Creative Ways to Honor Der Furor

Back in 2010 I wrote a blog post about the frantic rush by Republicans to name everything they could think of after Ronald Reagan, the man who was the same sort of GOP demigod for his time that Der Furor is today. Within a few miles of my home in Northern Virginia alone, we have the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center in downtown DC, Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport (DCA), and the Ronald Wilson Reagan Memorial Highway (a portion of State Route 234 near Manassas). The Reagan Presidential Library has a convenient list (by state and overseas location) of all the things named after Mr Reagan, if you want to see a more-or-less full list.  

Of course, a man like Ronald Reagan would be primaried into electoral insignificance by today's MAGA Republicans who worship at the festooned altar of Der Furor. Indeed, by MAGA standards, Der Furor is the greatest president of all time, far outshining any past or potential future incumbent, and so there's been an unseemly rush of honors proposed by Republican members of Congress and other officeholders eager to osculate the ample posterior of their Fearless Leader. These include:

Texas Representative Brendan Gill’s Golden Age Act of 2025 recommends replacing Benjamin Franklin on the $100 with Der Furor;

New York Representative Claudia Tenney introduced legislation to make Der Furor's birthday a federal holiday;

North Carolina Representative Addison McDowell introduced legislation to rename Washington Dulles International Airport for Der Furor;

Florida Representative Anna Paulina Luna submitted a bill to add Der Furor’s likeness to Mount Rushmore, placing him alongside Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and Theodore Roosevelt (unlikely ever to happen, for practical geological reasons);

South Carolina Representative Joe Williams has introduced legislation to create a new $250 bill with Der Furor's likeness to commemorate his idol and recognize the 250th anniversary of the United States in 2026; and,

Tennessee Representative Andy Ogles has introduced legislation proposing a Constitutional amendment that would allow selected presidents to serve a third (or more) term, which is now forbidden by the 22nd Amendment. Mr Ogles carefully worded his proposed amendment so that it would not apply to other former two-term presidents, such as (naturally) Barack Obama.

Of course, a man as brazenly self-absorbed and self-congratulatory as Der Furor would consider all of this as no more than his due. After all, he's been whining long enough about being under-appreciated and not being awarded a Nobel Peace Prize. Plus he's already famous for putting his name not just on all his properties, but on everything from sneakers to cybercurrencies to trading cards and NFTs to fragrences.

So, Dear Readers, it's clear that Der Furor considers himself sadly under-honored, and his sycophants agree. What are some other places or things that we ought to apply his name to ... assuming that any remain? I think we could start with renaming the "detention center" for arrested migrants in the middle of the Florida Everglades from "The Dade-Collier Training and Transition Airport" or "Alligator Alcatraz" to the "The [DJT] Immigrant Pre-Deportation Misery Enhancement Center."

Any other ideas? Leave a comment.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

Good Sunday morning, Dear Readers! As we put up with the noise of our neighbors firing off the last (hopefully) of their remaining fireworks, let us ponder, as Hal Sirowitz suggests, an unexpected benefit of an active lifestyle ...

The Benefits of an Active Lifestyle

by Hal Sirowitz

You seem to like things the most

if you can do them while you're sitting,

Father said. It doesn't seem like it's

the books you're reading that give

you pleasure, but that you read them

while you're sitting down. You

get most of your satisfaction from doing

things that require very little physical effort.

It's not that your brain needs to be filled

with new facts, but that you have grown

accustomed to being lazy. You can learn

just as much from being active. And since

that'll put you with other active people,

none of them will have the time to sit down

& read a book to prove that the information you got was wrong.

And aren't we all awash in wrong information nowadays?

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Well, so much for July being an improvement on June ...

Der Furor traveled to Florida this week to open a bleak new migrant detention facility nicknamed "Alligator Alcatraz;" the Senate passed Der Furor's "One, Big, Beautiful Bill" on Tuesday after Vice Emperor Vance cast the tie-breaking vote; Paramount announced that it has agreed to pay Der Furor $16 million to settle his lawsuit over the editing of a 2024 Kamala Harris interview on the CBS News program “60 Minutes,” possibly to grease the skids for the administration's approval of the proposed sale of Paramount to Hollywood studio Skydance; Andrey Bedelov, Vice President of Russia's "Transneft" company, died on Friday after falling from his Moscow apartment window (wink, wink); and in Orlando, Florida, a driver clocked at 104 mph on Monday became the first person arrested under Florida’s new "Super Speeder" law ... the law went into effect at 12:01 AM on July 1st, and the unlucky winner was arrested two minutes later.

As the beat goes with Der Furor's boasting over Congress's passage and his signature of the Billionaire Enhancement Act, I thought a collection of cartoons about piñatas would be appropriate ...

Well, there's that ...

I don't want to have to beat it out of you ...

For real ...

Her expression says otherwise ...

Well, where did you think piñatas came from? ...

Whoever strikes first ...

Oops ...

Piñata ultrasound ...

It was an honest mistake ...

You'd think they'd have thought of that sooner ...

And sic transit gloria Cartoon Saturday for the first Saturday in July ... aren't you glad there's no sound, since you're probably still deaf from the past week of fireworks?

Have a good day and a great holiday weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns. See you then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

Happy Fourth of July! I thought about writing an Independence Day-themed post today, but given the state of the nation, anything I'd have written would be too dark for the all-American holiday, so we'll just stick with the rotation and bring up the month's first set of Great Moments in Editing and Signage. Shall we go?

I wonder if it must be kept refrigerated ...

Um ... okay ...

I think they probably meant "retinal," but what do I know? ...

Some editorial assistant who's probably looking for a new job just couldn't pass up writing this headline (I think my British friend Ross, the donkey rescue volunteer, can appreciate it) ...

I think I'd rather have the Soylent Green, thanks ...

It was nice of them to make the linguistic effort ...

Oh, the horror! ...

It's nice that the ladies can drop in for a bite to eat after taking care of business ...

It's quite an advertising come-on ...

So, where else would you wear it? ...

And that's it for our Fourth-of-July edition of Great Moments ... I hope it gave you a bit of a lift in these trying times.

Have a happy holiday, drink responsibly, be careful with the fireworks, and come back tomorrow - preferably with all your digits still attached - for a Cartoon Saturday that promises to be a big hit ... if you're a piñata, that is.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

The Tarot for MAGAts

I've long been fascinated by the concept of magic and our use of things like talismanic incantations and magic potions to effortlessly bring the results we want. And if, as I noted earlier this week, the golem can be updated for the 21st century, so too can other standards of the mystical world ... like the Tarot.

The Tarot is a set of specialized playing cards used for fortune-telling or divination. A Tarot deck contains 78 cards, divided into a "Major Arcana" of 22 cards and a "Minor Arcana" of 56. 

The cards of the "Major Arcana" describe an person's journey through different stages of understanding and awareness, and eventually to enlightenment*. They talk about the main themes present in the world around us, and often signify important stages of one's psychological and/or spiritual development and evolution. The Major Arcana cards are: The Fool, The Magician, The High Priestess, The Empress, The Emperor, The Hierophant**, The Lovers, The Chariot, Strength, The Hermit, Wheel of Fortune, Justice, The Hanged Man, Death, Temperance, The Devil, The Tower, The Star, The Moon, The Sun, Judgement, and The World; typical designs of a few of these are shown below ...

The "Minor Arcana" cards, on the other hand, describe the day-to-day aspects of our daily life: our work, feelings, thoughts, finances, and so on, considered to be not as important as the Spiritual aspect contained within the Majors. Minor Arcana cards are divided into four Suits (Wands, Swords, Cups, and Pentacles***) of 14 cards each, which align with the four traditional elements of Fire, Air, Water, and Earth ... 

Wands and Swords are considered masculine, being associated with the "masculine" symbols of Fire (passion, energy, and desire) and Air (logic, reason, and thinking); Cups and Pentacles are considered feminine, being associated with the "feminine" symbols of Water (feelings and emotions) and Earth (materialistic and practical concepts like money, and careers).

Got all that?

Okay, having now considered the traditional Tarot deck, it occurs to me that it no longer meets the needs of those who wish to interpret Der Furor's America. Therefore, as a service to MAGAts who wish to use the Tarot predict their futures (or explain Der Furor's policies^†), I offer the following redesign to create a new, MAGA-friendly version:

The Major Arcana change as follows:

The Fool is replaced by The Cabinet;

The Magician is replaced by Fox News^††; 

The High Priestess is replaced by Karoline Leavitt;

The Empress is replaced by Melania Trump;

The Emperor is replaced by Steven Miller;

The Hierophant is replaced by Q; 

The Lovers is replaced by The Trumpettes; 

The Chariot is replaced by The Cybertruck;

Strength is replaced by Bombast;

The Hermit is replaced by Steve Bannon;

The Wheel of Fortune is replaced by The Tariff;

Justice is not used in the MAGA Tarot;

The Hanged Man is replaced by Mike Pence;

Death is replaced by Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.;

Temperance is replaced by Pete Hegseth/Brett Kavanaugh;

The Devil is replaced by The Immigrant;

The Tower is replaced by Mar-a-Lago;

The Star is replaced by Kid Rock; 

The Moon is replaced by The Midnight Tweet; 

The Sun is replaced by Der Furor, the center of the MAGA universe; 

Judgement is not used in the MAGA Tarot; and, 

The World is replaced by America.

The Suits of the Minor Arcana change as follows (note that, in accordance with MAGA beliefs, all are now masculine):

Wands is replaced by Phalluses 

Swords is replaced by Bunker Busters

Cups is replaced by Six-Packs; and, 

Pentacles is replaced by Red Hats

There is, of course, a great deal more to the arcane pseudoscience of reading Tarot cards, and I don't pretend to understand it all. I'll just limit myself to the design of the deck, and the MAGAts can figure out the rest on their own.

Have a good day, or as good a day as your Tarot reading suggests you're going to have.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* However this is defined.

** One who interprets sacred mysteries or esoteric principles.

*** A "pentacle" is "a talisman or magical object, used as a symbol of the element of earth.

† To the extent that any of these can be explained.

†† For its power to instantly transmute the wildest fiction into truth.

The 21st Century Golem

You may recall my post from a few weeks ago on "talismanic incantations," the modern-day political, social, and religious magic words we use to invoke the outcomes for which we hope. Naturally, after I wrote that post, I saw this very interesting video from the PBS series "Otherwords" titled "The Linguistic Origins of Magic Words."

It gives a very interesting and understandable (for us linguists, especially) look at the history and use of "magic words," and reminded me of a cautionary tale I'd long forgotten about - the story of the golem.

Not to be confused with "Gollum," the tragic figure from J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" and "The Lord of the Rings," the golem is a creature formed from a lifeless substance (often mud) brought to life by a human creator using ritual incantations and sequences of Hebrew letters to be a helper, a companion, or the rescuer of an imperiled Jewish community. Many golem stories are cautionary tales of the unintended consequences of evoking mystical powers, as the creature spins out of control and becomes a threat to its creator.

A golem menaces the heroine (of course) in a 1915 film.

There are differing versions of how the magic words are used to bring the golem to life. Some say that the clay figure comes to life when the magic words (called the shem) are written on a slip of paper and placed in the golem's mouth, while others claim that the words must be inscribed in the clay of the monster's forehead; no matter which version, the golem can only be stopped when the magic words are removed - by pulling the shem from the golem's mouth or erasing it from its forehead ... either action being, of course, potentially fatal to the one attempting the removal.

Why am I thinking about golems at this moment, you ask? Well, it occurs to me that we have the 21st-century equivalent of a golem, created from sh ... uh ... mud and animated by a talismanic incantation inscribed on its forehead, that has spun out of control and become a threat to its creators and supporters as well as its foes ...

If only we could save ourselves simply by removing the inscription-bearing hat.

Have a good day. Don't vote for golems ... it never ends well.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

It's a difficult time to envision the ideal of "peace on earth, goodwill toward men." Our country is divided along social, political, and religious lines, and there seems to be little interest in finding common ground. We need a time to sit back, take a deep breath, and try to come to whatever mutual degree of understanding and respect we can find. Perhaps, as Tom Lehrer suggests, during National Brotherhood Week ...

And here are the lyrics, for those of you who may miss some of the more dated references ...

Oh, the white folks hate the black folks

And the black folks hate the white folks

To hate all but the right folks

Is an old established rule

But during

National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week

Lena Horne and Sheriff Clark are dancing cheek to cheek

It's fun to eulogize the people you despise

As long you don't let them in your school

Oh, the poor folks, hate the rich folks

And the rich folks hate the poor folks

All of my folks hate all of your folks

It's American as apple pie

But during

National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week

New Yorkers love the Puerto Ricans cause it's very chic

Step up and shake the hand of someone you can't stand

You can tolerate him if you try

Oh the Protestants hate the Catholics

And the Catholics hate the Protestants

And the Hindus hate the Muslims

And everybody hates the Jews

But during

National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week

It's National Everyone-Smile-At-One-Another-hood Week

Be nice to people who are inferior to you

It's only for a week so have no fear

Be grateful that it doesn't last all year

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Be nice to people who are inferior to you.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

I wish the calendar came with a "your time back if not satisfied" guarantee ...

In a major victory for Der Furor's ongoing attempts to circumvent the Constitution, the Supreme Court ruled that he can, despite the language of the 14th Amendment, end birthright citizenship in some parts of the country, even as legal challenges to the constitutionality of the move proceed in other regions; emphasizing the "die" part of the state motto "Live Free or Die," the New Hampshire state legislature has ended the requirement for annual vehicle safety inspections; police in Oslo, Norway, announced charges against the eldest son of Norway’s crown princess, on multiple counts including rape, sexual assault and bodily harm involving a “double-digit” number of alleged victims; North Korean state media has announced the grand opening of a beach resort that can accommodate up to 20,000 visitors, with hotels, restaurants, shopping malls and a water park ... seeking to rekindle his bromance with Der Furor, Kim Jong Un is rumored to have offered to rent as many as 20,000 of the unused hotel rooms to Der Furor to warehouse expelled immigrants; and in the United States, people seeking to lose weight but unable to afford the high cost of weight-loss drugs are saving up to 90% of the cost by buying the drug ingredients from China and mixing them at home. What could possibly go wrong?

We haven't had a collection of cartoons about crash test dummies for a while, and it just seems right to bring them back for another visit. After all, Der Furor is driving us full speed into an autocratic wall ...

AI is getting into everything ... 

I guess they don't need a doorbell ...

And what about hers? ...

One wonders ...

Crash test parents ...

Why wouldn't they have their own club? ...

I wonder if it's a threat that works ...

This one's my favorite for the week ...

Der Furor thinks he can fix that ...

Uh, oh ...

And that's our bang-up collection of cartoons for this week, the last Cartoon Saturday of June ... I hope we brought you a chuckle.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and be sure to come back tomorrow for Musical Sunday, when we visit the great Tom Lehrer for a timely tune. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for June, 2025

If you've been following the news, you have no doubt noticed that the "weaponization of government" so long decried by Republicans when they were out of power has become a frightening reality under the rule of Der Furor. The traditional American value of "equal justice under law" has gone out the window as conservatives anxious to cement their power wield the law either as a cudgel or a protective shield, depending on who is in the legal crosshairs.

In order to accomplish this, Der Furor has worked diligently to staff what used to be the Department of Justice with people devoted not to the even-handed administration of the law, but to personal loyalty to him and his desires. We have already noted such legal luminaries as Attorney General Pam Bondi (a two-time Ass Clown award winner*), but the drive to stock every level of justice with sycophants is a never-ending quest, and it leads us to our next award winner.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, with the usual flatulent blare of trumpets and roll of drums we announce

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for June, 2025

which goes to

Emil Bove

Emil Bove is an attorney with a long history of defending Der Furor in his various criminal and civil trials, and is now serving as acting deputy attorney general. In this position, Mr. Bove has led the implementation of major policy changes meant to remove what Der Furor calls political bias but which clearly threaten the Justice Department's traditional independence from the White House.

For instance, Mr. Bove ordered the firing of all prosecutors who had been hired on a probationary basis to work on cases related to the insurrection of January 6th, 2021, then directed the top federal prosecutors in each state to compile a list of all prosecutors and FBI agents involved in the January 6th probe - a clear attempt to derail a thorough investigation of the insurrection and Der Furor's role in it, and casting doubt over his ability to administer the law independent of the president's baleful influence.

Der Furor has nominated Mr Bove to a seat on the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, which oversees district courts in Delaware, New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and has reportedly considered him for a Supreme Court appointment should a vacancy occur during his reign administration. 

According to a recent whistleblower report, Mr. Bove told prosecutors to ignore orders from judges who ruled against the president’s immigration policy. During Mr. Bove's confirmation hearing for his federal judgeship, California Senator Adam Schiff asked him about the whistleblower's allegation that he had made crude and dismissive comments about the courts on which he has been nominated to serve ...

Schiff: Did you suggest telling the courts '[eff] you' in any manner?

Bove: I don't recall.

Schiff: You just don't remember that?

It seems like a pretty clear yes-or-no question, and "I don't recall" is a pretty lame evasion.

Mr. Bove has a long history of taking questionably legal actions for the benefit of Der Furor and to the detriment of justice, and this substack post from Joyce Vance does a better job than I could of summarizing them. He is a man in no way equal to service in the Department of Justice, much less in a judgeship that could serve as a springboard to an already highly partisan Supreme Court.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for June, 2025, is Mr. Emil Bove. I rest my case.

Have a good day and come back tomorrow for the last Cartoon Saturday of this misbegotten month. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Right-Cheek, May 2025, and Right-Cheek, June 2025.

Superlatives Needed!

While numerous military experts have expressed concern about possible shortages of weapons for US forces as a result of huge quantities of supplies and equipment provided to Israel and Ukraine, little attention has been paid to an equally serious shortage key to the functioning of our government. I refer, of course, to the looming shortfall in superlative adjectives.

It’s certainly no secret that Der Furor responds to lavishly-applied flattery. You will no doubt remember the famous Cabinet meeting at which, with the news cameras rolling, then-Vice President Pence and every member of the Cabinet (with the notable exception of then-Defense Secretary Jim Mattis) heaped obsequious flattery on their boss. The tradition of servile bootlicking continues in the second reign administration of Der Furor, as Cabinet meetings continue to include lavish praise of the king president. The bombing of Iran by B-2 bombers using the world's largest non-nuclear bomb is "a spectacular military success" and a "courageous" and "bold" action that "no other president had the guts to take."

The problem, of course, is that there are only so many superlative adjectives available for use and so many times they can be used before they become linguistically shopworn and lose their impact. If you’re the last Cabinet member to speak at the meeting, your fellow secretaries have already used all the best superlatives, leaving you either to simply repeat the flattery they’ve already shoveled or try to jazz it up with modifiers like “historic,” “dynamic,” “world-changing,” "bold," "courageous," or simply, “very (insert adjective).” If you're White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt*, you need a larger staff and ever-frequent use of a thesaurus to mine new and more Fox News-worthy superlatives. Our government no longer has a staff of Daniel Websters, William Jennings Bryans, or even Ciceros to keep up with the need for fawning oratory to praise the surpassing brilliance of the king president.

It's up to you, America - your king president needs you to help replenish the National Strategic Superlatives Reserve (NSSR)! As past generations stepped up in war drives to contribute scrap iron, rubber, glass, and other used items needed to support the war effort, it's your turn to do your part by contributing newer, fresher superlative adjectives to keep your king president properly praised and uplifted in the eyes of his followers and the world. Don't let lesser strutting potentates like Kim Jong-un gain a strategic linguistic advantage - let the world know of the surpassing excellence of Der Furor in all things by contributing your fawning superlatives to The White House Press Office, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC, 20500, calling the White House switchboard at 202-456-1111, or sending an email to president@whitehouse.gov. 

As Melania would urge you, help your king president "be best," if only adjectivally.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* The On-Crack Ass Clown for May, 2025.