Thursday, September 11, 2014

Notes on Football Season

We're into September now, and that means that baseball season is on the way out and football* season is on the way in. So, let's talk about football** for a while ...

Ohio State football coach Urban Meyer recently said of one of his players: "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."

Why do Tennessee fans wear orange? So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.

What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs? Drool.

How many Ohio State freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb? None. That's a sophomore course.

How did the Georgia football player die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him.

Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods. One of them said, "Look, a dead bird!" The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"

A Notre Dame University football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident. He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.

What do you say to a Michigan State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit? "Will the defendant please rise."

If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.

How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend? There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.

What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room? A full set of teeth.

University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; the other half will have to dress themselves.

How is the Indiana football team like an opossum? They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Why did the Texas linebacker steal a police car? He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.

Welcome to football season and all the strange people who love it. Have a good day. More thoughts coming.


* Not to be confused with what the rest of the world understands as "football" - soccer.

** Someone once commented that football combines the two worst aspects of American life: violence and committee meetings.


eViL pOp TaRt said...

Happy football, despite the committee meetings.

Linda Kay said...

How funny....I don't think you missed anyone!

Big Sky Heidi said...

How do Montana Griz fans look for their scores? In vain.

What is the football equivalent of masochism? A former D2 institution playing against a SEC team.

Grand Crapaud said...

Drool Tide, drool!

Anemone said...

I love your cartoon!

Mike said...

I tried to find a Missouri joke to add here but all I could find were Michael Sam jokes.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Great jokes.