The Philosophy of Elvis Presley

In yesterday's post, I shared with you the opportunity to make a bid on a tomb once occupied by Elvis Presley. Later, it occurred to me that there are probably a lot of younger readers who may not know who Elvis Presley actually was ... a sign of how much the world has changed since The King shuffled off his mortal coil back in 1977. But soldiering on with the topic of Elvis Presley, I thought I'd share with you this compilation I found on Miss Cellania's blog the other day ... a compilation of comments on life and related topics, drawn from the songs of The King.

Taken as a whole, they contain everything from handy tips about geography ("a river flows surely to the sea") to practical travel advice (the YMCA in Memphis offers cheap accommodations), to religious instruction* ("I'm lonely like Adam, you're evil like Eve"). Here is a collection of things you can learn about life from listening to Elvis Presley songs:

General Issues ...

- Children born in disadvantaged areas such as ghettos should receive special assistance as this reduces the likelihood of them turning to a life of crime, thus perpetuating an endless cycle of disadvantage.

- If you suspect someone is evil check their middle name because it may well be "Misery."

- The US postal service is so efficient that it will return an unwanted letter within 24 hours of its initial posting ...

Travel ...

- The Heartbreak Hotel is located at the end of Lonely Street and its desk clerk dresses in black ...

- There are few sounds that make you feel more lonely than that of the midnight train.

Relationships ...

- If rejected by the older sister in a family, by all means have a crack at her little sister, who may have matured more than you at first noticed.

- Women named Marie are naturally duplicitous.

- If caught without a partner during a dance at a federal penitentiary, why not try dancing with a wooden chair?

- A .44-calibre pistol is an excellent firearm choice for a woman whose partner was doin' her wrong.

Zoology ...

- There are few looks in life more intense than that of a one-eyed cat peeping in a seafood store.

- A passionate kiss can be measured by the fact that even a team of wild horses would be unable to drag apart the two participants.

- The embrace of a grizzly bear provides a useful point of comparison when considering the pressure necessary to demonstrate real passion during an affair.

- A good hound dog should be able to catch a rabbit.

Geography and Meteorology ...

- People are more likely to be alone during a blue moon than during any other lunar event.

- In the state of Kentucky, precipitation usually occurs when a man is hitchhiking from town to town, having been abandoned by his baby ...

Medical Tips ...

- The lips of attractive women tend to taste like breakfast spread, in particular honey.

- A temperature of 109 is quite common during the early stages of an affair.

- The experience of love, especially early in life, can have serious medical consequences including sensations of itching, hand tremors, leg spasms, heart palpitations and language difficulties.

If you have any questions about the above, why not call Elvis and ask? Just call (619) 239-KING ...

Have a good day. Hail to The King!

More thoughts tomorrow ...

Bilbo

* Of particular importance to ultraconservative Republicans in an election year.