Monday, April 24, 2017

A Discussion for Men Only


I mean no offense to my many female readers, but this post is for men only. I know you'll read it anyhow, but once you do, you'll understand why I've recommended you just leave it to the guys and come back tomorrow. Here we go ...

Okay, guys, let's get together and try to answer this question: how $%*#! hard is it to hit the #$@%! urinal?

As a guy coasting down the far side of the 60s, I have a great deal of experience with public restrooms. I know where every single one in NoVa is located, and carefully plan my outings so that I'm never very far from one. I have to tell you, though, that I would often rather risk deep personal embarrassment than go within 50 feet of some public men's rooms.

Here are a few hints for men about using public rest rooms:

(1) Hit the #$@*! urinal!! I don't think I've ever been in a public restroom where there isn't a nasty puddle on the floor around the target. You're only a foot away, for gawd's sake ... how hard can it be to aim into the receptacle?

Back when Agnes and I were dancing in ballroom competitions, I wore special dance shoes with a thin suede sole, designed to grip the floor while facilitating movement. The problem with those shoes was that they could quickly be ruined if the suede sole got wet ... and so it was that I learned to do the public restroom equivalent of a ballerina's pointe technique to avoid having to remove or change my shoes when seeking relief ...


(2) Flush the @%*#! toilet!! I guarantee you won't tear a rotator cuff or dislocate an elbow as a result of pushing the button, pulling the chain, or depressing the lever. If you want to leave me a gift, I can think of a lot of things I'd enjoy a lot more than this.

(3) Put the paper towels in the trash bin!! I understand that if you have trouble aiming to hit the urinal you may have trouble aiming to hit the trash bin, but why not give it a try?

Come on, guys ... let's do this!

That's all.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

9 comments:

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Necessary hygienic tips, sad to say!i

Gonzo Dave said...

I saw this in a restroom once: "We aim to please, so you aim, too, please!"

Mike said...

Same problem with shoes at the bowling alley. Water ruins the sliding surface. They make bathroom booties for bowling shoes. Stop by a bowling alley and buy a pair.

Anemone said...

This would cause guys to cringe in going to the men's room.

eViL pOp TaRt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chuck Bear said...

The Atlanta airport restrooms are the worst!

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Were guys who don't aim or flush reared in a barn? Tacky!

allenwoodhaven said...

You're quite right. It's not that hard to hit the target! I too use a lot of public restrooms, as I visit clients across two counties.

Urinals vary greatly, but almost all aren't long/deep enough to handle a strong stream. And let's face it, when you have to go, you really go. There's one toilet my hospital, in an old un-renovated bathroom, that has a urinal that is long enough to jut between your legs. The bowl is similarly shaped so ricochet and drips are almost impossible. I think it dates back to the 30's or 40's. It's the best design I've seen, though in the woods behind a tree works well too.

Duckbutt said...

Bathroom booties? An accessory for the bowling bag, or a means of avoiding septic floors. LAX is pretty bad too.