Thursday, July 25, 2013

There Oughta Be a Law. Maybe.

This past Monday, Heidi's blog post titled A Seriously Odd Law discussed an Alabama law that prohibited bear wrestling. It's an odd law, to be sure, but one that probably seemed like a good idea at the time*, or reacted to a perceived need for such an ordinance**.

Speaking of odd laws, I thought I'd pull this one out of my humor archive and run it past you. I may have posted this a few years ago, but I can't remember***. In any case, it's funny and worth looking at again.



1300.01 GENERAL

1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.

2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.

3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.

4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.

5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash," "ambulance," or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.

6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW or Mercedes dealerships.

7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.

8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of state or federal government offices, courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, ambulances, or hospitals.

9. It shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess an attorney which has been elected to government office.

10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin, and a certificate attesting to such inspection shall be prominently posted.

11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.


Yellow Bellied Sidewinder - 2
Cut-Throat - 2
Two-faced Tort Feasor - 1
Back-Stabbing Whiner - 2
Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator - 4
Brown-Nosed Judge Kisser - 2
Big-mouthed Pub Gut - 2
Silver-Tongued Drug Defender - $100 Bounty
Hairy-Assed Civil Libertarian - 7
Honest Attorney - EXTINCT

And there you have it. If you are in the great state of Washington, as opposed to the other wretched hive of scum and villany+ of the same name, be careful about how you hunt attorneys. You don't want to end up needing one.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.


* I suspect that this is why we have about 80-90% of our more bizarre laws.

** It's difficult to imagine a raging plague of bear wrestling that requires a legal remedy ... but then, it's also difficult to imagine the GOP bugbear of millions of cases of rampant, widespread voting fraud.

*** You'll appreciate that when you get to be my age.

+ You get extra credit for knowing the film reference.


The Mistress of the Dark said...

LOL..there are some attorneys I know that would make those laws useful :)

eViL pOp TaRt said...

There would be a lot of over-the-limit poaching going on.

Too many law schools.

Kristen Drittsekkdatter said...

We have too many lawyers.

Big Sky Heidi said...

This is an idea whose time has come.

Mike said...

My son-in-law would have known the film reference without looking it up like I had to. He a Star Wars aficionado.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

I never vote for lawyers for public office. Too untrustworthy.