The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2025

The most dangerous aspect of Der Furor's second shot at the presidency is that there are no longer any adults in the room, no longer any experienced and thoughtful civil servants to give sound advice and protect him (and us) from his worst impulses. He has stocked the administration with yes-people and sycophants who owe their positions not to their competence, but to his need for flattery and total domination. His cabinet contains dangerous conspiracy theorists and unqualified ass-kissers. The Supreme Court has a deeply conservative majority, at least three members* of which have serious ethical compromise issues. Political appointees occupy positions across the government for which many - if not most - are clearly unqualified. The unrestricted, unqualified, and dangerously unsupervised agents of the so-called Department of Government Efficiency work busily at tearing the heart out of what was previously a flawed, but generally well-functioning government. And the Republican majorities in the Senate and House are missing in action, cravenly abdicating their Constitutional responsibilities in deference to the most dangerously unqualified man ever to win the presidency.

Only one potential barrier remains to protect the nation from the appalling damage being inflicted by the present administration ... and it is failing us.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the dishonor of designation as 

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2025

is bestowed upon

The American Legal Profession

Over the last few weeks, nine formerly-powerful legal firms have crumbled in the face of royal decrees executive orders aiming to destroy them for their temerity in representing clients who have in some way opposed Der Furor. They have, in the most cowardly and craven fashion, bent the knee before a dangerous demagogue, agreeing to perform a total of nearly a billion dollars in pro bono work on issues important to the Orange Airhorn ... which will almost surely be detrimental at best, and dangerous at worst to the average American. So far, only one firm has pushed back for the rule of law.

Lawyers representing what nowadays passes for the Department of Justice make ludicrous arguments before skeptical judges, attempting to put legal lipstick on the pig of a terribly weaponized government willing to ignore the Constitution, centuries of legal precedent, and simple morality to satisfy Der Furor's need for revenge and power.

As far as I know (not being a lawyer), an attorney must swear an oath to be admitted to the bar in each state, as well as to serve in a legal capacity for the United States government. You can find a list of the oaths for each state here. This is the oath taken by members of the Federal Bar Association:

“I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States; that I will adhere to, and abide by, the Constitution and Bylaws of the Federal Bar Association; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God.” 

It is not lost on me that this oath, unlike the oaths required for admission to the bar in nearly every state, does not explicitly require an attorney to exhibit good faith, honesty, and honorable conduct.

I have had utter contempt for the legal profession for many years, based on incompetent representation that once cost my family thousands of dollars and years of avoidable misery. But when huge, powerful law firms fold like cheap card tables in the face of blatantly illegal and unconstitutional threats, leaving the American people at the mercy of a president with dreams of unchecked tyranny, they harm the entire nation, not just a single family. Likewise, when lawyers sworn to uphold the Constitutional guarantees of "liberty and justice for all" deliberately stonewall or ignore court orders and have only the most tenuous relationship with truth and ethical responsibility, none of us is safe.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2025, is The American Legal Profession. One hopes it can grow a spine and remember its responsibilities before it's too late ... but I'm not holding my breath, and neither should you.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday, when we'll visit everybody's favorite good egg, Humpty Dumpty. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito, and Brett Kavanaugh, of course.

What Did That Declaration Say, Again?

If you're one of those old enough to remember when we used to learn about actual history, rather than history as interpreted through the filter of MAGA fever dreams, you may recall a document known as The Declaration of Independence. 

This document, written and signed in 1776, detailed the reasons why the American colonies sought independence from a tyrannical king. Here are some of the king's actions cited as reasons for demanding independence ... along with a few present-day observations:

"... cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world." Including remote islands inhabited only by penguins?

"... imposing taxes on us without our consent." Tariffs, anyone? Regardless of what Der Furor would like to have you believe, a tariff is a tax that isn't paid by some foreign government, but by you, the consumer.

"... depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Jury trial." Summarily rounding up and deporting illegal immigrants or accused criminals without providing evidence or allowing the accused their Constitutional rights.

"... transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences." Deporting prisoners to El Salvador and refusing to bring them back, even when it admits the rendition was in error.

"... obstruct(ing) the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers." I suppose this also includes ignoring inconvenient laws and legal decisions with which Der Furor does not agree.

"... erect(ing) a multitude of New Offices, and sen(ding) hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance." (if this isn't a definition of the so-called "Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)," I don't know what is.

"... combin(ing) with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws." I guess this includes working with the president of El Salvador to establish prisons there for US citizens who incur Der Furor's wrath.

I wonder what the signers of the Declaration of Independence would make of Der Furor's aggressively imperial view of the presidency as a kingship free of interference from the great unwashed and their elected representatives. I expect they're turning in their graves.

Have a good day. Watch what's going on carefully, and know that time is running out to save our  representative democracy.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Everything's Dynamic

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines dynamic as "marked by usually continuous and productive activity or change; energetic, forceful." It's a very useful word for our our current political-economic situation.

In the realm of economics, dynamic pricing is the practice of adjusting prices in real-time* based on factors like supply, demand, customer behavior, and market conditions, so as to optimize revenue and maximize profit.

The word dynamic is derived from the Greek word dynamis, meaning "powerful," which also gives us the word dynamite. This is, of course appropriate, because dynamic pricing blows large holes in your budget by sneakily bumping up the prices of things from minute to minute.

You can easily tell which stores are using dynamic pricing to fleece you by looking at the price labels on their shelves - if they're digital rather than traditional clip-ons, they're intended to facilitate those dynamic changes in the price of the things you buy. And you know in your heart that those prices never go down.

In the realm of politics, I think that the word dynamic - indicating the ability to change rapidly - is also useful for apologists in need of a weasel word to describe Der Furor's economic policies (such as they are), as dynamic sounds so much better than chaotic or slapdash. It's also very useful for the Department of Justice, administration lawyers, and the Orange Airhorn's mouthpieces as they dynamically revise the meaning of the Constitution, the law, and what we have previously understood to be our Constitutionally-guaranteed personal freedoms.

The word of the day is dynamic. That's all. Be wary of people using it.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Not to be confused with "House-of-Representatives-Time," which uses a very flexible definition of "day."

What "Weaponization of Government" Actually Looks Like

During the first of Der Furor's stints in the presidency, and throughout the administration of Joe Biden, the endlessly-repeated fever dream of the GOP and the farthest-right orbits of the conservative world was that the federal government had been "weaponized" against them ... that the Biden Justice Department was constantly seeking every possible opportunity to bring down the full weight of the government on the heads of innocent Americans guilty only of opposing the "radical left lunatics" ... as opposed to, say, innocently storming and damaging the Capitol Building and killing several people in the process. 

When they regained power, the Republicans promptly established the United States House Judiciary Select Subcommittee on the Weaponization of the Federal Government, under the leadership of firebrand Ohio Representative Jim Jordan, to drill down and prove that the perfidious Democrats had "weaponized" the government against them. By the time the subcommittee was disbanded at the end of the the Congressional session, it had published a report that was long on innuendo and woefully innocent of actual evidence of the alleged weaponization. Proving "weaponization" of the government against conservatives was also a prime focus of the House Oversight and Accountability Committee (also known as the Oversight and Government Reform Committee) under Kentucky Representative James Comer, which relentlessly - if fruitlessly - tried to find evidence of wrongdoing by the Biden administration.

When Der Furor returned to the presidency, one of his first acts was to revitalize the search for the weaponization not found earlier. On his first day in office, Der Furor issued Royal Decree Executive Order 14147, Ending the Weaponization of the Federal Government*. He would, by gawd, find the evidence no one had found before.

What has happened since then has shone a light on the actual weaponization of the power of government against opponents and critics.

Consider the following royal decrees executive orders (EOs) cast down from Olympus by Der Furor**:

EO 14250: Addressing Risks From WilmerHale - accusing the law firm (among other things) of "engag(ing) in obvious partisan representations to achieve political ends, support(ing) efforts to discriminate on the basis of race, back(ing) the obstruction of efforts to prevent illegal aliens from committing horrific crimes and trafficking deadly drugs within our borders, and further(ing) the degradation of the quality of American elections, including by supporting efforts designed to enable noncitizens to vote."

 

EO 14246: Addressing Risks From Jenner & Block - accusing the law firm of (among other things) "engag(ing) in obvious partisan representations to achieve political ends, support(ing) attacks against women and children based on a refusal to accept the biological reality of sex, and back(ing) the obstruction of efforts to prevent illegal aliens from committing horrific crimes and trafficking deadly drugs within our borders."

 

EO 14237: Addressing Risks From Paul Weiss - accusing the law firm of (among other things) "hir(ing) unethical attorney Mark Pomerantz, who had previously left Paul Weiss to join the Manhattan District Attorney's office solely to manufacture a prosecution against me and who, according to his co-workers, unethically led witnesses in ways designed to implicate me. After being unable to convince even Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg that a fraud case was feasible, Pomerantz engaged in a media campaign to gin up support for this unwarranted prosecution."

 

EO 14230: Addressing Risks From Perkins Coie LLP - accusing the law firm of (among other things) "undermining democratic elections, the integrity of our courts, and honest law enforcement, [and] racially discriminat(ing) against its own attorneys and staff, and against applicants."

President Donald J. Trump Addresses Risks Associated with Miles Taylor - in which Der Furor accuses Mr Taylor of being "a bad-faith actor who weaponized and abused his government position, prioritizing his own ambition, personal notoriety, and monetary gain over fidelity to his constitutional oath."

 

President Donald J. Trump Addresses Risks from Chris Krebs and Government Censorship - which accuses Mr Krebs by name of being "a significant bad-faith actor who weaponized and abused his government authority" through his leadership of the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA).

 

Let's look at this for just a moment, shall we?

 

The President of the United States has issued royal decrees executive orders specifically targeting law firms and individuals against which he has a personal grudge, the EO targeting Paul Weiss being the most obviously blatant ("solely to manufacture a prosecution against me," "unethically led witnesses in ways designed to implicate me"). Mr Krebs' offense was to deny Der Furor's insistence that the 2020 presidential election had been rigged, while Mr Taylor is accused of spreading "falsehoods" and "false narratives" about Der Furor through his writings.

If you're looking for evidence of the "weaponization" of government power against individuals, you now have some spectacularly clear examples. The President of the United States has unilaterally directed specific punitive actions against specific individuals and against law firms guilty of representing clients who have angered Der Furor. Worse, some of the targeted law firms have caved to the pressure, agreeing (in the very definition of "a deal with the devil") to provide millions of dollars of pro bono work on issues near and dear to Der Furor's heart (assuming that a "heart" can actually be found). 

There are dozens of other examples of instances where Der Furor has stripped security clearances from individuals who have angered him, denied White House press access to the Associated Press because it has not wholeheartedly embraced his rebranding of the "Gulf of America," and taken other petulant actions which advance his petty grievances ... while his rudderless mismanagement of the economy threatens both the livelihood of Americans and the entire international economy.

It's interesting, but not surprising, that Republican members of Congress in positions of responsibility (I'm looking at you, Jim Jordan and James Comer) have turned a willfully blind eye to this outrageous, blatantly illegal, unconstitutional, and immoral abuse of the power of government. Today's GOP observes the Wizard of Id's version of the Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.

If you are a full-throated supporter of Der Furor's frighteningly un-American, self-serving actions, there's another quote you should note, this often-cited one from long-form history podcaster Dan Carlin: Imagine all that power in the hands of someone you loathe. When the President of the United States gets around to turning his sights on you, your America won't seem quite so great.

Have a good day. Hope the most powerful person in America doesn't decide to turn the whole weight of the federal government against you and yours.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* In the words of the royal decree executive order, "The American people have witnessed the previous administration engage in a systematic campaign against its perceived political opponents, weaponizing the legal force of numerous Federal law enforcement agencies and the Intelligence Community against those perceived political opponents in the form of investigations, prosecutions, civil enforcement actions, and other related actions. These actions appear oriented more toward inflicting political pain than toward pursuing actual justice or legitimate governmental objectives. Many of these activities appear to be inconsistent with the Constitution and/or the laws of the United States ..." Sounds to me exactly like what we're seeing now.

** A complete list of royal decrees executive orders published in the Federal Register can be found here. The whole list of Der Furor's fulminations, including those not yet on the Federal Register, can be found here. Don't read unless you want to be depressed and disgusted.

Poetry Sunday

I don't mind doing most household chores, especially those dealing with cooking and the kitchen, but I really don't enjoy doing laundry. It's a necessary evil, and I always feel a sense of accomplishment when I finish putting away the clothing and bedding that I've sorted, washed, dried, folded, and neatly piled in appropriate piles, but I don't enjoy doing it the way I enjoy cooking and ... especially ... gardening. Today's poem by George Bilgere looks at laundry and the memories it evokes of a time when our mothers actually hung laundry in the sun to dry ... 

Laundry

by George Bilgere

My mother stands in this black

And white arrangement of shadows

In the sunny backyard of her marriage,

Struggling to pin the white ghosts

Of her family on the line.

I watch from my blanket on the grass

As my mother's blouses lift and billow,

Bursting with the day. 

My father's white work shirts

Wave their empty sleeves at me, 

And my own little shirts and pants

Flap and exult like flags

In the immaculate light.

It is mid-century, and the future lies

Just beyond the white borders 

Of this snapshot; soon that wind

Will get the better of her

And her marriage. Soon the future 

I live in will break 

Through those borders and make

A photograph of her-but

For now the shirts and blouses

Are joyous with her in the yard

As she stands with a wooden clothespin

In her mouth, struggling to keep

The bed sheets from blowing away. 

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Don't let the dirty laundry pile up.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

As Chester A. Riley used to say, "What a revoltin' development this is!" ...

After a week of chaos that caused trillions of dollars in losses in the stock and bond markets and pushed fears of a recession to new heights, Der Furor triumphantly announced a 90-day pause in his ever-evolving tariff war against the rest of the world; two American Airlines regional jets clipped wings with each other in a ground accident at Reagan National Airport in Washington, and six people were killed when a tourist helicopter came apart over the Hudson River in New York; the administration continues to defy both Federal District Court and US Supreme Court direction to return to the United States a man accidentally deported to a prison in El Salvador; and a 64-year-old licensed practical nurse is facing federal charges of interference with flight crew members after she allegedly grabbed a flight attendant’s genitals during a flight from Las Vegas to North Dakota.

This week, given the chaos and uncertainty sown by Der Furor and his advisors and acolytes, I thought a collection of cartoons featuring the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse ... 

The updated roster ...

We know who lost ...

It always catches some of us by surprise ...

When armageddon needs musical accompaniment ...

They're definitely out there ...

It's the latest thing ...

Well, it had to be pestilence, didn't it? ...

This one is at least as bad as the other four ...

They're rallying at my place ...

Pestilence remembers being caught short the last time ...

And that's it for this week's Cartoon Saturday - I hope you enjoyed it. And yes, I know that there are a lot more than four horse's asses of the apocalypse in this administration, but for now, four is enough.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

We're almost halfway through April, and it's finally time for another collection of Great Moments! In times like these, you know you need them ...

A sale for guys who like ... uh ... large melons ...

They're not just checking citizenship status any more ...

No wonder they're upset ...

I know that our personal information is often being improperly collected, but this is a bit much ...

Unfortunately, Mr Rendell is now in El Salvador and cannot be brought back for apology ...

Somebody had a bad day ...

Most thefts of my tomatoes are because of little Ellie, the neighbor's child who thinks I grow the best tomatoes around ...

That's some pretty aggressive marketing ...

It seemed like a good idea at the time ...

Well, duh ...

I hope this collection gave you a chuckle. Nowadays, gawd knows we need it.

Have a good day, and come back for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Semantic Bleaching

I ran across an interesting linguistic term the other day that I hadn’t heard in a long time: semantic bleaching. In brief, it refers to the decrease in intensity of the meaning of a word over time.

For instance, when you say that somethng is awesome, as many people do in today’s usage, you mean that it’s wonderful or especially desireable. But the original, literal meaning of awesome means “inspiring dread, fear, or terror.” Over time, awesome has been semantically bleached into a far less intense term.

It occurs to me that Der Furor and his minions have semantically bleached a great many important words in today’s political and social communication. For instance:

Legal once meant “permitted by law.” As semantically bleached by the current administration, it means “permitted because we say it’s permitted.” 

Constitutional used to mean “conducted in accordance with the principles of the Constitution,” whereas it has been semantically bleached to mean, “conducted in accordance with the principles of the Constitution as interpreted to meet the evolving requirements of the administration.” 

Presidential once meant, “having a bearing or demeanor befitting a president; dignified and confident; demonstrating gravitas and reassuring competence.” After semantic bleaching, it means, “pompous and overbearing; delighting in the exercise of unchallenged power and the ability to harm opponents without consequence.”

Evidence was once defined as, “the available body of facts or information indicating whether a belief or proposition is true or valid.” Semantically bleached to meet the needs of Der Furor and his followers, it means, “something we don’t need to show because if you had any intelligence at all, you’d know we were right.”

Anti-Semitism originally meant, “hatred or prejudice toward or discrimination against Jews.” In the semantically-bleached form commonly used by the current administration, it means, “(1) failure to unquestioningly support the actions of the current government of Israel” or “(2) a convenient excuse to limit free speech rights on college campuses and deport undesirable persons from the United States.” 

And finally, Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion once meant, “a set of organizational frameworks that seek to promote the fair treatment and full participation of all people, particularly groups who have historically been underrepresented or subject to discrimnination based on identity or disability.” When semantic bleaching is applied, it means, “discrimination against white men.”

George Orwell created “Newspeak” as the official language of the world of “1984.” Der Furor didn’t need to create a new language for his world of 2025 … all he had to do was engage in semantic bleaching to twist the language to meet his needs.

Have a good day. Use the right words, but understand the hidden meanings.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Der Furor Wants His Parade

As you may recall, after visiting Paris and watching the French Bastille Day parade during his first term, Der Furor absolutely had to have a parade of his own, bigger and better than the French one, and tasked the Army with staging a full-on military parade in Washington. Fortunately, there were enough adults in his first administration to dissuade him from that staggeringly bad idea: the DC mayor fretted about the cost of repairing streets torn up by tanks, the Army reminded him of the cost (nearly $100 million), and his more historically-minded advisors reminded him that parades of heavily armed troops, accompanied by tanks and warplane flyovers, were not a tradition observed by an America that didn't like being reminded of potential repression by a powerful military.

That was then. This is now.

Der Furor has told the Army that this time, he wants his parade, and he wants it on his 79th birthday. Of course, even as towering a narcissistic buffoon as Der Furor wouldn't come right out and say that ... instead, he takes advantage of the fact that his 79th birthday - June 14th - happens also to be both Flag Day (celebrating the day in 1777 when the Continental Congress adopted the stars and stripes design of the American flag) and the official birthday of the US Army (celebrating the day in 1775 on which the Continental Congress authorized the enlistment of expert riflemen to serve the United Colonies for one year). He can have his motorized phallic symbol without making it obvious that it's his birthday due (although, to be fair, I would never accuse him of being that subtle).

I love a parade as much as the next guy, but my idea of a fun parade is marching bands, colorful floats, smiling, waving celebrities, and maybe a clown or two. Not rows of marching soldiers and lines of huge tanks churning their way down the streets of Washington while warplanes zoom overhead, distracting the observers from the erosion of their freedoms and the cratering of their economy.

I'm a veteran. I never actually saw combat*, although I spent 23 years in the Air Force and am proud of my service and of my country ... at least, my country as it was before the present maladministration. I don't need to have a wannabe alpha male president taking time out from his golf weekends to wave his military around as if it were a gigantic ... uh ... appendage to remind us of his desire to be a 21st century Napoleon.

Our "leaders" waste enough money buying elections. We can save quite a bit of it by not staging useless parades to stoke the ego of wannabe dictators.

Have a good day. Enjoy Macys' Thanksgiving Day parade if you need a dose of all-American marching spectacle.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* I did get shaken like a rag doll by a drunken helicopter mechanic one time (it's an interesting story, best shared over a beer), but I don't guess that really counts.

Hostile Punctuation

I read an interesting Time Magazine article the other day titled "Are You a Hostile Punctuator?" With a title like that, I just had to read on.

Author Angela Haupt wrote in a concise, one-word summary, "As digital communication has evolved, punctuation’s job description has gotten more demanding." 

E-mails, texts, tweets, and other forms of digital communication can deliver the basics of the message we want to get across, but they lack the social context, verbal cues, and body language that provide the subtle (or not so subtle) additional layers of meaning we may wish to convey. As Dr. Anne Curzan, a professor of English, linguistics, and education at the University of Michigan quoted in the article explains,

“'You don't have facial expressions, you don't have tone, you don't have the shared context of a physical space and gestures.' Is the person you’re talking to happy? Are they joking? Are they angry? Are they drop-dead serious? If you were face-to-face, 'You’d have all of this context to be able to figure it out, [but] in texting, you have very little—so what young people in particular have done is repurpose punctuation.'”

Modern digital communicators have replaced visual and tonal cues with that "repurposed punctuation." As an example, when you're preparing to leave for a dinner engagement, you might send a text message to your partner asking, "Are you ready yet?", but if you write the same message as "Are you ready yet???", the use of multiple question marks implies a degree of impatience the words alone don't give. 

The use of multiple exclamation points can likewise be used to imply anger or disbelief, as in "You've got to be kidding me!!!"

A third example is the presence, absence, or strategic use of the period. In ordinary usage, it symbolizes the end of a sentence, but when used after every word of a sentence, it can indicate an angry or threatening response, as in "You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me."

These are all examples of what is sometimes called hostile punctuation.

Emojis enter the mix, too. There are now thousands of emojis out there which convey various shades of meaning, to most of which I am clueless. A few years ago, we watched a report on the German TV show Galileo in which a pair of the show's reporters tried to guess the meaning of a series of emojis that were all variations on the classic "smiley face," but which represented a wide range of subtle differences of meaning. Neither of them accurately interpreted the meanings. So, what happens when you respond with an emoji that carries a meaning you didn't intend? Are you Hostile emoji-ing?

And, moving beyond punctuation and emojis, using excessive capitalization in digital communication is the equivalent of shouting or attempting to dominate the conversation. When combined with multiple punctuation marks or serial periods, it can emphasize anger and threats. Der Furor is, of course, a master of this, using capitalization as a form of alpha male verbal chest thumping, as in this "Truth Social" post (shared on Twitter/X) about his massive tariff broadside:

"THE OPERATION IS OVER! THE PATIENT LIVED, AND IS HEALING. THE PROGNOSIS IS THAT THE PATIENT WILL BE FAR STRONGER, BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE RESILIENT THAN EVER BEFORE. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!"

One of the funniest (and completely clean!) comedy pieces ever belongs to the wonderful Danish comic Victor Borge and his routine on "Phonetic Punctuation." If you haven't seen it, it's worth your while to take a few minutes and watch ...

So the lesson, if there is one in all this, is to be careful with your punctuation, capitalization, and use of emojis in digital communications. It's a whole new digital world out there, and we're not always speaking the same language.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Ass Clown Special Award

Today marks our second presentation of an Ass Clown Special Award this year. As I've noted before, I prefer not to present too many out-of-cycle special awards for fear of diluting their meaning and impact, but sometimes an individual's gotta do what an individual's gotta do*.

That said, Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, we present this 

Ass Clown Special Award

to

Der Furor and His Economic Advisors

It takes a special kind of twisted view of reality to claim, as Der Furor has, that "THE OPERATION IS OVER! THE PATIENT LIVED, AND IS HEALING. THE PROGNOSIS IS THAT THE PATIENT WILL BE FAR STRONGER, BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE RESILIENT THAN EVER BEFORE," given that the S&P 500 Index has lost more than $2.5 trillion and the stock market is falling like a Russian from a 10th-floor window. 

And to heed the sage financial advice of Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, who urges us all to “Let Donald Trump run the global economy. He knows what he’s doing. He’s been talking about it for 35 years ... You got to trust Donald Trump in the White House." 

And to, as Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent did last week, threaten the leaders of other sovereign nations, many of them once staunch allies of the United States - "Do not retaliate. Sit back, take it in, let’s see how it goes. Because if you retaliate, there will be escalation. If you don’t retaliate, this is the high-water mark."

Maybe ... just maybe ... it isn't a great idea to let the man who sent six businesses into bankruptcy (including a casino, for gawd's sake) make crazy economic decisions for the nation and the world, egged on by billionaires with no concept of what their decisions mean for everyday working class Americans.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, we present a well-deserved Ass Clown Special Award to Der Furor and his Economic Advisors. You may be able to afford things like food and living indoors for the rest of this administration's term ... maybe even for the rest this month ... but I wouldn't bet on it.

Have a good day. Expect better, but prepare for worse.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* I'm saying it that way because I must now legally avoid anything that might hint at any sort of singling out of a particular sex, color, religion, nationality, species, or anything else for special treatment. The Orange Airhorn and his DEI police are on the alert, and a vacation in El Salvador is not on my bucket list.

Musical Sunday

I wanted to start April off with one of the more beautiful songs from my collection, but the time just doesn't seem right. I think we're better off with a NSFW song more appropriate to the ongoing destruction of our government, our freedoms, and our international reputation. Take it away, Grace Jones ... 

Here are the lyrics, for those of you interested:

And if I wander down the wrong road

It's alright baby, just let me go

If I get tired of all those assholes

It's alright cause' I want them to know

I'm sick and tired of all this bullshit

Rough shit, same shit

Hey Jesus come on down and save us, save us, rave on

And on the road I ride through Richmond

Rich man, You know the business I'm in

And feeling sorry, makes me feel mad

Someday, uh baby, I play to win

I'm sick and tired of all this bullshit

Rough shit, same shit

Can't Jesus come on down and save us, save us, rave on

I'm sick and tired of all this bullshit

Same shit, wrong shit

Hey Jesus come on down and save us, save us, rave on

And if I wander down the wrong road

It's alright honey, just let me go

If I get tired of all those assholes

It's alright cause' I want them to know

I'm with you, Grace.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Silly you ... you thought things would be better once we got past the chaos of March.

Der Furor's administration has admitted to mistakenly deporting a man to a notorious El Salvador prison, but says it can't bring him back; on Tuesday afternoon (after the stock market closed), Der Furor imposed a round of huge tariffs on nearly every country on earth (including a remote island inhabited only by penguins) ... in response, markets tanked and the S&P 500 index lost $2.5 trillion; apparently at the urging of far-right activist Laura Loomer, the Orange Airhorn fired several senior national security figures, including the director of the National Security Agency (although no one involved in "Signalgate") for the offense of being insufficiently loyal to the PINO; and a declassified CIA report on an incident from 35 years ago claims that a Russian surface-to-air missile downed a UFO, from the wreckage of which shape-shifting aliens emerged to massacre responding soldiers with an explosive energy burst.

This week, in honor of the professionalism and dedication of President Musk, PINO Der Furor, and their amazing appointees, I thought a batch of cartoons about clowns would be appropriate. But because there are a great many sub-genres of clown cartoons, we'll narrow this week's selections to cartoons about famously-overstuffed clown cars. 

I actually have at least two more cartoons in my collection that riff on this idea ...

Yes ... yes, it is ...

Clown cars have stupid decals, too ...

I've known a lot of used car salesmen who were clowns ...

It's not a question he gets every day ...

Busted! ...

Starting early ...

Didn't you wonder how they did the trick before cars were invented? ...

It would surely help ...

It's job security of a sort ...

And that's it for this first Cartoon Saturday of the new month ... sadly, we now have to go back to dealing with real clowns. And they're not funny.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when we open the door to Musical Sunday and usher in a timely classic from Grace Jones. See you then!

Bilbo

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2025

"How low can you go?" used to be the question asked at limbo contests; now, it's the north star of President Musk and Der Furor's mindless assault on the government and society of the United States ... a time when the limbo bar of decency, honor, respect, and compassion is essentially level with the ground. 

As much as I have tried to identify Ass Clowns from various walks of life to receive these awards, the utter awfulness of the administration for which 77 million of my fellow citizens voted has led me to focus on it as the lowest of low-hanging fruit for selection ... and so it is this week.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the tinfoil and toilet paper crown designating

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2025

 

is presented to

Secretary of Defense

Pete Hegseth

There's not much point in rehashing the nearly criminal incompetence exhibited by Mr Hegseth in the so-called "Signalgate" fiasco; suffice it to say - as have commentators wiser and more esteemed than I - that had any military member exhibited the towering level disregard of classification, operational security, and simple common sense demonstrated by Mr Hegseth, they would have been fired at the very least, and probably court-martialed and imprisoned.

The incident itself was bad enough, but the ho-hum-no-big-deal-nothing-to-see-here-everybody-makes-mistakes-and-Hillary's-emails-were-worse-anyhow reaction of the PINO and his lickspittle cabinet officers, press spokesdrones, and other apologists have made a mockery of an administration that misses no opportunity to loudl trumpets its worship at the festooned altar of "accountability" and "merit." If Mr Hegseth had the least shreds of dignity and respect for his position, he would resign if the PINO didn't fire him. But, of course, in this administration, unflinching and unquestioned loyalty to Der Furor are far more important than basic competence, gravitas, or qualification for the office to which one is appointed.

Mr Hegseth, not satisfied with his shameful performance in "Signalgate," blundered into yet another security-related incident when it was revealed that he had permitted his wife Jennifer, a producer at Fox "News" with no security clearances or need-to-know, to accompany him to meetings with foreign military officials at which sensitive classified information was discussed. Again, as might be expected, no action on this egregious security breach has been taken by the administration.

When I sat down to write this period's award, I was strongly tempted to present it to "Vice President" JD Vance for his shameful, bullying behavior during his uninvited visit to Greenland, which accomplished nothing but driving our allies farther away and further tarnishing what little remains of our international reputation. I finally decided on Mr Hegseth because his childish and thoughtless action had the potential to compromise a military operation in progress, costing the lives of American service members he sent into harm's way.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2025, is Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth - a man out of his depth, lacking mature judgement, and utterly unqualified for one of the most critical cabinet positions.

And, by the way, the attire worn by Mr Hegseth in the photo above violates 4 USC 1, Section 8(j), which states that "No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform." But at least it covers all his offensive tattoos*.

Have a good day. Hope for the best, but expect the worst. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Some of which would probably get him deported to a prison in El Salvador if he weren't white and connected.

The Gohmert-Greene Stupidity Scale, Updated

I first introduced the Gohmert Stupidity Scale in June of 2021, and published the first explanation of its structure and guidelines just a few days later. I updated the scale in March of 2023, expanding the guidelines to account not just for ignorance, but also for greed and malice as factors in the assessment of the individual, rather than the nation level of stupidity as measured by the DUMBCON. That update also changed the name to the "Gohmert-Greene Stupidity Scale," in recognition of another toweringly stupid member of Congress. The basic unit of stupidity is the gag*, defined as "the stupidity value of a single action dumb enough to earn one or more of the following: an eye roll, a head shake, or a forehead slap."

But things have changed rapidly since the inception of the scale, and not for the better. The reelection of Der Furor as PINO, the ascendency of President Musk, and the total servility of the Republican Party in the advancement of an increasingly fascistic program call for improved ways to measure individual levels of stupidity, as well as the overall National Stupidity Condition. Having reset the DUMBCON level yesterday, today I release version 4.0 of the Gohmert-Greene Stupidity Scale: 

If the chart does not click open for easier reading, here it is in non-tabular format:

Score in gags: 0-1,000. 

General Description: Harmless. Makes mistakes and is able to admit error and self-correct once action has been recognized as stupid. 

Examples/Comments: Me* and most people with whom I choose to associate.

Score in gags: 1,001-2,500. 

General Description: Ignorant. Commits dumb acts out of ignorance, and can usually self-correct when stupid action is pointed out. 

Examples/Comments: Person who drives slower after getting a speeding ticket.

Score in gags: 2,501-10,000. 

General Description: Really Ignorant. Commits dumb acts out of ignorance and refuses to change mind when presented with proof of error. 

Examples/Comments: Person who argues with a police officer giving them a ticket.

Score in gags: 10,001-25,000. 

General Description: Extremely Ignorant. Commits dumb acts out of ignorance and refuses to change mind when faced with proof of error. Relies on personal beliefs and power of personal position to impose stupidity on others. 

Examples/Comments: Annoying neighborhood busybodies; extreme homeowners association nazis.

Score in gags: 25,001-50,000. 

General Description: Stupid. Views own opinions and those of persons with similar beliefs as gospel and rejects contrary information. This is the level at which stupidity begins to have harmful consequences beyond the individual. 

Examples/Comments: Education reform zealots; self-appointed censors and book-burners; eco-terrorists; extreme animal rights advocates.

Score in gags: 50,001-100,000. 

General Description: Really Stupid. Doubles down on stupid actions and beliefs when confronted with evidence; believes persons with contrary positions are obviously wrong and must be resolutely opposed. Individuals at this level and above should never occupy positions of leadership and responsibility.

Examples/Comments: Ordinary MAGAts; election deniers; racists (regardless of color); conspiracy theorists; gun rights advocates, intolerantly religious individuals.

Score in gags: 100,001-350,000. 

General Description: Extremely Stupid. Easily swayed by individuals or groups that reinforce personal beliefs. Believes individuals or groups holding contrary points of view are not only wrong, but deliberately malicious. At this level malice and unfocused anger begin to magnify stupidity.

Examples/Comments: Anti-vaccination zealots; white supremacists.

Score in gags: 350,001-750,000. 

General Description: Amazingly Stupid. Utterly devoid of self-doubt. Refuses to listen to other points of view and is totally convinced of the infallibility of deeply-held personal, especially religious positions. Potential for danger to self and others. 

Examples/Comments: Religious fundamentalists; political extremists;  MAGAts who fly multiple giant US and/or Der Furor worship flags from oversized vehicles. 

Score in gags: 750,001-1,500,000. 

General Description: Dangerously Stupid. Aggressively denies validity of any other point of view, rejects all compromise, and refuses to acknowledge any possibility of personal error or responsibility. May be dangerous to self and others when contradicted. At this level greed begins to significantly magnify stupidity. 

Examples/Comments: Extreme hard-core, in-your-face MAGAts, especially those who wear outlandish clothing inspired by Der Furor; Second Amendment zealots; self-styled militia members; oligarchs.

Score in gags: 1,500,001-3,000,000. 

General Description: Normal Extreme Upper Limit of Stupidity. Completely refuses to accept the validity of any points of view other than their own and rejects all contrary information and evidence as “fake news.” Believes aggressive and confrontational response to opposing views, up to and including physical violence, is justified. Dangerous to self and others. 

Examples/Comments: Hardest of the extreme hard-core MAGAts, especially those who sport ostentatious tattoos of Der Furor; extreme militia members who stockpile weapons; extreme religious fundamentalists; violent racists.

Score in gags: > 3,000,000. 

General Description: Level of Stupidity Is No Longer Measurable by Rational Standards. Individual should not be allowed to breed. 

Examples/Comments: Anyone willing to vote for Der Furor again, having seen the results.

That is the updated Gohmert-Greene Stupidity Scale, effective April 2, 2025. Comments welcome. Use as you wish. 

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* For "Gohmert and Greene," of course.

** I like to think so, anyway.