October is one of the months this year (May was the other) in which there are three Fridays available for Ass Clown Awards, which is actually a good thing, as there are so many Ass Clowns available for the dishonor at the moment. We've already had the two regular awards (Right Cheek* and Left Cheek**), plus two Special Awards***, giving us a total of five in this depressing month. It's also somewhat appropriate that this last award for the month takes place the day before Halloween ... the most frightening day of the year.
With that in mind, let us dip our skimmer into the swirling cesspool of ass clownery and scoop up
The On-Crack Ass Clown for October, 2026
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and the award goes to
Elon Musk
Elon Musk today receives his third Ass Clown Award, having previously earned the Right Cheek Award for December, 2024 and the Left-Cheek Award for January, 2025. The first of those awards was based on his blatant purchase of the 2024 presidential election, in which he invested an estimated quarter of a billion dollars to get Der Furor back into the Gilded House; the second award noted, as I wrote at the time, that
"From his position as primus inter pares among the Association of American Oligarchs, Elon Musk has taken full advantage of the culture of corruption around Der Furor, in blatant, obvious, and unpunished violation of the law."
Things have not changed since then. Today's award recognizes the vast amounts of money Mr Musk has spent to elect Republicans at all levels in this election - $446 million, nearly half a billion dollars - mainly to protect both his vast contracts with the federal government and the enormous tax advantages Der Furor's regime has bestowed upon him and his fellow billionaires.
In addition, Mr Musk appears to have usurped a measure of control over the nation's foreign policy by throttling back the Starlink and Starshield communications systems upon which Ukraine relies for its defense against Russian aggression. Der Furor and Mr Musk have blamed each other for this egregious betrayal of an ally, and Der Furor said that he had asked Musk to restore the connectivity. As historian Dr Heather Cox Richardson wrote in her Letter from an American on October 22nd,
"... it is simply astonishing that the president of the United States, the commander in chief of the United States military, is suggesting he had to negotiate with a private citizen to tell him to stop interfering with American foreign policy."
Having done likely irreparable (at least in the medium term) damage to the United States government with his irresponsible slash-and-burn "Department of Government Efficiency," Elon Musk continues to wreak havoc on our nation both at home and abroad as he uses our tax dollars to advance his business interests and personal philosophies.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the On-Crack Ass Clown for October, 2026, is Elon Musk. And in further recognition of the despicable behavior and abuse of his vast fortune which pose a continuing danger not only to the nation, but to the world, he also receives the Poop of Distinction in Gold.
Have a good day and be sure to come back tomorrow for the final Cartoon Saturday Salute to Halloween of 2026, featuring cartoons about werewolves. More thoughts then.
Bilbo
* "National Security."
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