Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Sex for Seniors

Okay, admit stopped reading the title of this post after the word "sex."

It's all right. I would have, too.

Last Monday, I put up a post titled "Television as Birth Control?" that took off on a news article about a proposal to cut down on the population of India by wiring remote villages for electricity and equipping them with television sets, so that people would stay up late watching TV and be too tired to have sex. Lots of good comments on that one, including this from Melissa B. - "Hmmmmm...TV doesn't seem to curb teens' sexual appetites, so why do the Powers That Be seem to think it will work on the rest of us?" Good question, Melissa...especially if those teens watch Showtime, Cinemax, or any of the other ... um ... racy cable channels.

Well, anyhow, since it seems that sex is a winning topic, when I received this in my "Joke of the Day" e-mail this morning, I figured I'd just go with a winner...

Love Making Tips For Seniors

1. Wear your glasses to be sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set a timer in case you doze off.

3. Set the mood with lighting: turn them all off!

4. Before you begin, put 911 on your speed dial.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you forget.

6. Keep the Polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want... the neighbors are deaf too.

9. Don't even think about trying it twice.

10. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

11. Next morning, be sure to remember to remind your partner whether she enjoyed it or not.

I have put these hints on a handy, laminated card to keep on the nightstand for reference as needed. You never know...

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



bandit said...

This is a true story. When my wife was in high school she got a job at a nursing home. She was delivering supper to the rooms.
She walked in a room and the man said, "you're new. My name is Fred. I'm 102 years old and I can still get it up."

She was teased by the other workers for quite a while.

Amanda said...

LOL! When my 70 yr old FIL's girlfriend moved in, we couldn't help thinking along these lines!!

You definitely labeled this one appropriately under "More Than You Ever Wanted To Know"!

Anonymous said...

An 85 year old man marries a 30 year old hottie. They take separate rooms on the wedding night. After she settles down in her room, the groom comes in, and to her delight and surprise, successfully makes mad passionate love to her, and then goes back to his room. "Wow" she thinks, that was amazing.

30 minutes later, he comes back in, and repeats the performance! Now she's really impressed, and curls up alone in the bed completely satisfied, as he returns to his room.

30 minutes later, he's back, and lo and behold, schocks her utterly with a performance worthy of a porn star. This time she says to him, "I can't believe this! You were even better than the first time!"

And he says, "I was here before?"

Eminence Grise

Mike said...

12. ....... ummmmm ... I know there was a 12 but I can't remember what it is.

Wv: coome - (close enough for the dirty minded)(I think Wv is reading your posts too)

Mike said...

Wv from Amanda's site: dicailev - A levitation device for older guys.

It was just more appropriate to post it here.

Billy Mays is coming back to life to sell this.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Make sure they are printed in big letters so that you can read them without glasses.