Monday, October 22, 2012

Halloween Jokes

Yesterday afternoon I had the privilege of being the emcee for the Fall Showcase at Dance Studio Lioudmila in Alexandria. This is a wonderful job ... I get to do dress up and what I do well (be a ham) while spending the afternoon in a room full of beautiful ladies without the pressure of having to remember a dance routine. What's not to like?

One of the things you have to be ready to do as an emcee at a dance event is kill time between presentations when the inevitable glitches arise (costume changes, music doesn't work, wardrobe malfunctions, performers show up late, etc). For those cases, I always have to try to have plenty of silly, topical jokes on hand ... everybody groans about them, but they can't wait to use them themselves. Here is a selection of the Halloween-theme jokes from my notes ...

Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing? He could really get into the vaultz.

How does a witch-doctor ask a girl to dance? "Voodoo like to dance with me?"

How do you win a soccer game against a team of ghosts? You score more ghouls.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.

What do you call someone who puts poison in your cornflakes? A cereal killer.

Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away.

What do you call a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.

What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist? He got repossessed.

Why did the skeleton cross the road? To get to the body shop.

What kind of monster is safe to put in a washing machine? A wash and wear wolf.

Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi.

Two zombies went to a party. One said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?” The other one said, “Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”

Go ahead and use these at your next party. Or let your kids use them at school. No charge.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



eViL pOp TaRt said...

Those were real hoots! Halloween puns I'll use next week.

Duckbutt said...

I enjoyed the Halloween jokes.

Big Sky Heidi said...

Great jokes ........not dumb jokes.

You must shine as an emcee!

Amanda said...

Ha! Ha! Those were groan worthy but definitely funny jokes.