Lovemaking Tips for Senior Citizens

With all the terrible news and gut-wrenching changes in the country, it's easy - especially for us senior citizens who remember more civil and honest times - to despair over the state of the union. But it's also important to think, at least occasionally, about nicer things. Like, well, dancing the horizontal tango.

Of course, when one reaches a certain age, a certain amount of planning is needed in order fully to enjoy the delights of sexual union ...

1. Wear your glasses to be sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set a timer in case you doze off.

3. Set the mood with lighting: turn all the lights off.

4. Before you begin, put 911 on your speed dial.

5. Write your partner's name on your hand in case you forget.

6. Keep the Polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want ... the neighbors are probably deaf, too.

9. Don't even think about trying it twice.

10. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

I have these hints on a handy, laminated card that I keep on the nightstand for reference as needed. You never know when they might come in handy ...

Have a good day, and enjoy the nookie while you can. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Male-ing Letters

There are a lot of really stupid things bubbling around in today's bizarre world, but one of the stupidest has to be the current plague of self-designated "alpha males."

In biological/zoological terms, an "alpha male" is the highest-ranking male in a mammalian social group, a position he earns and retains by being the oldest, largest, strongest, loudest, or most aggressive male in the group. In groups with "alpha males," the benefits of the position include priority access to food, desirable lodging, and ... perhaps most importantly ... the right to mate with all the available and desirable females.

Because we humans* usually mate in pairs and generally do not live in social (as opposed to political) groups dominated by a single male, we tend to see our equivalent of nature's alpha male in terms of wealth, business success, skill in sports, or rank in a military or business hierarchy. This is true even though that, nowadays, our business and military hierarchies produce powerful women  ... "alpha females," if you will.

This ability of women to dominate the traditionally-dominant men in various fields has led to a social backlash in which insecure men try to overcompensate for their perceived lack of status in various ways ... hence the rise of the self-designated "alpha male." One of the best current examples of this phenomenon is the proliferation of ludicrously clownish images of Der Furor, the least alpha of men, as a musclebound, heroic figure worshiped by his cultish followers ... 

Another example is the omnipresent online figure of "Nick Adams, Alpha Male"**, whose descriptions of appropriate "alpha male" behavior and recommendations for treatment of women are the epitome of cartoonish toxic masculinity. 

Similar to the "alpha male" is the "incel," or "involuntarily celibate" man, identifiable by his noisy complaining about the unfairness of his inability to attract and have sex with desirable women. You may recall that I wrote about this four years ago; sadly, such losers are still with us, and form part of the cacophony of whiny, insecure men that drowns out reasonable discussion of important topics.

In my opinion, for what it's worth***, a man who needs to loudly self-identify as an "alpha male" is probably actually a "sub-omega male" ... so far down on the psychological totem pole that he has to make up in volume what he lacks in actual manhood.

Leave the Greek letters to their original purpose: creating impenetrable mathematical expressions.

Have a good day, and avoid toxicity in your relationships. You'll be happier.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* "Naked apes," in the wonderful expression made famous by Desmond Morris.

** That's exactly what his Twitter handle is. There is some question as to whether this is a parody account, but it seems to be real.

*** Not all that much, I realize.

The Not-So-Living Doll, Revisited

Warning - adult theme ahead. You have been warned.

Last March, I wrote a post titled "The Not-So-Living Doll" that discussed a CNN report about the big business of making high-end, ultra-lifelike sex dolls. Having a perfectly good doll of my own that I married almost 35 years ago, and being in any case unwilling to spend north of $6,000 for a customizable artificial date, I found the story to be of only academic interest ...

... and then I read this article in the online journal Quartz earlier this month: Humans and Robots Are on the Cusp of a Sexual Intimacy We May Never Reverse.

Well, how about that?

The article is based on a study done by the Foundation for Responsible Robotics, the mission of which is, according to its website, "To promote the responsible design, development, implementation, and policy of robots embedded in our society ... to influence the future development and application of robotics such that it embeds the standards, methods, principles, capabilities, and policy points, as they relate to the responsible design and deployment of robotic systems."

The study - which is utterly fascinating and is titled "Our Sexual Future with Robots" - looked at seven "core questions" concerning the ethics and the technical issues of humans engaging in sex with robots. I found four of those questions to be particularly interesting (my comments added):

#1. Would people have sex with a robot? If there are people who will pay large sums of money for high-end sex dolls to have sex with today, I'm sure there will be people who will pay even larger sums of money for sex with a robot that would probably provide a more "reactive" experience while avoiding the potential emotional and financial entanglements of a human lover.

#3. Will robot sex workers and bordellos be acceptable? I think most people, particularly those who oppose the sexual exploitation of women, would accept such workers and businesses. There would, however, probably be the same backlash from religious groups that there is against "normal" sex workers and establishments, for the same moral and ethical reasons.

#5. Could sexual intimacy with robots lead to greater social isolation? We're living in a time when the widespread availability of online pornography ... not to mention simple online game play and the draw of constant communication on smart phones ... already causes social isolation. I'm not sure the involvement of robots would make things any worse.

#7. Would sex robots help to reduce sex crimes? This is an interesting question. One might suspect that allowing persons who commit sex crimes to commit them against robots instead of human beings might help reduce the number of such crimes. However, a human rights lawyer cited in the Quartz article noted that

"... [sex] trafficking has a lot to do with domination and power over another individual: things you can’t experience with a robot."

Robots are already replacing humans in many jobs, and in a dystopian future it's possible that they may replace emotional and physical intimacy for some people. In any case, concern over the relationship between humans and robots has been a fixture of science fiction literature for a long time.

Many years ago, as an impressionable teenager, I was hooked on a comic book series called "Magnus, Robot Fighter," that chronicled the adventures of a heroic human who fought against various robots that threatened humanity ... but as far as I remember, he never ended up having sex with any of them*.

Czech playwright Karl Čapek wrote a play titled "RUR" ("Rossums Universal Robots") in 1920, which predicted robot workers rising up against their human masters ...

 and author Isaac Asimov wrote a classic series of novels and short stories about relationships between humans and robots, starting as far back as 1939.

In the 1960s came a TV comedy titled "My Living Doll" that starred Julie Newmar** as AF-709, also known as Rhoda, a sexy female robot under the care of a psychiatrist. 

More recently, I've been watching the HBO series "Westworld," based on Michael Crichton's novel of the same name, which explores the interaction between humans and hyper-realistic robots that are slowly becoming self-aware and realizing how they are being victimized and exploited. The superb film "Ex Machina" covers some of the same moral and ethical terrain with the android Ava ...

And there are countless other examples of robots good and bad, from Commander Data of Star Trek to the villainous Ash and David of the Alien film series.

As we move into higher and higher realms of technology, augmented reality, and virtual reality, we are facing moral and ethical challenges we've previously had to face only in science fiction literature. We need to be careful.

Brave new world, indeed.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* And believe me, as an impressionable teenager, I'd have remembered that!

** Nobody could say "That does not compute" like she could.

Poetry Sunday

In last Wednesday's post, I wrote about the 14 foods that are supposed to help men be better lovers. You may recall that I noted in that post (as I have noted before) that my posts that involve sex tend to spike my readership numbers. And so, in keeping with my desire to flagellate deceased equines, let's work sex into Poetry Sunday with this poem by Faith Shearin ...

Birds and Bees

When my daughter starts asking I realize
I don't know which, if any, birds
have penises. I can't picture how swans

do it. I'm even confused about bees:
that fat queen and her neurotic workers,
her children grown in cells. I'm worried

by turtles and snakes: their parts hidden
in places I have never seen. How do they
undress? Long ago, awash in college

boyfriends, I knew a little about sex.
I understood the dances and calls,
the pretty plumage. Now, I am as ignorant

as a child. We have gone to the library
to find books though I know sex
is too wild for words. The desire to be

kissed is the desire to live forever
in the mouth of pleasure. My God
I can never tell my daughter the truth.

It is a secret the way spring is a secret,
buried in February's fields. It is a secret
the way babies are a secret: hidden

by skin or egg, their bodies made of darkness.

Yes, in the spring our thoughts turn to such things, don't they?

Have a good day, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

Eating Right for Better Sex

This is another of those posts with an adult theme. I've noticed that my readership statistics skyrocket when I'm writing about sex, so I may as well go with what works ...

I'm not revealing any particular secrets when I note that we are living in a sex-drenched society. From the mandatory sex scene in almost every movie and most cable TV dramas to the Viagra™ and Cialis™ commercials on prime-time TV to the lascivious gyrations of dancers in music videos, sex is everywhere.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love sex. If it weren't for sex, I wouldn't be here, and neither would you. And if for some reason you need help, you may be interested in this article by Robin Scher I just read the other day: Listen up, Guys: 14 Foods That May Help Your Sexual Performance.

Oy.

First of all, I think the thing that would most help my sexual performance is a time machine that would take me back about 50 years. At my age, I like food for food's sake, not because it will turn me into a virile stud ready to drop everything in pursuit of comely ladies, but it never hurts to eat right, no matter the reason. Here's how I relate to the 14 foods that are said to help the male libido by either increasing testosterone or helping improve blood flow*:

1. Watermelon. I'm off to a good start ... love watermelon!

2. Tomatoes. I also love tomatoes. I snack on grape tomatoes all day long.

3. Pink Grapefruit. Yum! Like tomatoes and other red fruits and vegetables, grapefruit contains lycopene**, an antioxidant that also helps reduce the risk of prostate cancer.

4. Oysters. Uh ... I'll pass. Oysters are said to be a sex food because they are rich in zinc, which aids in the production of testosterone, but if I need zinc that badly, I'll suck on galvanized nails.

5. Caffeine. Holy baloney, with the amount of coffee I put away, I ought to be the poster boy for sex ... I should be the Hugh Hefner of NoVa.

6. Dark Chocolate. Still on a roll ... I absolutely love dark chocolate. Milk chocolate, not so much.

7. Pistachios. I wonder if these are on the list because they look like ... uh ... never mind. I love pistachios.

8. Walnuts. I love walnuts, too.

9. Pine Nuts. And pine nuts, particularly when they're part of a good pesto.

10. Salmon (and other fatty fish). We have a wonderful recipe for marinated, cedar-planked salmon. Perhaps I should make it more often.

11. Kale. Forget it. I love most vegetables, but I'd rather munch on old tinfoil than on kale.

12. Spinach. Spinach is rich in iron, and iron is hard, so I'm sensing a connection, here. And I love spinach.

13. Chilis. Capsaicin, the substance that makes chili peppers hot, boosts blood flow and is also linked to testosterone production. I like spicy foods, so that's a plus.

14. Green Tea. Hot or iced, this is a great drink. And according to the article, it's full of catechins, which help your liver turn fat into energy and improve blood flow.

So, how does my diet stand up?***

My diet is high in twelve out of the 14 foods that are alleged to improve sexual performance. I wonder if it's okay to ask Agnes if she's noticed any difference. No, probably not ... one of my rules to live by is to not ask a question if you're not sure you want to hear the answer.

Have a good day. Eat right ... you can even have my oysters and kale. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* And helping blood flow to certain manly organs doesn't hurt your sex life.

** Before you ask, it has nothing to do with werewolves.

*** Sorry.

"Copulatory Vocalization"

Warning! This post is for adults only ...

There's an old joke in which a fellow complains that he got a sweater for Christmas, when what he'd really wanted was a moaner or a screamer.

Which brings us to today's topic: noise during sex.

If you watch a television show or movie which contains a sex scene*, one of the things you'll notice is that there's a considerable level of noise being made, usually by the woman. Why is this? Other activities can be very pleasurable as well, but we don't usually hear the participants screaming and gasping during, say, an exciting game of gin rummy.

As it happens, other people have investigated this very issue, as you can read in this article by Ian Kerner from last November: Why Some Make So Much Noise During Sex. In the article, Mr Kerner discusses a 2011 study on "copulatory vocalization" conducted by two university researchers, in which 71 sexually active heterosexual women were questioned about the sounds they made during sex. What the researchers found was that many of the noises the women made did not equate to her having an orgasm, but to her attempts to speed up their partner's climax and boost his self-esteem, or to relieve boredom, fatigue, and pain or discomfort during sex. The abstract of the study notes that,

"These data together clearly demonstrate a dissociation of the timing of women experiencing orgasm and making copulatory vocalizations and indicate that there is at least an element of these responses that are under conscious control, providing women with an opportunity to manipulate male behavior to their advantage."

Well, I can't speak for all men, but having my behavior manipulated through copulatory vocalizations is preferable to having it manipulated by fake news and political ass-clownery. And the copulatory vocalizations usually don't last more than four hours.

Have a good day. Vocalize to your heart's content.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* That would be just about all of them except A Charlie Brown Christmas.

Age Limits

How old is too old when it comes to dancing the horizontal tango?

Yesterday afternoon we were watching "Britt," a German talk show that Agnes enjoys. It's a bit like the Jerry Springer show, but without the thrown punches and swinging chairs ... each show has a provocative theme and a group of 5 - 7 guests who interact with Britt Hagedorn (the host) and each other. I think it's kind of dumb, but Agnes wants me to watch it to improve my German vocabuary.

Anyhow, the theme of yesterday's show was whether or not there's an upper age limit for the practicing of sex. The guests included a good-looking 67 year-old man who professed to enjoying sex several times per week, and to have had more than 500 (!)* partners; a young woman who viewed the mid-40's as the age after which the very thought of sex is yucky; an older woman (in her late 70s) who still enjoys sex with her husband; a born-again woman who believed sex outside of marriage - especially after about 40 - was wrong (although her two children were born out of wedlock, if to the same father); and an attractive young woman who thought sex between older people is "cute."

As you might suspect, no one convinced anyone else to change their minds. The "discussion" ranged from the propriety (and perceived yuck factor) of May-December sexual relations to the disgust most young people seem to have at the thought of their parents having sex**.

Speaking with all the authority of an almost-65 year-old fellow, I can only say this: have all the sex you want, as long as you can, with whomever you want, of whatever age, as long as you're careful about it. It's said that one of the few benefits allotted to a man as he ages is that every year, there are more women he thinks are attractive. As long as both partners are willing and aren't hurting anyone else, go for it.

I sowed all my wild oats long ago, and have settled down to being a sex symbol emeritus, the proud father of three and grandfather of six. I have a great many female friends of all ages, but only one with whom I'm still interested in dancing that horizontal tango.

And that's not likely to change as the clock grinds inexorably on.

Have a good day. Enjoy the intersection of biology and physics while you can.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Who does he think he is ... Wilt Chamberlain?

** Although they'd be in a pretty bad fix if their parents hadn't had sex, wouldn't they?

The Not-So-Living Doll

Warning ... this post deals with no-kidding adult topics. You may want to not let your children read any further. Just sayin' ...

Dating can be tough. If you're a guy of average looks, modest education, and/or low-wage employment, it can be even tougher. I, of course, being witty and erudite (if not especially studly or wealthy) did pretty well for myself*, but not every fellow is so fortunate.

That's why there's a niche market for ... well ... artificial dates, as I read in this article in CNN online a week or so ago: Making a Sex Doll.

Yes, Dear Readers, there is evidently a good market (300-400 per year) for very realistic, high-end** artificial companions. A southern California company called Abyss Creations makes a life-sized silicone figure with a fully poseable skeleton, interchangeable faces and ... er ... penetrable orifices. It's called RealDoll, and comes in one of 18 female and two male body styles, with a choice of five skin tones and 39 available faces. Prices start around $6,000 for "basic" models, and around $12,000 for "custom" models ... the prices of which depend on the customer's "specific desires."

You can buy a lot of dinners and movies for a real doll for $12,000.

All of this reminded me of a great story told by my brother Mark - who is a world-class storyteller - about the time he was taking a walk in the woods and stumbled upon where some latex lothario had hidden his inflate-o-date under a pile of leaves ... convincing Mark that he'd found some serial killer's stash and sending him fleeing for his life.

Well, anyhow, now you know that there's a weird niche business opportunity out there if you're into exotic crafts. I'd just advise picking a very open-minded venture capitalist to bankroll your effort.

Have a good day. Date a real girl, they're more fun.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Pats self on back for landing Agnes.

** So to speak.

Sex, No. Violence, Yes. Crazy? For Sure!

I read an interesting article on Alternet a while back titled Five American Sex Norms Europeans Probably Think Are Insane. I think they're right. Hell, I think most of them are insane.

I'd like to talk about just one of those five points*: Extreme Violence in the Media Is Fine, Just Don’t Show a Nipple.

In 1999, the Senate Judiciary Committee published a report titled Children, Violence, and the Media. According to statistics cited in the report, by the time an average American child reaches the age of 18, he or she will have seen 200,000 violent acts and 6,000 murders on television. Now, one can quibble with these numbers, but there's no arguing about the prevalence of violence, much of it extreme and sadistic, on television ... two of my least favorite shows are Criminal Minds and Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, both of which feature shocking violence, much of it directed against women and children.

Shows like these are very popular, and arguments against their violent content are few, far between, and generally ignored. If you want to hear real outrage about horrible things on television, you have to show a female nipple.

Some of you may recall the mighty howls of outrage that erupted across the country in 2004 when, during the halftime show of Super Bowl XXXVIII**, a "wardrobe malfunction" caused one of singer Janet Jackson's nipples to be exposed for approximately a half-second on national television. The horrifying incident led to widespread condemnation of indecency in broadcasting, and the Federal Communications Commission fined CBS $550,000^*** for the exposure of the offending nipple.

If they'd only aired something decent and responsible, such as showing a sadistic villain torturing Ms Jackson while she screamed in terror and agony, it would have been okay.

I often wonder why it is that people get hysterical over the sight of an exposed breast, when they're okay with violent imagery⁺. I'm repulsed by many crime shows on television for their glorification of extreme violence and sadism, but I have no problem with admiring a lady's body if she choses to show it. I've been to topless beaches in Europe (which, in my mind, tend to be overrated as sources of ... uh ... titillation), and I believe in the Picket Fence Theory of feminine dress: it should protect the property without obstructing the view. If you want to go topless or dress minimally, that's fine with me ... but don't be offended if I look.

Let's get upset about the right things. Why fret over exposed breasts when your socialist Muslim Nigerian president is invading Texas and getting ready to confiscate your guns and put you into FEMA internment camps?

I wonder if there's a potential market in this country for tinfoil nipple shields to go with the tinfoil hats?

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* So to speak.

** That's "38," for those of you who don't do Roman numerals.

*** The fine was later overturned in 2011 a decision of the Third Circuit Court of Appeals, and an attempt to reinstate it was refused a year later.

⁺ I suspect part of the reason is that weapons, especially firearms, are considered holy in this country, and criticizing their depiction and use is blasphemous.

Better Sex Through Arugula

First of all, following up on yesterday's post in which I asked for opinions on whether I should participate in Mustache March, here are the results: the majority of you who voiced an opinion thought that I should go ahead and grow the 'stache. Agnes voted against. Sorry, Dear Readers ... you lose. Nevertheless, I will virtually participate in Mustache March by using the photoshopped image that Agnes created for me on my blog and on Facebook during the month:*

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about something more interesting. Aphrodisiacs.

Yes, I thought that might get your attention.

Yesterday I ran across this interesting article in Time Magazine online: Seven Foods for Better Sex. Forget the South Beach Diet, the Atkins Diet, the Imperial Diet, and the Diet of Worms ... this is a diet I can get into. In case you don't want to read the whole article, these are the seven foods that are, for various reasons generally involving vitamin and mineral content, conducive to better dancing the horizontal tango:

Avocados;

Almonds;

Strawberries;

Seafood;

Arugula;

Figs; and

Citrus Fruits.

Now, given the fact that I absolutely love everything on the list (well, Arugula is okay, but I prefer butter lettuce), you'd think that my sex life would have Hugh Hefner calling me for advice. Sadly, it isn't so, but diet can only compensate so much for looks, personality, and an overly modest bank account. Such is life.

I wonder why daikon radishes didn't make the list ...

They should have a place on the list if only for phallic imagery.

As for me, I'm waiting for the updated list that includes Reuben Sandwiches, french fries, butter pecan ice cream, and medium-rare steaks topped with sautéed mushrooms and onions and washed down with a nice Cabernet Sauvignon. Unfortunately, I think I'll be waiting a while for that one.

Have a good day. Eat healthy, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* Oh, and you can probably forget about Novembeard this year, too.

Helping You Make Crucial Decisions About Your Behavior

There are all sorts of odd things floating around out there on the Internet. About 97.4% are cat videos and pictures; of the rest, some are fascinating, some are useful, and many are just stupid*. This one is fascinating and useful, particularly for the ostentatiously religious (click to enlarge) ...

This chart was developed by James Brundage, a scholar of the Crusades, who scoured large numbers of penitentials - handbooks carried by priests in the Middle Ages that provided guidance for the penance to be applied to various types of confessed sins, especially those of a sexual nature**. The penitentials put strict limits on what was considered to be acceptable behavior for the pious. Brundage consolidated the complex rules about sex into this useful flowchart for the godly.

The flowchart was originally published in Brundage's book Law, Sex, and Christian Society in Medieval Europe, which is now a standard text in Medieval history.

So ...

If you're concerned about the acceptability of your sexual behavior, or if you're a politician or a celebrity interested in knowing how many limits you are transgressing***, this chart's for you. Enjoy.

Have a good day. For more information on things sexual, read the wonderfully funny and entertaining short book Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, by Mary Roach.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* Into this category fall most of the politically-oriented articles that feature grossly cherry-picked statistics and ad hominem attacks designed to make your political opponents look like the personal trainer for the Antichrist.

** Of which there were very many, most religions being very interested in regulating what goes on in your bedroom, back seat, hot tub, etc.

*** Not that you ever give it a second thought.

The Best Music For ...

Lists are a big thing. David Letterman has made his Top Ten List a major part of his show, and there are lots of books out there that offer you lists on every conceivable topic ... if you doubt me, Google "top ten list" and see that you get roughly 525,000,000 hits. Don't check them all out now, or you'll miss out on my own post about ... lists.

You already know, Dear Readers, that I love music, and you may recall my post from a week or so ago that answered the AARP list of songs everyone over 50 should own with my own list of my favorite songs ... if you somehow missed it, you can read it here.

But speaking of music and lists, my eye was caught this morning by this headline from CNN online: Spotify Study: Music More Sexually Arousing Than Touch. The article discusses a study that was commissioned by the Swedish digital music service Spotify to examine the relationship between music, romance and seduction. The study results indicated that "Dirty Dancing" was the top pick for both men and women, men are more willing to adjust their tastes in music in order to ensure greater success in the bedroom, and background music was 40% more likely to turn the respondents on than the touch or feel of their partner.

Yes, I love music, but somehow I just can't see that part about the 40%.

You can see the various top-20 playlists generated by the study here. In case you don't want to read the whole thing, here are the lists, with the top five songs in each:

Songs Considered "Better Than Sex":*
1. Bohemian Rhapsody, by Queen
2. Sex on Fire, by Kings of Leon
3. Angels, by Robbie Williams
4. Bat Out Of Hell, by Meat Loaf**
5. Livin' on a Prayer, by Bon Jovi

Songs to Play During Sex:
1. She's Like the Wind, by Patrick Swayze
2. Sexual Healing, by Marvin Gaye
3. Bolero (Ravel)***
4. Take My Breath Away, by Berlin
5. You See the Trouble with Me, by Barry White

Songs for a Romantic Dinner:
1. Let's Get It On, by Marvin Gaye
2. The Lady in Red, by Chris de Burgh (great song!!)
3. Sexual Healing, by Marvin Gaye
4. Wonderful Tonight, by Eric Clapton
5. Moon River, by Andy Williams

Songs to Flirt By on the Dance Floor:****
1. Dancing Queen, by Abba
2. Sexy and I Know It, by LMFAO
3. The Lady in Red, by Chris de Burgh
4. (I've Had) The Time of My Life, by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
5. Do Ya Think I'm Sexy, by Rod Stewart

Songs to "Get in the Mood":
1. Sexual Healing, by Marvin Gaye
2. Let's Get It On, by Marvin Gaye and Rene Hall
3. Can't Get Enough of Your Love, by Barry White
4. Je T'Aime...Moi Non Plus, by Serge Gainsborough and Jane Birkin
5. Sex on Fire, by Kings of Leon

What are the songs on your playlists in these categories?

Have a good day. Keep the lights and music low ... and remember to use protection*****.

Bilbo

* You've got to be kidding!
** You've really got to be kidding!
*** Oh, yeah!
**** The full list is pretty good. Trust me, I know!
***** I'm not talking about ear plugs.

The Democratic Platform Endorses Same-Sex Marriage

I originally wanted to use today's post to write about the Democratic Party's plans in the same way I wrote about those of Mitt Romney last Friday. I found that a bit hard to do, though, because the Obama-Biden reelection website (once you get past the first few screens which ask for money, as do virtually all political websites) doesn't put it's full plan out in a single-page document of bumper stickers like the Romney campaign did ... rather, it spreads everything out over multiple pages with more verbiage. This makes it more difficult to ferret out the actual meat for comment, and so it's going to take longer than I thought to present the same sort of analysis and commentary that I did last Friday. I'm working on it ... watch this space for the arrival.

In the meantime, I thought I'd write about something the Democrats have apparently decided to include in their platform: support for same-sex marriage.

You may want to step back from the computer while I write this, in case lightning should strike ... because I have to say, in all candor and honesty, that I do not support the idea of same-sex marriage. Of committed relationships between gay partners, fine ... but I don't think "marriage" is the right idea.

This has nothing to do with religious beliefs or with a desire to discriminate against anyone.

I'm just deeply uncomfortable on a personal level with the whole idea of homosexuality, being a resolutely heterosexual person myself*. Homosexuality challenges our core notions of identity in a way that race, religion, or national origin don't. This doesn't mean that I dislike gay persons ... you can't spend years in competitive ballroom dancing without being able to get along with people of all sexual orientations. And, though it probably sounds like the classic dodge, I do have a great many friends - many of whom I consider close friends - who are either openly or quietly gay. They are what they are, and I am what I am. We accept each other, like each other, and enjoy each other's company, even if I'm not comfortable with the basic idea of homosexuality.

Here's what I think: every one of us - male or female, gay or straight, of whatever race or religion - exists because at some point a man and a woman got together and combined their essences to create us. Even if take account of things like artificial or in-vitro fertilization in addition to the good old, time-tested method of baby-making, the simple fact remains that life is transmitted through the combination of male and female parts. If it were part of the Grand Plan that life should be transmitted through male-only or female-only combinations, it seems to me that nature would have made allowances for it. But it didn't.

As I've written here before, I think that a child grows up learning valuable lessons and examples from both a male and a female parent. This doesn't mean that a same-sex couple can't love a child ... just that I don't think they can provide the same balance of life lessons that a father and a mother can. You might argue that a lot of single parents raise normal children after the death of or divorce from their partners, and that there are a lot of children who grow up with parents who have dysfunctional relationships. This is all true, but I'm not sure it applies in the vast majority of families. And I still believe that - as a normal and general rule - a child is best raised by a father and a mother.

If marriage were about nothing more than guaranteeing the equality of spousal rights under the law, I don't think I'd have a problem with marriage being defined in any way we choose. But it's about more than that - it's about making and raising children which, as I believe, requires a mother and a father. I think that all the things gay couples want from the idea of marriage can be provided by a comprehensively-defined, legally-protected civil union (or whatever we choose to call it) which provides legal recognition and protection for the relationship without enraging social and religious conservatives any more than they're already been spun up.

Widespread acceptance of formal relationships - whatever we choose to call them - between gay couples won't be gained by lawsuits, having bearded fellows snogging each other in front of Chick-fil-A restaurants, or by Queer Pride parades at which the most extreme types of sexual behavior are flaunted. "Acceptance" will probably never equal "approval," but we can move forward by seeking ways to accomplish the ends we desire that don't involve poking each other in the eye with behavioral and legal sharp sticks.

My advice to the Democratic Party: drop the endorsement of same-sex marriage in favor of less inflammatory alternatives to accomplish the same end. It's not going to accomplish anything except to energize the conservative base and distract attention from issues which are of more importance to all Americans: things like fixing the economy (including job creation and the reduction of extreme economic inequality), improving education, and protecting the environment.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

* In a world with women like Agnes, why would I be interested in a man? I'm just glad she's interested in me.