Sunday, September 27, 2009

Alternate Currency

Yes, I know...today's post is going up much later than normal. Live with it. We were out very late last night at a great birthday party for one of our friends, and - for once - I was able to sleep late this morning. And then was the laundry, and then...well...here I am.

There was a very interesting article in this morning's Washington Post on a topic I'd heard briefly about before, but didn't pay much attention to at the time. The article, by UK-based reporter Karla Adam and titled When Going Gets Tough, Local Currency Gets Going, discussed the growing trend in some communities in Britain of introducing their own local currencies, such as the "Brixton Pound." The alternative currencies are intended only for local use, and to supplement the legal tender represented by the official British Pound. Those who advocate these alternative currencies believe that they will help local communities better weather the economic storms and help boost local businesses.

Now, as I've often admitted, I'm no expert on economics. You could take everything I know about economics, put it in a thimble, and have room enough left over for a herd of elephants and a brass band. If I understood economics, I'd be the one sitting in some idyllic country with no extradition treaties, sipping martinis and laughing at schnooks like me whose savings I'd gutted while leaving the taxpayers stuck with the bill.

No, I'm no expert. But I know a good idea when I see one. Maybe it's time to get rid of the Dollars, Pounds, Yen, Riyals, Euros, Rupees, Shekels, Rubles, Crowns, Pesos, and all that bewildering array of other currencies and replace them with real, meaningful currencies backed by something other than worthless paper generated by amoral criminals armed with degrees in economics. Here are my suggestions for some new, more appropriate units of currency for use by different political parties, industries, localities, etc...

Hard-core, extreme right wing, die-hard conservatives can adopt the Republican, one of which is divided into 100 Rants. The One-Republican coin has John Wayne's picture on the front, and a herd of heavily-armed elephants trampling a middle class on the back.

Liberals can spend the Democrat. One Democrat is divided into 100 Whines. The One-Democrat coin has Nancy Pelosi on the front, and a jackass surrounded by acorns on the back.

You could pay for your health care with a new, specialized unit of currency called the Tumor. One Tumor equals 100 Cysts. The only problem is that nobody wants them to be a publicly available option, so you'd have to buy them from your boss, or from the mint operated by the insurance industry.

Texans could chuck the dollar in favor of the new Texas currency, the Braggart, equal to 100 Exaggerations. Not considered legal tender in Alaska.

Illinois could introduce the Indictment, divided into 100 Subpoenas. I'm not sure whether Al Capone's or Rod Blagoevich's picture should be on the front, but the back shows a finely-engraved image of the Capitol with a small "for sale" sign in front.

What do you think of my idea? Got any other prospective currency ideas of your own? I can't wait to see the comments...

Have a good day. Don't take any wooden nickels. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

4 comments:

Melissa B. said...

Love it! The Repubs fit perfectly with the Rants; but as a Native Texan, I'd choose The Lone Star, to be divided into 100 Golden Enchiladas. Nothing-I repeat, Nothing-is exaggerated about how wonderful Texas is!

Mike said...

Don't .... say .... any ... thing ... to ... Meli ..... ssa.

Whew that was close.

Don't take any wooden nickels? Why not? There probably worth more in actual value than any currency.

Here's another idea for the ERW. Front, a fist holding onto a dollar as tight as it can. Back, 100 middle fingers.

ELW, front, 100 ELW's. Back 1000 ELW's.

Amanda said...

It looks like I shouldn't visit the US until I get myself some of these currency. I have nothing to trade with at the moment!

SusieQ said...

How about currency for Seniors?

A triple bypass, with George Burns pictured on it, could be worth 100 knee replacements.

One knee replacement could be worth 100 sets of false teeth...uppers and lowers.

One Polident tablet could be the equivalent of a penny and have Pat Boone's profile engraved on it.

I'd include AARP memberships as a Seniors' currency, but they have lost too much value lately. Probably wouldn't be worth as much as a plugged nickel.