Naming Things

Those of us who live here in the National Capitol Region have grown used to some oddly-chosen names for places, buildings, and major highways.

For example, US Route 1 from Washington south to Richmond, Virginia, is known locally as "The Jefferson Davis Highway" ... making us one of the few nations that would name a major artery after a traitor (Jefferson Davis, for those of you reading this in other countries, was the president of the Southern states during the Civil War*). We also have Route 50 - the "Lee-Jackson Memorial Highway" - named for two famous Southern civil war generals, not to mention the Army's nearby Fort A.P. Hill, named for yet another Southern general.

We don't just name things after traitors, although if we did we might consider renaming DC's Blue Plains Sewage Treatment Plant in honor of Edward Snowdon. For instance, Interstate 95/395, the major north-south artery into Washington known as the "Henry G. Shirley Memorial Highway," was named for a former Virginia Highway Commissioner, a major bridge over the Potomac River is named for President Woodrow Wilson, and a stretch of state route 234 in Prince William County is known as "The Ronald Wilson Reagan Memorial Highway." Former president Reagan's name also graces the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center and Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport**.

But if we were to do some appropriate naming, we might make other choices.

For instance, since Interstate 95/395 (north-south) and Interstate 66 (east-west) are traffic-choked nightmares on which one can sit for hours in miserable gridlock, why not name one "The US Senate Highway" and the other "The US House of Representatives Highway?"

And why not name more of our local landmarks in honor of their corporate owners, the way we name sports arenas ... like "The Koch Brothers Capitol Hill." We could also name them in honor of those who provide them with large amounts of business, like the National Rifle Association Emergency Room of the Washington Hospital.

Looking beyond Washington, why not rename Mount St Helens as "Mount Cruz," in honor of the large quantities of hot air and poisonous gas vented by the senator from Texas?

Any other ideas? Leave a comment. Inquiring minds want to know.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Known in much of the South, where Confederate figures are still frequently revered as heroes, as "The War of Northern Aggression." 

** If they could figure out how to do it, the GOP would change the name of Washington, DC, to Reagan City ... or "Ciudad Reagan," in an attempt to cozy up to Hispanic voters.

Translating Metro Announcements

Some of you may have visited the National Capital Region (or "NCR," as we sometimes fondly call it) before. You know that it is, for the most part, a beautiful area with lots of green trees and spaces, stately white government buildings*, impressive monuments, and wonderful (largely free) museums. We also have ghastly traffic and expensive and mediocre public transportation.

The centerpiece of the local public transportation is the Metrorail system, which has six separate lines (Red, Yellow, Blue, Orange, Green, and Silver). The system is fraught with problems from aging equipment and inadequate maintenance to abysmal customer service to lackluster management. Delays and accidents - most minor, but some occasionally quite serious - are common.

One of the most frustrating things about riding on the Metro is understanding the on-board announcements. The combination of ancient, poorly-maintained equipment and poor diction on the part of train operators and station announcers makes it difficult for natives and all but impossible for tourists to understand the announcements that are made, when they can be heard at all.

But don't worry, Dear Readers, if you are contemplating a visit to the nation's capital: as a public service, I have developed a phrase book that will help you understand the otherwise incomprehensible babble that passes for information on your Metrorail car. Here are a few sample phrases ... feel free to print them out for use during your visit:

What you hear: "Bzorkwaj nospokdufamud quabblezaft prospoopl!"
What it means: "The train is arriving at King Street; the doors will open on the left side of the car."

What you hear: "Globnick sprongnibble zapfooie flogblot namenfoozeloo."
What it means: "Please do not attempt to hold the doors open."

What you hear: "Oznog bifflebugner schlobwotkins frabbid hoggfrubble."
What it means: "Thick black smoke and flames are normal. Please remain seated."

What you hear: "Ishkabibble zerflootie pidnigorfidgy shtoofle. Zipnig blorflodging wazooky!"
What it means: "Please do not try to crowd onto this train. Another equally crowded train will arrive in three minutes."

What you hear: "Hissbuzzcracklesquealsssssssssssss."
What it means: The speakers don't work in this car, either.

What you hear: "Metro fares will go up on June first."
What it means: "Metro fares will go up on June first. Suck it up."

Don't thank me. It's all part of the service. And if you're interested in exciting rides other than those offered by Metrorail, here's a great duet by Nanci Griffith** and Richard Thompson ...

Have a good day. Enjoy your ride on the Metro: it's cheaper than most amusement park rides, and often every bit as exciting. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* And stately white government officials.

** One of my favorite performers!

So, What are YOU Going to Do?

There was an interesting, if disheartening article in the Washington Post on December 30th: "Spate of Gun Violence Continues in District." According to the article, more than 15 people had been shot on Washington, DC streets — eight of them fatally — since December 23rd, including four killed on Christmas Eve. The total did not include a man who was killed by police after, they said, he shot at them.

The story was bad enough, particularly during the season of peace on earth, goodwill toward men, but there was another aspect to the story that deserves some thought.

The article reported that DC mayor-elect Muriel Bowser had visited the crime scenes and spoken with residents upset over the violence that plagues their streets. One man "demanded to know the city’s strategy for dealing with the violence, some plan beyond telling residents to be vigilant." He was quoted in the article as saying to the mayor:

"For people actually living 24/7 in the neighborhood, things have gotten objectively worse. That is a fact. Please outline a concrete strategy for dealing with the situation and show us concrete action. That’s all we ask."

He went on to urge the mayor to spell out "what you are doing to actually make it safe to walk around at night,” and "urged her to put more officers out on foot so they can connect with residents."

I appreciate the gentleman's concern. I'd like to be able to walk the streets of the nation's capitol without fear of being shot, too. But I think he's not asking the right questions to the right person. Consider these questions one might reasonably ask:

1. Where did the guns used in these shootings come from? What positive, concrete actions have the NRA and other gun rights organizations taken to help prevent these guns from falling into the wrong hands, or to help identify the sources of guns used in crimes, or to impose harsh sentences on persons that use guns in the commission of a crime?

2. What have the people in the affected neighborhoods done to help the police catch these criminals? It's easy to shout at the police for not catching the bad guys, but when the people in the area - for whatever reason - refuse to cooperate with the police or help identify the criminals, it's that much harder for the police to do their jobs.

3. How many of the people shouting for more police protection in their neighborhoods have spent the last few weeks participating in demonstrations in which the police are demonized and accused of shooting people - particularly blacks - at will?

4. How many of the people shouting for more police protection in their neighborhoods object to paying the taxes that pay for ... among other things ... police protection in their neighborhoods?

Violent crime is a terrible problem in our cities, and we depend upon our police to keep us safe*. But the sad fact is that the police can't - and shouldn't - do it alone. The residents of our cities have to do their part ... not just be vigilant, but cooperate with the police and help them do their jobs. And the people who vociferously defend gun rights need to do their part as well ... to recognize that not everyone who carries a gun is a fine, upstanding, well-trained, and law-abiding citizen exercising his or her sacred Second Amendment rights**, and not everyone who argues in favor of common sense controls on the availability of deadly weapons is a commiepinkoliberalratbastard desperate to shred the Constitution.

And so I might ask again: what are you going to do?

Have a good day. Be safe, and do your part. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Unlike gun rights advocates, I do not feel any safer knowing that anyone I meet on the street might be packing heat ... ostensibly to protect themselves or others from other people packing heat.

** Lemme hear you say, "Hallelujah!!"

Non-Essential Personnel

If Congress can't get past its endless buffoonery and cheap political posturing, the government may run out of money and have to partially shut down on Tuesday. This means that a large number of people (including Yours Truly) may be out of work. If the shutdown occurs, only "essential personnel" will be permitted to go to work and get paid ... the rest of us, the "non-essential personnel," will be out of luck. As you might suspect, the uncertainty surrounding who is and isn't "essential," what Congress may or may not do, and the general low regard in which government employees (and contractors) is held nowadays, have contributed to no small degree of angst.

If you ask me, they're looking in the wrong place for non-essential personnel. I think we all know who they are ...

Have a good day. Tomorrow will be Cartoon Saturday for this week, as Agnes and I will be going to Chincoteague Island for the weekend with our local grandchildren, and I'll have other things on my mind than cartoons. Be here for the laughs I know you'll need.

Bilbo

Why You Ought to Visit DC

Oddly enough, there ARE reasons why you should visit Disneyland-on-the-Potomac. There's our wonderful National Zoo (no, not Congress, the other one), the National Mall (now with less police protection and trash collection, thanks to the Sequester), our wonderful array of museums (many still free or low cost*), and lots more.

Including the magnificent Washington National Cathedral**.

Yesterday Agnes and I met up with our friends Kathy (who blogs at Kathy's Peace) and Dick for a very pleasant lunch at 2 Amys Pizzeria in northwest DC, followed by a visit to the National Cathedral - just a short walk away.

The last time I visited the cathedral was in December of 2001, when I took Agnes's niece Lea (who was then an exchange student with a family in Texas, and in town for the holidays) to visit. This time, the weather was much nicer and the Bishop's Garden behind the cathedral was in full bloom. For those of you who don't visit my Facebook page, here are a few pictures to spark your desire to visit one of the most beautiful places in DC ...

This is a view of the cathedral as we approached it from Wisconsin Avenue. Sadly, there's a lot of scaffolding on many parts of the cathedral as they work to repair the damage caused by the August 2011 earthquake, so the symmetrical beauty of the architecture is a little marred ... but it's still a magnificent structure ...

As with all cathedrals, it has many beautiful stained glass windows, including the "Space Widow" that actually has an embedded piece of rock from the moon, returned on one of the Apollo missions. I couldn't get good pictures of the Space Window, but here are a few others ...

I liked this picture because it captured one of the beautiful rose windows and an extra - there's a lot of otherwise-ugly safety netting spread above the interior areas of the cathedral to catch pieces of stone that were loosened during the earthquake. In this picture, you can see the colored light from stained glass windows on the right spilling out onto the netting, adding some beauty to an otherwise jarring element ...

Outside the cathedral is the famous Bishop's Garden, a small, intricately-designed, beautiful garden of trees, flowers, and herbs of all sorts, filled with little niches and benches for quiet contemplation. The combination of floral and herb scents makes even the air beautiful. Here's Agnes at the entrance to the Bishop's Garden ... 

Inside the garden are many interconnected paths that wind through the various areas. This is an overview of part of the garden area ...

 And a closer look at one of the winding pathways ...

This structure is known as the Shadow House Gazebo - a cool, beautiful place to rest and contemplate your surroundings ...

This shows one of the many small statues that dot the garden, with the cathedral in the background. It occurred to me to wonder if the statue was designed to represent the bishop one finds in a chess set ... unfortunately, there was no sign to give us an idea ...

Another view of the Shadow House Gazebo, approaching it along a path lined with herbs and flowers ...

Another beautiful sculpture tucked away in a small nook - the return of the prodigal son ...

Another random pathway under the beautiful blue sky ...

Last picture ... this is the sweeping lawn outside the Bishop's Garden ...

Should you find yourselves in DC and need something to revive your spirits after a day of listening to Congress accomplish nothing but turning your tax dollars into shrill noise, there aren't many better places to go than the National Cathedral.

Just bring sunscreen, depending on the day.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Well, there's the $15 fee to park at the Udvar-Hazy Center of the Air and Space Museum, but we won't mention that.

** There is no charge to visit the cathedral, although they request a $10 donation. On-street parking is available but hit-or-miss, and there's an underground parking garage at the cathedral. It's pretty expensive during the week - $16 maximum fee for more than 2 hours, but a flat rate of $9 on Saturday. Plus your car stays in the shade, yee-HAH.

Spring Has Sprung, etc

Yesterday turned out to be a completely marvelous spring ... hell, summer day here in Disneyland-on-the-Potomac. The sun smiled down from a nearly cloudless sky, the birds sang in the trees, and Bilbo spent most of the day working on repairing winter's damage to the yard. Or at least, to that part of the yard seen from the street (you have to prioritize, ya' know what I'm sayin'?). We also visited the local grandchildren and learned how to play "What Time Is It, Mr Wolf?", which is much fun when played with a two year-old who has just a happily vague sense of what it's all about.

So, yesterday was a great day. Today should be similar, weather-wise, and my goal is to get my garden plots cleaned out and re-composted in readiness for the spring planting. And after that, it should be just about time for a well-deserved gin and tonic on the deck to help get ready for the work week ahead.

Ah, spring!

Turning to other things ...

The Style Invitational Contest is a weekly feature of The Washington Post, in which readers are invited to submit their humorous answers to all sorts of crazy questions and set-ups. This morning, Miss Cellania reprinted some of the better responses to one of my favorite Style Invitational contests: take a well-known foreign word or phrase, change it by a letter or two, and redefine it. Here, for your Sunday laugh quotient, is a sampling ...

Harlez-vous Francais? - Can you drive a French motorcycle?

Ex post fucto - Lost in the mail.

Idios amigos - We're wild and crazy guys!

Cogito, eggo sum - I think; therefore, I am a waffle.

Rigor Morris - The cat is dead.

Responde s'il vous plaid - Honk if you're Scots (that one's for you, Fiona!)

Que sera serf - Life is feudal.

Le roi c'est mort. Jive le roi - The King is dead. No kidding.

Posh mortem - Death styles of the rich and famous. Or, a really classy funeral.

Pro bozo publico - Support your local clown.

Monage a trois - I am three years old.

Felix Navidad - Our cat has a boat.

Haste cuisine - Fast French food.

Veni, Vidi, Vice - I came, I saw, I partied.

Quip pro quo - A fast retort.

Porte-kochere - Sacramental wine.

Ich liebe rich - I'm really crazy about fat food. Or, I'm a gold-digger.

Fui generis - What's mine is mine.

Visa la France - Don't leave chateau without it.

Veni, vidi, visa - I came, I saw, I bought.

Ca va sans dirt - And that's not gossip.

Merci rien - Thanks for nothin'.

Amicus puriae - Platonic friend.

Any others? Leave a comment ... and enjoy the good weather.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The Statue at National Airport

It took a while, but I'm finally able to stop spluttering in anger and write about this article from yesterday's Washington Times: Reagan Statue Coming to Namesake Airport.

According to the article, the Ronald Reagan Presidential Foundation has signed an agreement with the Metropolitan Washington Airports Authority to erect a bronze statue of the 40th president in front of the airport's Terminal A. The statue is estimated to cost $445,000, of which the airport authority will pay $80,000.

Riddle me this, Batman: what can you buy for the airport for $445,000 that would be a little more useful than a statue of Ronald Reagan...who, just to shove the stick a little deeper into the eye, was the president who fired all the nation's air traffic controllers in 1981?

Washington National Airport was renamed Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport in 1998 as part of the deification of the former president, whose name is also attached to the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center in downtown Washington, and to the Ronald Wilson Reagan Memorial Highway (Virginia State Route 234 in Prince William County, dedicated to Reagan in 2005), among other things. You can find a more-or-less complete list of all the things around the country named for Ronald Reagan here.

But back to the statue.

Ronald Reagan, whether or not you think he was a great president (and I think history will be less kind to him than those who today worship at his festooned altar), was a major figure in late 20th century America. But enough, already! Spending nearly half a million dollars on a statue of the man ... and getting the airport to pay some $80,000 for it, is ludicrous. That money could buy a lot of repairs and improvements to the airport facilities and the adjoining Metrorail station. Those of you who live here and have long memories will remember that Republican members of Congress forced the Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority (which operates our increasingly decrepit and sadly-underfunded Metro system) to pay about $400,000 to rename the National Airport Metro station to include President Reagan's name. Are we going to accept spending $465,000 on a statue when there are so many better things on which to spend it?

Come on, people. If Ronald Reagan was such a "regular guy," and was the opponent of needless spending and big government that his supporters remember, he would probably be one of the first to object to spending this amount of money on a pigeon perch.

It would, however, give the pigeons a place to register their opinion on the topic.

No statue of President Reagan at National Airport. Use the money for better things.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Suspicious Behavior

In these difficult days of terrorist alerts and random crime, we are often urged by the authorities to report suspicious behavior. This, of course, begs an important question: what constitutes suspicious behavior?

This question was asked in this great article by Noreen Malone that appeared yesterday in Slate.com, in which she reported on an afternoon spent observing "suspicious activity" in New York's Times Square: If You See Something, Say Something? Ms Malone asks, How do you know when activity in Times Square is suspicious? Don't people act suspiciously there all the time? She then goes on to document how much disturbing behavior she could document during a Tuesday lunch hour in Times Square.

As it turns out, quite a bit. From the famous Naked Cowboy to people wandering aimlessly or talking loudly to themselves, the streets of New York are full of suspicious - if not downright bizarre - activity.

And it's not just New York City.

An hour spent wandering the streets of Washington DC will leave you wondering when the standards for "normal" behavior were revised (and we're not even talking about Congress). It's not unusual to see ragged people pushing shopping carts full of odd, lumpy plastic bags, or well-dressed young men shouting loudly to whoever is on the other end of the bluetooth device in their ears. People wear large backpacks, carry bulky bags, drag rolling suitcases, and drop bulky packages into public trash containers. People with incomprehensible accents hustle you for handouts on buses or on Metro platforms, while others sing to themselves, play air guitars, or stare blankly into the far distance. There's also the "cone of silence" behavior demonstrated by people who want to have a private conversation on their cell phones, and so isolate themselves by sitting in a bathroom cubicle to carry on discussions that are often embarrassingly intimate.

Ms Malone ends her article with a plaintive, very important question: How do you know what is truly dangerous?

I wish I knew. As one of the people Ms Malone interviewed during her observations in Times Square said, "A guy in a dress—you see that every day. Somebody standing by the table with a bookbag for a long time, or leaves something by a garbage can, that's suspicious."

I think I'll just stay home. I can be as eccentric as I want there, right?

Have a good day. Report suspicious behavior, whatever that is.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Happy Easter!

It's a glorious spring day here in Disneyland on the Potomac, and today is Easter Sunday, the day Christians believe Jesus rose from the dead.

Actually, Easter does not commemorate an exact date, like the Fourth of July or the 25th of December as Christmas...it's what's known as a "movable feast," meaning that it does not fall on the same date each year. The date of Easter (and, hence, all the other dates that depend upon it, from Ash Wednesday through Lent and Good Friday) is calculated by determining the Sunday which follows the full moon that falls on or after the vernal (spring) equinox.

Heck, I have enough trouble simply remembering everyone's birthdays (just ask my daughter-in-law).

Anyhow, today is Easter. Devout Christians celebrate it in church, children awake to find colorful baskets filled with candy and dyed eggs, and the President and First Lady sponsor the annual White House Easter Egg Roll (which will actually be held tomorrow on the White House lawn). Republicans, of course, will reflexively boycott the Easter Egg Roll this year if only because President Obama is hosting it; while Democrats will boycott it because they can't all agree on why they should support it in the first place.

That's life here in DotP.

But it's Spring, and the cherry blossoms are out in profusion around the city...

Yesterday I planted my new basil and rosemary seedlings, and got a start on clearing away the wreckage left by our miserable winter...the heaps of dead leaves, the broken branches, and the general mess...not to mention the 756,000,000 dandelions that are already shooting up all over the place. Today, before we head down to visit our local grandchildren, I hope to get still more of the mess cleared away, and perhaps get a few more flowers planted.

Spring has sprung, as they say, and at times like this I have to ask myself:

"Why on earth are you sitting at the computer when it's so nice outside?"

Good question. It's time to go.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

The Execution of John Allen Muhammad

Last night at 9:00, convicted murderer John Allen Muhammad was executed here in Virginia. It's about time.

Those of you who don't live in this area may have a difficult time imagining the level of terror Muhammad and his convicted partner caused here with their three-week spree of random murders of innocent people across the DC-Maryland-Northern Virginia area back in 2002. One person was shot dead at a store just across the parking lot from a fabric store Agnes visits all the time. For three weeks, we parked as close to our destinations as possible, crossed open spaces in a running crouch, and eyed parked cars and dark areas with frightened suspicion.

Mr Muhammad never admitted his guilt, despite mountains of evidence. He showed no remorse for the pain and suffering he and his partner caused. He was a walking advertisement for the death penalty.

As his date with the executioner approached, there were calls for forgiveness and for the mercy he didn't show to his ten victims. Apologists cried that his children would be left without a father, but didn't seem to care about the fatherless and motherless children the innocent victims of his cold-blooded rampage left behind.

The death penalty is the most final and terrible punishment we can inflict on someone. It should never be applied lightly. But in this case, it was justified. Mr Muhammad's accomplice is serving a life term in prison because he was a juvenile at the time of the murders; otherwise, he would have joined Muhammad in the death chamber. I hope he uses the rest of his time to think about the welcoming committee that awaits him in Hell.

Sorry if I sound a little bloodthirsty this morning, but I lived through the sniper killings and worried every day about whether my family was safe.

So long, John Allen Muhammad. Hope it's hot enough for you down there.

Have a good day. I'll my usual grouchy self again tomorrow.

Bilbo

The 2009 Credit Union Cherry Blossom 10-Mile Run

This morning I took my life in my hands and hauled Agnes out of bed at the unheard-of (for her) hour of 4:00 AM. She, along with a large group of fellow workers from her credit union, had volunteered to work at the 2009 Credit Union Cherry Blossom 10-Mile Run, held in conjunction with the annual Cherry Blossom Festival here in Washington, DC. We met the others at our local metro station at 5:00 AM and rode into town to the volunteers' staging area on the National Mall.

The sun was just thinking about coming up over the Capitol as we arrived at the staging area...

The runners were all properly welcomed with a photo opportunity in front of the Washington Monument ...


Which, as the sun came up, turned a beautiful golden color ...

After checking in and receiving our color-coded volunteer identification shirts, we had about an hour and a half before we had to do anything, so we decided to walk down to the Tidal Basin and look at the famous cherry blossoms ...

This is a view across the basin toward the Jefferson Memorial ...

And this is a view across the basin toward the Jefferson Memorial with me in the way ...

We weren't the only volunteers who didn't have too much to do before most of the participants arrived ...
We walked back to our assigned area, which was the assembly area for the runners in the "blue wave." There were six color-coded assembly areas for the "waves" of runners: the fastest and most experienced runners started in the first wave, followed by the next-fastest, and so on down to the last wave, the walkers. Each wave contained as many as 2,000 runners. It was quite chilly early in the morning, and people had all sorts of ways of trying to stay warm before the race ...

The first group of runners, the elite women, started at 7:30, and the rest of the waves of runners started ten minutes later, with the waves launching at three-minute intervals.


By shortly after 8:00, all the runners were underway, and the volunteers whose assignments were at the starting point helped pick up some of the debris from the roadway to avoid injury to the runners as they returned to cross the finish line.

And then we were done.

It turned out to be a beautiful, sunny, warm day, perfect for the race. The cherry blossoms were near their peak of beauty, and a good time was had by all.

Except for that part about getting up at 4:00 AM on a Sunday, for crying out loud.

Hope you have a good Sunday, too.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo