Harnessing the Power...

I ran across this interesting article in Slate magazine the other day - "Victoria's Circuit: Harnessing the Untapped Power of Breast Motion."

I am not, as Dave Barry would say, making this up.

According to this article by Adrienne So, the search for new devices which can be powered by human motion (self-winding watches and Flintstone cars, for instance) has reached it's peak with the attempt to harness the hitherto untapped power of moving female breasts to drive small devices such as iPods and cell phones. The article quotes LaJean Lawson, a former professor of exercise science at Oregon State University who has studied breast motion since 1985, as saying that a bra capable of harnessing this power "...would have to be cleverly designed. 'It's just a matter of finding the sweet spot, between reducing motion to the point where it's comfortable but still allowing enough motion to power your iPod.'" Professor Lawson goes on to explain that "...breasts move on three different axes: from side to side, front to back, and up and down. The most motion is generated on the vertical axis. Naturally, the bigger the breast, the more momentum it generates." She notes that the natural power pack of, say, a marathon racer with double-A measurements probably won't be able to run an iPod; however, her research shows that a D-cup breast in a low-support bra can move up and down as much as 35 inches (88.9 centimeters) during exercise (we're talking tidal motion, here).

The message is clear: we're wasting our time building gigantic wind turbines and geothermal energy collectors. There's no point in constructing huge solar arrays and dams and vast, complicated devices to catch tidal forces: the answer to our power shortages is quite literally bouncing up and down before our eyes.

We can also take this concept to the next level. If we can harness the power of moving breasts to power small devices for women, we should be able to harness the power of the rapidly swiveling head to power similar devices for men. The head movements of the average man on a hot summer day at the beach should provide enough power to drive a Volkswagen.

This is serious stuff. We could have a nearly-endless supply of clean, environmentally and aesthetically pleasing power at our fingertips. Well, perhaps not literally. We could tell the Arabs to drink their stupid oil. How much better could it get?

Professor Lawson may have been studying breast motion since 1985, but I've been studying it since 1951, and I can absolutely guarantee that this is an amazing source of energy just waiting to be tapped. As a patriotic American, I'm ready to do my part.

Ladies, step up and help solve our energy crisis! Your contribution may be just the bounce we need!

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - Jesse the Cat, who blogs at Jesse Blogs It All, has generously bestowed this award on Bilbo's Random Thought Collection:

Thanks, Jesse (as far as I know, my only regular reader in South Africa)! And in the spirit of sharing the wealth, let me pass this on to a few other really excellent blogs that I haven't recognized before, and which are well worth your time to visit:

lacochran's bloggery (she's my curmudgeonly soul-mate),
(Parenthetically Speaking) (a great source of humor and entertainment for frustrated linguists), and,
A Chocaholic's Piece of Mind (Rima Fauzi's source of wonderful rants and observations).

Congratulations to all of you...you are truly "xxtraordinary bloggers!"

B.