Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Solving the Squirrel Problem*

A mid-sized city in the heartland of America had a problem - it was overrun with squirrels. The problem was particularly acute for the city's churches which, in addition to the simple fact of the huge number of squirrels, were faced with the additional problem of dealing with them in a religiously appropriate and moral fashion. Here's how some of the denominations approached the problem ...

The Presbyterians called a meeting to discuss what to do. After much prayer and introspection, they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. The squirrels stayed.

At the Baptist Church, the squirrels tended to congregate in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to install a water slide so the squirrels would drown themselves in the baptismal pool. Squirrels, however, know instinctively how to swim. They liked the slide, and twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Episcopal Church decided that they should not harm any of God's creatures, so they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

The Catholics baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

The rabbi at the local Jewish Synagogue set a trap and caught one squirrel. He circumcised the squirrel and let him go, and they haven't seen a squirrel on their property since.

The Mormons sent pairs of missionaries to talk to each squirrel. The squirrels were gone the next day.

At the local mosque, the imam welcomed the squirrels, but had to create two new prayer areas so the male and female squirrels could pray separately.

The Evangelicals were so thrilled at the thought of the squirrels coming to Jesus that they gathered together and shouted "Hallelujah!!" over and over. The noise was so great it scared the squirrels away. Problem solved.


Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.


* Thanks to my old and somewhat twisted friend Ken, who sent me the original joke on which this post is based.


Gonzo Dave said...

That was a good one for today - SQUIRREL!


eViL pOp TaRt said...

That was a great joke! Brightened the morning.

Mike said...

So the Presbyterians are MORE than a little squirrely now.

Duckbutt said...

They were all on target.