Showing posts with label Big Ideas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Big Ideas. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

I Want This for My Back Yard


Dear Readers, you already know that I have a thing for Really Big Houses ... you may recall that I've posted on the topic before - here and here. Well, it's one thing to have a Really Big House, but it could be even better to have just the right outbuildings to go with it. For instance, I've recently run across photos of some really beautiful Victorian-style greenhouses that could help me up my gardening game. I could see myself owning this one


or this one 


And couldn't I have a great garden in either one, eh?

My birthday is coming up, so let me know if you want to donate to the Buy Bilbo a Victorian Greenhouse Fund. I'll even name a plant after you.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

House for Sale


Long-time readers may remember that one of my dreams is to live in a Really Big House. I wrote on the topic twice before: in 2009, when I pointed out that my dream of a Really Big House was limited by budgetary restraints which narrowed my selection to homes like this one:


... and again in 2012, when I told you about a magnificent, huge model home we'd visited that was pretty much everything I'd ever wanted:


But now this is on the market:


Yes, Dear Readers, the iconic 21,987 square foot Tudor-Gothic Playboy Mansion is up for sale, for a mere $200 million! It comes complete with it's own private zoo license, swimming pool, "game house," guest house, underground swimming grotto, movie theater, and ... well ... an elderly tenant. A condition of the sale is that the current owner, Playboy geezer emeritus Hugh Hefner, be permitted to stay in residence for the rest of his life. 

Now, I could see myself living in a 22-room mansion. Of course, housecleaning and gardening would be an issue, and chances are that Agnes wouldn't be very understanding about the tenant's wild parties featuring scantily-clad young maidens. But the guy is almost 90 years old now, and he won't be around forever, right?

I wonder if he'd leave the ladies. Or maybe just a few of them. For the ambience, you know.

Have a good day. I'll let you know when the housewarming party is.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Monday, April 06, 2015

The New Civil Service Exam


According to a recent article in the Washington Post, the ease of digitally submitting applications for government employment has led to a virtual tsunami of resumes and cover letters that make it very difficult for managers to identify and hire the best persons for government service*. As one way of fixing the situation, many government agencies are reinstating the Civil Service Examination, which was done away with more than 30 years ago over concerns about fairness and discrimination. According to the article, the updated test, which is administered online, evaluates job applicants' reasoning  and problem-solving skills by "us(ing) animated avatars and videos to simulate challenges" they might face on the job.

Now that's all well and good, and I applaud the government for trying to come up with a good way of identifying and hiring top people. Too bad the test doesn't apply to people running for Congress or the Presidency ... it might help weed out some of the losers that are coming out of the pre-2016 woodwork.

As it happens, I have some ideas on the sorts of questions that ought to be on a civil service exam**.

Because religious conflict is a serious problem in today's world, job applicants should be required to demonstrate knowledge of religious issues. Here's a sample question:

You are a public defender, assigned to defend Adam and Eve against the charge of eating the forbidden fruit. Explain your philosophical strategy to a Hassidic Rabbi, a Sunni Imam, a Buddhist monk, and an Ayatollah, and answer their arguments, using quotations from the Bhagavad Gita, the writings of Martin Luther, and the Book of Mormon to make your points. The response will be scored by an Anglican bishop.

A civil servant should have a firm grasp of economics as well. Here is a possible question to evaluate an applicant's knowledge of economic theory:

Develop a realistic plan for balancing the federal budget, including a detailed strategy for refinancing the national debt. Assuming that at least one of the major political parties will vehemently object to your approach, explain how you will convince them to lend their support. Your numbers need not balance or make sense.

Many civil servants must deal with lawyers representing businesses, special interest groups, and individual aggrieved citizens; therefore, a good aptitude test should evaluate this skill. Here is a possible question:

In Part 2 of Shakespeare's "Henry VI," Jack Cade, the leader of the Populist revolt, proposes that the first order of business following a successful coup d'etat should be to "kill all the lawyers." In light of the present populist mood in the United States, assess the utility and any potential impact of such a policy today.

Although persons applying to the State Department must take the Foreign Service Examination, it is important for persons in other federal departments and agencies to understand the intricacies of foreign affairs. Here is a possible question to evaluate candidates' understanding of foreign issues:

It has recently been suggested that only a foreign war can restore America's lost national consensus. Propose the ideal opponent(s) for the US in such a war, and how the conflict might be engineered so that US would seem not to be the aggressor in the situation.

Those are all good questions, but I think that in the end, the new Civil Service Exam will end up reflecting the philosophy of the party in power.  If the GOP were in control of the presidency and both houses of Congress***, and able to agree among themselves on a coherent program, I suspect that their version of the exam would look something like this :

Thank you for your interest in serving in the wasteful, bloated, and overreaching United States Government. Please indicate by circling "yes" or "no" whether you agree or disagree with the following statements:

1. The Constitution consists of the Second Amendment and some other stuff about government.
YES  NO

2. The Founders clearly stated that the United States would be a 100% Christian nation, and that all other false religions are causes of terrorism.
YES  NO

3. "Climate Change" has absolutely no scientific basis, and people who believe in it are un-American and probably terrorists.
YES  NO

4. The United States is the most exceptional nation ever founded, is a shining example for the rest of the world, is incapable of doing anything wrong, and anyone who says otherwise is a terrorist.
YES  NO

5. Taxes are bad under all circumstances, and could be completely eliminated if the government stopped wasteful spending on useless things like welfare, education, food safety, and environmental protection.
YES  NO

6. Those who disagree with the correct answers to questions 1 through 4 above are terrorists who hate America.
YES  NO

Thank you for taking the Civil Service Examination. If you answered "NO" to any of the questions above, please turn in your answer sheet, leave, and go to Canada or someplace else where your godless socialist ways will be appreciated.

So ...

Those are my thoughts on the Civil Service Exam. What questions would you ask? Inquiring minds want to know, so leave a comment.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Although why anyone would want to enter government service today - particularly if they are applying for a position requiring a Senate confirmation circus - is beyond me.

** You probably figured that out already, didn't you?

*** AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Bilbo's Plan for Peace in the Middle East


There's an old joke about a man who finds a bottle on the beach, rubs it, and releases a genie who gives him one wish. The fellow thinks for a moment, then says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I don't like to fly and I hate ships. I'd like you to build a bridge to Hawaii for me." The genie looks at him in amazement. "Are you nuts?," he asked. Do you know how much concrete and steel I'd have to come up with to build a bridge like that? How much asphalt? I'm sorry, it can't be done. Pick something else." The man thinks for a moment and says, "Teach me how to understand women." The genie looks him in the eye and says, "Would you like two lanes on that bridge, or four?"

Yes, Dear Readers, some things are just about impossible: things like responsible, statesmanlike behavior in Congress; a decent American-built car; gentle and forgiving jihadists; reasonable and accommodating Chinese real estate claims in the South China Sea ... and peace in the Middle East.

You may recall that I have already published a comprehensive, workable plan for immigration reform, one that was ignored by every elected official to whom I offered it. But I am undeterred in my desire to improve the world, and so I have decided to offer yet another brilliant plan - this one to achieve peace in the Middle East.

It's actually very simple, and there are only three steps:

1. Build a wall 150 feet high and 75 feet thick around the entire Middle East (Egypt, Bahrain, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Yemen, Syria, Oman, Iraq, Iran, Jordan, Israel, Turkey, and anything ending in "-stan").

2. Fill the area thus enclosed up to the top with sand.

3. Start over.

Of course, I may need to track down that genie to get a little construction help, but my plan is still more likely to work than any other.

I'm available at any time to fly to Oslo to accept the Nobel Peace Prize.

Have a good day. What's your plan? More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Monday, March 24, 2014

Makes Cents to Me, Ha, Ha ...


Great Britain recently announced plans to introduce a new 1 Pound coin* which will be specially designed to foil counterfeiters. According to a British Broadcasting Company report, the move is necessary because an estimated 45 million one-pound coins - roughly 1 in every 30 - are phonies. The new coins will contain a number of features designed to make them impossible to counterfeit, such as having 12 sides and including two colors of metal. This is what the obverse side** of the spiffy, ultra-secure new coin will look like:


This is clearly a wake-up call for those who worry about the security of American coinage. Although I imagine it makes more economic sense for counterfeiters to make phony $20 bills than phony dollar coins***, there is clearly a niche criminal market for those who would counterfeit Susan B's or Sacagawea dollars. After all, someone may use them someday.

What can we do to make American coins less susceptible to counterfeiting?

A brilliant Harvard-trained economist recently suggested adopting the coinage used by Yap Islanders, which is considered extremely secure because it's just too much trouble to forge ...


This proposal was vetoed by GOP members of the Senate and House Banking Committees because, according to the Government Accountability Office, it would be prohibitively expensive to engrave Ronald Reagan's image on each one.

Over the last few years we've had major makeovers of much of our paper currency to try to make it less vulnerable to counterfeiters. Special papers, color-shifting inks, embedded threads, and evil curses levied by sorcerers hired by the Treasury Department have all been used to discourage paperhangers, to no particularly noticeable effect. Of course, at the rate the economy is going, there probably isn't much difference any more between the value of the real and the phony notes, anyhow.

There have been some suggestions for new versions of the hundred-dollar bill, known colloquially as the "Benjamin" ...


As well as variations on a new design for the traditional one-dollar bill featuring the image of our first President ...


and ...


In the final analysis, though, we'll probably never get too far ahead of the counterfeiters. It's the only way some people can actually make money in today's economy, other than to act crazy enough to appeal to the extremists of the far right (and, to a lesser extent, the far left) and start up a Super PAC to vacuum up loose cash.

How about a little musical interlude on the subject of money to wrap things up ...



Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

No, it's not really that heavy, it's just that the British call their currency the "Pound." Given the state of the world economy, though, they're rumored to be considering renaming it the "Ounce."

** Why on earth is it called the "obverse," rather than just the "front" side?

*** They're a lot lighter, and each one buys more stuff. And besides, who uses dollar coins, anyhow?

Monday, February 03, 2014

Bilbo's Immigration Reform Plan, Revisited


It seems that Congress has awakened, stretched, yawned, and decided that it's politically advantageous to take up immigration reform again. This will, of course, end up with the usual result: Republicans will refuse anything that involves a "path to citizenship" and no punishment for illegal immigrants, and Democrats will refuse anything that doesn't give away the store.

Both are stupid, and the problem is likely to go on.

Unless, of course, they adopt my Compromise Immigration Reform Program. I have beaten this lonely drum in this space often enough, and I have sent it to my Senators, my Reprehensive, and the President, all of whom have responded with form letters thanking me for my interest and stressing their readiness to tackle this difficult problem blah, blah, blah, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Yeah, right.

So, Dear Readers, for those of you who have not yet seen Bilbo's Compromise Immigration Reform Plan, here it is again (slightly tweaked from the original version). For those of you who have seen it before, sorry ... just come back tomorrow for something else. If you like this plan, send it to your Congressional delegation and the President. You can even put your own name on it, I don't care. Here we go ...

Bilbo’s Comprehensive Compromise Immigration Reform Plan

First, Congress enacts legislation to create a new category of immigration status – the “Provisional Resident Alien (PRA)” – and designate the status with a new form of ID card – let’s call it a “Blue Card.” Anyone who is in the United States illegally as of the date of enactment will have a grace period of six months to register for PRA status and obtain a Blue Card without fear of arrest, imprisonment, or deportation on any immigration violation charge.  They would, of course, be subject to arrest for outstanding criminal violations unrelated to their immigration status.

A person registering as a PRA must pay a fee of $100 per person or $500 per family (whichever is less) for the privilege of obtaining that status. This fee does two things: it levies a fine for having broken the law in the first place, and it partially funds the cost of the new program.  It provides something for those who oppose blanket amnesty, because it imposes a penalty, albeit a small one, for the willful violation of the law. Many churches and immigrant rights organizations will object to the fine because they think it’s either unfair or too much for poor immigrants to pay; in this case, individuals or organizations who object to making the illegals pay the fine could be offered the opportunity to pay it on behalf those who, for whatever reason, can’t or won’t pay it themselves.

Once a person has been granted PRA status, they will be required to obtain a valid social security number, and will be entitled to the same rights, privileges, and social services as other legal immigrants; in exchange, they will be required to obey all laws, pay all taxes, enroll in basic English classes, and otherwise act as responsible members of American society.  They will have the protection of labor laws which require payment of the minimum wage, and with a legal status, will no longer be subject to exploitation by shady employers.

Initial PRA status will be valid for five years.  At the end of this period, the individual must report to the immigration authorities with proof of employment, proof of a clean police record (no felonies), and proof that taxes have been paid.  If these conditions are met, the individual may either extend the PRA status for another five years, or apply for citizenship.  Citizenship is not automatic – it will still have to be earned through the same naturalization process completed by many millions of legal immigrants throughout our history, with the clock for all associated requirements starting at the end of the PRA period, regardless of how long the individual has already been in the country.  This protects the interests of those who have weathered the legal immigration process by preventing previously-illegal immigrants in PRA status from “jumping the line” for quick citizenship.

On the date the grace period for PRA status applications ends, anyone still present illegally in the country will be arrested and deported.  Because the great majority of previously-illegal immigrants will have taken advantage of the opportunity to legalize their status by becoming PRAs, those remaining in an illegal status will probably those with criminal records.  Immigration authorities can then proceed to concentrate on this much smaller number of more dangerous criminals.

United States laws governing citizenship would be changed to state that children born within the United States obtain automatic citizenship only if both parents are US citizens. This helps minimize the problem of sham marriages and “anchor children” used to establish legal residency for people otherwise here illegally.

On the date the law is enacted, most immigration enforcement agents would immediately transfer to border security duty to crack down on  new illegal immigration. Border security will be severely stiffened and those caught attempting illegal entry to the country will be summarily deported after being photographed and fingerprinted. Facilitation of illegal immigration (whether by “coyotes” who help smuggle illegals across the border or by those who knowingly employ illegals) will be made a felony, as will a second illegal immigration attempt.

On the date the grace period for PRA registration ends, a set of very steep fines and jail sentences goes into effect for businesses and individuals hiring persons who are in the country illegally (without a Green or Blue Card).  This will help to remove the economic incentive for businesses to support illegal immigration.

Employers would be responsible for reporting to the immigration authorities any change in the employment status of a PRA. If a person in PRA status is fired from a job or becomes unemployed, his status is revoked and he must leave the country until otherwise eligible to apply for legal immigration in the future.

This takes care of those who are in the country illegally today. But comprehensive immigration reform must also address the need for a responsive program to allow unskilled, low-wage workers to enter the country to take jobs that might otherwise go unfilled. PRA status can be used for these persons, too. Businesses would project their labor requirements, and the State Department would make an appropriate number of PRA visas available to meet the need.  Immigrants would then apply at the US embassy or consulate in their home country for PRA status covering any period of time from six months to five years, and need only maintain a job and pay taxes in order to maintain their status.  At the end of five years, they would also have the opportunity to apply for citizenship under the same rules as any other person in PRA status.

This plan won’t please everyone, but that’s the nature of a compromise, and the ability to compromise is what has been missing from political discourse in this country for too long.  The advantages of the PRA plan are:

1. It offers a way to legitimize the persons already here illegally (who, after all, are too numerous and well-protected to be rounded up and deported), but imposes a fine on them as a condition of legalizing their status (i.e., no reward for having broken the law in the first place).

2. It funds itself, in part, through the fines collected from those applying for PRA status.

3. It provides resources for increased border security by freeing up immigration agents who otherwise spend their days fruitlessly hunting down illegals.

4. It provides a pathway for low-wage workers to legally enter the country and take advantage of economic opportunities not available to them at home, while contributing to the US economy in taxes.

5. It removes the incentive for businesses to hire and exploit illegal immigrants who cannot seek their rights for fear of exposure and deportation.

6. It does not, of itself, provide the “path to citizenship” that is a red line for hard core opponents of immigration reform.

The downside of my plan is, of course, that prices on some goods will rise.  We’ll pay more for the produce picked by immigrants who are finally being paid a decent wage.  But I believe that in the long run, this plan represents a good start toward a stronger America and a better life for those who would share in its dream.

There you go. Sorry for the repetition of the topic over the years, but somebody's got to come up with a valid idea. What do you think? Where does my plan fall short? How can it be improved? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo