Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Bilbo's Plan for Peace in the Middle East

There's an old joke about a man who finds a bottle on the beach, rubs it, and releases a genie who gives him one wish. The fellow thinks for a moment, then says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I don't like to fly and I hate ships. I'd like you to build a bridge to Hawaii for me." The genie looks at him in amazement. "Are you nuts?," he asked. Do you know how much concrete and steel I'd have to come up with to build a bridge like that? How much asphalt? I'm sorry, it can't be done. Pick something else." The man thinks for a moment and says, "Teach me how to understand women." The genie looks him in the eye and says, "Would you like two lanes on that bridge, or four?"

Yes, Dear Readers, some things are just about impossible: things like responsible, statesmanlike behavior in Congress; a decent American-built car; gentle and forgiving jihadists; reasonable and accommodating Chinese real estate claims in the South China Sea ... and peace in the Middle East.

You may recall that I have already published a comprehensive, workable plan for immigration reform, one that was ignored by every elected official to whom I offered it. But I am undeterred in my desire to improve the world, and so I have decided to offer yet another brilliant plan - this one to achieve peace in the Middle East.

It's actually very simple, and there are only three steps:

1. Build a wall 150 feet high and 75 feet thick around the entire Middle East (Egypt, Bahrain, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Yemen, Syria, Oman, Iraq, Iran, Jordan, Israel, Turkey, and anything ending in "-stan").

2. Fill the area thus enclosed up to the top with sand.

3. Start over.

Of course, I may need to track down that genie to get a little construction help, but my plan is still more likely to work than any other.

I'm available at any time to fly to Oslo to accept the Nobel Peace Prize.

Have a good day. What's your plan? More thoughts tomorrow.



Duckbutt said...

It would make one hell of a beach, at least!

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Cultural evolution, when it occurs, has largely passed the Middle East by. I wish I had a plan. I'm afraid that as long as oil is a valued commodity, the Middle East will be disproportionately a trouble spot.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Sadly this might be the only way, and oddly they didn't get along even when oil wasn't an issue :(

Big Sky Heidi said...

I see the Middle East as hopeless and backward. Not a place for a woman to go to.

KathyA said...

I say we shun them. The Amish have the right idea.

Mike said...

Baghdad was once the cradle of civilization. What happened?

Bilbo said...

Angel and Andrea have it right - if it wasn't for oil, nobody in their right mind would pay any attention to the snakepit that is today's Middle East. Baghdad may once have been the cradle of civilization, but the bough under that cradle broke a long time ago.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

As long as the rest of the world is dependent on petroleum, they will be players.