Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Really Bad Movies

One of the blogs I read every day is Miss Cellania, whose collection of really funny stuff always manages to get me in the right frame of mind to face the inanities of another day of bad news and general ass-clownery.

Today, Miss Cellania's theme was "Making Movies," and one of the links in her post was to the Internet Movie Database's "Bottom 100" - the hundred stinkers rated absolutely at the bottom of the bottom on the basis of votes cast by IMDB readers. Naturally, I had to read the list to see how many movies I hate (or like) were there...I expected to see quite a few, since I really enjoy schlocky old sci-fi and horror movies, and many films I like seem to be despised by critics and real people alike.

I enjoyed reading the list although, oddly enough, there were very few movies on it that I'd actually seen.

One of the movies (at position 80, with a rating of 2.4 and 1,646 votes) was the immortal "Howling III: Your Sister Is a Werewolf." Aside from the worst performance ever delivered by Christopher Lee, and the featured role (and frequent baring) of Sibyl Danning's splendid breasts, this is a bomb of the highest yield. Heroine Annie McEnroe probably wishes the werewolves had just killed her when she was hanging in their dungeon, rather than letting her live to regret starring in this abysmal waste of film.

Conspicuous by its absence was the Mexican classic "Wrestling Women Versus the Aztec Mummy." Nobody makes stupid and unintelligible, yet atmospheric horror movies like the Mexicans, and this one stands at the pinnacle of utter ludicrosity. Badly written, terribly photographed, and howlingly ineptly dubbed, this is a movie that can even make you forget the latest presidential candidates' debate.

I could go on, but then I'd just want to stay home and watch movies. Maybe we'll soon have a snowstorm that will force me to stay in, sit in my chair in front of the fire with a cup of hot chocolate, and watch movies until my eyeballs liquefy.

One can only hope.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - From the Department of Stupid International Political Stuff comes a report from Venezuela that President Hugo Chavez has cut off asphalt shipments to the rest of the world. If you were waiting for me to make any jokes which included "Hugo Chavez" and "asphalt" in the same sentence, I'm sorry. That fruit just hangs too low even for me to pluck.

B.

5 comments:

The Mistress of the Dark said...

I'm not amazed to say I've never seen a single one of those, but I'm intrigued by The Tony Blair Witch Project!

Amanda said...

Hmmmm I've never watched any one of those movies. I'm a little surprised but then I guess its because Aaron has been taking up most of my time. Otherwise, I'm SURE I would have watched more movies and have hit more of the lousy ones.

What also surprised me is that some of the movies I did watch didn't make the list.....movies like "Frankenfish" and "28 days later"

zero_zero_one said...

Amanda - what's wrong with 28 Days Later???

Bilbo - I had seen two films on that list (Lawnmower Man 2 and Baby Geniuses); I'm very, very surprised that Lake Placid didn't make the list, or Miami Vice. They were terrible films at the cinema...

craziequeen said...

Couldn't resist checking the list - and I have to say I haven't seen any of those movies {yippee!!]

The long days I had the other week have earned me a couple of days off 'Time Off In Lieu' so I am planning a day of liquifying eyeballs....perhaps I should review my choices?

cq

Alex said...

I've seen a lot of movies, but never any of those. There were quite a few recent ones that I saw previews for and remembered thinking "no way."

Bear in mind to make any IMDB rating list the film has to have 650 votes.