Inconvenience Fees

Last weekend we had lunch with our granddaughter at a local Italian restaurant. When the bill arrived, I noticed that a convenience fee had been added to the total because I was paying with a credit card. This is a pretty common thing now, as restaurants try to recoup the amount they must pay to the services that process the credit card charges. It's annoying, but I figure that some portion of those fees the restaurants pay eventually comes back to me in the monthly cash-back benefits I enjoy.

But the larger issue is that every business has now decided that convenience fees are a nice revenue stream, to the point that they've become inconvenience fees for those of us forced to pay them ... and if you thought the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau* was going to help out with them, well, forget it ... President Musk has decided that protecting consumers is a waste of money and has shut it down.  

You may recall that I established my own schedule of fees a few years ago, and last updated it in December of 2023. It looks like it's time to update it yet again, especially now that President Musk and PINO** Der Furor are likely to get rid of the Social Security and Medicare on which I largely depend for my continued existence ...  

Bilbo's Updated Fee Schedule

(effective March 10, 2025)

General Guidelines: All fees are payable in advance and on the spot either in cash, by certified check, or direct bank-to-bank transfer. No personal checks, credit cards, IOUs, foreign currency (except Euros), or cryptocurrency accepted. No refunds. An additional Nuisance Charge of $15 is also assessed for each request for further explanation of any of the listed charges.

Part 1: General Fees

General Annoyance Mitigation Surcharge (GAMS) - a one-time charge of $100 to partially compensate me for the waste of my valuable time. Note: this base fee is always applied in addition to any other applicable fees and surcharges.

Stupidity Exposure Mitigation Surcharge (SEMS) - a one-time charge of $250 per annoying robocall or home visit, intended to help cover the cost of aspirin and blood pressure medication. Note: this fee is applied in addition to any other applicable fees and surcharges.

Concentration Interruption Fee (CIF) - a flat fee of $25 for each unsolicited telephone call or visit by a door-to-door solicitor which interrupts what I am doing. This is derived from the "billable hour" fee concept used by lawyers, according to which an interruption may only actually involve a minute or two of work, but is charged the full hourly rate because it interrupts the flow of their attention and allegedly requires the rest of the full hour for them to get back on track. This fee is applied in addition to any other applicable fees and surcharges.

Bullshit Filtration Surcharge (BFS) - a flat fee of $75 for every political advertisement which airs during a television show or online presentation for which I am paying (through cable or other access fees). Considering the obscene amount of money spent by political campaigns, they can afford it.

Note 1: this surcharge is applied to each individual advertisement ... that is, if two political ads air back-to-back, each is subject to the BFS.  

 

Note 2: the BFS is applied in addition to the SEMS, GAMS, and CIF (see above), and is tripled for advertisements inserted in the middle of a video I was watching.

 

Note 3: the BFS also applies to advertisements for Medicare supplement insurance plans which proliferate each year in November and December. The BFS is doubled for the same ad repeated back-to-back. 

Wasted Appointment Time Recovery Assessment (WATRA) - a fee charged for time spent waiting to be seen after the scheduled starting time of an appointment. Calculated as 20% of the original appointment fee for each 5 minutes past the scheduled appointment time.

Self-Checkout Effort Recovery Fee (SCERF) - 25% of my total bill charged to any store each time I am required to use the self-checkout. If I'm doing the store's work for them, why shouldn't I get paid for it?

Part 2: Religion-Related Fees

Religious Proselytization Fee (RPF) - a flat fee of $75 to compensate for the annoyance of having to get rid of door-to-door religious missionaries. The CIF also applies, as do the following additional charges, as appropriate:

Eternal Damnation Invocation Surcharge (EDIS) - an additional charge of $100 applies if the proselytizer tells me that I will burn in hell if I don't allow myself to be "saved." 

Religious Contribution Solicitation Tax (RCST) - an additional charge of $500 applies if the proselytizer solicits cash donations. The charge is increased to $1000 if the proselytizer represents a megachurch whose leader lives in a mansion and has his/her own television station, fleet of luxury cars, and private jet. The BFS also applies.

Alternative Worship System Denial Fee (AWSDF) - an additional charge of $100 applies if the proselytizer insists on the sole dominance of his/her own faith and demeans or denies the worthiness of any other faith. 

Part 3: Political Fees

Political Party Representative Annoyance Compensation Fee (PPRACF) - a flat fee of $100 charged to any representative of a candidate for office, in addition to the CIF, SEMS, and GAMS. If the candidate himself or herself appears, the fee can be reduced to $50 at my discretion as an incentive for being willing to meet one-on-one with the common folk. The BFS may also be added if the individual invokes debunked conspiracy theories, proven falsehoods, election denial, or Der Furor by name. The following subsidiary charges may also apply:

Election Denial Tax (EDT) - a fee of $500 for refusal to accept the validity of any election the candidate refuses to concede losing. This fee is doubled if the candidate claims in advance that an upcoming election is rigged if he or she loses.

Conspiracy Theory Embrace Fee (CTEF) - a charge of $500 for each invocation of Q-Anon or any conspiracy theory as a substitute for fact-based argument. 

Der Furor Annoyance Abatement Fee (DFAAF) - a charge of $250 for each mention of the Orange Airhorn's name, regardless of context. 

Opponent Castigation Surcharge (OCS) - a charge of $150 for the first instance of blaming the candidate's opponent for something without evidence, or without offering a detailed plan to address the issue. The fee increases to $200 for the second and each subsequent instance.

Political Contribution Solicitation Tax (PCST) - similar to the RCST applied above under the Religious Proselytization Fee. A charge of $1,000 is applied for the gall of requesting campaign contributions from ordinary citizens who are having their own troubles making ends meet, usually as a result of the action (or inaction) of the politician in question. 

Inappropriate Millinery Choice Assessment (IMCA) - a charge of $500 for showing up at my door wearing a stupid red MAGA hat. An additional $50 will be charged for each other number or slogan embroidered on the hat.

This is a partial list, subject to change and update without notice. All charges are cumulative. Get off my lawn.

Have a good, uninterrupted day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Don't bother clicking on the link ... it's a 404: Page Not Found. President Musk works fast.

** President in Name Only. 

Musical Sunday

The events of the last few weeks haven't done much for my blood pressure or my hope for the future. In order to stay sane, I've immersed myself in playlists of my favorite tunes.

This is one of my (many) favorites from the wonderful 1960's Australian group, The Seekers, with the gorgeous vocals of lead singer Judith Durham ... "I'll Never Find Another You."

Here are the lyrics, by Tom Springfield ...

There's a new world somewhere

They call the Promised Land

And I'll be there someday

If you will hold my hand

I still need you there beside me

No matter what I do

For I know I'll never find another you

There is always someone

For each of us, they say

And you'll be my someone

Forever and a day

I could search the whole world over

Until my life is through

But I know I'll never find another you

It's a long, long journey

So stay by my side

When I walk through the storm

You'll be my guide, be my guide

If they gave me a fortune

My virtue would be small

I could lose it all tomorrow

And never mind at all

But if I should lose your love, dear

I don't know what I'd do

For I know I'll never find another you

But if I should lose your love, dear

I don't know what I'd do

For I know I'll never find another you

Another you

Another you

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Where do we keep coming up with these &%*#! weeks, anyway? 

Noted misogynist Andrew Tate, who returned to Florida after US officials reportedly pressured Romania to release him despite pending charges of rape and human trafficking, boasted that Florida could never arrest him, saying, “You think I sleep with a phone full of evidence? You don’t think I wipe my phone every night? You think I’m dumb?”; House Speaker Mike Johnson is encouraging Republican lawmakers to stop holding town halls that have grown angrily combative, claiming that the demonstrators are professional protesters; business leaders are paying as much as $5 million to meet one-on-one with Der Furor at Mar-a-Lago, while others are paying $1 million apiece to dine with him as part of a group; and in Miami, Florida, three yachts were destroyed in an explosion and fire on Friday ... three orcas seen swimming at high speed from the scene were being sought by police for questioning. 

Thanks to Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth's inexplicable* decision to end offensive cyber operations directed against Russia, I thought a collection of cartoons about Trojan Horses would be appropriate. 

If I didn't order it, and you didn't order it, then ...

It's not a lovely day for everyone ...

I'd be careful about clicking that link ...

They'd certainly be more likely to have the doors opened for them ...

They need a 55 gallon drum of Ben-Gay ...

This could be painful ...

Maybe park it earlier in the day? ...

Thanksgiving will never be the same again ...

Well, where else would it come from?

Hope they have a big truck ...

Have a good day and a great weekend. Now would be a good time to double-check your computer's anti-virus protection ... you should be able to send the bill for it to Mr Hegseth, but I doubt he'd pay it.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Unless, of course, you accept (as many do) that the Orange Airhorn is a Russian asset.

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2025

I used to think clowns were funny. Not any more.

My unquestioned choice for

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2025

is the most un-funny clown in recent memory,

Secretary of State

Marco Rubio

Former Florida Senator Marco Rubio was considered one of the few relatively qualified cabinet picks nominated by Der Furor, having a background that included service as the Senior Member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and Vice Chair of the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence. He was confirmed by a vote of 99-0 by senators convinced that he could be as competent a Secretary of State as Der Furor was likely to accept. 

Unfortunately, it did not take long for Mr Rubio to learn the fine art of ignoring reality and kissing Der Furor's backside. 

During the shameful ambush of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zenenskyy one week ago today, the Secretary of State of the United States of America slumped in his seat like an embarrassed schoolchild sent to the principal's office while the PINO* and "Vice President" JD Vance debased the honor of their offices and of the nation on live television. Not satisfied with sitting like a potted plant while his bosses ganged up on an actual leader, Mr Rubio later joined the expected sycophantic chorus when he took to Twitter to post the following:

"Thank you @POTUS for standing up for America in a way that no President has ever had the courage to do before. Thank you for putting America First. America is with you!"

Not satisfied with that limbo under the bar of disgrace, Mr Rubio later told an ABC News interviewer that

"We'll be ready to reengage when [the Ukrainians] are ready to make peace."

As if the Ukrainians, who have been fighting for their lives against three years of savage and unprovoked Russian aggression should be grateful to accept a peace little better than an abject surrender to an aggressor after being stabbed in the back by a turncoat ally.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, our unquestioned Right-Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2025, is Secretary of State Marco Rubio - yet another Republican who has squandered the remaining shreds of his dignity and honor in the service of the Orange Airhorn.

We, and the world, deserve better.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* This is a new acronym I ran across this week - "President in Name Only" - useful in differentiating Der Furor from Acting President Elon Musk.

Lavatory Oratory

This past Tuesday evening the Orange Airhorn delivered the first speech of his second reign to a joint session of Congress. It was the longest such speech in modern history (clocking in at almost 100 minutes*), and the sort of speech we've come to expect from him: short on facts and long on self-congratulation, distortions, insults, and threats. I didn't bother watching because I assumed he wouldn't say anything worth listening to, plus I can't stand the sound of his voice and the style of his delivery.

He's a terrible public speaker, but - perversely - he's a very effective one. 

Back in January I wrote a post about The Decline of Public Speaking, in which I compared the oratorical style of Der Furor with that of Adolf Hitler. I noted at the time that 

Whatever else he may have been, Adolf Hitler was a spellbinding orator with a brilliant ability to match his preparation and delivery to the audience. Der Furor, on the other hand, is a terrible speaker - his speeches are not the focused, compelling addresses of an educated statesman speaking with the gravitas of office, but stream-of-consciousness monologs, full of bizarre claims, childish insults, gross misrepresentations, rambling non sequiturs, and self-indulgent blather.

All of that's true, but I realized after discussing it with my wife and my daughter that it really doesn't matter. Der Furor isn't crafting memorable oratory for the ages - he's talking straight to the audience he wants to reach in the words and style they want to hear. As I wrote in that earlier post, his delivery

appeals to less-educated audiences with short attention spans, who want to be entertained rather than informed or persuaded.

He's practicing what I call lavatory oratory.

People who love this president don't want to hear grand plans and lofty visions for the future ... they want to have their biases and their suspicions confirmed, to know that the radical left lunatics responsible for all their ills are finally getting their comeuppance. They're listening for the confirmation that their favorite president is leading them into a future so fantastic that it can be expressed only in the language of superlatives, never mind that there's no evidence of an actual plan to get there. He says it, so it must be true.

This weekend, I'll be judging a high school debate competition in which earnest young people attempt to sway my opinion their way. I'll judge them on how well they weave facts into compelling arguments, deliver them with conviction, and successfully rebut the facts and arguments presented by their opponents. The winner will win on the basis of facts well presented and arguments well defended; they will most certainly not win if they mimic the lavatory oratory of their president.

Have a good day. Expect better of your elected leaders.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* The previous record holder was President Bill Clinton, who spoke for just shy of 89 minutes in 2000.

English as the National Language

Last week, Der Furor took time out from his busy schedule of bullying allies, enriching President Musk, breaking the government, and playing golf (at Mar-a-Lago, at your expense) to issue yet another royal decree executive order, this one titled "Designating English as the Official Language of The United States." Unlike most of the Orange Airhorn's other royal decrees executive orders, I could actually ... sort of ... support this one.

Section 1 (Purpose and Policy) of the order contains this justification:

"A nationally designated language is at the core of a unified and cohesive society, and the United States is strengthened by a citizenry that can freely exchange ideas in one shared language"

As one of the few people you probably know who actually has a degree in Linguistics (Penn State, 1973) and fluently speaks a second language, I have a lot of thoughts and opinions on the topic of language, and I completely agree that a common language is a unifying asset for a nation. To that extent, I agree with Der Furor's decree order. One of the things that enabled the United States to become a powerhouse nation was the early adoption of an common language - English - that allowed people of all races and national backgrounds to communicate with each other. Immigrants from dozens of countries speaking scores of languages were streaming into the new country, and the availability and widespread use of a common tongue helped them assimilate and work together to build the nation we know today.

I believe the fact that it was an unofficial common language was important - it fit in with the American idea of a government "by the people" who voluntarily used a common tongue because it was convenient and useful, not because it was mandated by a powerful ruler who commanded its use as a tool to enforce the rule of a dominant group.

But when members of a subculture insist on using their own language, rather than the unofficial common tongue, they drive a linguistic wedge between themselves and their fellow citizens, and make life difficult for both. Years ago, when my wife worked as a member service representative at a local credit union, she often had a lot of trouble helping members who spoke no English - mostly only Spanish or various African languages. This particularly irked her because she is herself German, and prides herself on her ability to read and write English better than many Americans*. How are these people able to function here? she would often ask rhetorically. 

So yes, I think there's a value in having a common national language, but I don't agree that establishing it by royal fiat is the way to go about it. Mandating rather than encouraging the use of English is an example of - gasp! - government overreach and encroachment on personal freedoms (hear that, GOP? Libertarians?), and accomplishes nothing that generations of new arrivals haven't figure out soon enough on their own.

All that said, I'm pleased that the Orange Airhorn has mandated English as the national language of the United States. It will make it easier for us to understand each other as we compare notes on his failures.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Including the sitting president. She was always amazed that her native-born American coworkers often asked her to review things they'd written to make sure they were correct.

The Alphabet Soup of Gender Identity

While I was doing the research for yesterday's post updating Der Furor's war on "gender ideology extremism," Mike pointed out another aspect of the issue that I hadn't thought about before, embodied in the question 

What is the longest LGBT acronym possible nowadays? 

It's an interesting question, and it relates to one of the reasons I believe Kamala Harris and the Democrats lost the presidential election: an over-emphasis on topics of gender identity inclusivity with which many Americans were uncomfortable. 

The term "LGBTQ+" is everywhere, and most of us probably can't define the gender identity terms it embodies. But as Mike helpfully pointed out, "LGBTQ+" doesn't even begin to address the entire spectrum of sexual and gender identity terms floating around out there ... as it happens, there are at least 109* (I didn't count them myself, but Mike did), and you can read about all of them here if you wish. 

When I was growing up in the 1950s and 60s, there were boys and girls. I vaguely understood that there were boys and girls who were ... well ... a little different, but it wasn't something that affected me, or that I thought very much about. The first time I personally faced the reality of the difference was when I was a 29 year old Air Force officer living in the American Arms, the single officers' hotel in Wiesbaden, Germany. I was attracted to a young woman of the same rank who was one of my neighbors, and spent weeks unsuccessfully trying to get a date with her. Eventually, a mutual female friend took me aside and gently let me know that while this woman liked me, she wasn't really interested in relationships with men.

I had finally come face to face with the "L."

Over the years since, I've met scores of people I came to know were lesbian, gay, or bisexual. As I noted in an earlier post, I have been "hit on" by other men, but dealt with it by simply telling them I'm not interested ... much as a certain lady in Wiesbaden let me know years ago. 

My point is simply that we've let ourselves get too wrapped around an unnecessarily painful axle. Like I said above, I think an over-emphasis on worshipping at the festooned altar of overly complicated gender identities helped cost the Democrats the 2024 election by harping on a topic that alienated too many voters who would otherwise have voted for Harris and Walz.

Regardless of which of the 109** different gender identities you identify with, you have to live in a world alongside the other 108. Deal with it. Quietly. We'll all be happier.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* At the moment, and subject to change.

** And counting.

Defining Sex, the Updated, Expanded, and Corrected Version

Last Wednesday, I wrote a post titled "Defining Sex," which looked at your government's new guidance on approved terminology for the sexes. This guidance was issued by Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, to flesh out Der Furor's imperial decree Executive Order 14168 of January 20, 2025, titled Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government.  

I thought it was bad enough as it was, but fellow blogger Mike reminded me that the so-called "guidance" was, as are so many other things with the current administration, incomplete and poorly thought-out ... as he pointed out, many other important terms of sexual identity remain undefined. In order to help rectify this situation, I offer the following updates (in italics) to the previously-published terms, add other terms that the administration has not yet addressed, and add the additional information on sexual roles the religious and political buffoons leading this administration are thinking, but are not yet quite willing to say out loud: 

Sex: A person’s immutable biological classification as either male or female;

 

Female: a person of the sex characterized by a reproductive system with the biological function of producing eggs (ova). The naturally inferior and submissive sex.

 

Male: a person of the sex characterized by a reproductive system with the biological function of producing sperm. The naturally superior and dominant sex.

 

Woman: an adult human female, intended by nature to reproduce and to serve as a housewife. Appropriate social controls need to be placed on women for their protection.

 

Girl: a minor human female, learning her natural role as housewife and mother. Appropriate social controls need to be placed on girls for their protection.

 

Man: an adult human male, intended by nature to dominate the woman and serve as the sole protector and provider for his family;

 

Boy: a minor human male, learning his natural role as dominator, protector, and provider;

 

Mother: a female parent, responsible for bearing children and caring for her family by performing domestic tasks (cooking, cleaning, etc); 

 

Father: a male parent, head of the family, and responsible for ensuring that the mother and female children perform their tasks and that the male children learn to grow into their dominant role; 

The following terms were somehow missed in the original imperial decree executive order and implementing HHS guidance, and will no doubt be added in subsequent revisions: 

Husband: the adult male head of a family and of a household.

Wife: the adult female who manages a household under the guidance and supervision of a husband. 

Family: a social unit consisting of an adult male parent (father), an adult female parent (mother), and children of either or both sexes. The family ensures the propagation of the human species and trains children to assume the future roles appropriate to their sex.  

Parent: an adult male (father, head of the family) or female (mother) who ensures the propagation of the species and the education of children for their proper social roles.

Child: the generic offspring of parents, regardless of sex.  

Son: the male offspring of a parent, who learns his role as the dominant sex and master of a future family from the male parent.

Daughter: the female offspring of a parent, who learns from the mother her submissive role as the bearer of  children and manager of the household of a future family led by a husband. 

Grandmother: an adult human female, the mother of a child's parent, responsible for assisting the mother in the education and rearing of female children for their place as future child bearers and performers of routine household duties; 

Grandfather: an adult human male, the father of a child's parent, responsible for assisting the father in the education and rearing of male children to assume their place as future dominators, protectors, and providers.

 If I've forgotten any other ones, let me know.

And if you haven't read "The Handmaid's Tale" and "1984," now would be a good time to do it.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo 

Poetry Sunday

It's easier to be poor but honest than rich but honest, if you ask me ...

Poor But Honest

by Anonymous

She was poor, but she was honest,

   Victim of the squire's whim:

First he loved her, then he left her,

   And she lost her honest name.

Then she ran away to London,

   For to hide her grief and shame;

There she met another squire,

   And she lost her name again.

See her riding in her carriage,

   In the Park and all so gay:

All the nibs and nobby persons

   Come to pass the time of day.

See the little old-world village

   Where her aged parents live,

Drinking the champagne she sends them;

   But they never can forgive.

In the rich man's arms she flutters,

   Like a bird with broken wing:

First he loved her, then he left her,

   And she hasn't got a ring.

See him in the splendid mansion,

   Entertaining with the best,

While the girl that he has ruined,

   Entertains a sordid guest.

See him in the House of Commons,

   Making laws to put down crime,

While the victim of his passions

   Trails her way through mud and slime.

Standing on the bridge at midnight,

   She says: 'Farewell, blighted Love.'

There's a scream, a splash-Good Heavens!

   What is she a-doing of?

Then they drag her from the river,

   Water from her clothes they wrang,

For they thought that she was drownded;

   But the corpse got up and sang:

'It's the same the whole world over;

   It's the poor that gets the blame,

It's the rich that get the pleasure.

   Isn't it a blooming shame?'

Yes, it is a blooming shame ... especially when your government is owned by the ultra-wealthy who believe poverty is a choice and safety nets are a waste of money unless they provide safety for big business.

Have a good day, enjoy the rest of your weekend, and be thankful for what you have.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

History Repeats Itself

One of the most depressing things about being interested in history lies in recognizing when it repeats itself.

It happened yesterday, when Der Furor and "Vice-President" Vance ambushed and berated Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy on live television during an Oval Office meeting. The cheap schoolyard bullying of an ally fighting for his nation's life was appalling, cast our nation in the worst possible light, and mirrored the actions of a different autocratic bully that took place over a hundred years ago.

As the world spiraled toward World War II in the late 1930's, Nazi German dictator Adolf Hitler treated two European leaders to the same savage bullying used by Der Furor on President Zelenskyy. 

The first was Hitler’s ambush and relentless bullying of Austrian Chancellor Kurt Schussnig in February of 1938, as he sought to absorb Austria into the German Reich. You can read about it here, and there's also a dramatic report of it in William Shirer's classic history The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich.

Chancellor Schussnig was not the only European leader to suffer Hitler's bullying abuse. A year later, in March of 1939, Czech President Emil Hacha was bullied into a nervous breakdown by the Nazi leader ... an event also dramatically recounted in Shirer's history.

It's the lowest hanging of fruit to compare the Orange Airhorn to Adolf Hitler, one of the most terrible dictators in history, but in the embarrassing and despicable bullying of the President of Ukraine, history has clearly repeated itself.

The despicable behavior of Der Furor and "Vice-President" Vance, and the shameless toadying of Secretary of State Marco Rubio, whose embarrassing version of what we all saw on live television would be laughable were it not so shabby, have driven yet another nail into the lid of the coffin containing what's left of our national honor and dignity.

Have a good day, and reflect that our nation has turned from reliable ally and defender of the weak to the international equivalent of a cheap, ugly bully. 

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

The last eleven days of January and all 28 days of February sucked. Now we have March to look forward to ...

Der Furor and "Vice President" JD Vance berated Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelenskyy in an astonishing display of crude bullying in the Oval Office, accusing the Ukrainian president of being "disrespectful" and of not being sufficiently thankful for previous US aid; during his visit to the White House on Monday, French President Emanuel Macron provided reality lessons to a scowling Der Furor who slumped scowling in his chair at the sort of rebuke he's not used to hearing; an unvaccinated school-aged child died in Texas from measles - the first death since the dangerous disease was thought to have been eradicated in 2000; Andrew and Tristan Tate, misogynistic "influencers" who had been in prison in Romania on suspicion of human trafficking and rape, were released and allowed to return to the United States, apparently on the request of Der Furor's administration; and federal officials have cancelled a Food and Drug Administration vaccine advisory committee meeting scheduled for March to select the strains to be included in next season’s flu shot - in the middle of a particularly severe flu season in which 86 children and 19,000 adults have already died. 

This week, in honor of the imperial aspirations of Der Furor, a collection of cartoons about kings ... 

Der Furor picks his advisors the same way ...

Well, he would, wouldn't he? ...

It's one of Der Furor's policies, too ...

There are Super PACs for kings, too ...

Incoming!! ...

Fun for some, sure ...

How Musk went from crown prince to king ...

It's all in what you care about ...

Der Furor is asking this every day ...

Not any more ... the United States is asking for tips on better dictatorship ...

And that's it for today's royal edition of Cartoon Saturday ... you may kowtow on your way out.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when we visit someone at the other end of the economic and political spectrum.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

It's the last day of the month, and time for another collection of Great Moments in Editing and Signage to help get you in a good mood for the coming of ... gasp! ... March. Let's go ...

I've heard that this bank can't be beat - it offers a lot of good rates to rope you in ...

I think they may have gotten the advertising for their chastity belt division confused with the advertising for the bra division ...

Well, they're not wrong ...

I think someone slept through their geography classes ...

Somehow, I'm not surprised ...

I think this caption writer needs a raise ...

I wonder if this is human trafficking hiding in plain sight ...

I think that ICE will be ordering as many of these as they can ...

A slightly-used and housebroken sheep ... and for free! I think I'll pass, though ...

Speaking of used sheep ...

And that's it for the end-of-February editorial gems ... I hope they gave you a bit of a lift at a tough time in our nation's history.

Have a good day, and be sure to come back tomorrow to greet March with a new Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

"America First," or "America Worst?"

President Musk, Der Furor, and their hand-picked stooges are fond of trumpeting that their agenda puts "America First." This ignores the fact that the slogan "America First" has a sketchy history in this country, being tied to the eponymous isolationist and pro-German movement of the 1930’s, culminating in the infamous pro-Nazi rally at Madison Square Garden on February 20, 1939 ... 

Understandably, today's hyperconservatives have a different take on the earlier America First movement, focusing more on its domestic agenda and less on its pro-fascist history.

Let's be honest, though.

National leaders have a responsibility to put the interests of their nation first. You don't get to be president of your country by telling the voters you care more about the interests of a different country.

But in a world divided into 195 independent, self-governing nations - 193 UN member states, plus two non-member observer states (the Holy See and the State of Palestine) - it seems unlikely that peace could prevail if every one of those 195 nations ruthlessly pursued its interests without acknowledging the legitimate interests of anyone else. The general goal of international diplomacy since the end of World War II has been to achieve "win-win" outcomes of disputes whenever possible. Naturally, such outcomes don't always work (see Nazi Germany, Imperial Japan, and the Former Soviet Union), but they're the desired goal.

Unless, of course, you have a completely transactional autocratic ruler like Der Furor, for whom a "win-win" outcome is considered a loss ... for the Orange Airhorn, it's not enough just to win - you have to win so decisively that your opponent is humiliated and your power is not just acknowledged, but feared.

This is why Der Furor has insulted and cast aside our longest and most faithful allies - the very thought that we might someday need the help of someone else, or that the United States might have to use some of its awesome power to help a less fortunate nation is an abomination to the ultimate transactional ruler. And lest any other nation think that they should stand up to the mighty United States, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth misses no opportunity to remind everyone that he's fielding the mightiest, most lethal, most "badass*" force in history.

We have gone, in the span of just over a month, from "America First" - the nation that the rest of the world looked up to, respected, and admired as a trustworthy, generous guarantor of peace and stability - to "America Worst" - a noisy, ugly bully that turns its back on its friends and gleefully kisses Vladimir Putin's backside.

Have a good day. Don't support either "America First" or "America Worst" - support "America at its Best."

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* This is a rather crude descriptor, but one suited to the imperial posturing of his boss ... who, himself, never bothered to serve in a military he viewed as filled with "suckers and losers."

Defining Sex

One of the first things Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, did when he took the helm of the Department of Health and Human Services was to issue departmental guidance to expand on Der Furor's royal decree executive order titled "Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government." The royal decree executive order actually had little to do with either "defending women" or restoring "biological truth" ... it was simply a chunk of raw meat tossed to the religious right as a reward for their support and proof that Der Furor sympathizes with the terrible cross they bear by being "forced" to coexist with people they hate.

Your President Musk's federal government has established the following officially-approved definitions as government policy*:

Sex: A person’s immutable biological classification as either male or female.

 

Female: a person of the sex characterized by a reproductive system with the biological function of producing eggs (ova).

 

Male: a person of the sex characterized by a reproductive system with the biological function of producing sperm.

 

Woman: an adult human female.

 

Girl: a minor human female.

 

Man: an adult human male.

 

Boy: a minor human male.

 

Mother: a female parent.

 

Father: a male parent.

Now, I don't want to chase too far down this rabbit hole, but here are a few of my candid observations ...

1. I'm a 73-year-old man, the father of three and grandfather of six. I understand how the biological function of sex for reproduction works. It's fun and, in my case, I like to think it's worked amazingly well.

2. I have never been attracted sexually to another man, although I know that there are men who are so attracted. I don't understand it (given the vast number of desirable women out there, and the spectacular one to whom I'm married), but I accept it.

3. I have been "hit on" by other men. Instead of screaming in terror, seeing the end of the world, and howling for pejorative litigation, I've simply told them I'm not interested. It works.

4. I have male friends that I know are gay or bisexual and female friends I know are lesbian or bisexual. I don't care. I can relate to them as friends without worrying about who they want to sleep with. Live and let live is not a bad policy.

5. Growing up, regardless of whether you're a boy or a girl, is hard. There are all sorts of complicated lessons to be learned about becoming an adult, making your way in the world, and relating to the opposite sex without being surrounded by howling mobs of people who insist on having a vote on who you choose to love.

6. Too many people spend entirely too much time clutching their pearls about something that affects a very small minority of the population. I'm an old guy ... when I have to pee, I really don't care if somebody else in the rest room with me used to be a woman. I understand that a woman may have a different take on this ... but unless the other person in the rest room with you is obviously a big, hairy dumbass who self-identifies as an "alpha male**," you should probably just each do your business and move on. 

There's more to the idea of sex and gender than I ever imagined as a teenager desperately trying to get dates with cute girls. I've learned to live with the complications. So can you.

Have a good day. Treat other people with the same respect you'd like to enjoy. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* You'd think we'd have more of a need for policies to address climate change (hurricanes, tornadoes, wildfires, droughts, etc), pandemics, rising authoritarianism, nuclear proliferation, extreme economic inequality, unhinged presidents, and other such existential threats than to address gender identity. But what do I know?

** Often known by the more scientifically descriptive term, "dumbass."

Ass Clown Special Award

We've made it almost to the end of February without making an out-of-cycle Ass Clown Special Award, but the time has come. The horrifying implosion of the US government, the deliberate insulting and abandonment of our allies, and the complete destruction of our international reputation require us to present the first

Ass Clown Special Award

 

of 2025 to both 

The Republican Party

and

The Democratic Party

The Republican Party, once the party of strong defense and resolute international leadership, has become the cowed lapdog of a president whose shamelessly servile deference to Russian President Vladimir Putin and insulting treatment of our allies has utterly destroyed the nation's international stature. From voting in lockstep to confirm a slate of unqualified candidates for Cabinet positions to keeping silent in the face of presidential behavior far beyond any limits of honesty, legality, morality, and common decency, the GOP has squandered whatever honor it may once have had. It completely ignores two and a half centuries of constitutional government and rule of law to empower a wannabe king whose throne was purchased by his billionaire friend.

The Democratic Party, faced with the challenge of an out-of-control president and a GOP racing toward fascism and rule by an angry religious minority, has folded like a cheap card table. With the notable exception of outspoken leaders like Bernie Sanders, Chris Murphy, AOC, Elizabeth Warren, and Jamie Raskin, the Democrats are nowhere to be found pushing back against the most dangerous threat to the Republic since the Civil War. They have no coherent message and no strategy to counter the flood of outright lies and illegality flooding from the right. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries scarcely deserve the title of "Leader" as they flail in a helpless, reactive mode against a criminal, but strongly disciplined majority party.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, this Ass Clown Special Award is presented to the Republican Party, for its headlong rush to ruin the nation at home and abroad, and to the Democratic Party, for allowing them to do it.

I'm old enough to have proudly served in the military of a strong, confident, admired nation that has, sadly, been all but ruined by the major political parties. I weep for what my grandchildren will inherit.

Have a good day. Expect better and vote accordingly. 

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo