Ass Clown Special Award

In 1966 Dick Tuck, a notorious political consultant and trickster, was soundly defeated in his race for the California State Senate. As the results came in and his defeat appeared certain, Mr Tuck was memorably quoted as saying, "The people have spoken ... the bastards."

The bastards have spoken again, and so it is that I take a moment on this otherwise beautiful NoVa day to present an

Ass Clown Special Award

 to

The American Electorate

America is a nation where everyone is free to vote based on their beliefs, their conscience, and their susceptibility to fear, chicanery, bribery, and desire for religious and political dominance. A large segment of the population has voted its fears, and will take the rest of us along with it.

I have led a very good life. Part of it was the good fortune to be born into a loving and supportive family in a time of prosperity and optimism. I had a good military and civilian career and worked hard to provide a good quality of life for my family. I understand that many others did not enjoy my advantages and, in fact, may well have resented it. These people were easily swayed by a demagogue who promised them what they wanted and who enjoyed largely unchallenged freedom to campaign on a platform of lies and distortions.

The American Electorate has returned to office a man whose plans for a dystopian American future were clearly spelled out in the infamous Project 2025. Famous American journalist and curmudgeon H. L. Mencken once said, "Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard."

Well, they will.

I will try to remain optimistic in the face of massive evidence for pessimism. I will hope - against all evidence - that there will remain enough adults in government to temper the worst excesses of Der Furor's new regime.

But I will also remain realistic about the future, and so should you.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I present an Ass Clown Special Award to The American Electorate, which has voted to return to power a man singularly unfit to wield it, supported by a party ignorant of the dark road down which it leads the nation.

Good luck.

Have a good day and try to remain positive. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Election Day

It's finally here.

All the tens of millions of dollars wasted on misleading attack ads, signs, flags, rallies, and stupid hats have come down to this day on which we will decide the future direction of the nation.

It's 3:30 AM as I write this; in an hour, I'll head to the precinct to serve as a county Officer of Election - one small cog in the huge and expensive machinery that ensures our elections are honest, secure, and scrupulously fair.

Don't listen to the ignorant dumbasses who scream "fraud!" when they don't win. The entire machinery of our election administration is designed to prevent fraud and chicanery, and it works. 

Vote, if you haven't already, and be confident that your vote will be counted. 

The future in which my grandchildren will live is, quite literally, in your hands.

Vote wisely.

Have a good day, and be sure your voice is heard. Vote.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

P.S. - Quit reading this and go vote.

B.

Musical Sunday

With the election a mere two days away and some people - incredibly enough - still claiming to be "undecided," this parody song speaks to people who really ought to understand what they may be voting for ...

Enjoy your favorite things now, because many of them may no longer be here after the election.

Have a good day, enjoy the rest of your weekend, and if you haven't already voted, make sure you are ready to show up at your local precinct on Tuesday.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Because we are traveling this weekend and will have limited time and spotty wi-fi, the usual news summary will not appear today. It's all right, though ... the news is all depressing, anyhow. 

With the 2024 election only a few days away, it's time for a few topical cartoons ...

I'd do the same ...

It's how I feel most of the time ...

If you don't vote, just put a sock in it ... you don't have the right to bitch ...

Crazy is, indeed, a sliding scale, and it's sliding to the right ...

Maybe they'll take us along and we can slip over the border to Germany ...

It's too bad live people never call any more ... I miss the chance to tell them to get stuffed ... 

Only a million? Slacker ...

I'll let you know when I see who won ...

That's probably how Der Furor's vote farmers would prefer to do it ...

Me, too ...

And that's it for your last pre-election collection of cartoons. I hope they helped give you a bit of a chuckle, because nothing else about this election does.

Have a good day and a great weekend. If you haven't voted yet, make sure you have a plan to show up at the polls on Tuesday. The nation only asks you to do this once every four years ... you can spare the time to make your voice heard.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for November, 2024

It's a new month, the election is mere days away, and it's time to present the first of this month's three - count 'em, three - ass clown awards is here. This time, there's no doubt in my mind about the recipient.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the tinfoil and toilet paper crown designating

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for November, 2024

is presented jointly to

Washington Post Owner

Jeff Bezos

and

Los Angeles Times Owner

Patrick Soon-Shiong

With merely a week to go until the 2024 presidential election, the editorial boards of both the Washington Post and the Los Angeles Times had prepared formal endorsements of Vice-President Kamala Harris. 

Both endorsements were scuttled by the papers' multi-billionaire owners.

LA Times owner Soon-Shiong claimed that his decision not to offer readers a recommendation would be less divisive in a tumultuous election year, although his daughter was quoted as saying it was because of opposition to the war in Gaza.

Washington Post owner Bezos published an op-ed article explaining his decision, which he claimed was intended to restore the legitimacy of the press in the eyes of the public and was completely unrelated to his business interests and any desire to curry favor with Der Furor ("any suggestion otherwise is false," he wrote); he also claimed that the timing of the announcement was the result of "inadequate planning, and not some intentional strategy." 

In both cases, the reason for the decision not to endorse a candidate - Mr Bezos' explanation notwithstanding - is clear: both wealthy owners want - for business and financial reasons - to avoid antagonizing Der Furor should he be reelected. 

As I noted in my own endorsement* of Vice-President Harris, this is a clear choice between integrity and crude authoritarianism, between "he gets to be lawless, she has to be flawless." That two of the most wealthy and influential figures in the country have forbidden the news outlets THEY OWN to formally endorse a candidate in this most critical of elections represents the height of moral cowardice in favor of personal financial and business advantage.

That wealthy owners can stifle the editorial freedom of newspapers on which millions of readers depend for information - mere days before a critical election - is unconscionable. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown Award for November, 2024, is shared by Jeff Bezos and Patrick Soon-Shiong for their disgusting pandering to Der Furor in the hope of future advantage. May they choke on it.

Have a good day and make sure that - if you haven't already voted - you are planning to vote on Tuesday. The choice is clear.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* As if it matters to anyone.

Fear Itself

As we slog toward Tuesday's General Election through the dense, choking fog of angry lies, distortions, and empty rhetoric from Der Furor, I am reminded of the words of one of our greatest presidents, which stand in stark contrast to the words of one of the worst. In his first inaugural address, new President Franklin Delano Roosevelt told a desperate nation hungry for reassurance:

"This is preeminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Nor need we shrink from honestly facing conditions in our country today. This great Nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. In every dark hour of our national life a leadership of frankness and vigor has met with that understanding and support of the people themselves which is essential to victory. I am convinced that you will again give that support to leadership in these critical days."

Der Furor, on the other hand, pictures our nation as the world's garbage dump. He promises his angry followers a terrifyingly authoritarian regime of economic chaos, racial hatred, and incompetent leadership. His economic proposals, panned by every reputable economist, would wreck the economy and benefit only the wealthy. His entire program is based on lies, distortion, vengeance, and reckless hate. He thunders about the horror of massive voting fraud that would cheat him of his victory, yet he has never ... never ... provided the least scintilla of proof that would stand up in court.  

Another great President, Abraham Lincoln, spoke in his first inaugural address words that would apply to our own fearful time:

"We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature."

One candidate in this election - Vice-President Kamala Harris - consistently appeals to the better angels of our nature, presenting a voice of hope, joy, and competence. The other candidate - Der Furor - appeals to the worst demons of our nature, presenting an evidence-free picture of a nation in decline, of crime, disease, anger, and hatred, driven by incompetence and a desire for revenge against those he believes have wronged him.

The choice is clear.

The only thing we have to fear, as President Roosevelt reminded us, is fear itself. 

Look around you, think rationally, examine the evidence, and vote your hopes, rather than your fears.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Israel/Gaza/Lebanon and an American Election

There are a lot of things grinding my gears about this year's election, but the thing that - at least today - is at the top of the list is the effect of Middle Eastern war and politics on our choice of president.

You may recall my basic position on the situation of Israel, the Palestinians, and the rest of the Middle East, which I spelled out in my post almost a year ago titled, "A Plague on Both Your Houses." As far as I'm concerned, the best solution to the problem would be to build a wall a thousand feet high around the entire region, fill it to the top with sand, and start over.

The problem with the Middle East isn't the undying hatred and the endless cycle of attack-respond-attack-respond. The problem is that it's become the rest of the world's problem. I personally don't care if the Jews and Arabs of the Middle East make a national sport of killing each other. What I do care about is that those hatreds are threatening to destroy the United States.

Across the nation, Arab Americans enraged by the Biden Administration's support for Israel are threatening to sit out the election or - worse - vote for Der Furor in the comical belief that he actually cares about them and would put more pressure on Israel to end the wars in Gaza, the West Bank, and Lebanon. Likewise, Jewish Americans enraged by a Biden Administration they feel is insufficiently supportive of Israel threaten either to sit out the election or to accept the comical belief that Der Furor actually cares about them and would go "all-in" against Israel's enemies*.

I am neither Jewish nor Arab/Muslim, but I have close friends in each camp. They are all sincere in their beliefs and their anger, and those beliefs and anger - which have echoed down the years at least since the well-intentioned but ultimately deadly Balfour Declaration of 1917 - have only grown more intense with each new death. And now all that accumulated hatred and religious bitterness threatens to upend our election here at home and return to power an angry authoritarian driven by petty jealousy, animosity toward his enemies real and perceived, and a disdain for democratic norms and common decency.

There are no ... no ... clean hands in the ongoing horror of the Middle East. I understand the legitimate fears and desires of both sides, but decry the rigidly zero-sum unwillingness of each to seek a peaceful resolution. Any such resolution will leave each side unsatisfied, but in the words of the "Game of Thrones" character Tyrion Lannister, “No one is very happy, which means it’s a good compromise, I suppose.” 

Do not allow your vote to be decided by undying hatreds from the other side of the world. No matter how sincerely you may want the carnage to end, what's important is that the ones actually fighting want it ... and, so far, they don't.

Have a good day and make sure you vote on the basis of what's good for the United States, not the goals of bitter enemies a world away.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* To the extent that Der Furor admires leaders he perceives as strong and ruthless, he tends to support Israel's Benjamin Netanyahu. And the fact that he receives more financial support from Jewish than from Arab supporters doesn't hurt, either.

Poetry Sunday

We conclude our annual celebration of the Halloween season with our final Poetry Sunday on the theme. What would Halloween be without mention of the evil witches that haunt the halls of Congress dark forests of our dreams? Robert Herrick leads us off with this seasonally appropriate poem ...

The Hag

by Robert Herrick

    The Hag is astride,

    This night for to ride;

The Devill and shee together:

    Through thick, and through thin,

    Now out, and then in,

Though ne'r so foule be the weather.

    A Thorn or a Burr

    She takes for a Spurre:

With a lash of a Bramble she rides now,

    Through Brakes and through Bryars,

    O're Ditches, and Mires,

She followes the Spirit that guides now.

    No Beast, for his food,

    Dares now range the wood;

But husht in his laire he lies lurking:

    While mischiefs, by these,

    On Land and on Seas,

At noone of Night are working,

    The storme will arise,

    And trouble the skies;

This night, and more for the wonder,

    The ghost from the Tomb

    Affrighted shall come,

Cal'd out by the clap of the Thunder.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend ... and protect yourself from the curse of Empty G, Lauren Boebert, Laura Loomer, Kellyanne Conway, and other evil witches - at Halloween and for the next four years.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Can we return this week for a refund?

Disgraced former lawyer and New York mayor Rudy Giuliani has been ordered by to turn over his New York penthouse apartment and 26 valuable watches in partial payment of the $153 million judgement against him in favor of two Georgia election workers he defamed; for the first time since 1976, the Washington Post has - apparently under pressure from owner Jeff Bezos - declined to endorse a candidate for president*; the Department of Justice has warned the Super PAC run by multibillionaire Elon Musk that its large cash payments to registered voters in seven swing states who sign his "petition" may be illegal under election law**; 28-year-old grizzly bear #399, the oldest known reproducing female grizzly in the Greater Yellowstone Ecosystem and mother of 18 known cubs, was killed when struck by a car; and in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, a man is under arrest after attempting to strangle a woman with an American flag ... the man's lawyer is expected to argue that he thought it was okay to use the flag as a weapon because Der Furor's supporters did it when storming the Capitol on January 6th, 2021. 

It's time for our last Halloween-season Cartoon Saturday, and what better note to go out on than an homage to mad scientists and their long-suffering assistants?

Even mad scientists have to work their way up the ladder of madness ... 

Is it worse to be mad, annoyed, or disappointed? ...

He seems to have a better media advisor than Der Furor ...

Well, it does end in -ium ...

Show of hands ... right ...

It's always good to compromise, but not always easy ...

I can see the problem ...

He's distantly related to the popular Parisian small car - the Hatchback of Notre Dame ...

Is he board-certified? ...

Zoom works better for some people than for others ...

Let's hear it for all the mad scientists who are lining up to apply for positions in the federal government should Der Furor win the November election.

Have a good day and a great weekend, and come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday, when Robert Burns helps us fly (by broom) into the final days before Halloween. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* I immediately cancelled my subscription and wrote both a comment on their editorial and a very strongly worded letter to the editor. At this time in history, this failure reflects moral cowardice of the highest order.

** Ya think?

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

Time for our last collection of Great Moments in Editing and Signage for October, and we could all surely use a good chuckle ... or, at least, a bewildered shake of the head ...

At least these butt sticks should be easier for the ER staff to remove ...

As if climate change wasn't bad enough ...

Don't let Der Furor and JD know ...

I've heard of concierge medicine for the well-to-do, but concierge law seems to be appealing to politicians ...

Nothing like a full-service strip mall, is there? ...

Uh ... where should I go? ...

People think correctly ...

From the Department of Weird Literal Translations ... the sign in Russian actually says, "No Exit" ...

Another one from the Department of Weird Literal Translations ... molida in Spanish can mean "ground" and (in slang) "exhausted" or "worn out" ...

I may need to be more careful ...

Have a good day and make sure you've either already voted or have a plan to vote. More thoughts tomorrow, when Cartoon Saturday's last Halloween-themed post will appear in this space ... see you then.

Bilbo