Friday, June 08, 2018

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for June, 2018

As you know, Dear Readers, every two weeks I whine about how difficult it has become to select a single Ass Clown awardee from the enormous numbers of candidates that are clamoring for attention in today's increasingly toxic political, religious, and social environment. Indeed, it has become so difficult that - today - I am taking the unprecedented step of announcing a three-way tie for the designation of

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for June, 2018

The first co-awardee is:

Virginia Congressional Candidate
Nathan Larson

Mr Larson, who is running as an independent to represent the Charlottesville area, is an admitted pedophile who has bragged in website posts about raping his late ex-wife, and who created websites that served as gathering places for pedophiles and violence-minded misogynists.

The second co-awardee is not a person, but a thing:

The BCB Wall Breaker

This device, fawningly reviewed in this article from Fox News, is a cannon which fires ordinary projectiles such as water cooler bottles with enough force to blast through walls. It's being hyped as the latest solution to the plague of school shootings - equip each room with a cannon which can be used to blast an escape route for students trapped by an armed killer. The article doesn't discuss the cost of the cannon, but in a time when school budgets are being relentlessly slashed, it seems like an odd thing on which to spend scarce money.

And our third and final co-awardee is:

"Prosperity Gospel" Televangelist
Jesse Duplantis

Mr Duplantis made news this past week when he asked his followers to contribute about $54 million to help him purchase a new airplane - his fourth - to spread the gospel to as many people as possible. Duplantis says he needs the new airplane, rather than any of his current ones, because

"... a brand new Falcon 7X ... can go anywhere in the world, one stop ... And if I can do it one stop, I can fly it for a lot cheaper, because I have my own fuel farm. And that’s what’s been a blessing of the Lord."

Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once opined that God is dead. For people like Mr Duplantis, scamming money from their shearable flocks, God is bread.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, our co-awardees for the dishonor of being named the Right Cheek Ass Clown for June, 2018, are Nathan Larson, the BCB Wall Breaker, and Jesse Duplantis. Perhaps a large enough version of the BCB Wall Breaker might be used to propel Mr Duplantis at a fraction of the cost of a new Falcon 7X luxury jet ... it worked for generations of people shot out of cannons at circuses.

Have a good day. See you tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.



Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Great choices for this honor!

John Hill said...

From once a month to twice (sometime 3 times) each month, and now multiple awardees!
There are just too many Ass Clowns in the world!

Mike said...

1. How has Larson not been arrested?
2. 1. Can you imagine the sound of the blast inside a school room? Can you say deaf kids? 2. Why not aim the cannon at the door and blast the shooter if he comes in?
3. You know the sheep are going to pony up the money, right?

John Hill said...

The shooters will pay for the cannon!

allenwoodhaven said...

Worthy indeed! Unprecedented but now necessary. ! I always like how you pick the the cream of the crop.