Tuesday, December 08, 2009

People NOT on my Christmas Gift List

With the economy being the way it is, I've been looking for ways to cut back on expenses. Sadly, one way I'm cutting back is by slashing the list of people who can expect Christmas gifts for me. As of today, the list includes:

1. All Members of Congress, of either party (although I have asked Santa, in the spirit of the season, to compensate by giving all of them extra rations of coal and sawdust in their Christmas stockings).

2. All TV and Radio talking heads. If you know so darned much, stop talking and fix things.

3. The person who invented the automated voice-answering system that you have to deal with before you can talk to a real person. Who is probably in Ouagadougou, anyhow.

4. Companies who outsource their telephone service lines to places where nobody speaks English:

Bilbo: "I'd like to speak with someone about this month's statement."

"Customer Service" Person: "Gushbaga wallim shabasdoopoo?"

Bilbo: "Never mind."

5. Morons who still haven't figured out that it's dangerous to talk on your cell phone while you drive ... particularly when you hold the phone to your left ear with your right hand so you can refer to whatever is lying on the seat next to you.

6. The programmer at Yahoo Mail who devised the lines of code that randomly: (1) fail to notify me of comments posted to my blog; or, (2) put comment notification messages in the spam file rather than the inbox.

7. Spammers who post bogus comments to my blog.

8. People who collect for charities by accosting you in your car while you're stopped at intersections (I'm specifically thinking of the firefighters who want you to "fill the boot" with money over the Labor Day weekend).

9. Hugo Chavez and Mahmoud Ahmedinejad.

10. Whoever came up with the dumb idea of making Christmas politically correct by calling it "the sparkle season," "the winter solstice," or some other stupid name. It's Christmas. It means something. Get over it.

Okay, the list goes on, but you get the idea. If you haven't yet received your Christmas gift, don't worry...it's in the mail. Trust me.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

7 comments:

Bandit said...

Get one of Mike's rooftop Santas and put it on the capitol building since that is what the are doing to us. Mike will put it on the roof for you.

Leslie David said...

Christmas is Christmas, Solstice is Solstice. Frankly I'm glad my holidays aren't as crassly commercialized as Xma$ (spelling intentional),

Anonymous said...

A bastardized Supreme Court, aided by the ACLU, developed the conditions that led some idiot to think up the "Sparkle Season. Somehow the court confused a bar on establishing a state religion, per the Constitution, with "Everybody's right not to be offended by somebody else celebrating their religion according to their conscience, possibly in the public square." With their clothes on.

Heck, Christmas isn't my holiday, but I sure as heck don't want anybody's enjoyment of it to be diminished in the slightest by the fact that Buddhists don't have Christmas. (I don't know why in Thailand they decided to give presents at New Year's, rather than Buddha's birthday. I mean, if they wanted to take up another country's custom, they might as well have taken a Western European Approach, considering their close relationship with the UK! New Year's is more Chinese, although they do it on the equivalent of the Vietnamese Tet.) But I digress.

Exactly what is it about a creche that offends people? Give me a break! Jesus is a historical figure. You can't wish him away!

Are they afraid their religion (atheism) just might be wrong? It's neither my fault nor Bilbo's that they didn't understand they were taking the wrong side on Pascal's Bet!

Eminence Grise

Mike said...

@Bandit - That's a good idea. That's not a good idea.

@Leslie David - I think Bilbo should send us gifts for every religious day there is.

@Eminence Grise - Athiests are more obsessed with God than any religious fanatic could ever hope to be.

@Bilbo - Thanks for providing me a forum here.

Wv: swory - A village in Poland. No really. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swory

The Mistress of the Dark said...

In response to your number 7: switch to Haloscan. I've had little to no spam from that site as opposed to blogger's commenting.

Oh and to number 10: AMEN!

John said...

Bah! Humbug.

SusieQ said...

Add to your list businesses that use "the notorious phone menu" with its automated voice to usher callers around to their different departments.

"If you want to reach our billing department please press 6." So you press 6 only to encounter a second menu. "If this is about your auto loan please press 1. If this is about mortgage loan please press 2." So you press 2 only to encounter a third menu. It is at this point that I have been known to yell into the receiver and demand to talk to a real live person....not that it gets me anywhere.

I hate those automated voices and phone menu things and I am usually a very agreeable lady especially during the Christmas season. But one can take only so much.