Tuesday, January 01, 2013

The Ass Clown of the Year for 2012 is Announced!

First of all, Happy New Year! Congress, in its own ludicrous style, has kicked the fiscal can down the road yet again, enabling us to look forward to another despicable display of childish party-line pique in another few months.

But in spite of its heroic efforts to earn the coveted designation of Ass Clown of the Year, Congress came in a weak fifth in the voting, although it would have finished a strong second if combined with the votes for the GOP (third place) and the Democratic Party (forth place).

The official result:

In second place, but still distantly trailing the winner, was the Iowa Supreme Court. This strong, late-in-the-year showing was based on its decision to uphold the right of an employer to fire an employee because she was "irresistible." It was, to be sure, a somewhat more nuanced story than the headlines would have you believe (you can read the court's decision here), but it was still a fine example of shameless ass clownery.

And now, Dear Readers, the time has come!

The Ass Clown of the Year for 2012, with a vote total almost twice that of the runner-up, is:

Wayne LaPierre,
President of the National Rifle Association

Although Mr LaPierre has an essentially praiseworthy goal - to protect the Constitutional right of Americans to "keep and bear arms,"* his puerile and utterly tone-deaf response to the massacre of 26 people** (mostly small children) - essentially, that the only possible solution*** to gun violence is more guns - has earned him our designation as Ass Clown of the Year.

And so, as we reel drunkenly into 2013, battered by fiscal uncertainty and awash in ass clownery at every level of governmental and personal behavior, let us raise our glasses to Ass Clowns everywhere, those whose behavior makes us shudder with disbelief.

Happy New Year, Dear Readers. May you have a safe, happy, and healthy 2013, in spite of all strong efforts by legions of ass clowns to make it otherwise.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.


* The precise wording of the Second Amendment to the Constitution reads: "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." Never have commas caused so much consternation. Oh, and don't mind that part about the necessity of a Militia ... the Supreme Court has decided that the Amendment has nothing to do with militias, but with the personal freedom to pack heat - read the court's decision in District of Columbia v Heller (07-290) here.

** 27, if you count the killer's mother, who was also shot in the head ... multiple times.

*** His precise words, spoken at an NRA news conference at which no questions were taken from the audience, were: "The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun." The emphasis was Mr LaPierre's own. You can read the full transcript of his remarks here.


allenwoodhaven said...

A well deserved designation. How will he be notified? You might want to invest in a kevlar vest before he gets the news. He seems a might touchy to me...

Happy New Year, Bilbo. Let's hope this new year is an improvement. Unfortunately, there are so many ass clowns who impede that goal.

Mike said...

I think a warning shot over his head might be a good way to notify him of his award.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

An apt choice, but he had some serious competition!

Big Sky Heidi said...

He's a gold-plated doofus!

mary lou yund said...

yes, of all the stupid things that were said this year, his speech was the stupidesy