Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Translating Advertising-Speak

We're all familiar with hard-sell advertising and with the bright colors, bold fonts, and questionable claims that are made by those who want us to buy their products. It can be hard to separate the wheat of reality from the chaff of advertising hype, but here's a handy guide, courtesy of my friend Bob, that may help out ... with a few of my editorial comments, of course ...

NEW - Different color from previous design.

ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

NEW AND IMPROVED - Different color and parts not interchangeable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE - Imported from someplace or other.

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.

FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer didn't have test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.

FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED - We think we fixed the previous flaws.

DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS IN DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE - So heavy you can't lift it.

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it

Caveat emptor.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



eViL pOp TaRt said...

How about PREOWNED (used)?

Or TALL (small), GRANDE (medium), and VENTI (large).

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

That alternative sign would probably reduce the business of the massage parlors on I-65.

Linda Kay said...

Oh, now don't go ruining my massage!

Mike said...

Marketing gobbledygook. What would TV be without it?

Big Sky Heidi said...

Easy credit - They'll squeeze blood out of a turnip with their interest.