Application for a Position on the "Board of Peace"

Der Furor recently established a so-called "Board of Peace," originally intended to oversee the administration, reconstruction and economic recovery of the Gaza Strip, devastated by the latest war between Israel and Hamas. Later, indignant over not being selected for the Nobel Peace Prize and determined to prove that he is "The President of Peace," he published a charter which expanded the concept to envision an organization that would "promote stability, restore dependable and lawful governance, and secure enduring peace in areas affected or threatened by conflict" (the charter's full text makes no mention of Gaza).

The "Board of Peace" would be chaired for life by Der Furor, who reserves the right to name his own successor and approve all activities. Nations, organizations, or individuals could obtain permanent seats on it in exchange for a $1 billion contribution to a fund managed exclusively by - wait for it - Der Furor. As comedian Stephen Colbert noted, "Paying a billion dollars to obey Donald Trump seems a little steep. After all, CBS got to do it for just 16 million." Cheapskates unwilling to cough up a billion dollars could join for three years, sit along the wall rather than at the table, and receive a spiffy red baseball cap with the "Board of Peace" logo in front, "45-47" embroidered in gold thread on the left side, and "Chairman DJT" embroidered in gold thread on the left side.

If you have a billion dollars lying around, time on your hands, and a desire to rub elbows with your betters, you can apply for a position on the Board of Peace ... just fill out this application*:

Application to Join

the

Donald J. Trump

Board of Peace

THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST IN MEMBERSHIP ON THE DONALD J. TRUMP BOARD OF PEACE. PLEASE FILL OUT THIS APPLICATION IN ITS ENTIRETY AND SUBMIT TO THE PERSONNEL OFFICE LOCATED AT 1100 S. OCEAN BLVD, PALM BEACH, FLORIDA 33480.

1. I ____________ (insert your name) hereby request membership on the Donald J. Trump Board of Peace.

2. Select the appropriate title for your present position:

a. President   

b. Prime Minister  

    

c. Ayatollah

d. Sheikh       

 

e. Oligarch

 

f. Supreme Leader

 

g. CEO

 

h. Trump Family Member

 

i. Trump Business Associate

j. Other (specify): _______________

2. Attach documentation of payment in full of your nonrefundable $1 billion application fee, payable to Donald J. Trump. Fee must be paid in US Dollars or acceptable cryptocurrency (list available on request). Your application will not be considered until your check clears.

3. Did Donald J. Trump win the 2020 U.S. Presidential Election?

a. Yes

b. No (stop here; your application is denied)

4. Attach a notarized copy of a letter to the Nobel committee demanding that Donald J. Trump receive the 2026 Nobel Peace Prize. Your letter should specify that a separate prize must be issued for each war Mr. Trump has settled (list available on request).

5. Provide specific examples of how Donald J. Trump been treated very unfairly by each of the following; attach additional sheets as necessary:

a. The Nobel Committee

b. The United Nations

c. NATO

d. Canada

e. Denmark  

   

f. The Media

 

g. Gavin Newsome

 

h. Jack Smith

 

i. Hillary Clinton 

6. I understand that my continuing membership on the Donald J. Trump Board of Peace is contingent upon remaining in good standing. Maintenance of good standing requires the following (list changes often; check Truth Social for the latest guidelines):

a. Immediate and full payment of all dues and assessments, to include Mar-a-Lago membership (if offered).

b. Demonstration of unwavering loyalty to Donald J. Trump. 

c. Confirmation of ability to exercise cognitive dissonance as needed.

d. Ability to modify opinions on social, political, religious, and moral positions to match those of Donald J. Trump. 

SIGN HERE: _____________________________ 

THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST IN MEMBERSHIP ON THE DONALD J. TRUMP BOARD OF PEACE, THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS BOARD OF LEADERS EVER ASSEMBLED. WE WILL CONTACT YOU WITH OUR DECISION AFTER YOUR CHECK CLEARS.

DONALD J. TRUMP,

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

AND

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD OF PEACE

AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT

Act now!

Have a good day and stay warm. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* I got the idea for this post from comedian Andy Borowitz, who published a similar application. I have used some of his ideas for this post, but it is predominately mine.