Thursday, March 17, 2016

More About Government Reorganization: Start at the Beginning


Yesterday in this space, I offered an initial look at my proposal for reorganizing the federal government. I'll be giving you more details on it in the coming weeks, but I think I may have gotten ahead of myself. Let me go back a step and show you what I ought to have shown you before I wrote yesterday's post.

How many of you, Dear Readers, know what your federal government looks like? I don't mean in terms of neoclassical marble buildings or the well-PhotoShopped color photos of senior officials that grace agency websites, but in the form of a organizational chart? Here it is - click it to big it; if you still can't read it, you can find it online here:

Now envision each of those blocks on the chart expanded into its own chart. As an example, here's the organization chart of the Department of Homeland Security:


Now envision each of those blocks under Homeland Security as a large group of people with its own organization chart and budget. Go down another five or six levels (at least) and you'll eventually come to a single person sitting at a desk, being paid a wage and benefits.

That's a lot of people, who need a lot of money and a lot of real estate and office supplies. Many of them are hard-working, well-meaning people doing important things for the American people. Others are not. How do we separate the vital civil servant wheat from the political hack chaff?

Yes, Dear Readers, your government is too big*. Making it smaller and better will be very difficult, but not impossible. Starting next week, I'll go into more detail on the reorganization plan I proposed yesterday. I welcome your ideas and comments, as long as they're constructive. There's no shortage of people who are good at bitching and complaining ... what we need are thoughtful people with ideas who are willing to work with others to make things better.

Let's start the discussion.

Have a good day. Come back tomorrow to end the work week with another edition of Great Moments in Editing. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Want to see just how big it is? Start here.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Bilbo's Suggestions for Government Reorganization


Yesterday I talked about the hue and cry over the size of government, and the lack of specific proposals for what to actually reduce. Well, except for those put forward by Ted Cruz, with which I disagree for the most part. Here are the first of my own ideas:

Today there are 15 Cabinet Departments:

Agriculture;
Commerce;
Defense;
Education;
Energy;
Health and Human Services;
Homeland Security;
Housing and Urban Development;
Interior;
Justice;
Labor;
State;
Transportation;
Treasury; and,
Veterans’ Affairs

I propose to reduce that number to seven:

State;
Treasury (incorporating parts of Homeland Security);
Justice (incorporating parts of Homeland Security);
Labor and Commerce;
Defense (incorporating parts of Homeland Security);
National Infrastructure (consolidating and incorporating parts of Agriculture, Energy, HUD, Interior, and Transportation); and,
Citizens’ Services (consolidating and incorporating parts of Education, Health, and Veterans’ Affairs)

This does not, of course, address the large number of independent establishments and government corporations, many of which I would either eliminate outright or fold into one of the cabinet departments.

I'm a little short on time this morning, so I don't have enough time to elaborate on these ideas. However, over the next week or two, I'll look at each of my proposed new cabinet offices, explain what I'd eliminate and why, and how the reorganized government might function better.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Cut Government Down to Size, Hold the Hyperbole


One of the major tenets of modern conservative and libertarian philosophies is that government at all levels must be kept as small and inobtrusive as possible consistent with what we need it to do. This has led to calls for major cuts in the Federal government, in particular, to eliminate agencies that are unnecessary, too large, overly powerful, or otherwise undesirable from a philosophical or constitutional perspective.

For what it’s worth, I agree that government should be lean and … well … not mean, but agile and responsive, without needless layers of bureaucracy that delay action and diffuse responsibility. I believe, as do many conservatives and libertarians, that government is best when it’s closest to the governed … meaning that our most important levels of government are those at the local (city, county/parish, or state) level, where elected and appointed officials have more direct insight into local concerns.

I don’t think too many people would argue with ideas like those. But what a whole lot of people argue with are the specific cuts to be made and the final shape and responsibilities of the government at each level. It all depends on whose ox is being gored, to use the old expression.

Why has government grown so large? There are a lot of reasons; here are a few:

1. Because we wanted it to. Nobody really wants to hear that, but it's true. Because we, as a nation, have decided we want water we can drink, air we can breathe, medicines that are safe, and many other things, Congress has created cabinet departments and various agencies to see that these things are accomplished.

2. Because Congress almost never builds a "sunset clause" into legislation that establishes new agencies. Perhaps the original purpose of a particular office or agency was achieved, but bureaucracy has its own inertia, and if there's no direct order to close or life span established for it, it will go on forever.

3. Because a large government provides employment for a lot of civil servants (or bureaucrats, to use the pejorative term), and because it provides a very large number of political patronage positions* that can be used to reward the incumbent party faithful, there's not much incentive for Congress or the Executive Branch to cut back.

4. Because nobody outside of their organization knows what most government agencies do. I can pretty much guarantee you that the Cabinet officers don't have a real idea about what most of the people in their organizations are actually doing ... and if they don't, why should anyone else? 

There are probably other reasons, too, but those four will do for a start. 

So, it's easy to shout that government is too big and must be pared back to make it less expensive and more responsive, and that's not a bad thing. But what - specifically - should be eliminated?

Almost no one who runs for office is willing to be specific on this issue, because every government organization, no matter how small, has a constituency that a politician is loath to offend. The major exception in the current presidential campaign is Senator Ted Cruz, whose website lists five agencies he would eliminate, calling them by the catchy term "Five for Freedom."  They are (with the language of his website in parentheses):

The Internal Revenue Service ("end the political targeting, simplify the tax code, and abolish the IRS as we know it");

The Department of Education ("return education to those who know our students best: parents, teachers, local communities, and states. And block-grant education funding to the states");

The Department of Energy ("cut off the Washington Cartel, stop picking winners and losers, and unleash the energy renaissance");

The Department of Commerce ("close the “congressional cookie jar” and promote free-enterprise and free trade for every business"); and,

The Department of Housing and Urban Development ("offer real solutions to lift people out of hardship, rather than trapping families in a cycle of poverty, and empower Americans by promoting the dignity of work and reforming programs such as Section 8 housing").

As you might suspect, I have a few comments on his choices:

The IRS is everyone's favorite whipping boy, and abolishing it certainly has wide appeal. I hate the IRS as much as anyone. Unfortunately, the 16th Amendment to the Constitution**, ratified in 1913, granted Congress the power to levy an income tax, and Congress in turn established an agency (the Bureau of Internal Revenue, the forerunner of today's IRS) to administer the taxation program. The IRS will remain a hated and feared, yet necessary institution until other structural problems with government organization and spending allow it to be reduced (but likely never eliminated). And remember: you may hate the IRS, but it exists only to administer the tax laws which are written by ... yes, Congress.

Eliminating the Department of Education is, in my humble opinion, a staggeringly bad idea. It sounds great to "return education to those who know our students best: parents, teachers, local communities, and states," but when people (mostly conservatives) belittle teachers and state and local agencies slash education funding to pay for other things, I have little confidence in the interest or ability of state and local government agencies at those levels to educate our children***. And considering that religious conservatives ceaselessly and unconstitutionally work to impose religiously-based curricula in our schools, I think someone needs to be the watchdog. Should there be some local control over schools: yes. Should the federal government run all our schools: certainly not, but it has a legitimate role in establishing minimum national standards for education ... because a democracy relies on an educated and informed population.

I think there's a good argument to be made for cutting back on the size and power*** of the Department of Energy ... most of its functions could probably be folded into other existing agencies. But I'm not sure I understand how eliminating the DoE would "unleash the energy renaissance." Sounds like wild hyperbole to me.

Eliminating the Department of Commerce is an interesting choice for a self-described strict follower of the Constitution, because the Constitution specifically assigns the Congress the responsibility "to regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States, and with the Indian Tribes" (Article 1, Section 8, Clause 3). Should the Commerce Department's duties be changed or limited, or folded into another agency? Perhaps. But eliminating it outright ... bad move, and arguably unconstitutional.

Getting rid of the Department of Housing and Urban Development is something I could probably support, although only after a careful review to identify programs that ought to be retained and reassigned to other agencies. This is a prime example of an agency that ought to be working at the state and local, rather than the national level, with governors and mayors working those issues for their states and cities.

So much for my opinion of what Mr Cruz wants to do. I think he's a few eggs short of an omelette, but at least he's put a plan forward. What would Bilbo eliminate from the government? We'll address that in the coming days.

Have a good day. Don't scream and shout ... study and plan and offer rational, defensible suggestions. If you can't do that, please sit down, shut up, and let the adults figure things out.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Every four years the Government Printing Office publishes a book titled United States Government Policy and Supporting Positions, commonly known as "The Plum Book." The current (2012) version is 220 pages long and lists every position available for the incoming administration to fill, along with details of the present incumbent, pay grade, tenure, expiration date (if any), etc. It makes for some fascinating reading.

** "The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration."

*** Mary Lou Bruner, 68, a former kindergarten teacher running for a seat on the Texas State Board of Education, has claimed on social media that President Obama worked as a gay prostitute in his youth to support a drug habit, that the United States should ban Islam, that the Democratic Party had John F. Kennedy killed, and that the United Nations had hatched a plot to depopulate the world. She rejects teaching the theory of evolution in schools in favor of creationism ... clearly unconstitutional and wildly out of alignment with mountains of scientific evidence,

Monday, March 14, 2016

Musical Monday


Don Williams is one of those singers with a wonderful and, for me, instantly recognizable voice. He has a number of great songs that are on my "Very Best" playlist, including "Good Old Boys Like Me," "Circle Driveway," and today's song, which really resonates with a radio fan like Yours Truly ...



Have a good day, and enjoy listening to the radio. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Poetry Sunday


A poem doesn't have to be particularly long or have an intricate rhyme pattern to be interesting and enjoyable, as in this bitingly witty little poem by Alexander Pope ... the title of which is almost as long as the poem itself:

Epigram Engraved On The Collar Of A Dog
Which I Gave To His Royal Highness

I am his Highness' dog at Kew;
Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?

Whose, indeed?

Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Monday will be here soon enough, but Musical Monday will help ease you into it. See you tomorrow morning.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

P.S. - Did you remember to set your clocks ahead an hour last night?

B.



Saturday, March 12, 2016

Cartoon Saturday


And the insanity continues ...

In Florida, a woman who is a strong and vocal pro-gun activist was shot in the back and seriously wounded by her four year-old son with a gun he found in the back seat of her car; as China steadily increases its land grabs in the South China Sea and North Korea threatens nuclear war, the US has sent three B-2 stealth bombers to the Pacific in a show of force; at least five people, including a pregnant woman, were murdered in Pittsburgh when they were shot dead at a backyard barbecue; a brawl erupted on a Spirit Airlines flight from Baltimore to Los Angeles when two drunken women playing loud music on a boom box refused to turn it down and instead waved the box in the air, shouting "What are you going to do?"; and a new story by J.K. Rowling about the history of magic in North America has enraged some "Native Americans" who accused her of co-opting and re-writing their traditions.

How about a nice selection of election-related cartoons? No, not the candidates ...

From the Department of Ain't It the Truth? ...


Call for Mr Cruz ...


Not to worry ... it's not gonna happen on MY watch ...


Yes, there are lots of promises, almost none of which will survive contact with reality. This is why Republican voters are so angry ...


Is there a third option? ...


True, dat! ...


I wonder if there's room in the cave for me, too ...


The part of the Constitutional Convention that somehow got left out of the history books ...


I think I'll do the same ...


It depends on who wins, doesn't it? ...


It looks as if it's going to be a nice weekend here in NoVa. At the top of my agenda will be trying to finish off the patching and painting in Agnes's sewing room so that we can finally get all the dropcloths removed and she can get back to the serious business of cranking out quilts ... just in time for warm weather. Of course.

Have a good day and a great weekend. See you tomorrow for Poetry Sunday.

Bilbo

Friday, March 11, 2016

The Right Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2016


Yes, Dear Readers, it's that time again ... time to turn the spotlight of dishonor on yet another deserving recipient, the Right Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2016.


Given the speed with which the world is rocketing toward Hell in the proverbial handbasket, it's very difficult ... indeed, more difficult than usual ... to select the best of the vast scrum of candidates clamoring for this award. But though it's a dirty job, it has to be done, and so it is that I designate* 

The Right Cheek Ass Clown for March, 2016

New Jersey Governor
and
Failed Presidential Candidate

Chris Christie


Governor Christie had already made himself a prime candidate for this award well before his abortive run for the presidency, distinguishing himself by being accused of causing a monumental traffic jam in New Jersey in September of 2013 in order to punish the mayor of Ft Lee, NJ, who had not endorsed Christie for re-election.  But he truly excelled in the competition by demonstrating the finest in political flexibility when, after spending months hammering at fellow GOP candidate Donald Trump, he withdrew from the race and obsequiously endorsed The Donald for the job.

It is often said that state governors, having more hands-on experience of the management of public affairs than most candidates (and certainly most political appointees to government office), tend to make better presidents. In the case of Governor Christie, however, his actions while in office and his excessive time away from work to campaign both on behalf of himself and later of The Trumpster, make him a questionable candidate at best**.

For his shameless political opportunism and failure to do the job for which he was elected, Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey is named our Right Cheek Ass Clown of the month for 2016. 

And he leaves some pretty big cheeks for the next candidate to fill, too.

Have a good day, and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* With thanks to my friend Dave in Germany for the reminder.

** And we haven't even mentioned the lawsuit filed by New Jersey individuals and advocacy groups demanding he reimburse taxpayers for state funds he has used to cover costs of travel and security while campaigning across the country rather than governing.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Giving a Bit More Polish to Your Invective


There was a time, many years ago, when people were more refined. When presidential candidates didn't brag about the size of their genitals. When day-to-day language didn't consist of four letter words and seven- and twelve-letter combinations of other nasty words. Things have gotten so bad that my daughter has gone from "Dad!! Language!!" around her own daughters to "They've heard it all in school." George Carlin's famous routine "Seven Words You Can't Say on Television" is meaningless nowadays, because all seven of those words and more can be heard routinely on prime-time TV.

I generally try to control my language, particularly around women and children and in professional environments. Some times, though, call for the employment of full-on, vivid, blue-streak cussing ... and when you really don't want to cut loose with the foul language, you need to be creative.

Here are a few ideas ...

In my study of Russian, I picked up three words that are perfectly innocent, yet can sound unbelievably foul and nasty when uttered in the right tone of voice. They are ptitsa ("bird"), chemodan (suitcase), and karandash ("pencil").

Having trouble with Russian pronunciation? There are a lot of old-fashioned swear words and expressions that have fallen out of favor in modern English, but can serve quite well in time of linguistic need. You can read a list of classics in this article from Mental Floss magazine, including: thunderation!, great horn spoon!, and by Saint Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of purgatory! My mother* was fond of Great Caesar's Ghost!, which I often use myself.

Many years ago I worked with an Air Force NCO who was also a Baptist minister. He was a giant of a man, but as even-tempered and gentle as he was huge and intimidating. Whenever he got particularly upset about something, he'd cut loose with a deep, rumbling, Goodness gracious! We gots to do somethin' about this! ... which, for him, was the equivalent of a drunken longshoreman screaming invective.

Need something else? There are always the old standbys like Holy Mackerel! and Godfrey Daniels! And I remember a line of dialog from a novel** in which a really, really upset lady shouted at someone, "You loathsome piece of industrial waste! You toad!"

So, Dear Readers, you have a lot of options that will let you curse imaginatively, without using gutter language and sounding like a boor. And if all else fails, you can fall back on any of a number of Shakespearean Insult Generators that are available online ... like this one.

Have a good day, thou churlish, fly-bitten joithead! See you tomorrow, when we honor the March Right-Cheek Ass Clown. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Mom's view was that if you needed to use foul language, it was a sign that you weren't smart enough to think of anything more appropriate to say. Dad would use the occasional four-letter word (although I never heard him drop the f-bomb); for him, the ultimate put down was to call someone a "horse's ass" ... which I've always found to be a particularly quaint and useful expression.

** I think it was The Mephisto Waltz, by Fred Mustard Stewart.

Wednesday, March 09, 2016

The Not-So-Living Doll


Warning ... this post deals with no-kidding adult topics. You may want to not let your children read any further. Just sayin' ...

Dating can be tough. If you're a guy of average looks, modest education, and/or low-wage employment, it can be even tougher. I, of course, being witty and erudite (if not especially studly or wealthy) did pretty well for myself*, but not every fellow is so fortunate.

That's why there's a niche market for ... well ... artificial dates, as I read in this article in CNN online a week or so ago: Making a Sex Doll.

Yes, Dear Readers, there is evidently a good market (300-400 per year) for very realistic, high-end** artificial companions. A southern California company called Abyss Creations makes a life-sized silicone figure with a fully poseable skeleton, interchangeable faces and ... er ... penetrable orifices. It's called RealDoll, and comes in one of 18 female and two male body styles, with a choice of five skin tones and 39 available faces. Prices start around $6,000 for "basic" models, and around $12,000 for "custom" models ... the prices of which depend on the customer's "specific desires."


You can buy a lot of dinners and movies for a real doll for $12,000.

All of this reminded me of a great story told by my brother Mark - who is a world-class storyteller - about the time he was taking a walk in the woods and stumbled upon where some latex lothario had hidden his inflate-o-date under a pile of leaves ... convincing Mark that he'd found some serial killer's stash and sending him fleeing for his life.

Well, anyhow, now you know that there's a weird niche business opportunity out there if you're into exotic crafts. I'd just advise picking a very open-minded venture capitalist to bankroll your effort.

Have a good day. Date a real girl, they're more fun.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Pats self on back for landing Agnes.

** So to speak.

Tuesday, March 08, 2016

The Darkest Black


I recently ran across several related and very interesting articles dealing with color. Actually, dealing with the absence of color. I find this a fascinating topic, having wonky color vision.

It seems that an artist named Anish Kapoor has received a copyright for the artistic use of what may be the deepest and darkest black ever achieved: a color he calls "Kapoor Black" (also known as "Vantablack" by the British firm Surrey NanoSystems that manufactures it) that absorbs 99.96% of all light that falls upon it.

Vantablack is said to be a black so deep that your brain literally doesn't know how to process it. A professor of color science and technology at Leeds University was quoted in an interview as saying that it is “almost as close to a black hole as we could imagine." It's not even really a traditional paint, per se, but a dense mass of microscopic carbon nanotubes* that are bunched so tightly together that they absorb all but 0.035 percent of visible light. This is a picture of crumpled aluminum foil painted with Vantablack ... the black is so intense that the surface features of the crumpled foil vanish into a deep and even darkness like a hole in the world:


Decorating with Vantablack isn't as easy as running down to the local Home Depot for a can and a few brushes and rollers. The process of making it requires the wear of a gas mask and the use of a special enclosure, because the ultra-fine carbon-based material can be as hazardous as asbestos when inhaled, and it is said to be very expensive to produce. Glidden, Behr, and Benjamin Moore are unlikely to market it any time soon.

What would you do with such a deep and intense black? Astronomers would use it to help calibrate space cameras and telescopes, cutting down on stray light that might interfere with their images. The military could probably use it to coat stealth aircraft and other equipment for use at night. People who suffer from chronic insomnia might paint the walls and ceilings of their bedrooms with it, although they'll probably have a tough time getting their health insurance to pay for it.

I was also reminded of a horror story I read some years ago called "Absolute Ebony," by Felice Picano, about an artist who painted only in shades of black. He kept experimenting with various mixtures in a never-ending search for the very deepest and darkest black - "absolute ebony" - and then finding it ... and what came with it. I don't remember the entire plot of the story, but I do remember it as being very unsettling in a way that Vantablack seems to be.

Vantablack. When it absolutely, positively, has to be the very blackest of black ... and Kim Jong Un's heart isn't available.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* I suppose that's redundant, but just go with me, okay?