Monday, May 19, 2008

Political Chicken

Chickens play a large role in American politics. They come home to roost after bad decisions, they infest the halls of Congress when difficult decisions must be made, and they cross the road. Why did the political chicken cross the road?

Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change!

John McCain: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

Hillary Clinton: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- That every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me...

George W. Bush: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Colin Powell: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

Anderson Cooper, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

Nancy Grace: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

Pat Buchannan: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

Al Gore: I invented the chicken!

Dick Cheney: Anybody seen my shotgun?

Al Sharpton: Why are all the chickens white? The absence of black chickens clearly shows once again that America is racist.

For those of you who live outside the United States and may be unfamiliar with characters like Nancy Grace, Pat Buchannan, and Al're very fortunate.

Don't chicken out this election season. The country needs your vote more than ever. Use it wisely.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



Amanda said...

LOL! People all around the world can't avoid the news on the US elections. This was a really funny roundup of all the chickens!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Actually the chicken crossed the road to get away from Obama's speechifying. (Love that new word) And likely to get away from Cheney's shotgun.

I think there's a video on youtube with a rubber chicken...and something about Ms. Pelosi.

Mike said...

Amanda, I know I'm sick of the election rhetoric, I can't imagine what the rest of the world is going through listening to this drivel.

ssgreylord said...

LOVE your humor. Thought you may appreciate this quote from WIll Rogers:

"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."

You sure did report the facts and you made me laugh along the way. Thanks for a fun post. Very clever.

Mona said...

This post sounds like: "Yaaaay! The chicken is dead, Long live the chicken"

What a coincidence! There was a chicken funeral going on at my blog too!

In India, a black chicken is called 'Desi'
& Desi is Deli ;)

lacochran said...

Well done! Very clever. :)

Serena Joy said...

I love those chicken pontifications. LOL.:)