Friday, June 26, 2020

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


It's been quite a month, hasn't it? Let's celebrate with a final collection of Great Moments in Editing and Signage ...

Aha!! ...


I'm sure a good lawyer can get him off ...


Such a deal for cash-strapped hospitals looking to outfit the employees' gym ...


The visual is just too much ...


Well, there goes my plan for a summer vacation ...


A natural mistake ...


When you want to have the spittin' image of a great garden ...


I can't imagine this could be true this year ...


Special prices for those who think wearing masks is a ghastly example of government tyranny ...


I think I know several women like this ...


And there you go ... the last edition of Great Moments in Editing and Signage for the horrendous month of June, 2020. I hope it helped put a smile on your face for at least a few seconds.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for the final Cartoon Saturday of the month. You know you need it.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Sunday, June 21, 2020

Fathers' Day, 2020


If you were looking for Poetry Sunday, don’t despair – I have my traditional (and slightly updated) tribute to fathers today, you'll have to wait a while for your next poetry fix.

Today is Fathers’ Day, the day we honor the man who contributed half of our chromosomes and many of the life lessons that shaped us into who we are.

Fathers don’t get the same degree of respect that mothers do. They work in design, rather than production, after all, and don’t earn the credit that mothers do for going through nine months of pregnancy followed by months of sleepless nights and years of worry. And truth be told, many fathers don’t earn that respect. For all too many men, fatherhood is an unfortunate side effect of good sex, and a child is an impediment to the enjoyment of life. For many men, fathering a lot of children by a lot of women is the imagined sign of a manly stud ... not of lives betrayed by a thoughtless ass who thinks with his man parts* instead of his brain and heart.

Luckily, though, there are many good men out there trying their best to be good fathers. It’s not an easy job, and not everyone is good at it ... but fortunately, enough do.

I have often reflected back on the course of my life, and I've come to the conclusion I’ve been a better grandfather than I was a father. This is probably normal. You’ve seen more of life, and had more experiences – good and bad – to share. If you’re the grandfather, you get to be the gentle, wise, let-‘em-do-what-they-want fellow the grandchildren love to see, rather than the grouchy, tired father who has to put bread on the table, crack the whip, and enforce the discipline. You get all the joy of holding and loving the children with none of the negatives ... when the baby needs changing, for instance, there's none of that messy fuss - you just give her back to her mother. What's not to like?

I think that, from the father's perspective, we have our children too early in life. We're still learning how to be adults, and all of a sudden we're fathers, responsible for teaching our children all the lessons of life that we haven't even learned yet. Our children grow up as much in spite of our mistakes as because of our excellence in parenting.

When you get to be a father, you look at your own father differently. It was Mark Twain who supposedly once said, "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

It's true.

A good father, as I came in time to understand, is a gift beyond all price. The gold standard for fatherhood is, of course, my own father. He fought the Nazis** in the skies over World War II Europe, ran his own business, raised four children and buried one, and cared for mom through the long years of misery as Alzheimer's gradually destroyed the mind of the dynamic and witty woman he loved. Dad left us five years ago, and I no longer get to hear his jokes and stories and learn the lessons he still had to teach, yet he remains the man to whom I owe whatever shreds of honor, decency, and ... well ... manhood that I can claim.

This was the man who took the war in the air to the Nazis in 1944 ...


After the war, he turned successful businessman, running his own photographic studio and drawing the attention of the ladies ...


At the Mount Vernon Wine Festival in 2002, he was surrounded by admiring ladies (from left to right: our friends Susan and Nadja, his granddaughter Yasmin, and Agnes) ...


With my brother Mark and I, on the occasion of Mark's retirement from the Navy (our brother Paul served in the Army, but wasn't able to be there) ...


And here he is in December of 2013 at his 90th birthday party in Pittsburgh, surrounded by the friends, fishing partners, and family members who came out to honor him in spite of some really ghastly winter weather ...


I'd like to think I made him satisfied, if not proud.

If you’d like to know more about the life of this wonderful man, you can read my remembrance here.

It's politically correct (bordering on mandatory) nowadays to say that a child can grow up just fine in a household with same-sex parents, but you'll never be able to convince me that it's the same as being raised by a father and a mother who love each other, treat each other with dignity and respect, set a good example, teach their gender-specific life lessons, and subordinate their own dreams and desires to the momentous task of raising a brand new human being.

Have a good day. Honor your father. And if you're a father, be a good one ... preferably a better one than I was. Your children ... and indeed, the future ... are depending on you.
More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* As the late Missandei would have said. If you're into "Game of Thrones," you'll get it.

** The real ones, the ones that murdered millions of innocent people and destroyed most of Europe, not the imaginary ones to which ignorant people in this country compare their political opponents.

Saturday, June 20, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


Sometimes you have to wonder whether a week will ever end.

The Supreme Court rejected Der Furor's attempt to dismantle DACA, the program protecting undocumented immigrants brought to the country as children, ruling that the administration had not followed procedures required by law; the Justice Department asked a judge to order John Bolton, Der Furor’s former national security adviser, to halt publication of his bombshell memoir, claiming it contained classified information*; continuing the nationwide trend of removing statues and monuments to Civil War era Confederate figures, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi ordered the portraits of three former Speakers who served in the Confederate government to be removed from the Capitol; at least 20 Indian and an unknown number of Chinese soldiers were killed in a bloody clash along the disputed border in the Galwan Valley; and in Russia, an ultraconservative priest who denies that the coronavirus exists has taken over a women's monastery by force and said that church authorities "will have to storm the monastery" if they want him to leave.

From the Department of You May As Well Laugh Because You Can't Cry, this week we offer another collection of timely cartoons about surviving 2020 ...

The latest contest show featuring your favorite socially-distancing celebrities ...


When even the goldfish are socially distancing, you know things are serious ...


Only six more weeks? We can only hope ...


Will we be looking at another baby boom as home remains the only place we can't social-distance? ...


Rat has it exactly right ...


Ain't it the truth? ...


You can't be too careful as you keep your business going ...


The Four Horsemen need to look out for their emergency supplies, too ...


I'd probably wish for the same things ...


It does seem to change with dismaying frequency, doesn't it? ...


And that's it for this week's edition of Cartoon Saturday ... I hope it helped you cope with the unrelenting bad news. Like I said, you may as well laugh, because crying doesn't help.

Have a good day and a great weekend. See you back here tomorrow for Poetry Sunday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

* According to Der Furor, any conversation with him is "highly classified." News flash: it's not.

Friday, June 19, 2020

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for June, 2020


That we're awash in ass clowns is not surprising. What surprises me is that it is still possible - on occasion - quickly to identify the most "worthy" ass clown for a given period. So it is today.

With the usual flatulent blare of trumpets, we announce that the designation of

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for June, 2020


is bestowed upon

John Bolton


Hard-line conservative national security hawk, former US Representative to the United Nations, and former National Security Advisor John Bolton is currently at the center of a legal knife fight with the Trump administration over the publication of his book, The Room Where It Happened, in which he relates unflattering (okay, damning), but not unexpected information about his time as part of Der Furor's administration.

The fact that a former government official would publish a book about his (or her) time in the limelight, or that that book would contain vignettes not flattering to the administration, is not unusual, and is in fact a part of life in the DC anthill. Bolton, however, deserves condemnation for his willingness to document the misdeeds of Der Furor's administration in a book from which he can personally profit after refusing to testify during the House impeachment probe of Der Furor unless subpoenaed, and then only if a court agreed that the House had a right to subpoena a presidential advisor. He did offer to testify in the Senate impeachment trial, but this was an empty gesture because he knew Senate Republicans would never agree to call witnesses who might be hostile to Der Furor.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left Cheek Ass Clown for June, 2020, is John Bolton - a prime example of the shameless greed, ideological rigidity, and boundlessly self-serving attitude of those who serve in Der Furor's misbegotten government.

Have a good day. Expect more from your government, but don't be surprised when you don't get it from this administration.

More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday returns. Wash your hands, be sure you are registered to vote in November, and vote.

Bilbo

Sunday, June 14, 2020

Musical Sunday


Der Furor is all about his base. Postmodern Jukebox is all about that bass. I know which one I prefer.



Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming,

Bilbo

Saturday, June 13, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


As weeks go, they don't get much weekier than the last one, eh?

In San Antonio, Texas, a man denied entry to a bar because he was already drunk went to his car, returned with a rifle, and shot eight people; as cases of Covid-19 spike in areas which have relaxed pandemic-related restrictions, some cities and states are rethinking their reopening plans, and considering reimposing some restrictions; in response to fierce criticism, Der Furor has postponed his first campaign rally in months by one day so as not to conflict with the Juneteenth observance of the end of slavery in the United States; for the first time in its history, ABC's popular reality series "The Bachelor" will feature a black lead - Matt James, a 28-year-old real estate broker; and in Taiwan, Taipei City Councilor Chiu Wei-chieh pledged that he would snap one chopstick in two with his buttocks for every 10,000 votes exceeding 400,000 in the recall vote against then-Kaohsiung mayor Han Kuo-yu, leading a gastroenterologist to warn people that attempting to snap chopsticks in two with their buttocks can result in injuries to the buttocks or the anus and cause cellulitis*.

This week, let's find Waldo ...

After this long, it could be where he is ...


Now, why didn't anyone else think of that? ...


It must have been tough to pick a winner ...


Evasive technique ...


I'm not sure therapy will help ...


That's one way to find him ...


That was some walk ...


She's going to need more notepads, I think ...


Waldo's not here, man! ...


Busted! ...


That's it for today! If you see Waldo, send him home. 

Have a good day and a great weekend. Wash your hands, continue to practice social distancing, and come back tomorrow for Musical Sunday with Postmodern Jukebox. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* He suggested they simply drink bleach or ingest Tide Pods instead.

Friday, June 12, 2020

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


Isn't it nice that you don't have to rely just on the government for things to groan at? ...

The car of choice for assholes? ...


I'm sure I would lose weight with this diet ...


Specials offered daily for Senators ...


ISIS littering? ...


Not everyone is particularly choosy ...


Small dog ...


Hmmm ...


Must see to appreciate! ...


That's quite an approach to enforcing discipline ...


Well, you've got to give them credit for persistence ...


And that's it for this edition ... hope it gave you a chuckle in this time of trial. Come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Sunday, June 07, 2020

Poetry Sunday


In these times of bitterness and division and sore trial, it's good to think about some of the things we can still love ...

Things I Didn’t Know I Loved: After Nazim Hikmet
by Linda Pastan

I always knew I loved the sky,
the way it seems solid and insubstantial at the same time;
the way it disappears above us
even as we pursue it in a climbing plane,
like wishes or answers to certain questions—always out of reach;
the way it embodies blue,
even when it is gray.

But I didn't know I loved the clouds,
those shaggy eyebrows glowering
over the face of the sun.
Perhaps I only love the strange shapes clouds can take,
as if they are sketches by an artist
who keeps changing her mind.
Perhaps I love their deceptive softness,
like a bosom I'd like to rest my head against
but never can.

And I know I love the grass, even as I am cutting it as short
as the hair on my grandson's newly barbered head.
I love the way the smell of grass can fill my nostrils
with intimations of youth and lust;
the way it stains my handkerchief with meanings
that never wash out.

Sometimes I love the rain, staccato on the roof,
and always the snow when I am inside looking out
at the blurring around the edges of parked cars
and trees. And I love trees,
in winter when their austere shapes
are like the cutout silhouettes artists sell at fairs
and in May when their branches
are fuzzy with growth, the leaves poking out
like new green horns on a young deer.

But how about the sound of trains,
those drawn-out whistles of longing in the night,
like coyotes made of steam and steel, no color at all,
reminding me of prisoners on chain gangs I've only seen
in movies, defeated men hammering spikes into rails,
the burly guards watching over them?

Those whistles give loneliness and departure a voice.
It is the kind of loneliness I can take in my arms, tasting
of tears that comfort even as they burn, dampening the pillows
and all the feathers of all the geese who were plucked to fill
them.

Perhaps I embrace the music of departure—song without lyrics,
so I can learn to love it, though I don't love it now.
For at the end of the story, when sky and clouds and grass,
and even you my love of so many years,
have almost disappeared,
it will be all there is left to love.


Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, June 06, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


It's been quite a week, hasn't it? ...

The Chinese government has seized upon the violent police response to anti-racism protests in the US to accuse Washington of hypocrisy for supporting last year's pro-democracy demonstrations in Hong Kong; unemployment in the US dropped unexpectedly in May to 13.3%, triggering a stock market rally on Friday and giving Der Furor something to boast about; retired general and former Secretary of Defense James Mattis and other current and former military leaders criticized Der Furor's overly militaristic response to the protests sweeping the nation; six members of a military family in San Antonio, Texas, ranging in age from 11 months to the mid-thirties, were found dead in what appeared to be a murder-suicide; and Rijasoa Andriamanana, the Education Minister of Madagascar, was fired over a plan to order more than $2 million worth of lollipops for the nation's schoolchildren, each of whom would be given three lollipops each to mask the "bitter" aftertaste of an untested herbal remedy for coronavirus.

This week, a collection of cartoons about life in the year 2020 ... where we're still waiting for the return of Godzilla or another giant meteor strike for which Der Furor can blame everyone else ...

You can't be too careful ...


Oh, oh ...


Busted by the mask ...


Social distancing applies to avian restaurants, too ...


It's a valid concern ...


Sometimes, loopholes are important ...


When you have larger problems to worry about ...


Now that's social distancing ...


Covid-era wedding traditions ...


You can figure out a work-around for just about anything ...


Stay at home, wash your hands, observe social distancing, and have an otherwise nice weekend. More thoughts coming tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns ... see you then.

Bilbo

Friday, June 05, 2020

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for June, 2020


How on earth am I supposed to sift through the smoking wreckage of current events to decide upon the award? It was hard before, but it's getting ever more difficult to select a single Ass Clown upon whom to bestow my disdain and disgust.

Happily, though, one particular Ass Clown has soared far above the rest, and has become my runaway choice as

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for June, 2020


and that sorry individual is

Senator Tom Cotton (R, Arkansas)


On Wednesday, June 3rd, Senator Cotton published horrifying op-ed article in the New York Times titled Send In the Troops with the subtitle The nation must restore order. The military stands ready.

Think about that.

A sitting Senator has called on the president to unleash the full power of the United States armed forces against citizens exercising their First Amendment right to protest against the actions of their government and its agencies. He accuses those who defend the rights of protesters of advocating "a revolting moral equivalence of rioters and looters to peaceful, law-abiding protesters," and yet calls for "send(ing) in the troops" to disperse not just looters, but all peaceful (if angry) protesters.

After being severely criticized for his role in Der Furor's tone deaf and stupid photo op at St John's Episcopal Church, to accommodate which police violently cleared peaceful protesters from Lafayette Park in Washington, Secretary of Defense Mark Esper on Tuesday broke with the Fearless Leader on the latter's demand to unleash the Army on American streets, saying that the employment of active-duty troops for domestic law enforcement “should only be used as a matter of last resort and only in the most urgent and dire of situations.” He is correct. As is retired general and former Secretary of Defense James Mattis, who slammed the use of military force against American citizens. Senator Cotton clearly does not agree with these men, and believes that the draconian employment of military force is not only needed, but imperative ... if only to protect the fragile vanity of a president whose worship of authoritarian rule and naked force is matched only by his ineptitude and inability to provide the calming and inspiring leadership needed in these difficult times.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton is the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for June, 2020.

Have a good day, and remember that the Constitution guarantees your right "peaceably to assemble and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." It does not guarantee the government's right to deploy the Army to prevent you from doing so.

Vote in November. It's never been more important for the future of the nation.

Bilbo