s hard to understand how people we love can be blinded by the disgraceful lies and bullying of Der Furor and his adherents. And it’s difficult to feel good about celebrating when so many people’s lives are lost or ruined by wars in Ukraine, Gaza, and other places Der Furor claims to have brought peace.

The traditional Christmas story that most of us recognize is told in the Bible in the second chapter of the gospel of Matthew:

2:8 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

2:9 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

2:10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

2:11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.

2:12 And this shall be a sign unto you; You shall find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

2:13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

2:14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Whatever happened to the part about “peace on earth and good will toward men**?” It seems to have been replaced by “peace on earth, goodwill only to those who agree with me, and the rest of you can go to Hell.” It’s been replaced by rigid intolerance and stiff-necked self-righteousness that belie both the spirit of the season and the values and teachings of the person whose birth is being celebrated.

Nevertheless, for those willing to put aside their political and cultural tunnel vision and petty carping and hatreds, the Christmas season offers a time for joy and renewal, regardless of the religious tradition they profess to follow. It’s a season in which persons of goodwill can come together and treat each other like human beings instead of despised “others” … if, of course, they’re willing to bend enough to do so.

And it is, above all, a season for children, who have not yet been spoiled by the cynicism and hatred they’ll learn all too soon. The look on a child’s face on Christmas morning is a wonderful thing, and it reminds us that there is still joy to be found in life, if only we can get past the greed, selfishness, racism, religious bigotry, and political chicanery.

And so, Dear Readers, Agnes and I wish all of you a very joyous holiday of your choice and a safe, happy, and healthy new year. It's just got to be better than this one ...

Have a peaceful, loving, and reflective day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Real Christians who follow the example of Jesus Christ, not the noisy, ignorant, arrogant, heavily-armed, and intolerant sort so prevalent here in modern America.

** Okay, “persons.” Don’t get your holiday knickers in a twist.

A Topic I Hate to Address on Christmas Eve

In years past, I've had my more-or-less traditional Christmas Eve post that I used to reflect on the beauty and craziness - of the day before the holiday. This year, for many reasons, I'm finding it hard to get into the Christmas mood, and I need to vent a bit to help center myself to enjoy tomorrow's festivities. Sorry to be a downer. Read on if you wish, or come back tomorrow if you don't.

I've written several times in this space about the Seven Deadly Sins - the most awful of vices according to Christian tradition. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with them, they are:

Pride - irrational self-confidence or the contemptuous rejection of the feelings or importance of others. It is considered the worst of the deadly sins, and the original source of the others.

Greed - an intense desire to possess more than what one needs;

Wrath - uncontrolled feelings of anger, rage, or hatred, or an intense desire for revenge;

Gluttony - excessive consumption, whether of food or resources;

Sloth - indifference or laziness toward one's responsibilities;

Lust - although usually thought of in sexual terms, it can also refer to an overwhelming desire for power or money; and, 

Envy - resentfully coveting the traits or possessions of another person.

I think about them often nowadays in the context of the miserable human being who rules our nation. If ever there were a proud poster child for the Seven Deadly Sins, it would be Der Furor. Consider this ...

Pride - there has seldom been a more noisily self-aggrandizing, self-promoting individual than Der Furor. He misses no opportunity to trumpet his own successes, real or imagined, and is famous for his repeated declarations that "nobody knows more about (insert topic) than I do."* He has also unilaterally added his name to the US Institute of Peace, the Kennedy Center in Washington, and a fantasized fleet of "Trump-Class" battleships for the Navy.

Greed - the degree to which Der Furor has monetized the presidency for the benefit of himself and his family is staggering, and the degree to which his enablers ignore or make excuses for it are truly mind-boggling. House Speaker Mike Johnson is on record as saying investigations of Der Furor's alleged corruption are unnecessary, as "[he] does everything out in the open. He’s not trying to hide anything. There's no shell companies or fake LLCs or fake family businesses. He’s putting it out there, so everybody can evaluate for themselves.” I guess there's no crime if you do it in the open for everyone to see. 

Wrath - seldom in our history has a president so openly sought revenge against those who have investigated and prosecuted him for his crimes. Never has the Department of Justice been so blatantly and openly weaponized against the perceived enemies of a sitting president. Never has a president so angrily insulted and demeaned immigrants from other nations, his political opponents, and even his own supporters who have criticized him. 

Gluttony - consider the over-the-top glitz of Mar-a-Lago and the transformation of the White House and the dignified Oval Office into a gilded advertisement for power and wealth.

Sloth - some of Der Furor's best naps seem to take place during official meetings, sometimes even while his acolytes are gushing effusive praise of his stamina, intelligence, health, executive capabilities, and ability to prevent hurricanes from striking the United States.

Lust - remember the Access Hollywood tape? The visit to the dressing rooms for the Miss USA competition to leer at young naked women? His conviction on charges of sexual abuse? The endless attempts to cover up whatever the "Epstein Files" may reveal? I rest my case.

Envy - Der Furor coveted a military parade after seeing a Bastille Day parade in Paris. He wants a memorial arch for Washington bigger than the Arc de Triomphe in Paris. He has demolished the historic East Wing of the White House in order to build a ballroom large enough to impress foreign visitors.

I'm truly sorry for the tone of this post, but I had to flush the disappointment from my system in order to be able to achieve some measure of the Christmas spirit I miss so much. This was a topic I should never have to write about at Christmas, but here we are.

Have a good day, and try your best to get into the Christmas spirit that brightened your life once a year as a child. I'm trying.

More thoughts - in a happier vein - tomorrow.

Bilbo

* This list dates to 2019. A current list would probably be twice as long. At least.
 

Poetry Sunday

Parents look at Christmas in a way different from their children, and parents of girls look at things like mistletoe and seasonal dances very differently ...

My Daughter at 14: Christmas Dance 

by Maria Mazziotti Gillan 

Panic in your face, you write questions

to ask him. When he arrives,

you are serene, your fear

unbetrayed. How unlike me you are.

After the dance,

I see your happiness; he holds

your hand. Though you barely speak,

your body pulses messages I can read

all too well. He kisses you goodnight,

his body moving toward yours, and yours

responding. I am frightened, guard my

tongue for fear my mother will pop out

of my mouth. “He is not shy.” You giggle,

a little girl again, but you tell me he

kissed you on the dance floor. “Once?”

I ask. “No, a lot.”

We ride through the rain-shining 1 A.M.

streets. I bite back words which long

to be said, knowing I must not shatter your

moment, fragile as a spun-glass bird,

you, the moment, poised on the edge of

flight, and I, on the ground, afraid.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Watch out for that mistletoe.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Less than a week until Christmas ... how's that peace-on-earth-and-good-will-toward-men-thing working out for you?

In his latest example of unpresidential childishness, Der Furor has installed insulting plaques - many of which he claims to have written himself - underneath presidential portraits in the Gilt House; former Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith told lawmakers in a closed-door interview that his team of investigators “developed proof beyond a reasonable doubt” that Der Furor had criminally conspired to overturn the results of the 2020 election; the Gilt House announced that Der Furor's handpicked board had voted to rename Washington’s leading performing arts center as the Trump-Kennedy Center ... less than one day later, workers had already installed Der Furor's name on the facade of the building in defiance of the law; after six hours of debate, a jury in Milwaukee found Judge Hannah Dugan, accused of helping a Mexican immigrant dodge federal authorities waiting outside her courtroom, guilty of obstruction; and in Texas, officials from a Houston-area megachurch expressed “regret” after a woman was unexpectedly kicked in the face by a camel during a live Christmas presentation.

You know you need the cartoons ... let's get to 'em -

Back when I had my own radio show, the calm baritone was always an asset in delivering bad news ... 

It always works for me, although I do tend to wake up distressingly early ...

Do you suppose this is the dolphin dream? ...

Too late, Howard ...

I wonder if this is part of the ongoing construction at the White House ...

If you're a grandparent, you know it's true. If you're a grandparent whose grandchildren are older, you know you miss it ...

National group therapy ...

I like the underbed option better ...

I've often thought that the people who estimate the amount of time a recipe takes have a small army of people to do all the mise-en-place* work for them ahead of time ...

Republican Santa ...

And that's it for the last Cartoon Saturday before Christmas - I hope it's taken your mind off the frantic last-minute holiday preparations.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for a holiday parent-themed Poetry Sunday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* That's culinary French for "get your shit together."

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, today is the last collection of Great Moments for 2025! I know this will be unwelcome news for those of you who look forward to these posts, but such is the arrangement of the calendar, so let's dry those tears and get on with it ... and look at the end for the first report of results from the Ass Clown of the Year competition!

If you're still looking for a gift for that hard-to-please person who can't make ends meet ...

Such a deal! Stock up now ...

For that vocal supporter of Der Furor on your list ...

If it's a Florida avocado but it comes from Canada, do the tariffs still apply? ...

The very soul of Christian charity ...

I guess foot long yogurt hot dogs are a thing in Greece ...

Why pay more? ...

Anyone looking for a job as a copy editor at a newspaper, apply below ...

I'm sure the price is right, though ...

Please be sure your dog carries enough bags ...

And that's it for Great Moments in Editing and Signage for December AND for 2025 ... I hope we've managed to give you a chuckle. Don't be too sad ... we'll be back on January 2nd with a new collection to start out 2026.

But before we go, here are the standings for the top three vote-getters in the 2025 Ass Clown of the Year competition:

In third place with 3.14159 votes (yes, you read that right - pi - votes) - Kristi Noem's Dog;

In second place, tied with 100 votes each - The Congressional GOP, Der Furor's Enablers, and House Speaker Mike Johnson; and,

In first place with 300 votes each, a tie between Der Furor and Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth.

Voting for the Ass Clown of the Year continues until 11:59 PM on Wednesday, December 31st - make sure your voice is heard by voting early and often! Check here for the full list of rules and the Ass Clowns that have been selected through the year.

Have a good day and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Voting Is Now Open for the 2025 Ass Clown of the Year!

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, today is the start of the two-week period in which you can cast your votes for the individual or group that best exemplifies the year's supreme achievement in ass clownery, and (possibly) unseats the 2024 winner, The American Electorate. It's time to vote for

The 2025 Ass Clown of the Year

By Friday, December 26th (the announcement of the final awardee for the year, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for December), I will have named 33 awardees in 2025, all of whom are eligible for the annual award. Of course, if there's someone I missed or someone you like better, you are free to vote for the write-in candidate of your choice. Here are the ground rules for Ass Clown of the Year voting, unchanged from previous years except as noted:

- Chicago Rules apply: you may vote as many times as you want, for as many candidates as you want. You may cast votes on behalf of yourself, your family members, your friends, your family members' friends, your pets, your friends' and family members' pets, or anyone else, living or dead. In the interest of fairness, I ask only that you not cast more than 100 votes at a time for any one candidate (same as last year) ... just vote more often if you want to stuff the digital ballot box. 

- You may vote for any of this year's 33 award winners (the first 32 are listed below, and the last will be announced on December 26th), or for anyone else you wish. 

- You need not be legally authorized to vote in the United States. Republicans view voting laws with a great deal of flexibility to their advantage, so why should you not follow their example?

- No ID is required and there is no minimum age to vote. If you are concerned that the Russians (or Elon Musk, or the Chinese, or the Venezuelans, or the Italians (via satellite), or the Martians or one or the other political party, or the "Deep State") will manipulate the results to undermine the integrity of the award without such identification, consider that the fanatical supporters of Der Furor are already convinced that elections they don't win are rigged and will assume that any IDs presented will be phony, anyhow. And in any case, integrity is a quaintly outdated concept in today's political world in which "facts" require no proof or connection to reality. I worry more about my fellow citizens than I do about any external actors.

- Finally, you again have the option to vote for ALL OF THE ABOVE, rather than a single winner.

- Votes will be accepted from now until 11:59 PM on Wednesday, December 31st. You may vote by leaving a comment on this or any blog post between now and then; by sending me a PM or leaving a comment on Facebook or Bluesky if we are connected there; by e-mail if you have my personal address; by text message if you have my phone number; or in person if we should happen to meet and you are unarmed and properly vaccinated. If you choose to cast your votes in person, be advised that your candidate's chances of winning are enhanced if the votes are accompanied by adult beverages, desirable snacks (list available on request), cash, or any combination thereof. Yes, it's bribery, but if Elon Musk and all those other billionaires slurping at the government trough can do it, so can you.

I will provide periodic updates on the balloting, and will announce the 2025 Ass Clown of the Year in this space on Thursday, January 1st, 2026.

To help you make your choice, here are links to the first 32 Ass Clown awardees for 2025*, in case you want to go back and review their qualifications to assist in making your choice:

January Right-Cheek: America's Billionaire Class

January Left-Cheek: Elon Musk

February Right-Cheek: The Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)

February Left-Cheek: "Vice President" JD Vance

February Special Award: The Republican and Democratic Parties

March Right-Cheek: Secretary of State Marco Rubio

March Left-Cheek: Joaquin Garcia

March Special Award: The "National Security Establishment" of Der Furor's Administration

April Right-Cheek: Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth

April Special Award: Der Furor and His Economic Advisors

April Left-Cheek: The American Legal Profession

April Special Award: Der Furor's Obsequious Cabinet

May Right-Cheek: Attorney General Pam Bondi

May Left-Cheek: DHS Secretary Kristi Noem

May On-Crack: White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt

June Right-Cheek: Attorney General Pam Bondi (second award this year)

June Left-Cheek: Emil Bove

July Right-Cheek: Speaker of the House Mike Johnson (R, LA-4)

July Left-Cheek: The Republican Regrets Coalition

August Right-Cheek: Christopher Robertson

August Left-Cheek: Nick "alpha male" Adams

September Right-Cheek: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr

September Left-Cheek: Laura Loomer

September Special Award: Der Furor and Pete Hegseth (second award this year for both individuals)

October Right-Cheek: "Border Czar" Tom Homan

October Special Award: Attorney General Pam Bondi (third award this year)

October Left-Cheek: Ten Violent and Racist "Young" Republicans and Vice President JD Vance (second            award this year for Vance)

October On-Crack: Newt Gingrich, Kevin McCarthy, Mike Johnson, and Mitch McConnell (second award         this year for Johnson)

November Right-Cheek: The US Department of Agriculture

November Left-Cheek: Der Furor's Governmental Clown Car

December Right-Cheek: The Federation Internationale de Football Association (FIFA)

December Left-Cheek: to be announced on December 26th - check this site then!

These are your candidates! It's up to you, now ... vote early, vote often, and make sure your voice is heard and your chosen ass clown is recognized for appropriate ridicule and receipt of the Tinfoil and Toilet Paper Crown**, which has been presented to each ass clown awardee since the 2022 annual winner - 

Although the run on tinfoil hats by the MAGA crowd and the panic-buying of toilet paper ahead of winter storms may lead to temporary shortages of raw materials, I'll make it work. 

Have a good day, vote early, and vote often. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Some of the individual recipients have won the award multiple times by being part of group awards. I have not detailed individual membership in group awards during the year in the interest of space.

** A far more prestigious award than the silly FIFA/Temu Peace Prize gifted to Der Furor earlier this month.

Woke Fonts

You probably don't think very often about the art of typography, which deals with the style and appearance of printed matter. For someone like me, who appreciates the appearance and legibility of the printed word, it's very interesting, but not something I'd normally associate with the silly culture wars fanned by Der Furor and his followers ... but such is the time in which we live. 

Last week the State Department changed its policy on printed material to mandate use of the Times New Roman font for official documents. Times New Roman was the standard font used by the State Department from 2004* to 2023, when then-Secretary of State Antony Blinken directed a change to Calibri, considered more user-friendly for people with reading challenges and those who read documents online, thanks to its simpler shapes and wider spacing. Here's a side-by-side comparison of the two fonts:

I, myself, prefer Times New Roman as more official and elegant looking, and it's the font I use for documents I create myself, although I can see that Calibri could be easier for some people to read. 

As you might suspect, the change back to Times New Roman was couched in terms of the administration's rejection of what it believes are wasteful and inappropriate "DEIA" (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Accessibility) influences and initiatives across government. This is, in my opinion, a silly reason to change fonts. If the goal is an official-looking font that's more legible and less simplistic than Calibri, perhaps Garamond might have been a better choice ...

Then again, given the frequently childish and silly actions of Der Furor and his administration, a change to Comic Sans might have been more appropriate ...

Another possible choice for an official font for this administration might have been Fraktur, which would excite the Neo-Nazi fever dreams of the farthest-right wing of the MAGA movement ...

Or, given the leanings of the recently-released National Security Strategy, we could just go directly to the Cyrillic font used for Russian -

Petulantly changing typefaces. The silliest manifestation of the culture wars to date. Sigh.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Before 2004, the standard font for the State Department was Courier New.

The GOP Replacement for Obamacare, 2025*

You will recall that Der Furor and the Republican Party have for years been desperate to get rid of the imperfect, but reasonably successful and popular Affordable Care Act (also known as Obamacare). Der Furor was famous during his first term for repeatedly saying that a better, cheaper alternative was just two weeks away, and during the last presidential campaign he memorably claimed not that he had a replacement plan, but rather "concepts of a plan."

Now, as you no doubt know, the GOP's "One Big Beautiful Bill Act**," signed into law by Der Furor on July 4, 2025, has eliminated the tax credits for health insurance premiums, meaning that in a matter of weeks, those premiums will go through the roof - anywhere from double their current cost to ... well ... you didn't need to eat and live indoors, anyhow. Congressional Republicans had carefully planned to let this bad news surface after they'd prevailed in next year's midterm elections, but they realized too late that voters were going to learn the unpleasant truth inconveniently early.

Oops. 

Well, as it turns out, Congressional Republicans have been feverishly working on something like a plan to replace Obamacare ... and thanks to a highly-placed source, I have obtained a copy! 

The new plan was drafted by a staff of noted medical experts under the direction of esteemed medical professional Not-a-Doctor Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, assisted by Doctors No, Who, Doolittle, Phibes, Kevorkian, Fu Manchu, Doom, Zhivago, Faust, and Demento; highlights include:

- Copies of the Bible (Trump edition only) will be used as guidance for proper nutrition, hygiene, and appropriate sexual behavior; each insured patient must purchase a separate copy when signing up for coverage.

- Abortions are strictly forbidden unless to protect the life and reputation of the father.

- The only approved form of birth control will consist of poster-sized photographs of angrily-frowning nuns prominently posted in each bedroom and classroom from kindergarten through university.

- Patients requiring anesthesia will be offered three choices: a shot of whiskey (bar brands only), a bullet to bite on (no larger than .22 caliber), or a Louisville Slugger to the head.

- Annual breast exams for women will be scheduled during non-peak hours at the nearest Hooters.

- Reconditioned dialysis machines previously used at Jiffy Lube are authorized for low-income patients.

- Second opinions on diagnoses will be reached by multiplying the initial treatment estimate by 0.50. Insurance reimbursements will be based on the lower number.

- All lower-cost alternative treatments must be exhausted before more expensive ones are considered.

- Annual vision exams will consist of counting the patient's number of eyes. If the number is two, the patient passes. If the number equals one, the patient's vision is considered adequate. If the number equals zero, it's a pre-existing condition not covered by insurance.

- Rectal thermometers may be reused if sanitized by wiping them with wadded newspaper.

- The standard initial treatment for all medical complaints is, "Take two leeches and call me in the morning."

- Generic drugs will be used to treat generic diseases.

- Voodoo practitioners may be licensed to provide injections approved as a course of treatment.

- Dentists will be required to fill cavities with spackling compound; dental x-rays will be replaced by charcoal sketches.

- Medical imaging consists of the doctor carefully photographing the patient with a Kodak Brownie; development of the prints is not covered by insurance. X-rays, when prescribed, will be performed by physician assistants using X-ray specs.

- Cat Scans will be conducted with real cats (feral alley cats for low-income patients).

- Tongue depressors are no longer required to be free of Fudgesicle traces before use.

- Well-baby care consists of a doctor conducting a visual examination and certifying that "well, it's a baby."

- Radiation treatment for cancer patients consists of one-way tickets (coach class) to Chernobyl or Fukushima (insurance company's option).

The plan also contains a detailed fee structure for calculating the cost of care:

Well, MAGA, you voted for it, you've got it - the Obamacare Replacement Plan! In summary, it says,

Don't get sick. If you do, die soon.

Good luck.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* This is an update of a post I wrote and published last year about this time ... which, in turn, was an update of a post I wrote and published in 2011, in case you'd forgotten how far back GOP opposition to quality, affordable health care - and inability to come up with something better than Obamacare - goes.

** Although the law is popularly referred to as the One Big Beautiful Bill Act, this official short title was removed from the bill during the Senate amendment process. Therefore, the law officially has no short title.