The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2023

This past Tuesday in this space, I published a post titled "The Most Unfortunate Top-Ten (Plus) List," based on a random tweet I'd found which offered a top-ten list of the most despicable people in America. My own list could neither be limited to ten, nor to Americans, which is a pretty sad commentary on the state of things in the nation and the world.

Today, I find myself once again facing the problem of identifying an Ass Clown awardee whose stupidity, amorality, and general repugnance can represent the nadir of ass clownery ... at least, until the next awardee comes up. I was lamenting the difficulty of making the choice to my wife the other day, whining that it was easier to come up with a top-ten-plus list than a single winner. Unfortunately, she was of no help in making my choice ... in fact, as she's originally from Germany, she tends to look at today's Americans as a whole from a European perspective of head-shaking mystification, if not downright sorrow.

And so, once again, it's up to me. My first inclination was to present the award to the House Republicans, whose cavalier threat to tank the economy over the debt ceiling once again shows the bankruptcy of their ideas and economic policies. Unfortunately, while their despicable behavior risks causing economic misery to millions at home and around the world, it won't actually kill anyone ... at least immediately. The actions of my chosen winners will.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the tinfoil and toilet paper crown designating

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2023

 

is presented to

America's Second Amendment Zealots

Because the Founders had just won a war for independence from a nation with a huge standing army, they were understandably wary of giving a powerful central government sole control of a standing army. They envisioned that the individual states could have their own "well-organized militias" that would serve as a check on the power of a government that might in the future become oppressive. Those "well-organized militias" would rely on a populace allowed ... indeed, encouraged, to "keep and bear arms" so as to be ready for duty when needed. 

Over the years, the idea of a "well-organized militia" standing ready to overthrow a tyrannical government was replaced by the idea that every person had the right to own and carry, ready for use, "arms" for self-protection against whatever threat was perceived to be on the horizon ... or at the door ... or in the driveway ... or in a passing car ... or in the local elementary school. The "well-organized militia" had turned into a heavily-armed and out-of-control mob.

*

No place is now safe from random gun violence ... not your church, your children's school, your grocery store, your movie theater, your workplace, your car, even your yard. And instead of recognizing the threat posed by the totally unregulated proliferation of military-grade weapons, each time there's another mass murder we blame everything except the weapon.

Those who worship high-powered weapons insist that the weapon is totally safe and blameless in and of itself ... that it sits innocently on the shelf bothering no one until an unworthy person, probably mentally ill, misuses it. They snicker at stupid libtards who don't use proper terminology ("AR" doesn't stand for "assault rifle," you idiot), as if those unenlightened simpletons are linguistically unqualified to discuss matters of life and death, and piously declare that 99.9999999% of gun owners are absolutely rock-solid citizens who would never dream of using that high-powered semiautomatic rifle with a 30-round magazine to do anything other than shoot the occasional squirrel or defend their family against the raging Antifa mobs that are burning the country to the ground.

The gun - in particular the lavishly-customized AR-style automatic rifle - is the newest and best-loved phallic symbol for insecure American men, having long since taken the place of the gigantic pickup truck with huge tires and a mighty trailer hitch, capable of mounting a gun rack and flying a forest of silly flags. The "open carry" of a gun - or of multiple guns - is a common sight in many communities, particularly in the South, and makes it difficult for the public and the police to distinguish between someone ready to commit mass murder and someone who is just scared to death that a drag queen might be in the area. The reality of "open carry" is not always what its supporters believe ...

Those who insist on the absolute freedom to pack iron depend on ridiculous comparisons to defend their position. They point out that more people die in traffic accidents than by gunfire, and ask why we don't ban cars ... ignoring the fact that a car is purpose-built to provide transportation, while a gun is purpose-built to kill. They insist that the problem is not guns, but mental health, and yet object to funding mental health care for those who need it. Many of them insist that they are "pro-life," but ignore the fact that their fixation on the unrestricted freedom to own and carry weapons designed and built to kill are the least pro-life things they could imagine. As commentator Joyce Vance noted in her "Civil Discourse" letter yesterday,

"Guns should not have more rights than people in our society, but they do. And the ultimate irony is that the same crowd that insists on having their assault weapons also wants to prevent women from having an abortion, because: pro-life. They are explicitly okay with those babies being mowed down in the nation’s schools, hospitals, shopping malls, and churches once they’re born, with only the thin veneer of thoughts and prayers to notice their deaths."

The mass murder of children and innocent persons is a price America's Second Amendment Zealots are happily willing to pay to be able to enjoy their passion for weapons of war. They are unwilling to admit that their beloved guns are not a harmless fetish to make a weak man feel strong, but a dangerous menace to the lives of everyone around them.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2023, is America's Second Amendment Zealots, whose heads are locked and loaded with self-important dreams of overthrowing tyrants, but whose reality is the mass murder of children.

Don't waste your time trying to change their minds. If the fact that "school shooting" is a frequently used term in the news hasn't made them see reason, nothing will.

Invest in a kevlar wardrobe for your family, because it's not going to get any better.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* The fact that this cartoon dates to 2010 is itself a sad commentary.