The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2024

How time flies! We're already into the second half of April, and it's time once again to dip our net into the swirling cesspool of buffoonery and dredge up a dishonoree worthy of being named

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2024

In spite of the intense competition on all fronts - social, political, and religious, national and international, I think I've found a suitable winner, and he is

Israeli Prime Minister

Benjamin Netanyahu*

Israel lives in a tough neighborhood, surrounded by neighbors who, at best, don't wish it well and, at worst, wish to see it wiped from the face of the earth. One could argue that such a position requires tough leadership and a willingness to do what it takes to protect the citizens. But the scorched-earth policies of Mr. Netanyahu reflect less tough leadership than a single-minded policy based not on long-term strategic calculations, but on the immediate survival of his political career.

The world was horrified by the brutal attack on Israeli border settlements by Hamas terrorists last October, and support for defensive action by Israeli government and armed forces to recover its kidnapped citizens and avenge the dead was generally supported by most governments. But the savage Israeli response to the October attack long ago passed all limits of proportionality and rationality, laying waste to vast stretches of Gaza and killing more than 30,000 Palestinian residents of the tiny enclave. Mr. Netanyahu has declared that the Israeli operations will continue until Hamas has been "eliminated" as a threat and all Israeli hostages have been recovered ... a worthy, but likely unattainable goal.

Mr. Netanyahu's intransigence and willingness to thumb his nose even at his most reliable international supporters is amazingly self-defeating, and reflects a complete lack of strategic understanding. He has relentlessly alienated necessary sources of political, military, and economic support and divided Israeli society in the face of mounting international threats. Only Der Furor can compare to Mr. Netanyahu in the scope of his strategic ineptitude. The damage he has done, and continues to do, to Israel, the larger Middle East, and the world, is beyond calculation.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is awarded the battered tinfoil and toilet paper crown to acknowledge his selection as the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2024. 

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday looks askance at the 1%. See you then.

Bilbo

* This is Mr. Netanyahu's second award; his first, the Right-Cheek Award for December of 2023, was shared with his national security advisor and with the leaders of Hamas. 

Der Furor as Poster Child for The Seven Deadly Sins

One of my favorite movies is the brilliant "Se7en," which followed the attempts of detectives Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt to catch a sadistic murderer whose victims represent the embodiment of the Seven Deadly Sins. It occurs to me, as it has frequently, that the Seven Deadly Sins are a convenient way to frame Der Furor's behavior and fitness (or lack thereof) for a return to the presidency. I wrote about this back in March of 2018, and now seems like a good time to revisit the issue ..

Envy is defined as a resentful covetousness towards the traits, possessions, or achievements of someone else. Consider that Der Furor repeatedly promised but never delivered an “infrastructure week,” to the point it became a running joke. He tried relentlessly to undermine President Biden’s infrastructure bill, and when Biden actually delivered it, he and his GOP sycophants were quick to take credit for its benefits after doing their best to tank it.

Greed is the inordinate desire to acquire or possess more than one needs, especially material wealth. Der Furor's homes are heavily decorated with gold. ‘Nuff said.

While we tend to think of Gluttony in terms of overeating, it traditionally refers to obsessive overindulgence and materialism. It's like greed on steroids. 

I think a strong case could be made for Der Furor as the poster child for Lust: “I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything ... Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.” Need I say more?

Pride: Der Furor is a man who puts his name on everything you can imagine, from buildings to golf courses to vodka. And, of course, he’s the guy who always lets us know that “Nobody knows more about (insert topic) than me.”

Sloth has been defined as absence of interest in things of importance, a disinclination to exertion, and a wanton neglect of one’s responsibilities. When running for the presidency, Der Furor claimed he wouldn’t have time to play golf, because he’d be working every day for America, yet he spent a huge amount of time on the links. One also notes that Der Furor was observed falling asleep during his criminal trial in Manhattan yesterday. 

Wrath is the exercise of uncontrolled feelings of rage or hatred, often manifesting itself in a desire for vengeance. We all know that Der Furor was famous for leading chants of "lock her up!" about Hillary Clinton, but his recent record of angrily hateful rhetoric and need for revenge on his foes goes far beyond any "normal" political hyperbole. 

And, of course, there was the famous Golden Idol, which probably combines pride, greed, and gluttony ...

If you're one of those deluded folks who believes Der Furor was sent by God to save America, you may want to question why the deity would select so woefully unsuitable a messenger.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming. 

Bilbo

Tax Day, 2024

Today is April 15th, 2024, the day on which most American citizens will have to have paid their federal taxes on "incomes, from whatever source derived."* It's a day most of us hate, but it represents - together with voting - one of the fundamental duties of responsible citizenship ... sharing in the costs and mechanisms of good government.

In modern America, paying your taxes isn't easy. Nor is voting in many places, for that matter. This year, as I've done every year for decades, I spent many hundreds of dollars to pay a professional to calculate my taxes and file all the appropriate paperwork to keep me out of jail. This amount is deductible on my taxes if I itemize my deductions ... but, like most middle- and lower-class Americans, I don't have enough total deductions to itemize. Unfortunately, one has to do all the byzantine calculations to determine whether or not itemization is possible. Over the years, most deductions that benefit average citizens** have been whittled away or eliminated by Congress in an attempt to make up for the tax cuts benefiting businesses and the very wealthy - those who are able to shape the tax laws to their advantage by the strategic use of donations to the right parties and politicians.

I've written about the unfairness and idiocy of our tax system many times in this space, but as a (relatively) low-fixed-income senior citizen, my voice doesn't rise above the din of outrage raised by those who pay virtually nothing in taxes and wish to pay less. You may want to remember, when you cast your vote in November, that there are a lot of people paying vast amounts of money to once again elect Der Furor and other Republicans because they promise "tax cuts." Just read the fine print and understand it's not your taxes that are being cut.

Have a good day. I hope it won't be too ... taxing. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* According to the Sixteenth Amendment to the Constitution, adopted in 1913. The Amendment itself is two lines long. Today's tax code is millions of lines long. Go figure.

** Such as interest on consumer loans and credit cards, and medical expenses. And consider that a billionaire can deduct many expenses related to his/her private jet, but a teacher who has to spend her/his own money on a classroom not properly funded by local government has to just eat those expenses and smile.

Poetry Sunday

The United States we're living in today is not the same one that I grew up in. Nor is it the same United States I served for more than two decades as an Air Force officer. Granted, some things have gotten better, although the benefits have hardly been distributed equally. I never thought I'd see a manifestly crazy, politically inept clown like Der Furor as our president, or that the Republican party to which I once belonged had gone Full Nazi ... and now I can't imagine that a significant number of people can believe that - gawd forbid - Robert F. Kennedy, Jr - would be an acceptable option to those dissatisfied with both President Biden and Der Furor. Or that wealth will trickle down from the top 1% to make life wonderful for the rest of us. Everybody knows ... but nobody really cares enough.

Everybody Knows

By Leonard Cohen

 

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded

Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed

Everybody knows that the war is over

Everybody knows the good guys lost

Everybody knows the fight was fixed

The poor stay poor, the rich get rich

That's how it goes

Everybody knows

Everybody knows that the boat is leaking

Everybody knows that the captain lied

Everybody got this broken feeling

Like their father or their dog just died

Everybody talking to their pockets

Everybody wants a box of chocolates

And a long stem rose

Everybody knows

Everybody knows that you love me baby

Everybody knows that you really do

Everybody knows that you've been faithful

Give or take a night or two

Everybody knows you've been discreet

But there were so many people you just had to meet

Without your clothes

And everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows

That's how it goes

Everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows

That's how it goes

Everybody knows

And everybody knows that it's now or never

Everybody knows that it's me or you

And everybody knows that you live forever

When you've done a line or two

Everybody knows the deal is rotten

Old Black Joe's still pickin' cotton

For your ribbons and your bows

And everybody knows

And everybody knows that the Plague is coming

Everybody knows that it's moving fast

Everybody knows that the naked man and woman

Are just a shining artifact of the past

Everybody knows the scene is dead

But there's gonna be a meter on your bed

That will disclose

What everybody knows

And everybody knows that you're in trouble

Everybody knows what you've been through

From the bloody cross on top of Calvary

To the beach of Malibu

Everybody knows it's coming apart

Take one last look at this Sacred Heart

Before it blows

And everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows

That's how it goes

Everybody knows

Oh everybody knows, everybody knows

That's how it goes

Everybody knows

Everybody knows

In case you're interested, here's a great video of Leonard Cohen performing this song live in Dublin.

Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Think very carefully about how you vote in November ... everybody knows what could happen, but nobody wants to admit how far we've fallen as a nation.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Time for a new Cartoon Saturday! You know you need it ... 

The Biden administration announced it will use a mix of existing forgiveness programs to cancel another $7.4 billion in student loans owed by 277,000 Americans; the Arizona Supreme Court dusted off a territorial law dating to 1864 to implement a near-total ban on abortion services in the state; Vietnamese billionaire Truong My Lan has been sentenced to death for fraud in which, over an 11-year period, she looted one of the country's largest banks; Apple said Thursday that it would allow repair of newer iPhones with used parts like screens, batteries and cameras, reversing its previous practice of encouraging people to use new, more expensive Apple-approved parts; and in Indiana, multiple criminal charges have been filed against a man who presented himself as a “Christian chiropractor” in order to make his female victims feel more comfortable and at ease before sexually assaulting them. 

I've been grinding away on the novel I've been trying for years to write, and it's slow going ... we'll see if I ever manage to get it done. In the meantime, how about a collection of cartoons about those of us coping with the rigors of writing ... 

This may be how long it'll take me to get it done ...

Someday he can get a job writing speeches for Der Furor or policy documents for the GOP ...

I wonder if this exchange between Mr Dickens and his editor actually happened ...

This is a handy guide for writers ... I've used a few for my novel ...

It's not mine ...

This one's closer to my effort ...

It's a modern, Top 1%, riches-to-riches story ...

I'm a black belt in every one of these ...

We'll see how it goes ...

That's why I'm not going for wonderful ...

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday turns to a timely set of great song lyrics. See you then.

Bilbo 

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

It's time once again for another edition of Great Moments in Editing and Signage! Ready ... set ... go!

Now, that's what I call enhanced water!

They bite into you ...

I suppose they do, but I think they may want a meeting with the headline writer ...

Don't bite down too hard on them ...

In case you need someone to do really cheesy roof work ...

I hope that this study didn't cost too much ...

Well, I suppose that if you're willing to settle for a pre-owned version, it's okay ...

I guess it balances out the deserts that are too dry ...

I'm glad that more wild-caught options are becoming available ...

As I was saying ...

And there you go - the latest collection of great moments! I hope you enjoyed the break from your otherwise humdrum day.

Have a good day, and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Musical Sunday

Spring has sprung, sort of, anyhow, and I'm trying to shake off the winter blues and start feeling happy again. This song by Judy Collins is one of my all-time favorites, and always makes me glad to know that I have so many friends and so many reasons to enjoy life ... even in such yucky times as these. 

"You're like a rainbow comin' around the bend" ... was there ever a better line to celebrate the arrival of a cherished friend? I don't think so. How about the rest of the lyrics ...

Sometimes I remember the old days

When the world was filled with sorrow

You might have thought I was livin'

But I was all alone

In my heart the rain was fallin'

The wind blew and

The night was callin'

Come back, come back, I'm all you've ever known

Open the door and come on in

I'm so glad to see you my friend

You're like a rainbow comin' around the bend

And when I see you smilin'

Well, it sets my heart free

I'd like to be as good a friend to you

As you are to me

There were friends who could always see me

Through the haze their smiles would reach me

Saying okay, saying good-bye, saying hello

Soon I knew just what I was after

Was life and love, tears and laughter

Hello, my good friend, hello my darlin'

What do you know

Open the door and come on in

I'm so glad to see you my friend

You're like a rainbow comin' around the bend

And when I see you smilin'

Well, it sets my heart free

I'd like to be as good a friend to you

As you are to me

I used to think it was only me feeling alone

Not feeling free to be alive to be a friend

Now I know we all have stormy weather

The sun shines through when we're together

I'll be your friend right through to the end

Open the door and come on in

I'm so glad to see you my friend

You're like a rainbow comin' around the bend

And when I see you smilin'

Well, it sets my heart free

I'd like to be as good a friend to you

As you are to me

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Well, it didn't take long for April to suck, did it? 

A group of sycophantic House Republicans, none of them from Virginia, introduced legislation to rename Virginia's Washington Dulles International Airport after Der Furor; a judge in Atlanta upheld the criminal indictment against Der Furor in Georgia, rejecting DF's argument that his efforts to overturn the 2020 election were political speech protected by the First Amendment; a rare earthquake measuring 4.8 on the Richter Scale shook the northeastern United States on Friday, prompting noted theologian and member of Congress Empty G to piously note that earthquakes and eclipses are a "sign from God" to "repent;" the Israeli Defense Forces said that a deadly attack on a World Central Kitchen humanitarian convoy that killed seven of the organization’s members was a “serious violation” of its policies; and in Lower Makefield Township, Pennsylvania, police described the death of a man found in a burning car at a local cemetery as "suspicious." Ya think? 

This week, a collection of cartoons about cows and bulls, because why not? ... 

I guess it relaxes them before their final trip ...

Uh, oh ...

Cow's breakfast of champions ...

I always wondered where that expression came from ...

Teenagers are the same everywhere ...

For potential Darwin Award nominees ...

Now, THAT's a good euphemism ...

Make him an offal he can't refuse ...

Milking a pun for all it's worth ...

It's a logical mistake ...

 

So much for our first collection of cartoons for the new month ... and that's no bull.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Musical Sunday returns with a classic by Judy Collins. See you then.

Bilbo

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2024

A new month has arrived, and brought with it new opportunities to recognize noteworthy ass clownery. This being an election year, political ass clownery tends to overshadow most other forms, although there's plenty of stupidity to go around on all fronts. With this in mind, we stick with the realm of politics to acknowledge 

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2024

and the battered tinfoil and toilet paper crown is perched jauntily upon the empty head of

Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

Nominal Democrat and wannabe presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, is one of the few individuals who could credibly match Der Furor for irrational unsuitability for the office of the presidency. The Kennedy name carries political heft, but in RFK Junior's case, that heft translates less to historical gravitas than it does to a millstone around the necks of more qualified Democratic candidates. Members of his own family have referred to his candidacy as an "embarrassment" and a "vanity project," and Mr Kennedy has argued that President Biden is "[a] much worse threat to democracy" than Der Furor ... who has openly encouraged violence if he is not elected. 

Mr Kennedy has openly embraced a range of conspiracy theories, and complains constantly that he is being censored by the federal government.  

There is virtually no chance Mr Kennedy being elected president; however, he poses a threat to democracy in that his candidacy is likely to siphon off discontented voters from President Biden, giving an edge to the blatant authoritarianism and incompetence of Der Furor.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown for April, 2024, is Robert F. Kennedy, Jr ... a man who, like Arizona Representative Paul Gosar, has been described even by his family as being unfit for office.

Choose wisely in November.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday greets April with a new collection of ya-ha's. See you then.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

 

We can make the time for the things that are important. Especially nowadays, when there's so much shouting at each other, it's nice to just take a minute to chat.

A Time to Talk 

by Robert Frost 

When a friend calls to me from the road

And slows his horse to a meaning walk,

I don’t stand still and look around

On all the hills I haven’t hoed,

And shout from where I am, 'What is it?’

No, not as there is a time to talk.

I thrust my hoe in the mellow ground,

Blade-end up and five feet tall,

And plod: I go up to the stone wall

For a friendly visit.

Have a good day and enjoy your Easter Sunday weekend. Pull up a wall and stay a while ... I've got more thoughts coming.

Bilbo