Thursday, March 30, 2017

Guest Post

Hey, there! It's me again, Clara - Bilbo and Agnes's granddog ...

I just realized that I haven't posted anything since October of last year! I mean, it's not my fault that it's been so long ... I can't always get to the computer, and I don't want to post unless I have something worthwhile to say, so I don't post very often. I don't want to waste your time.

But I'm ready now ... Bilbo's out grocery shopping, and the computer is available. Here we go ...

I'm really amazed that you humans waste so much time harping on politics instead of working together to make things better. It's no wonder you can't get anything done. You spend so much time arguing about who's liberal and who's conservative (or conservative enough or a RINO*) and who loves the country more and why everyone who doesn't think like you do are crazy and all that stuff. You guys are nuts.

Now, we dogs are basically conservative. We're suspicious of change, because we like things to be nice and orderly, and to know what to expect from day to day. We approach change cautiously ... we take plenty of time to carefully sniff out new things before we decide if they're okay or not. But we're also kind of liberal, because we know that sometimes change works in our favor (dog food gets better all the time, and it's more fun to chase drones than old-fashioned frisbees). We're wary of changes, like I said, but one we've sniffed around enough to make a good decision, we make it and stick with it until it's time to sniff out something else. You humans do a lot of sniffing, then just keep on fighting against good ideas, just because the wrong person brought them up.

We're not good at playing political games like you humans do. We're loyal, and we'll protect you and your children from danger and won't turn on you for some silly reason, like that Trump person. If we like you, we're behind you all the way. If not, well, that's when we growl and bite.

Cats, of course, are neither liberal nor conservative ... they're clearly libertarians: they depend on you, but are completely convinced of their own independence and superiority. They're very political and very calculating and insist on having everything their own way. They're the Freedom Caucus of the animal world. A cat will throw you under the bus in an instant if someone else fires up the can opener before you do.

I'm not sure when you humans are going to get your act together, but it doesn't look like it will happen any time soon. Don't make us have to come over there and bite you.

That's all for now. The garbage collectors will be here any minute, and I need to make sure they know I'm on guard.

Bilbo will be back tomorrow with his own post. Until then, woof!


* I think it means "Republican in Name Only" and it's supposed to be an insult. Bilbo says there aren't any actual Republicans any more, anyhow.


Gonzo Dave said...

Clara, you are *SUCH* a wise dog! Would you like to run for Congress?

Mike said...

"You guys are nuts."

What's your point Clara?

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Dogs chase cars. But have no plan for what to do when they catch one.