Poetry Sunday

Today we have a two-for-the-price-of-one Poetry Sunday. In 1927, American writer Max Ehrmann wrote an inspirational prose poem titled Desiderata, which has since appeared in many styles and formats, often alleged to have been anonymously written and "discovered on a pew in an old church" or something similar. The poem has entranced generations of readers, and we lead off with it today:

Desiderata

by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender,
Be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others -
Even the dull and ignorant, they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons - they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter,
For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career -
However humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is.
Many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection, neither be cynical about love.
For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
It is as perenial as the grass.
Take kindly the council of the years,
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune,
But do not distress yourself with imaginings -
Many fears are borne of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe.
No less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,
Keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be careful. Strive to be happy.

Now, of course, anything as profound and moving as Ehrman's poem would attract satirical commentary like a magnet draws iron filings, and so it was that the parody Deteriorata was penned by Tony Hendra for the National Lampoon in 1972 ...

Deteriorata

by Tony Hendra

Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss, and when.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.
Wherever possible, put people on hold.
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
and despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
Remember The Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.
Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you -
That lemon on your left, for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore. It will stick to your face.
Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan.
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Hire people with hooks.
For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.
Take heart in the deepening gloom
That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
And reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot,
It could only be worse in Milwaukee.
You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Therefore, make peace with your god,
Whatever you perceive him to be - hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
The world continues to deteriorate.
Give up!

As for me, the version I prefer depends on my mood on any given day ... although in an election season, Deteriorata is pulling out ahead.

Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

It's hard to believe we're two weeks into July, isn't it?

GOP presidential wannabe Jeb Bush was roundly criticized this week for saying Americans need to work longer hours, although he didn't specify which jobs for those who have to work more than one to make ends meet; a massive data breach at the government's Office of Personnel Management may have caused detailed, sensitive personal information on nearly 21.5 million people both in and outside of government to fall into the hands of persons unknown ... but who are suspected to speak Chinese; at Yellowstone National Park, bison attacked two more visitors over the past week, for a total of four attacks in the park so far this season; Greece is asking for another $55 billion in loans to hold off financial catastrophe, bringing the total amount of its borrowing to 240 billion Euros, or about 263 billion dollars; and the GOP, struggling to overcome its image as an intolerant and xenophobic party, tried - unsuccessfully - to rein in firebrand candidate Donald Trump.

The news is as yucky as usual, but it's the middle of summer, and in summer the thoughts of healthy young people turn to ... well ... sex. The thoughts of healthy older people turn that way, too, but the younger ones are probably more likely to get lucky. Let's lead off this week with a collection of theme cartoons about sex ...

There are different ways of looking at this particular issue, and the Supreme Court isn't likely to intervene on this one ...

It's not just a human problem ...

There's an old joke about the guy who complained that he got a sweater for Christmas, when he'd really hoped for a moaner or a screamer. Here's a twist on that one ...

That reminds me ... I need to schedule my next physical ...

Yes ... vouchers are the answer to every problem, from education to medical treatment to ... well, you know ...

Various animals have various displays they use to attract the opposite sex ...

Okay, enough about sex. How about a medieval pun?

I feel this way most days ...

This reminds me ... have you seen the big action movie Terminator: Genisys yet? 

And finally for this week, if you're part of the 99%, this one may be for you ...

I hope I've helped you recover from the rigors of the past week. This weekend we're dog-sitting with Clara once again, so we're pretty dog-gone busy, ha, ha. Enjoy your weekend, and come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Great Moments in Editing

It's a new month, and it's time for a new collection of "great" moments in editing ...

Such moments are not limited to mistakes in the newspapers ...

I can imagine the NRA got hysterical over this one ...

After all, everyone is allowed to have guns in this country, no matter what ... right?

Better stock up at a sale like this!

Glad the duck was so cool about the whole thing ...

Ladies, be sure to read the whole label on the box ...

I'm sure you and your dong will be very happy here ...

Those special tires give a nice, smooth ride, as opposed to the square ones the base model comes equipped with ...

She should have kept them ...

I guess it took the arresting officer a while to fill out the paperwork ...

And there you have it ... our first set of great moments in editing for July. They make a good match for our great moments in governing, or would, if we had any.

Have a good day. See you back here tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Installing Software in Your Brain

I'm in a hurry this morning, but while I sit on the bus heading to work, I'll be uploading some mental software ...

Have a good day. Upload some new software into your brain today, and come back tomorrow for the latest iteration of Great Moments in Editing. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

How Grandchildren See Things

Today my oldest grandson Joe, big brother extraordinaire of whom I am proud beyond words, turns 12 ... one more year until he's a teenager!

In honor of that august event (yes, Mike and Gonzo Dave, I know it's July, just work with me, okay), here is a selection of quotes about grandparents, culled from the accumulated wisdom of a large number of eight year olds and shared on Facebook by one of my friends ... with my occasional commentary, of course:

"Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's."

"A grandfather is a man and a grandmother is a lady!" (Well, in our traditional family, anyhow)

"Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money." (First sentence: it all depends on how you look at it. Second sentence: truer every year. Third sentence: true. Especially the "give us money" part.)

"When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars." (At our age, we have a sense of childish wonder about some of those things, too!)

"They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on cracks."

"They don't say, 'Hurry up.'" (We don't hurry ... why should they?)

"Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes." (Agnes was not pleased about this one)

"They wear glasses and funny underwear." (True on the glasses. I'm not admitting anything about underwear)

"They can take their teeth and gums out." (Not yet, at least...)

"Grandparents don't have to be smart." (Well, that's a relief!)

"They have to answer questions like, 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'" (How many times a day can you hear the word "why"?)

"When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again." (I can't begin to tell you how many times I've read Green Eggs and Ham over the years...)

"Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown-ups who like to spend time with us."

"They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time and kiss us even when we've acted badly."

A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "'Oh,' he said, 'She lives at the airport and when we want her we just go get her. Then when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.'"

"Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!" (Although if you ask any of my granddaughters, they'll tell you they're a lot smarter than I am)

And finally, this one, which my granddaughter Leya hit me with one day:

"You're not getting old, Opa. You're just getting fat!"

And just as a reminder of how our grandchildren actually see us, here's a picture Elise (age four at the time) took of me with my phone last summer when we went to a Washington Nationals baseball game ...

To our children and grandchildren, we're giants. It's a perspective worth remembering.

Have a good day. Love your children and grandchildren. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Thoughts About Flags

I watched a fascinating TED Talk the other day by Roman Mars titled "Why City Flags May Be the Worst-Designed Thing You've Never Noticed."

Chances are that you, like me, have never given flags much thought beyond saluting Old Glory when the national anthem is played, but there's actually an area of study called vexillology, the scientific study of flags and related symbols. Who knew?

Mr Mars' TED Talk describes how terribly designed most flags are at the city, as opposed to the national level, starting with the five principles of flag design:

1. Keep it simple (so that it catches the eye without overwhelming the viewer with details); 

2. Use meaningful symbols (that viewers will understand and relate to);

3. Use two or three primary colors (to keep it bright and visible without being "busy");

4. Use no lettering or seals (because they can't be read at the distance from which we usually view flags); and,

5. Be distinctive (so that viewers will recognize it immediately).

The city flag of Washington, DC, is - according to these principles -  an excellent flag ...

It has two colors, no lettering or seals*, and is simple and distinctive. It's symbolism is meaningful, being based on the coat of arms of George Washington, without the lettering or seals ...

Now, all this talk about flags has gotten me to thinking about our own Star-Spangled Banner, Old Glory. How does it shape up with the principles of flag design?

It's simple, just stars and stripes, and it uses meaningful symbols - 13 alternating red and white stripes for the 13 original states, plus 50 stars representing the current 50 states of the union. It uses three bright primary colors, has no lettering or complex seals not readable from a distance, and is distinctive without being gaudy. As flags go, it's a good one, and it looks great floating in the breeze against a blue sky.

But has it stood the test of time? Is it still meaningful, or does it need to be updated for an America that Betsy Ross never imagined? As you might suspect, I have a proposal for an update ...

First of all, I think the colors need changing ... nowadays a lot of people think we put too much emphasis on white, and we don't like to think of the violence and spilled blood that red represents. And because our country and its reputation have taken some pretty hard knocks in the last decade or so, I propose we change the basic colors to black and blue.

We can keep the stars, because stars are great symbols ... but one for each state is too many. My new flag keeps 13 stars - one for each of the original 13 states - and scatters them willy-nilly across the face of the flag to indicate that the states object to being ordered around by the federal government, and are always trying to go their own ways. And finally, because we need a symbol with deep and mystical meaning to modern Americans, I've added a pair of crossed AR-15 assault rifles.

That's my proposal for a new American flag. It's simple, uses meaningful symbols, has three colors appropriate to today's America, uses no extraneous lettering or seals that can't be seen from a distance, and is distinctive.

So what do you think? Leave a vexillatious** comment right now, before your interest ... flags. And if you'd rather consider coats of arms instead of flags, go back and read my March 2009 post in which I designed my own coat of arms.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* There was a bill before the DC Council a while back to add the words "Taxation without Representation" to the DC flag as a protest against the District's lack of representation in Congress. The Council approved the bill, but the mayor never signed it. "Taxation without Representation" was later added to the license plates of cars registered in DC.

** I made that up.

Book Report: The Quartet, by Joseph J. Ellis

The Fourth of July holiday is over for another year, along with all of the usual editorials, speeches, OpEd articles, and other hooplah over the Declaration of Independence and our not-so-amicable divorce from Great Britain. If you're looking for timely thoughts on American history, look no further than this marvelous new book by historian Joseph J. Ellis - The Quartet: Orchestrating the Second American Revolution.

The book tells the story of four American Founders - George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, John Jay, and James Madison - and the crafting of the Constitution ... a story you may think you know, but probably don't.

What we think of today as the American Revolution was not intended to create a new, unified country. It was designed to free 13 independent-minded colonies from rule by a distant and non-representative government in London. When the revolution was over and independence from Britain achieved, the individual colonies ("states") weren't interested in banding together and forming a new government to replace the one they'd just gotten rid of. Most of the residents of the 13 colonies, as Dr Ellis points out, never traveled more than a few miles from their homes, and thought of "representative government" - if they thought of it at all, which most people didn't - as being at no higher than the local or state level so as to understand and be responsive to their needs.

The original "Articles of Confederation" created a loose association of states under a virtually powerless central government, and people like Washington and Madison realized that without a central government with the authority to tax and to coordinate and unify the activities of the states (particularly in the areas of trade, foreign affairs, and defense), the states would end up a group of weak and squabbling entities, ripe for being swept up by some foreign power ... perhaps even Britain again.

Ellis tells the very interesting story of how those who favored a powerful central government overseeing a "united states" (the "Federalists") contended with those who believed that the federal government should be weak and non-threatening. He does a masterful job of explaining the complex political and economic arguments that led to the drafting and ratification of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights that we revere today, even if few of us truly understand what the Founders actually created. Ellis writes,

"In the long run - and this was probably Madison's most creative insight - the multiple ambiguities embedded in the Constitution made it an inherently 'living' document. For it was designed not to offer clear answers to the sovereignty question (or, for that matter, to the scope of executive or judicial authority) but instead to provide a political arena in which arguments about those contested issues could continue in a deliberative fashion. The Constitution was intended less to resolve arguments than to make argument itself the solution. For judicial devotees of 'originalism' or 'original intent,' this should be a disarming insight, since it made the Constitution the foundation for an ever-shifting political dialogue that, like history itself, was an argument without end. Madison's 'original intention' was to make all 'original intentions' infinitely negotiable in the future."

And further,

"It (the Constitution) has endured not because it embodies timeless truths that the founders fathomed as tongues of fire danced over their heads, but because it manages to combine the two time-bound truths of its own time: namely, that any legitimate government must rest on a popular foundation, and that popular majorities cannot be trusted to act responsibly, a paradox that has aged remarkably well."

I strongly encourage you to read this fascinating look at our early history, particularly if you're one of those people who is absolutely certain you understand the meaning and intent of the Constitution, and exactly what the Founders meant. The book is not especially long (220 pages of text, plus three appendices with the full texts of the Articles of Confederation, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights), and is written in an easily-understandable, non-academic tone.

There are a lot worse ways to spend some of your free time than learning more about your history, particularly at this trying time in the ever-developing story of America.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

Today marks the end of the Independence Day holiday weekend and the high point of the summer. It's a holiday for baseball games, picnics, family reunions, and the fireworks and speeches and editorials that celebrate our resolution in 1776 to seek independence from Great Britain. What most of us don't think about is that the American Revolution wasn't about creating a new country ... it was about 13 colonies banding together for the purpose of getting out from under British rule, and then - more or less - going their separate ways. The outcome of what is sometimes called The Second American Revolution - the effort to convince the former colonies to unite under a strong central government - was by no means a foregone conclusion. The "Ship of State," the "Union, strong and great" that Henry Wadsworth Longfellow describes in today's classic poem, very nearly never made it out of the drydock. I'll have more to write on that topic tomorrow, but for now let's listen to Longfellow's stirring homage to our nation ...

O Ship of State

by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Thou, too, sail on, O Ship of State!
Sail on, O Union, strong and great!
Humanity with all its fears,
With all the hopes of future years,
Is hanging breathless on thy fate!
We know what Master laid thy keel,
What Workmen wrought thy ribs of steel,
Who made each mast, and sail, and rope,
What anvils rang, what hammers beat,
In what a forge and what a heat
Were shaped the anchors of thy hope!
Fear not each sudden sound and shock,
'Tis of the wave and not the rock;
'Tis but the flapping of the sail,
And not a rent made by the gale!
In spite of rock and tempest's roar,
In spite of false lights on the shore,
Sail on, nor fear to breast the sea!
Our hearts, our hopes, are all with thee.
Our hearts, our hopes, our prayers, our tears,
Our faith triumphant o'er our fears,
Are all with thee, -are all with thee!

I hope you're having a great Fourth of July weekend with friends and family. Now, let's enjoy the rest of the summer together.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

It's Saturday, July 4th, 2015 ... happy Independence Day!

In Arizona, a man murdered two of his friends, then borrowed a backhoe to dig a grave for them beside his house; a serial killer may be on the loose in Chillicothe, Ohio, after six women have gone missing and four of them turned up dead; a robot working on a car assembly line in Germany killed a fellow (human) worker; former Senator James Webb announced that he will seek the Democratic presidential nomination, the GOP's dance card being too full; and in Maryland, a child was handcuffed and severely beaten by his mother’s boyfriend for eating a piece of birthday cake without permission.

Bad news or no bad news, it's a holiday weekend, and in honor of Independence Day, let's include a few appropriately-themed cartoons ...

As a result of the severe budget situation in many communities, some of the traditional celebrations will be scaled back this year ...

There's independence and there's independence ...

Had George but known, he'd have probably wanted the capital named something else, like Gridlockia or Assclownburgh ...

And you thought you knew the whole story behind one of our national legends ...

After independence came the need to create a government for the new United States. The Founders settled on a government composed of three branches:

And they had a lot of very serious discussions as they hammered out the content of what we know today as The Constitution*:

Yes, it's the election season again ...

So, why is Greece such an economic basket case?

It's a good question ...

And finally for this week, be careful what you wish for ...

Yes, Dear Readers, so ends another Cartoon Saturday, the first in the month of July. The year is officially more than half over and we're moving quickly toward ... Christmas. Good luck.

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow for Poetry Sunday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* The language in this one is a little saltier than I usually like, but I like the cartoon.

The Right Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2015

The selection of a suitable dishonoree for our biweekly Ass Clown awards is usually difficult, because the field of candidates from which to choose is what we in the Air Force tend to call a "target-rich environment." The level of intellectual effort which must be expended to wade through hip-deep cesspools of ass-clownery in search of the "best" awardee is high, and seldom matched by any degree of satisfaction, for there are always plenty of other chunks floating in the murky waters.

Today, however, we have a winner who has spared no effort to distinguish himself as a true paragon of monumental ass-clownery, standing head and shoulders above all other contenders in what is usually a tight contest.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I give you

The Right Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2015

Donald Trump

Mr Trump has won this award before ... he was, in fact, its first recipient (you can read it here), but he continues to exhibit his talents as a hateful gasbag even as he tries to convince us that he's qualified to be our president.

In the speech in which Mr Trump announced his candidacy, he said,

"When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best ... They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists."

As you might expect, this did not endear him to the Hispanic voters that the GOP desperately needs to court; indeed, Spanish-language TV network Univision terminated its five-year contract to air the Miss USA pageant, which Trump partially owns*, and NBC and Macy's also cut their lucrative ties with Mr Trump ... none of which slowed him down. Ignoring the conventional wisdom that one should stop digging when one reaches the bottom of the hole, he went on to tweet,

"I love the Mexican people, but Mexico is not our friend. They're killing us at the border and they're killing us on jobs and trade."

We live in a free country, and the First Amendment to the Constitution guarantees us the freedom of speech. This is crucial to our country, because it allows us to evaluate the ideas and the true character of the speakers. Thus, Mr Trump is entitled to his opinions ... and we are allowed to see the mentality and worth of the man behind them. For his dedicated efforts to demolish bridges to the Hispanic community, and for making even candidates like Ben Carson and Ted Cruz look good, Donald Trump is named the Right Cheek Ass Clown for July, 2015.

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow for something happier - Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Trump, for his part, is suing Univision for $500 million.