Sunday, October 13, 2024

Poetry Sunday


Halloween is rapidly approaching, and that means it's time for our first Poetry Sunday offering of the spooky season. Today, we revisit this quietly unsettling poem I first encountered when it was quoted in Stephen King's novel 'Salem's Lot ...

The Emperor of Ice-Cream

Call the roller of big cigars,
The muscular one, and bid him whip
In kitchen cups concupiscent curds.
Let the wenches dawdle in such dress
As they are used to wear, and let the boys
Bring flowers in last month's newspapers.
Let be be finale of seem.
The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.

Take from the dresser of deal,
Lacking the three glass knobs, that sheet
On which she embroidered fantails once
And spread it so as to cover her face.
If her horny feet protrude, they come
To show how cold she is, and dumb.
Let the lamp affix its beam.
The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.


I haven't looked at ice cream the same way since.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, October 12, 2024

Cartoon Saturday


If the Halloween season isn't frightening enough, there's still the news ...

Hurricane Milton roared across central Florida this week, wreaking more havoc on a state already reeling from the destructive effects of Hurricane Helene and the governorship of Ron DeSantis; war continued to rage in the Middle East, with Israel and Hizballah forces continued to battle in Lebanon; the Oklahoma State Superintendent directed the purchase of tens of thousands of bibles for the state's public schools, and the specifications for the contracted bibles matched only the "God Bless the USA Bible ... the only bible endorsed by [Der Furor]" ... which are printed in China; and in the latest case of rampant illegal immigration, a Chinese woman has been arrested in Vermont for attempting to smuggle 29 eastern box turtles, a protected species, across a Vermont lake into Canada by kayak. 

For our second Halloween-themed Cartoon Saturday, we visit (after sundown, of course) with everyone's favorite bloodsucker not employed by a collection agency or your local loan shark - Dracula ...

Somebody's in trouble ...


When doctors face off against vampires ...


Even the undead keep up with the times ...


Who's more frightened? ...


Practicing defensive eating ...


I guess the old coffin wasn't comfortable enough ...


We may need to update our definition of what constitutes a monster for a new era ...


Okay, vampire boomer ...


Dracula's dog ...


What was the ... dead ... giveaway? ...


And that's it for our Cartoon Saturday visit to Transylvania, and other parts. Hope you enjoyed it!

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday takes its own first look at Halloween. See you then.

Bilbo

Friday, October 11, 2024

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


It's time for October's first collection of Great Moments in Editing and Signage - in true Halloween fashion, designed to scare the bejeezus out of linguistic and editorial purists. And away we go ...

When your band wants to make music that's a cut above all the other bands ...


See historic odors? ...


Having seen those historic odors, if you need to get rid of some of them ...


If you're willing to put out, we've got your job! ...


The counter assistant must have been one of those new hires that puts out ...


I don't really think that a wet t-shirt contest in a nursing home is the draw they think it is ...


Methinks Dr Johnson's husband needs a shave ...


At my age, I think I could easily win that pee knuckle tournament ...


A particularly useful admonition at Halloween time ...


Now, this is a scary set up for a jump scare in a horror movie ...


And there you have it - our first collection of Great Moments for October ... I hope you enjoyed it.

Have a good day and be sure to come back tomorrow for the second Cartoon Saturday of the Halloween season, this time visiting the threat posed by evil bloodsuckers. No, not loan sharks, vampires. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Wednesday, October 09, 2024

Bilbo's Endorsement for President


We are less than one month away from the 2024 Presidential Election which, it is safe to say, will be the most consequential since I cast my first presidential vote in 1972 ... for Richard Nixon.

As I've often written in this space, I was a staunch conservative Republican voter from 1972 until, in disgust at the performance of George W. Bush, I voted for John Kerry in 2004. I have consistently voted Democratic ever since, and see no reason to change - especially now. Without the least trace of doubt or reserve, I am voting for - and wholeheartedly endorse - Vice President Kamala Harris for President.


There's an old saying that a person under 30 who is not liberal has no heart, and a person over 30 who is not conservative has no brain. Nowadays, it seems that there are a great many people who claim to be conservative and, regardless of age, appear to have no brain.

I do not say this lightly, because some members of my own family and friends I otherwise care about and respect have chosen to support Der Furor. I cannot understand how they can place their trust in such a demonstrably awful person, a person who spouts the most obviously discreditable lies and cries "foul!" when challenged, cannot speak in complete and rational sentences, and works tirelessly to undermine confidence in the public institutions of the nation he would lead again. It's remarkable that dozens of the people who most closely worked with the former president have gone on record denying his fitness for office and, instead, endorsing Vice-President Harris.

Make no mistake: Vice-President Harris is not a perfect candidate, and suffers from the traditional Democratic problem of espousing big programs while being vague about how they'd be paid for. But consider that the programs she espouses are targeted toward helping ordinary Americans, not big business and the already-wealthy.

Der Furor holds huge rallies at which he talks incoherently for hours; Ms Harris holds smaller rallies (although their size increasingly compares favorably to those of her opponent), but her speeches are clear, understandable, and blessedly short and to the point.

It is a measure of the emptiness and mendacity of Der Furor and his supporters in Congress that they consistently take credit for programs passed by a Democratic administration ... against which they almost invariably voted ... having passed no worthwhile legislation of their own.


Former House Speaker Sam Rayburn once pithily remarked that any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build one. Today's GOP is composed almost entirely of jackasses who miss no opportunity to kick at the barn, yet steadfastly refuse to do the difficult work of legislatively addressing the problems about which they howl. Der Furor and his acolytes in Congress, faced with the vast disaster unleashed by Hurricane Helene, have responded by pouring out a torrent of lies and false information about the federal response to the crisis, actively undermining the work being done by those actually addressing the problems of their fellow citizens in distress.

In the true fashion of authoritarian rulers, Der Furor spins up his followers with wild, fanciful tales of horrific crimes being committed by immigrants ... who, statistically, are far less likely to engage in illegal acts than American citizens.

Der Furor and his enablers continue to insist - in the face of a complete, total lack of evidence - that the 2020 election was stolen from him, and that the 2024 election will be considered "free and fair" only if he wins. They work relentlessly to undermine confidence in the fairness and security of our elections, spouting asinine complaints easily refuted by the least amount of knowledge about actual election administration processes and applicable state and federal laws.

Der Furor and his ilk insist on the importance of "religious freedom," but seek to impose "Christian" beliefs and tenets on a public that worships in a multitude of faiths.

Once again, I stress that Kamala Harris is not an ideal candidate. She is, however, far better equipped - in terms of temperament, lived experience, and government service at the local, state, and federal levels - than Der Furor or JD Vance - separately or together. Her candidacy is endorsed by those who know Der Furor best. She is focused on the American people, not on herself. Her faults pale in comparison to those of her opponents.

There is only one rational choice in next month's election, and it is Vice President Kamala Harris and Governor Tim Walz.

Prove me wrong* if you can. Good luck with that.

Have a good day, and VOTE ... no matter who you vote for. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Using facts, not insults and truth-free diatribe. Otherwise, don't waste my time.

Sunday, October 06, 2024

Musical Sunday


It's the first weekend of the Halloween Month, and it's Musical Sunday, so what better way to kick off the scary season than with a new twist on a classic Halloween tune: Big Daddy and the Band of 59's mashup of "The Music of the Night" from The Phantom of the Opera and Bobby "Boris" Pickett's "The Monster Mash" ...


Bwa, ha, HAAAAAAAA!!!

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, October 05, 2024

Cartoon Saturday


As if Halloween season needed more stuff to make it scary ...

Much of the southeastern United States continues recovery efforts after the enormous destruction wreaked by Hurricane Helene; Ohio Senator JD Vance and Minnesota Governor Tim Walz squared off in what will likely be the only vice-presidential, and probably the final, "debate" of the election season; former First Lady Melania Trump has joined other Republican former first ladies in support of abortion rights, putting her at odds with Der Furor's position in a possible attempt to divert attention from unpopular GOP positions on the divisive issue; Special Counsel Jack Smith filed his updated motion to clarify Der Furor's liability for prosecution following the Supreme Court's decision establishing an expansive view of presidential immunity for crimes committed in office; and in (where else?) Florida, a man is in custody after shooting and killing a friend who was helping him guard guard a home from ... someone else. 

We begin our annual celebration of Halloween October with our first monster-themed Cartoon Saturday, this week featuring that man of many parts, Frankenstein*. 

Like I said in the footnote ...


I think they need to test for more than sex ...


He's a natural for piece work ...


A stitch in time ...


He could have an advantage with modern EVs ...


He could have an advantage in some games, too ...


He has a point ...


Yes, that does sound better than "sewn together from corpses" ...


I think this lawyer is gonna be rich ...


It must be nice not to have to worry about finding a charging station ...



And Frankenstein's monster lurches off, stage left, to close our first Cartoon Saturday of the Halloween season. I hope you enjoyed the collection.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Musical Sunday presents one of the greatest Halloween song mashups ever. See you then. 

Bilbo

* Yes, I know that Frankenstein was actually the creator and not the monster, but just work with me on this, okay?

Friday, October 04, 2024

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for October, 2024


I've been considering this award for a while, but wasn't sure when to award it. As we draw closer to the election and the hysteria builds, it seems like now is the right time.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I hereby present the tinfoil and toilet paper crown designating

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for October, 2024


to

The "Election Integrity" Zealots


The United States has been electing presidents since George Washington took the office in 1789. Since that time, we have elected a total of 46 presidents (45, actually, since one of them, Grover Cleveland, was elected to two nonconsecutive terms). Between 1789 and 2016, the elections were generally carried out and the new presidents took their oaths of office with minimum fuss ... except for the election of 1872 (documented by CNN anchor Dana Bash in her new book America's Deadliest Election), the 2000 election, which the Supreme Court gave to George W. Bush*, and the 2020 election, which was contested by a violent mob egged on by the loser. 

Now, urged on by the rhetoric of an angry, petty, vindictive, thin-skinned wannabe tyrant who refuses to admit error or loss, a whole cottage industry has arisen in this country, dedicated to sowing doubt about the accuracy and fairness of elections their candidate loses. Election deniers, almost exclusively Republicans, insist that their candidates can only lose when their opponents cheat, and insist on new, intrusive measures to ensure "election integrity."

The "election integrity" zealots absolutely believe - in the complete absence of evidence - that Republican candidates only lose because vast numbers of illegal voters swamp the polls with their ballots. Although few if any of these zealots have ever trained or worked as election officials, they nevertheless work tirelessly to solve this nonexistent problem by attempting to make it more difficult for everyone to vote, by means of measures like:

- Purging voter rolls of people who have not voted in recent elections, even if they are otherwise properly registered;

- Eliminating or severely restricting availability of mail-in or absentee ballots; 

- Refusing to accept mail-in or absentee ballots postmarked on or before, but received after election day - at the present time, the number of days mail-in ballots can be accepted for counting after election day varies by state, from a low of 3 days in Kansas to a high of 14 in Illinois. 

- Removing most secure ballot drop boxes, making it difficult to find one in a safe and convenient location; 

- Requiring documentary proof of citizenship* to register to vote (under U.S. Supreme Court precedent, people may vote in federal elections by attesting to U.S. citizenship under penalty for perjury, without providing documentary proof); and,

- Making it illegal for non-citizens to vote in federal elections (ignoring the fact that it is already illegal for non-citizens to vote in federal elections).

The fact that there has been no evidence of illegal voting in numbers that would come remotely close to affecting the outcome of any federal election does not slow those anxious to impose harsh solutions in search of imagined problems. At best, the "Election Integrity" Zealots simply enrich lawyers by gumming up the system with useless litigation; at worst, they sow mistrust among citizens in the integrity of their elections and the people who administer them.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, we present the Right-Cheek Ass Clown Award this month to the "Election Integrity" Zealots ... people who - without any knowledge of what they're talking about - are working relentlessly to undermine your confidence in the honesty, accuracy, and security of your elections.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for the first Cartoon Saturday of our annual Halloween Month celebration, celebrating everyone's favorite man of many parts - Frankenstein. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Supreme Court decision in Bush v Gore, 2000.

** What constitutes proof of citizenship? In general, an official copy of your birth certificate, a Consular Report of Birth Abroad (State Department form FS-240), or a passport ... but how many of you can readily lay hands on an official copy of your birth certificate or your FS-240? And how many everyday Americans have a passport?

Wednesday, October 02, 2024

Learning a New Language at 73


Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while may recall that my undergraduate major in college was Linguistics, with a specialization in foreign languages, which required me to minor in one language and study another to the "intermediate" level. My minor language was German, in which I'm conversationally fluent; my "intermediate" language was Russian, in which I can, sadly, no longer claim anything like fluency. Nevertheless, I remain fascinated by the subject of languages and enjoy studying them, if not always learning to speak them fluently.

Back in July, Agnes and I went on a cruise vacation from Boston up the New England coast to Québec, and in preparation for our planned stay in that francophone city, we decided to learn some French* ...

I signed us up for an online French course with Babbel, which we gamely struggled through for a few weeks before deciding we were not learning very much other than such useful expressions as Il y a vache dans le jardin (there's a cow in the garden), je veux travailler dans une usine de chocolat (I want to work in a chocolate factory), and votre poulet est sur mon pied (your chicken is on my foot)**. On the advice of our daughter Yasmin, we decided to switch over to Duolingo.

We found Duolingo to be superior to Babbel for the way we learn, although Agnes had a bit of a head start on me, having studied French many years ago. We thus arrived in Canada armed with a few weeks of survival French ... only to learn that pretty much everybody in the touristy areas spoke better English than we did. Agnes got several positive comments on her accent, and I thought my accent wasn't bad either, although I was reminded of my long-suffering college Russian teacher's comment that I spoke a perfect accent without a trace of Russian.

Once back from our trip to Quebec, we decided that since we'd paid good money for the Duolingo program, we should keep up with it. Agnes has continued with French, although I decided to switch to Spanish, which seems to be more useful in present-day America***.

I think I'm making reasonable strides in basic Spanish, although there are a few things that are giving me fits:

- The grammatical gender of nouns is not always the same in Spanish as it is in German, which can be confusing. On the plus side, Spanish only has two grammatical genders, while German has three.


- Spanish is spoken at a rate of 570,000,000 words per minute, making it a bit difficult for a beginner to follow. Of course, German is spoken rapidly, too, but I've had a lot more years to learn to follow it.

- As in pretty much all languages, the verb to be is irregular. But Spanish gives it a twist by making you learn two different verbs which both mean to be: ser and estar. The basic rule of which one to use is this: your first guess is always wrong††.

So ...

Yo hablo alemán, y necesito estudiar mucho, porque español es muy difícil.

If that's wrong, I'll just check with my granddaughter Leya, who is patiently trying to help me out. After all, it's commonly known that it's a lot harder to learn a language when you're 73 than when you're 17.

Schön Tag noch! Weitere Meinungen folgen.

Bilbo

* I remembered the hysterically funny essay "French for Americans" by Robert Benchley, in which I learned (among other things) that French has five vowels - a, e, i, o, and u, pronounced ong, ong, ong, ong, and ong. You can read a summary of the whole essay in this Futility Closet post.

** In fairness to Babbel, the last one was helpfully offered by our friend Kathy.

*** Much to the horror of most conservative voters.

† I have a degree in linguistics and I still have no idea why nouns need a grammatical gender ... in German, for example, you eat your meals with a knife (das Messer, neuter), fork (die Gabel, feminine), and spoon (der Löffel, masculine). Whyzat?

†† Making ser and estar the linguistic equivalent of USB connectors.

Sunday, September 29, 2024

Poetry Sunday


I don't recall where I ran across this poem, and I don't have any other information about the "Annie" who is credited as the author. Nevertheless, it remains as timely now as it was when I found it in early 2021.

“The Enemy Is Within”
(An Acrostic for Nancy Pelosi)
by Annie

D eep Jan 20 sighs of relief
E dged out by fierce reality;
M adam Speaker does not
O rate with exaggeration.
C haos now
R esides in the People’s House
A s elected terrorists
C ircumvent metal detectors,
Y owling threats at “colleagues.”
N ever do we recall blatant
E nemies of democratic rule
E choing, even exaggerating, a
D efeated president’s worst lies,
S ubmerged in hellish unreality.
U ntil we citizens who
S ee what lies ahead
T urn elections
O n all levels toward
D emands for Truth
A nd Comity,
Y esterday will eclipse tomorrow.


Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, September 28, 2024

Cartoon Saturday


Where do these weeks come from, anyhow?

Hurricane Helen hit Northwestern Florida with 140 mph sustained winds and a storm surge described by NOAA* forecasters as "potentially unsurvivable" before barreling inland and killing at least 45 people across the southeast; federal prosecutors on Thursday announced a five-count indictment of New York City Mayor Eric Adams on charges including conspiracy, wire fraud and bribery; the Israeli military said that it killed Hizballah leader Hassan Nasrallah in an overnight attack that flattened an apartment building in Beirut; at least 46 people, including 37 children, drowned while ritually bathing as part of a Hindu religious festival in eastern Indian rivers and ponds swollen by recent flooding; and in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, police responded to a local supermarket and arrested a man who was throwing jars of salsa at customers and employees - he was charged with a taco with a deadly weapon. 

With the election now only weeks away, it seems appropriate to take a cartoon look at the current environment ...

Sad, but increasingly true ...


Der Furor's debate performance scared me; I can imagine how it would traumatize children ...


I imagine that there are a lot of people who would vote for Der Furor no matter what he did ... 


Depends on the outcome of the election, doesn't it? ...


You have to wonder: if the economy is so terrible that people can't afford eggs or gas and have to eat their pets, how is it that they have money to buy red hats, schlocky NFTs, gold sneakers, pieces of debate suits, etc, etc? ...


I've been looking all over for that hellscape, and haven't managed to find it yet ...


That's why they watch Faux News, OANN, and the other extreme networks ...


I'd be rethinking rescue, too ...


I don't think the deal applies to Supreme Court justices, as the supply is too small to meet the demand ...


This year, I think the choice is much harder for the pols to make ...


And that's it for this week ... hope you enjoyed it. 

Have you checked to make sure your voting registration is up to date? Do you have a plan to either vote in person early, vote by mail, or vote in person on election day? The stakes are high ... do your civic duty.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns. See you then.

Bilbo

* NOAA has been recommended for elimination in the GOP's "Project 2025" report ... see page 664, and note the following comment on page 676: "Data collected by the department should be presented neutrally, without adjustments intended to support any one side in the climate debate."