What She Said, What He Heard

I've been thinking a lot lately about getting older. Or, perhaps more positively, aging like a fine wine. Well, okay...just a wine.

As I noted recently, my oldest grandchild hit the double-digits this year when she turned the big 1-0, and I spend a good chunk of each weekend being run from pillar to post by another tireless granddaughter who thinks her Opa has an inexhaustible fountain of energy to match her own. Amanda, in her post yesterday about things her children will never know about, noted that I'm 24 years older than she is...a horrifying observation when made (however gently and well-intentioned) by a lovely young lady.

Yep, we ain't none of us gettin' any younger.

I try to be a pretty friendly person, and usually try to smile and greet people I meet on the street or while roaming the halls of the Pentagon. Usually, that attitude is repaid by those other people, although it can lead to some degree of misunderstanding, if not downright fantasy. A few days ago, Miss Cellania reprinted this cartoon, which applies:

Ah, well...someone smarter than I once said that imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

Did I ever mention that I won the award for "Best Sense of Humor" in our high school senior class?

So...

If you're an attractive young lady, and a fellow with gray hair and a bit of a bay window smiles at you, smile back. It may be the best thing that happens to him all day.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Mothers' Day, 2010

Two years ago, I wrote a special post for Mother’s Day. Since it said everything I wanted to say about this day, I used it again last year. This year, I’m going to do the same thing, with a few minor updates. You can sue me if you like. Good luck finding any assets.

Today is Mothers’ Day, the one day each year we set aside to honor the lady we undervalue the other 364. It’s the day we remember the person who made our hurts better, explained our homework, cooked our meals, washed our clothes, drove us where we needed to go, warned us about our less-savory acquaintances, embarrassed us in front of our friends, and did her best to point us down the straight line of a moral and upright life.

Mothers are the wonderful and woefully underappreciated people from whom the Army and the Navy stole their one-time recruiting slogans - the Army's "We do more before 9 AM than most people do all day," and the Navy's "It's not just a job, it's an adventure." With all due respect to Soldiers and Sailors everywhere ... you guys ain't got a clue.

A while back I found this little riff on how we look at our Mothers at different ages:

Age 4: Mommy can do anything!
Age 8: Mom knows a lot!
Age 12: Mother doesn't know everything.
Age 14: Mother doesn't know anything.
Age 16: Mother is so old-fashioned.
Age 18: Her? She's out of it.
Age 25: Mom might know something about that.
Age 35: Before we decide, let's ask Mom.
Age 45: What would Mom have thought about that?
Age 65: I wish I could talk that over with Mom.

It’s true.

My mother passed away in 2001 at the age of 74. She spent a long and honorable life raising four children who, I like to think, made her proud. And in her twilight years, her once-formidable mind ravaged by Alzheimer’s Disease, she missed much of the result of her love and care and sacrifice – a son who finally knows how to dance (and who may yet write that book she thought he had in him), and five beautiful great-grandchildren who will never know her love and wisdom and the off-the-wall sense of humor that brightened the lives of those who knew her.

The next generation of Mothers has taken over. My beloved daughter Yasmin and the best daughter-in-law in the world, Tabitha, between them are raising the world’s five greatest grandchildren. And someday Marcy and Joe, Noah, Leya and Elise will sit down on Mothers’ Day and reflect – just as their grandpa does today – on the marvelous lady who gave up so much of her own life and dreams to make them who they are.

Take the time today to give your Mother a hug and a kiss. Someday, you’ll wish you had.

And so again this year, I wish my own Agnes, Yasmin and Tabitha, Amanda and Fiona, SuzyQ and Gotfam, and all the other mothers out there doing the world's toughest job, a very happy Mothers' Day and many more to come.

We couldn't be what we are, or do what we do, without you.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

A wrecked oil well a mile beneath the surface of the Gulf of Mexico continues to pump over 200,000 barrels of oil a day into the ocean; huge floods have caused over a billion dollars in damage in Nashville, Tennessee, giving country singers something besides trucks, rain, alcohol, trains, and divorce to sing about; a mosque, of all things, is being planned for a site near Ground Zero; two teenagers were arrested in Long Island after exchanging text messages threatening to kill teachers and fellow students at their high school; and the 59th annual National Day of Prayer was held this past Thursday despite a federal judge's recent ruling that it was unconstitutional.

Cartoon Saturday - don't leave home without it.

This one's for all you Star Trek fans out there...

Sometimes nothing works, even the obvious...

Did you ever wonder about what famous mythological characters did before they became famous?

There's an app for that...

It was my granddaughter Marcy who showed me how to find the picture files on my old cell phone...she was about 7 at the time. The ranks of the technologically adept get younger every year...

Practice safe writing...

Well, it's time to head out to the local supermarket to shoot some bagels for breakfast, so I guess I'll just leave it here. Hope you have a good weekend (offer not applicable in Nashville, the Gulf Coast, and anywhere in the Middle East).

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

On Languages - Real, Artificial, and Dying

As you know (or don't, if this is your first time visiting this blog), my undergraduate degree was in Linguistics, and I have a lifelong fascination with languages. I think it's amazing that I can speak or write and you can understand what the spoken words or written symbols mean and take action on them. Or no action, if you're a Republican.

In the last few weeks, some of my friends have sent me some very interesting articles about language that I thought I'd share with you. Even if you're not a linguist or a polyglot (look it up), I think you'll find them interesting.

First is this interesting piece from Scientific American, sent to me by fellow local blogger and all-around good fellow Gilahi - Fantasy TV in the service of science: An open letter to HBO about "Dothraki." This article by Joshua Hartshorne discusses artificial languages - those created by filmmakers or authors for their works. Dothraki is a language created by author George R. R. Martin for his fantasy works. Fans of The Lord of the Rings know that J.R.R. Tolkien invented several languages and alphabets for his monumental work, we already have a Klingon Language Institute for Star Trek fans, and the latest rage is Navi, the language of the natives of Pandora in the hit film Avatar ... which you can learn here. In his article, Mr Hartshorne suggests that movies and TV shows could do science a favor by inventing languages that would help scientists evaluate how the structure of language facilitates the ability to learn.

It's much more interesting than it sounds.

The second article comes from the New York Times, and was passed to me the other day by my co-worker John: Listening to (And Saving) the World's Languages. There are thousands of languages and dialects spoken around the world, and many of them are dying out as "mega-languages" like Spanish, English, and Chinese crowd them out. As we learn in the article by Sam Roberts, New York City has become a huge laboratory for the study and documentation of languages that are often spoken nowhere else. Languages like Mamuju, Garifuna, and Aramaic may be dying out in their native lands, but are still spoken and available for documentation in the fabulous linguistic mix that is New York City. Mr Roberts writes:

While there is no precise count, some experts believe New York is home to as many as 800 languages — far more than the 176 spoken by students in the city’s public schools or the 138 that residents of Queens, New York’s most diverse borough, listed on their 2000 census forms.

The Endangered Language Alliance has been formed to record and document some of these languages before they die out completely. At the website, you can hear recordings of people telling stories in some very exotic languages you won't hear anywhere else.

So, as some languages die out for lack of speakers, others are being created. Klingon, Navi, and Sindarin Elvish may live on, while other - real - languages pass away. I think that's fascinating.

Now, if someone could just create an institute that would help us interpret arcane and mystical languages like the tax code, insurance policies, and political rhetoric, we'd be in good shape.

Have a good day. Learn a new language. More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday returns.

Bilbo

Suspicious Behavior

In these difficult days of terrorist alerts and random crime, we are often urged by the authorities to report suspicious behavior. This, of course, begs an important question: what constitutes suspicious behavior?

This question was asked in this great article by Noreen Malone that appeared yesterday in Slate.com, in which she reported on an afternoon spent observing "suspicious activity" in New York's Times Square: If You See Something, Say Something? Ms Malone asks, How do you know when activity in Times Square is suspicious? Don't people act suspiciously there all the time? She then goes on to document how much disturbing behavior she could document during a Tuesday lunch hour in Times Square.

As it turns out, quite a bit. From the famous Naked Cowboy to people wandering aimlessly or talking loudly to themselves, the streets of New York are full of suspicious - if not downright bizarre - activity.

And it's not just New York City.

An hour spent wandering the streets of Washington DC will leave you wondering when the standards for "normal" behavior were revised (and we're not even talking about Congress). It's not unusual to see ragged people pushing shopping carts full of odd, lumpy plastic bags, or well-dressed young men shouting loudly to whoever is on the other end of the bluetooth device in their ears. People wear large backpacks, carry bulky bags, drag rolling suitcases, and drop bulky packages into public trash containers. People with incomprehensible accents hustle you for handouts on buses or on Metro platforms, while others sing to themselves, play air guitars, or stare blankly into the far distance. There's also the "cone of silence" behavior demonstrated by people who want to have a private conversation on their cell phones, and so isolate themselves by sitting in a bathroom cubicle to carry on discussions that are often embarrassingly intimate.

Ms Malone ends her article with a plaintive, very important question: How do you know what is truly dangerous?

I wish I knew. As one of the people Ms Malone interviewed during her observations in Times Square said, "A guy in a dress—you see that every day. Somebody standing by the table with a bookbag for a long time, or leaves something by a garbage can, that's suspicious."

I think I'll just stay home. I can be as eccentric as I want there, right?

Have a good day. Report suspicious behavior, whatever that is.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

You're Not Old Unless...

Yesterday, my oldest son turned 36. My oldest grandaughter turned 10 (double-digits, gasp!) last month. And I have five - count 'em, five! - wonderful grandchildren. I'm feelin' old. Proud and happy, but old.

But how old am I, really? And how old are you?

Here's a quick test to check your age. According to the test, you're not old unless you can remember:

1. Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV - yep.

2. When Kool-Aid was the only other drink for kids, other than milk and sodas - yep.

3. When there were two types of sneakers for boys - yep (and a bonus point if you call them sneakers instead of athletic footwear).

4. When boys couldn't wear anything but leather shoes to school - check.

5. When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up - oh, yes...and they were long minutes.

6. When all your friends got their hair cut at the kitchen table - yep. (I love my dad, but he gave some pretty crummy haircuts).

7. When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there - yep.

8. When nobody owned a purebred dog (or knew there was such a thing) - yep.

9. When a dime was a decent allowance, and a quarter a huge bonus - and a five-dollar bill for your birthday was an absolute fortune - yep.

10. When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny - yep (and I still do it).

11. When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then - yes, dammit.

12. When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces - check.

13. When all your teachers wore either neckties or had their hair done, every day (except for the nuns, of course) - yep.

14. When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, for free, every time (and the attendant didn't sit in a locked office behind armored glass) - yep.

15. When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box - yep.

16. When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it - yep (back then we called it "showing respect for our elders").

17. When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents (or to have steak and french fries for dinner two or three times a year) - check.

18. When schools threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed...and did! - yep (not that I have any personal experience of this, you understand).

19. When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home - oh, yes!

20. When women were called, "Mrs. John Smith," instead of their own name - yep.

Well, I'm 20 for 20 - anybody have any other items to add to the list?

Not that I need any more help feelin' creaky today, of course.

Have a good day. Enjoy life, regardless of your age.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Escaping the Echo Chamber

One of the many things that drive me up the proverbial wall nowadays is the relentless drumbeat of obnoxious, empty noise generated by people who are mad as hell. They're not quite able to explain just why they're mad, or how they'd fix the issues that make them mad, other than in the most generic and unfocused of terms, such as:

"We're gonna take the country back!";

"No new taxes!";

"If I don't see a birth certificate, I don't believe he's an American!"; and,

"How's that hopey-changey thing workin' out for ya?"

It's much easier to shout slogans and parrot the words of others than it is to think for oneself. That blinkered outlook been made easier by the balkanization of ideas brought on by the proliferation of narrowly-focused cable TV channels and hyperpartisan blogs and websites. No matter what you want to believe - whether it's the threat of nasty aliens in UFOs, the danger of one-world government, or even the utter horror of one-world government imposed by nasty aliens from UFOs - you can find plenty of people with networks and blogs that will reinforce your ideas and convince you that you are absolutely right ... and if all you ever read or listen to are those people who reinforce your ideas, you lose the ability to think for yourself and evaluate whether or not those people are full of ... um ... well ... stuff.

This effect has been called the "echo chamber," because of the tendency of crazy ideas to reverberate between the walls of like-minded people.

Yesterday, I found a wonderful article by William Saletan that summarizes my thinking on this issue better than I could have done on my own. It's on Slate.com, and you can read it here: Bubble Think: How to Escape a Partisan Echo Chamber. In this article, Mr Saletan offers ten simple, yet obvious ways to help you avoid the dangers of partisan groupthink:

1. Treat insularity as a weakness.

2. Don't be a sucker for conspiracy theories.

3. Never define yourself by an enemy.

4. Don't outsource your beliefs to your allies.

5. Seek wisdom, not just victory.

6. Distrust polarization.

7. Look in the mirror.

8. Beware abstraction.

9. Test your theories.

10. Overcome your urges.

Read the entire article and think about whether you are caught in a partisan echo chamber that keeps you from asking the questions to which you need real answers, not mindless slogans and narrow-minded claptrap.

It's more important now than ever. The country and the world are facing enormous problems, and nobody out there has all the answers. You need to listen to everyone, filter out the mental sludge, and make your own judgments.

You all know Bilbo's First Law: Don't let anyone do your thinking for you. And we might now add a corollary to that law: The louder they shout, the less they know.

Take a few minutes to read Mr Saletan's article and think seriously about the 10 rules for avoiding groupthink.

Applying them wouldn't be a bad thing, either.

Have a good day. Do your own thinking.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

"Not Authorized to Speak"

Okay, it's Monday, I'm tired and grouchy, and it will probably be a long week. Why not capitalize on this perfect storm of grumpiness and complain about something that has bothered me for a long time: speakers who aren't supposed to. Speak, that is.

Over the weekend, a terrible tragedy was averted in New York's Times Square when an alert bystander notified police of a suspicious parked car that turned out to be loaded with homemade explosives, gasoline, and propane tanks - a car bomb that was neutralized by bomb experts before it could explode. The Washington Post reported the story yesterday on page A4 of the print edition under the title Times Square Shut Down.

Now, in that article there are two places where the writer quotes police or other officials. There are two phrases I want you to note:

1. "...The official, speaking on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak to the media, said..."; and,

2. "...a Bloomberg (the mayor of New York) official told a Washington Post reporter shortly after 11p.m., speaking on the condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to discuss the matter publicly."

Riddle me this, Batman: what part of not authorized to didn't you understand? If you are not authorized to speak to the press, why are you doing it? Someone trusted you to maintain confidentiality and exercise discretion, and you are betraying that trust.

Shame on you.

Okay, now it's off my chest. I can go to my happy space now. Or at least, my a-little-less-grumpy space.

Have a good day. If you're not authorized to speak, why not consider not speaking? More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Hitting the "A Flat"

Last night I did my part as a modern-day hunter-gatherer and drove out to the local Chipotle fast food emporium to shoot us some salads for dinner. After waiting about four days (well, that's what it felt like) in the traditional Chipotle Line from Hell I finally got our food and returned to the car, where I found the left rear tire flatter than Twiggy's ... well ... it was pretty flat. Nothing like changing a tire in a parking lot while wedged into the space between your car and the one parked too close to you on the other side.

Grrr, as Andrea would say.

Once I got the old tire off, I discovered a very large, very sharp chunk of metal embedded in it. Now, where the #%@! did that come from? I'm used to getting a flat every time someone in the neighborhood gets a new roof, because roofers relieve their boredom by spreading nails all over the place, but this looked like a big piece of Baghdad-quality shrapnel. AARRGGHH!! I manage to avoid all the monster potholes that threaten to eat my car, and now this.

Double grrr.

So today I get to enjoy the matchless excitement of spending a few hours buying a new tire (or two). This is not an experience that matches the usual weekend delight of playing with the local grandchildren, although it is easier on my back. I think I'll need that supersized gin and tonic by the time evening rolls around.

So...

No deep thoughts for today. Just a wish for some not-too-drastic misfortune to befall whoever left that chunk of metal for me to drive over. Let's see...how about a new Biblical plague suitable for the 21st Century? If Moses could call down frogs, locusts, darkness, and rivers of blood on the Egyptians, perhaps I could call down a plague of door-to-door preachers, or perhaps tie the miscreant to a chair and force him to listen to a few hours of Sarah Palin speeches.

No, I wouldn't wish that on anybody.

Have a good day. Watch out for sharp things on the road.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - Now that summer is here and a young man's thoughts turn to ... well ... those things a young man's thoughts turn to when it's warm and the young ladies aren't wearing eighty-seven layers of clothes like they do in February ... here is a useful visual aid to help you distinguish the real from the not-so-real:

Don't thank me. It's all part of the service.

B.

Cartoon Saturday

A huge oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico could end up costing more than $3 billion in containment and environmental cleanup costs; it's not a good time to be violating immigration laws in Arizona; the unemployment rate in Spain has topped 20%; Greece teeters on the brink of bankruptcy as its citizens balk at having to give up cherished benefits the country can no longer afford and foreign donors are unwilling to pay for; and reality star Kim Kardashian denies that the gastric effects of the giant burrito she allegedly ate on a recent airline flight caused the ... um ... foul stench noted by other passengers.

Yep, it's definitely time for Cartoon Saturday.

When you think of "cell," what's the first thing that comes to your mind - a phone, or a ... well ... cell?

And just in case you ever wondered about the biochemical basis for mitosis...

As we become increasingly aware of environmental issues, more and more people are looking to sources of renewable energy to power their homes. Members of Congress and political commentators, for instance, are able to use wind power, while many other people rely on the sun to generate power. Of course, solar power isn't for everyone...

Sometimes, you just have to go for the more expensive option...

Many scientists and theologians are concerned about modern science's ability to distort the natural balance of the sexes by allowing parents to select the gender of their children ...

And finally for this first Cartoon Saturday of May, we know that unemployment is a real problem here in the US (although not, happily, as bad as it is in Spain, which we noted in today's introduction). Many people rely on temporary jobs to get by, although some temporary positions are clearly better than others...

Last night's dance party was lots of fun, and this weekend features a retirement party for an old friend, quality time with the grandchildren, and the First Sunday Dance at the Candy Factory. How much better does it get? Hope yours is as good.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo