Cartoon Saturday

We're still on the road, so the usual news summary is still on vacation, too. Sorry about that. Our collection of theme cartoons for this week deals with that eternal feminine complaint - that men don't quite understand where their eyes are ...

It's a problem for snowladies, too ...

Sometimes, a little confusion is understandable ...

And the problem isn't limited just to Earth ladies ...

Believe it or not, the problem isn't always caused by a focus on the wrong part of the body ...

As problems between the sexes go, one can really say it's for the birds ...

And the ladies are often justified in having a ... bone to pick with the men ...

Turning to other topics, I think this is a problem that affects a lot of shouting heads and their audiences nowadays ...

Well, it could have been an outbreak of norovirus ...

I've eaten at places like this, but not more than once ...

Sometimes, the self-help group isn't quite as good an idea as you might have thought ...

And there you have it - your second Cartoon Saturday for the month of December. Christmas is just 12 days away, so if you haven't asked for my wish list, there's still time, ha, ha.

Have a good day. See you tomorrow for Poetry Sunday.

Bilbo

The First Ass Clown of the Month Award for December, 2015

With a new month comes a new collection of potential Ass Clown of the Month awardees ...

The bar for this quasi-prestigious award has been set pretty high by previous awardees, but there's never a shortage of people looking to meet or exceed the standards. And so it is that the first Ass Clown of the Month award for December of 2014 is presented to

Elizabeth Lauten

Ms Lauten, communications director for Tennessee Representative Steve Fincher and a former communications staffer for the Republican National Committee, scolded President Obama's daughters Sasha and Malia in a Facebook post for dressing like "they deserve a spot at a bar" and told them to "try showing a little class." Her post read in part,

"Dear Sasha and Malia: I get you're both in those awful teen years, but you're a part of the First Family, try showing a little class. At least respect the part you play ... Then again, your mother and father don't respect their positions very much, or the nation for that matter, so I'm guessing you're coming up a little short in the 'good role model' department."

After coming in for a firestorm of criticism for her crude slam at the President by way of insulting his daughters, Ms Lauten published the expected cringing apology, which said in part ...

"After many hours of prayer, talking to my parents, and re-reading my words online I can see more clearly just how hurtful my words were. Please know, those judgmental feelings truly have no place in my heart."

Too bad they had plenty of place in her brain. 

Dear Readers, Elizabeth Lauten - who, as it turns out, resigned her position on December 1st in the wake of her classless outburst - is our first Ass Clown of the Month for December, 2014. 

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Still Here!

Yes, we're still here. In Germany, I mean.

The last week has not exactly been the epitome of relaxing vacations, what with the miserable weather (cold, gray skies, drizzle pretty much every day) and dealing with Agnes's father, who is as grouchy and querulous as only a 95 year-old man can be. We've had some wonderful lunches with Bernadette (Agnes's cousin) and her husband Richard, culminating today with duck breast with cherry sauce and spaetzle and a delicious salad. I asked them to adopt me, but Agnes put her foot down.

One of the highlights of the trip so far came yesterday, when we went with Bernadette to the huge, beautiful Weihnachtsmarkt (Christmas Market) in the nearby city of Konstanz. It was a short train ride, and we had a grand time touring the market stalls in the old part of the city. It was quite cold, so a nice hot wurst and a glass of Gluehwein were in order. It was lots of fun and very interesting, but all things considered, I like Konstanz a lot better in the summer!

My German is getting better by the day as I learn new terms (about elder care and geriatric medicine) and try to answer all Agnes's father's questions about everything under the sun. Explaining Obamacare in English is hard enough ... try German. And the legal issues surrounding organ donation (!). And the differences between the American and German health care, banking, and school systems. All the war stories are easy enough to handle ... my military vocabulary is very good, plus I've heard all his stories at least a thousand times before.

Poor Agnes is suffering from a completly miserable cold and bronchitis, which is adding to the sheer joy of the trip and the stress of dealing with her father. She's looking forward to getting home for a ... vacation.

Tomorrow morning we leave Singen for Landstuhl, where we'll meet up with our son Jason and his family for a short visit before heading to Reutlingen for an equally short visit with Agnes's other cousin Anna. With any luck, these visits should be much more relaxing and entertaining. Of course, the onslaught of four grandchildren at once will be a systemic shock, but I think we're up to handling it.

Check back on Friday for our latest Ass Clown nominee, and then for Cartoon Saturday and Poetry Sunday. If I can cop a Wi-Fi signal, you'll have your usual weekend fixes.

Ich wuensche Ihnen einen schoenen Tag. Andere Bedenkungen folgen.

Bilbo

Hello from Germany!

Well, yes, we're here. It's not been the most joyous of vacations so far, but we're in Germany, so how bad can it be?

We landed at Frankfurt Airport shortly after 7:00 last Thursday morning, collected our bags, and hopped a train from the long distance terminal at the airport to Singen, with a connection in Stuttgart. For those of you unfamiliar with train travel in Germany, let me just say that it's really the way to go ... unless you have to change trains in Stuttgart, where the station is undergoing a major reconstruction and there is no such thing as a "quick transfer" between trains. Our Inter-City express train from Frankfurt arrived on Track 15, and our connecting regional train left from Track 4, with ten minutes between trains ... the door of our connecting regional train literally closed on our backsides as we raced up and dived through.

The regional train, true to its name, stopped at every town between Stuttgart and Singen with a population of more than 3 (including dogs and cats), but by late afternoon we'd finally arrived and made it to Agnes's father's apartment. We visited there for a few hours, then hiked over to the Holiday Inn Express, where they automatically pulled out our registration form when we came in the door ... Agnes has stayed there so often in the last year that they automatically recognize her.

As luck would have it, this year Singen is having its first annual Weihnachtsmarkt (Christmas Market), and is having it on the Rathausplatz right in front of our hotel. The good news is that there's plenty of good food and drink available right outside. The bad news is that if one's hotel has a festival right in front, it tends to be pretty noisy. Happily (and for the first time in memory), our room is on the back side of the hotel, so we've been spared the worst of the Christmas revelry. We've briefly visited the Weihnachtsmarkt on two evenings, and have partaken happily of the Gluehwein (hot mulled wine), hot Bratwurst, and Schupfnudeln (a regional specialty consisting of stir-fried noodles with sauerkraut and bacon). I also tried (and can strongly recommend) some small sausages called "Schoko-Chili-Wurst" - dark sausages spiced with chili peppers and chocolate. It sounds terrible, but is REALLY good.

We've also visited with Agnes's cousin Bernadette and her husband Richard, who live in the nearby town of Aach. You may recall that they stayed with us for three weeks last October, and they're repaying our hospitality with some wonderful homemade dinners ... yesterday, Richard made an herb-crusted tenderloin of fresh venison with Spaetzle (noodles), mushroom sauce, and red cabbage. I could get used to that.

We will be spending another few days here before heading to the teeming megalopolis of Schwedelbach to see our son and the grandchildren and then finishing up in Reutlingen with a visit to  Agnes's cousin Anna and her husband.

And by the time all that's over, I'll probably be ready to go back to work to relax.

These relaxing vacations will be the death of me yet.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

Greetings from the breakfast room of the Holiday Inn Express in Singen, Germany, on this damp, cold, overcast morning. But at least it isn't sleeting or snowing. Yet. Sigh.

On this first Poetry Sunday of December, I reflect on the fact that my oldest grandchild, Marcy, is fourteen. It's not easy to relate to a girl child of that age ...

Bouquet

by Jerry Roscoe

Today is my daughter's fourteenth birthday
So I bought her roses—five red, nine pink—
To commemorate impending womanhood. She liked
Them I think better than the balloons her mother
& I would sneak into her room while she slept
To celebrate birthdays one through thirteen.
Or maybe she was just humoring me
Who had just turned fifty & looked ridiculous
Standing there in her doorway, holding them
Like a torch. "Soon enough," the Fates were
Whispering, but I doubt she heard them,
Soon enough she would. Still she left off
The internet, cradled & squeezed the thorny blooms
& gave me an authentic look not what I usually get.

Love your daughters and granddaughters. They grow up much too quickly.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Welcome to the first Cartoon Saturday in December! Since we're on vacation, so also is the news summary that usually accompanies the cartoons ... it'll be back when we are. I'll just say that for the time we're on vacation, I'm not going to let the bad news bother me. Much. For now, just enjoy the cartoons ... with this week's theme cartoons featuring the stone heads of Easter Island ...

That was quite a sneeze ...

It must have been interesting getting that souvenir through customs ...

Easter Island - the backstory ...

If the statues had been erected today ...

Well, maybe not ...

I'm a bit OCD with the arrangement of books on my shelves ... but I don't think I'd have made this mistake ...

No easy chairs, here ...

Nice idea, bad timing ...

Truth in marketing ...

And finally, where else would Clark Kent shop? ...

Cartoon Saturday ... because you need something to laugh about besides Congress.

Have a good day. See you tomorrow for Poetry Sunday.

Bilbo

More Great Moments in Editing

The hits just keep on coming ...

I wonder how much they'd charge for a real $100 bill ...

I think the cabinet probably fits an abacus ...

I'm not sure I plan to order take-out barbecue from this place ...

Somehow, I think that would have been even more uncomfortable than a thong ...

And he's voting a straight GOP ticket ...

I wonder who gets to call the meeting to odor ...

I'm glad we cleared that up ...

They're obviously mimicking Congress ...

A little diversification in a small business can often help the proprietors over difficult economic times ...

Not in public, one hopes ...

And there you have it ... another prime selection of editorial mishaps (or, maybe, examples of bored editors having fun). I'm like Faux News: I report, you decide.

Have a good day. See you back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday.

Bilbo

And They're Off!

Well, Dear Readers, it's time for Agnes and I to wing our way to Germany for our two-week pre-Christmas vacation. We'll be visiting Agnes's father in Singen, our son and his family in Schwedelbach (near Kaiserslautern), and Agnes's cousin in Reutlingen.

I tell you all this because my blog posts may be a little irregular* for the next two weeks as we visit relatives, play with grandchildren, eat lots of seasonal goodies, drink lots of Gluhwein**, and chase Wi-Fi connections across Germany. I already have the Friday (Editorial Gems and Ass Clown of the Month), Cartoon Saturday, and Poetry Sunday posts drafted and ready to go, and will post other topics as often as I can to keep you up to date on our adventures.

So don't give up if you don't see a post appearing about this time every day ... I'll be on Middle European Time and living out of a suitcase, and will do the best I can. Stay tuned and check back frequently. We'll be back in two weeks.

Have a good day. Be safe. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Maybe a dose of Text-Lax will help, eh?

** Hot spiced wine ... yum!!

Understanding the Family Tree

As an amateur historian, one of the things in which I have a very great interest is the history of my own family. I've been carrying on a low-level project for some years, building on the work done by my cousin Joanne, to assemble as much information as possible about the sometimes bizarre but always fascinating Bilbo Family Tree.

Genealogy is a very interesting topic, and one of the most interesting things to me - as a linguist with an interest in semantics - is the collection of terms with which we define the degrees of our relations. Fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles are pretty straightforward ... but what about nieces and nephews and great aunts* and second cousins and second cousins twice removed and so on? How do you keep them all straight?

As it happens, I recently ran across a really cool chart that helps to explain all those family relationships ... click it to embiggen it:

Neat, eh? And here I thought that "twice removed" meant "evicted two times for non-payment of rent." Of course, in my family that might actually be the case.

Have a good day. Learn about your own family history.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Why do they call them "great" aunts? Did they do something special? Are they unusually large? Discuss.

A Sad Record

On Black Friday, November 28th, the nation set a one-day record for the largest number of background check requests for the purchase of firearms - 175,000, or almost three requests per second. This is nearly three times the daily average.

I just thought I'd share that interesting statistic with you in case you are one of those oddly demented people who believe the government is coming to take your guns.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo