Making a Clean Breast of Things, As It Were

We seem to have had a sudden rash of posts about breasts and related topics in my little corner of the blogosphere.

The other day, Angel had a delightful post in which she discussed appropriate terminology for the various glimpses curvaceous young ladies often offer of their mammary gifts, including "Australian cleavage" (or underboob, for the less erudite) to describe that which is made visible by tops which expose the underside of the breasts,  and "lateral cleavage" (or sideboob) to describe a breast visible from the side as it attempts to escape the confines of a halter top made with too little material*. And then Heidi wrote a post about breast ptosis**, in which she described the so-called "pencil test" that is supposed to indicate whether or not a given lady is sufficiently cantilevered as to require the support of a bra ... you can read more about breast ptosis, the condition otherwise known as "drooping breasts," here.

There was also the newsworthy story a few weeks back in which the organizers of the Grammy awards issued guidelines for appropriate dress for those presenting and receiving awards, intended to prevent unfortunate wardrobe malfunctions*** which might boost viewership, but incur the wrath of eagle-eyed moral watchdogs who view such things as clear indicators of the decline of Western Civilization. I was reminded of an interview I read many years ago in which the costume designers of the original Star Trek TV series were describing their difficulties in developing appropriately ... um ... exotic costumes for female aliens. I remember they commented that the censors would allow them to expose almost the entire top surface of the breast as long as none of the aureole or nipple showed, and that they were forbidden to create any costume which revealed the underside of the breast (that would be the Australian cleavage we talked about earlier) ... one of the designers commented that "perhaps they're afraid moss grows there."

Oddly enough, though, our infatuation with the female superstructure may be waning somewhat.

According to this article on plastic surgery trends from CNN, for the first time in six years, the number of women seeking surgery to enhance their breasts and plump up their buttocks⁺ is declining, while the number of people seeking various types of facial improvement is increasing. The story notes that breast augmentation remains the number one cosmetic surgery, but the number of boob jobs performed in 2012 declined 7% from the year before. In addition, the number of people undergoing buttock enhancement also declined in 2012, down a whopping 36% from the previous year. By contrast, last year face lifts were up 6%, eyelid lifts 4% and cheek implants⁺⁺ 6%.

What does this all mean?

We all want to hold off the ravages of time and gravity. Some do it with diet and exercise (i.e., the hard way), and some with surgery. Me, I'm okay with my saggy baggy body, although I've been trying to exercise more and watch my diet ... at least as much as I can for someone who loves to cook. So far, Agnes hasn't indicated any desire to trade me in on a newer model, and I remain happy with her, so I guess we won't be going the cosmetic surgery route any time soon. And I'm perfectly happy with the unaltered appearance of all my female dancing friends, too.

But no matter whether the female form is enhanced or not, there remain lurking dangers for the men ...

Have a good day. More thoughts coming on Tuesday.

Bilbo

* She helpfully includes illustrations!

** Heidi also includes a helpful illustration, but it's just a line drawing, so don't get too excited.

*** At my age, a wardrobe malfunction is most likely represented by the awful sound of the seat of my pants ripping when I bend over.

⁺Sorry, J Lo and Kim Kardashian.

⁺⁺ Those would be the upper cheeks, not the lower ones.