Answers to Your "Ask Bilbo" Questions

Last Monday, lacking any better ideas for a post, I decided to dust off a topic I used back in 2011. At that time, I offered to answer any reasonable question anyone sent in, and ended up getting enough questions for two more posts.

This time, I only got four questions back ... I guess many of you were afraid of what I might say. Here are the questions and my responses:

Mike had two questions. The first was, "What would it take to get you to vote for Trump? My answer: a lobotomy*. The second was, "Should Bilbo go back to work?" The answer to that one is: only if our savings run out or if the Republicans win the election and destroy Social Security.

Goodstuff asked, "Does my blog make me look weird?" In order to answer his question, I had to check out his blog - Goodstuff's Cyber World. My answer: yes. But it's a good weird.

My friend Mary in Germany sent an e-mail in which she asked, "You're good with words. What is the Indian tourist office trying to say?" Attached to the e-mail was this jpg:

Well, Mary, all I can say is that I assume they want us to visit Varanasi**, and that Donald Trump is writing their advertising copy.

If anyone has any more "Ask Bilbo" questions, go ahead and send them in; I'll answer them as they arrive.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo 

* Angel didn't ask a question of her own, but left a comment in which she answered Mike's question with "extreme duress." 

** A city also known as Benares, located on the Ganges River in the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh. It contains more than 2,000 Hindu temples and is considered to be the spiritual capital of India.

Musical Sunday

You've probably never heard a pop song in Hungarian, have you? This is a great tune about the importance we put on appearances, and a fascinating video from a Hungarian pop star named Boglárka Csemer, better known by her stage name of Boggie ...

I thought she looked good at the beginning.

In case the Hungarian is beyond you*, there's another version of the song in French called "Noveau Parfum" ("New Perfume"), with an identical video**. You can watch it here.

Have a good day. See you tomorrow for the responses to "Ask Bilbo." More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Don't worry, it was beyond me, too.

** The French was beyond me as well, but I still liked the tune and the video.

Cartoon Saturday

August drags on ...

The tremendous earthquake you thought you felt was Donald Trump apologizing ... sort of ... for some (unspecified) of his disgusting rhetoric; massive floods in Louisiana are being called the worst natural disaster in the US since hurricane Sandy; the Department of Justice has announced it will phase out the use of privately-operated Federal prisons; shock rock star Alice Cooper has announced his latest run for the presidency, under the campaign slogan "I can do nothing as well as they can do nothing"*; and the State Department claims that a $400 million payment to Iran was used as "leverage" to ensure the release of American hostages, and was not a "ransom"**.

I'm sick of the whole political circus, too. Let's get to the cartoons - this week, we'll get musical with cartoons taking off on the lyrics to popular songs.

Fifty ways to ... uh ... never mind ...

They're blinding you with science ...

Where to go when the pharmacist doesn't know the answer ...

The clowns are all in Congress, so ...

Smart kid ...

And when he grows up ...

She seems to have entered the wrong shop ...

It's a clue ...

Ah, WOOOO ...

When your resume is all over the place ...

And so goes this week's edition of Cartoon Saturday. I hope it helped you take your mind off of whatever your mind has been on.

It's going to be another hot weekend here in NoVa, but not quite as horrendously steamy as the last few days. Perhaps I'll even be able to go outside without a snorkel to get away from the TV, the radio, and the newspapers for a while.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, on Musical Sunday.

Bilbo

* True.

** You say "tomato," I say "to-mah-to."

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

He's back!!

Yes, Agnes and I are back from our little vacation ... we drove down to Chincoteague Island to spend some time splashing in the ocean with our grandchildren, eating seafood, and watching the wild ponies. In an election year, it's nice to be able to see a whole horse once in a while.

But now we're back and ready to get back into the swing of things. The "Ask Bilbo" questions are trickling in and will be answered on Monday; in the meantime, let's get ready for the weekend with more Great Moments in Editing and Signage ...

There are some odd thieves out there ...

Be sure to get there early to get the best pieces ...

We're sorry, too ...

Say that again, please ...

I'd suspect it, too ...

I'm shocked ... shocked, I tell you! ...

I think this sums up the level of understanding of much of the electorate ...

It's about time we honored our wait staffs ...

This office really needs an assistant ...

I think this should be the official wine of Congress ...

Great moments in editing and signage ... because not all the stupidity is coming out of Washington.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday returns. Be here.

Bilbo

Taking a Break

I'll be taking a break from blogging until Friday, when Great Moments in Editing and Signage returns. Agnes and I are going to do some fun stuff for the next few days, and I'll be concentrating on recharging my creative batteries, coming up with some new ideas to keep this blog fresh and interesting for you.

In the meantime, send in your "Ask Bilbo" questions and I'll answer them on Monday.

Have a good day and stay cool over the next few days ... limit your outdoor activity, drink plenty of water, take lots of breaks in the shade or the AC, and I'll see you on Friday.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

The Return of "Ask Bilbo"

Since I am widely regarded as a fountain of useless knowledge, it seems that I ought to share it with you once in a while. Well, other than in my regular posts, of course.

Back in 2011 I tried this out with a post I titled Whatever You Want to Know. Or Not. We'll See., in which I offered to answer any question you submitted (within the bounds of propriety, of course). My readers asked enough questions that it took two posts to answer them all: here and here.

And so I thought I might circle back and try this again. It's been five years since the last time, and things have changed radically in the world. If you have a question on any topic you'd like the Fairfax County Curmudgeon at Large to answer for you*, leave a comment on this post, e-mail it to me at "der_blogmeister(at)yahoo(dot)com" with the subject line "Ask Bilbo," or send me a PM via Facebook if we're connected there. Remember that there are children who read this blog. I'll answer them when I get enough for a decent post.

Have a good day. Send in your questions, and I'll answer them for you. More thoughts than you probably ever wanted to know at that time.

Bilbo

* And if you really want to hear the answer ...

Poetry Sunday

Some say it's an acquired taste, and if so, then I've acquired it. There's nothing quite like a gin and tonic on a hot day, unless it's a gin martini. Or gin and tonic popsicles. And what could be more appropriate on a beastly hot Autumn day than a poem based on that wonderful liquid ...

Gin

by Jacqueline Berger

I like a green olive
stuffed with a pimento
after it has been submerged
for some time in a martini.
I like to go downtown with my husband,
sit in a booth at the Grand
and let the drink rub the edge
off the inane fight we had
about the furniture salesman
and whether he treated us fairly,
my view, or whether he tried
to put one over on us,
my husband's view.
In some moods we'll fight about anything
just to make the other
carry the weight of anger
we lug all day through our lives.
But that moment
when we climb into bed
on a winter's night,
letting our bodies lie down,
letting the day be over,
it’s not unlike the way gin
loosens the rope, lets float
the raft into its stillest waters.
Happy hour, when the landscape
loses its daylight meaning
as it slips into the silk of dusk
before night pours down its jazzy notes
in a cathedral of crushed velvet.
We are sitting side by side in the booth,
watching the flurry of holiday shoppers
come in from the cold.
By now the salesman is a jerk,
or he's a helluva guy,
either way is fine.
We are talking about anything,
having drifted out into the calm
plainness of intimacy. Nothing
profound, just a place to rest
at the end of the day,
the cord between us swinging gently
after the bells have stopped their ringing.


Bottoms up!

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Two weeks into August, three months from the election, and in desperate need of a humor transfusion, that's us ...

Twenty-four people were hospitalized when a JetBlue airliner encountered a patch of severe turbulence on Thursday; GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump tried yet again to walk back a bizarre statement, this time his claim that President Obama and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton were the founder and co-founder of ISIS; Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton released her income tax records for public scrutiny, increasing the pressure on Donald Trump, who has so far refused to release his own; actor Thomas Gibson, star of the long-running TV show "Criminal Minds," was fired after an incident in which he kicked one of the show's writers over a script disagreement; and in the latest of series of amusement park accidents, a three year-old boy was hospitalized after he fell from a roller coaster at a Pennsylvania park.

This week, in honor of the parts of the economy nobody is talking about fixing, I offer a selection of cartoons dealing with the high cost of medical care.

It's important for medical professionals to bill insurance companies properly ...

Somehow I never quite understood how a government-run health care bureaucracy was different from one run by the insurance companies ...

A new approach to anaesthesia, which will still be billed at the old rates ...

The importance of reading the bill carefully ...

This is the prescription side effect with which I'm most familiar ...

Truth in labeling ...

More side effects ...

A new approach - time-release billing ...

How the television ads for medications ought to go ...

Know what your plan will cover before you agree to the surgery ...

Take two of whatever you can afford and call me in the morning.

It's going to be another steamy hot weekend here in NoVa, so if you have to be outside, be sure to wear a hat, drink plenty of water, use sunscreen, and try to avoid things that get you angry and overheated, like political advertisements. 

Agnes and I will be going to see the Cirque du Soleil show "Kurios" this afternoon, which ought to be amazing, and is held in a huge, air-conditioned tent. Even in the unlikely event the show is not as good as we expect, the air conditioning will make up for it.

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2016

A new month is here, and we're just about 90 days out from the 2016 presidential election. Happily, the election comes after Halloween, so perhaps we might see some of the presidential wannabes dressing up like principled statesmen in whom we can trust.

Aren't fantasies wonderful?

Anyhow, it's a new month and it's the Friday on which we name our

Right-Cheek Ass Clown for August, 2016

Although my conservative friends routinely accuse me of a dastardly and unconscionable liberal bias*, when I turn to the world of politics to bestow this award, I really do try to bestow it on the most deserving ass clowns, regardless of party. In my opinion, which is the only one that counts, since it's my blog, the most amazing sustained levels of ass clownery are coming this season from the GOP, which was the party to which I belonged for many years. The party as a whole is tearing itself apart and degenerating into a scrum of noisy people who believe in the importance of rights over responsibilities, the most insane of conspiracy theories, and the fundamental evil of those with whom they disagree. And the GOP bears the responsibility for creating and nurturing the atmosphere which has produced one of the most unqualified and toxic presidential candidates in American history, who is hereby presented his sixth Ass Clown Award,

GOP Presidential Candidate

Donald Trump

Each time it appears that the bar cannot be lowered any more, Mr Trump comes up with some new, staggeringly-inappropriate and unpresidential comment. This past week it came in a speech in which he said,

"Hillary wants to abolish — essentially abolish the Second Amendment. By the way, and if she gets to pick … if she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the Second Amendment people, maybe there is. I don’t know."

In case you didn't quite follow that, it can be interpreted as Mr Trump suggesting that "Second Amendment [read, armed] people" should take violent action against his political opponent.

Of course, Mr Trump and his supporters would like you to believe that that's not what he said, or that he was making a joke, or that the Evil Liberal Media^TM is ganging up on him and twisting his words ... although he seems to be doing a fine job of twisting the language on his own.

For yet another example of distasteful, irresponsible language that continues to demonstrate his lack of fitness for the presidency, Donald Trump is awarded the Right-Cheek Ass Clown Award for August, 2016 ... his sixth award overall and the second in a row**. As an American, I'm ashamed of the picture this presents of us to the world.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. I don't know about you, but I could use a good laugh.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* I really am conservative in that I believe in a sound and prudent government that is as small as possible, consistent with what we as a nation expect it to do for us; however, I am more liberal in social matters. Sue me, it's my blog.

** Two weeks ago he shared the On-Crack Ass Clown Award for July with Democratic National Committee Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

The Lighter Side of Campaign 2016, Part 2

Back on July 20th I published a post with some of the best cartoons and get-out-the-vote signs I'd seen so far for the current presidential scrum. But new ones are coming every day, and so - as a public service - here's a new collection:

It's a good campaign slogan, anyway ...

Now that I think about it, a Conan-Trump ticket makes sense. They have the same basic goals, but at least Conan has an implementable policy agenda ...

A combination of candidates and voting strategy. I could get behind this one ...

Well, yes ... although some suck more than others ...

Clever! ...

This candidate looks better every day ...

Palin-Cthulhu works for me, too ...

I find your lack of faith in this ticket ... disturbing ...

Have a good day. More thoughts to keep your mind off the election coming tomorrow, when we name the Right Cheek Ass Clown for August.

Bilbo