Sunday, November 08, 2020

Poetry Sunday


Some say that the presidency is the loneliest job in the world. This poem by Tony Hoagland begs to differ ...

The Loneliest Job in the World
by Tony Hoagland

As soon as you begin to ask the question, Who loves me?,
you are completely screwed, because
the next question is How Much?,

and then it is hundreds of hours later,
and you are still hunched over
your flowcharts and abacus,

trying to decide if you have gotten enough.
This is the loneliest job in the world:
to be an accountant of the heart.

It is late at night. You are by yourself,
and all around you, you can hear
the sounds of people moving

in and out of love,
pushing the turnstiles, putting
their coins in the slots,

paying the price which is asked,
which constantly changes.
No one knows why.


I love the phrase, "An accountant of the heart." I hope that your amatory calculator sums up all the love your heart might wish.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of the weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, November 07, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


It's been quite a week, hasn't it? ...

A 20-kilogram crate of satsuma mandarin oranges sold in Japan for $9,600; Der Furor turned to the courts to improve his chances of winning the election, filing a slew of lawsuits alleging - without evidence - electoral chicanery; Denmark is preparing to kill some 17 million minks which carry a mutated form of coronavirus that is spreading to humans; the United States set a grim record on Thursday, marking nearly 103,000 new coronavirus cases in a single day; and Der Furor's "spiritual advisor," megachurch pastor and televangelist Paula White-Cain, hosted a prayer service Wednesday night in an effort to secure desperately-needed heavenly help for DF's reelection.

It's been a long, bitter election season, and it's not over yet. How about a few election-related cartoons to help take the edge off? 

I think I should have made this suggestion in the survey I took after working the election ... 


It's number one on the right-wing stations ...


I felt the same way ...


It usually works for Der Furor ...


Why people vote for Der Furor ...


This cartoon actually dates back to the 2016 election, but it applies even more now ...


I wish we would have had these signs to put up at the polling station ...


We did in 2016 ...


Good advice ...


The monster under the bed, 2020 ...

And that's how it is for this first Cartoon Saturday of the month, and the first after the soul-destroying, as yet unfinished horror of the 2020 election. I hope I managed to give you a bit of a laugh to help get past it.

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when Poetry Sunday returns. See you then.

Bilbo

Friday, November 06, 2020

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for November, 2020


No question about it.

The Right-Cheek Ass Clown for November, 2020


is presented to

The GOP's Army of Lawyers


Election Day was scarcely over when the the Litigator-in-Chief dispatched armies of lawyers across the country to contest every possible voting irregularity, no matter how minuscule, unsubstantial, or imaginary. The GOP has filed dozens of lawsuits across the country - lawsuits which will cost the taxpayers a great deal of money as they pay the cost of the lawyers their states must employ to defend against a tidal wave of mainly frivolous, time-wasting cases.

The Republican Party, firmly rooted in the past and wildly out of step with the vast majority of Americans, cannot win a national election on its merits, and so must resort to Der Furor's favorite tool - the lawsuit - to try to fix the outcome of the election.

Ladies and gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Right-Cheek Ass Clown Award for November of 2020 is presented to Der Furor's army of political litigators. May they and their their frivolous lawsuits be thrown out on their slimy backsides.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday. After this week, you'll need it.

Bilbo

Wednesday, November 04, 2020

The Day After the Election, 2020


Those of you who are my friends on Facebook, and those of you who were readers of this blog as far back as 2016, know that I work as a volunteer Election Officer (EO) for Fairfax County during the election seasons. I have found being on the inside of the administrative process of voting to be an amazing civic education, one that I have embraced as a calming influence in these times of partisan insanity.

My first participation as an EO took place in the 2106 election, and I've worked a large number of general and special elections since then. You may want to read (or re-read) my precinct-worker-level commentary on the 2016 election here ... my observations of the system as it worked yesterday are very similar, but with a few changes and updates. In case you're interested, here's my take on the 2020 election at my precinct - number 626 - in Fairfax County, Virginia ...

Most of us turned out at the local elementary school to set up the polling place on Monday afternoon before the election. Under the direction of our experienced Chief Officer, we set up all the tables and desks, ran and taped down all the extension cords, put up all the new plexiglass safety barricades, taped up the 53 acres of various legally-required signs, measured and taped out six-foot distance markers to safely space people who would be standing in line, etc, etc. We did everything we could do in advance, leaving the last hour before the polls opened on Tuesday morning free for the things we could only legally do at the last minute: unpack and set up all our machines, update voting lists, verify starting numbers, sign paperwork, and take the official oath.

We on the election staff had a show time of 5:00 AM on Tuesday, and when the doors opened at 6:00 there were a great many people in line. My first job of the day was checking people in using our electronic "poll pads" linked to the county voter registration database ... this allowed us immediately to identify voters who were in the wrong place or who had already requested and received an absentee ballot. At the start of the day, we knew from the database that 169 absentee ballots issued to voters in our precinct had not yet been returned. In the course of the day, about half of those had been brought in by voters who wanted to exchange them (unused) for a paper ballot they could mark and file on the spot ... there was clearly concern on the part of many that their mailed-in or dropped-off absentee ballots might be not received, not be processed, or challenged as somehow illegitimate.

As in 2016, nobody questioned having to provide an ID. In fact, many people (particularly newer citizens and first-time voters) simply dumped every bit of ID they had into the tray and invited us to take what we needed!

We only had one person who came in without a mask. He wasn't trying to make a statement ... he was in a hurry and had simply forgotten to put it on when he left his car. We allowed him to vote without comment, as we were forbidden to require anyone to wear a mask, but he was visibly embarrassed about being the only person in the place without one.

Contrary to what I had expected in such a bitterly contested election, we had only two partisan poll watchers show up, and both were pleasant, orderly, and unobtrusive, never trying to insert themselves into any of our activities or challenging any individual voters. In fact, I couldn't tell which party either one represented. All of us on the staff, of course, took our oaths to be totally nonpartisan very seriously, and no one could have made a case that we were other than scrupulously fair and honest.

All the setup and organizational work we'd done ahead of time paid off in a very smooth and almost completely glitch-free day. We got a great many compliments from voters about how well organized and efficient we were, which was great to hear.

Interested in the results? Here are the final figures for our precinct as we recorded them at the end of election day in 2016 and 2020:

2016: Clinton, 1461; Trump, 739. Total ballots recorded: 2372.
2020: Biden, 594; Trump, 483. Total ballots recorded: 1114.

The total number of votes at the end of the day was about half of what we recorded in 2016, mainly as a function of the enormous turnout for early voting; thus, we won't know what the actual results for our precinct are until the early/absentee votes are tabulated and added to the totals. Plenty of time for drinking yet!

One last comment ... in the course of a very long day (5:00 AM to 8:45 PM) we had only a few minor complaints from disgruntled voters, almost all of them dealing with either directional signs or the accommodations we had to make for social distancing and hygiene. But the one HUGE complaint we heard over and over, all day long, was that we weren't handing out the traditional "I Voted!" stickers and the even-more-popular "Future Voter" stickers for children. Someone up the chain decided that the amount of handling and interpersonal contact involved in handing them out represented an unacceptable health hazard in the era of Covid-19. I think that's sad.

So those were my basic observations on the 2020 election. It was a long day, but I'm glad I did it. If nothing else, it gave me a day isolated from the constant bombardment of partisan political advertising in our resolutely non-partisan bubble!


Have a good day. If you didn't vote, shame on you; if you did vote, I hope it was for the right person and for the right reasons.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Sunday, November 01, 2020

Musical Sunday


I know that Halloween is over, but I just had to close it out with this updated, NSFW version of the classic tune "The Monster Mash" ...


Horrible enough for you? If not, just go ahead and not vote on Tuesday.

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Be sure to vote!! More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, October 31, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


Once upon a week so dreary ...

Walmart has removed guns and ammunition from display in thousands of its stores in the United States, citing concerns of "civil unrest" surrounding the election; on Thursday in Nice, France, a man armed with a knife and apparently motivated by religious fervor attacked two women and a man at a church before being shot by police; in Nebraska on Tuesday, thousands of people were stranded for hours in freezing temperatures and about 30 were hospitalized for exposure after Der Furor's rally when buses scheduled to pick them up did not arrive as planned; a strong earthquake struck Friday in the Aegean Sea between the Turkish coast and the Greek island of Samos, killing at least 14 people and injuring over 500; and in Belgium, escaped cloned mutant crayfish have taken over Antwerp's Schoonselhof cemetery.

This is our last Cartoon Saturday of the Halloween Season, and since today is actually Halloween, what could be more appropriate than a collection of cartoons celebrating vampires? ...

Ah, family outings! ...


Some vampires can be very thoughtful ...


It's not just a problem for "normal" folks ...


Need you ask? ...


Vampires can be good citizens in difficult times ...


Vampire parents worry, too ...


Even with the picture, online dating can be difficult ...


It's a reasonable guess ...


It'll be even worse after Der Furor's Supreme Court drives a stake thorough the heart* of the ACA ...


Now that's good service ...


And so ends our salute to vampires, as well as our five-week Cartoon Saturday celebration of scary creatures ... no, not the GOP, but the ones we conjure up in our imaginations.

Enjoy safe trick-or-treating tonight, don't forget to turn your clocks back an hour before bedtime, and come back tomorrow for one last seasonal scary tune on Musical Sunday ... more thoughts then.

Bilbo

* Sorry.

Friday, October 30, 2020

Great Moments in Editing and Signage


And - for the last time in October, 2020 - awaaaaaay we go ...

Well, why should he? ...


That may have been a good year, but I still prefer the 2020 Grey Poupon ...


There are a great many Americans who, sadly, fit into this category as well ...


I'll bet the antlers hurt on the way out ...


It's a common problem around Halloween, which is why most garages employ seasonal exorcists ...


Unfortunate juxtaposition ...


Unfortunate juxtaposition, the sequel ...


One of my old friends has a casket he uses as a bookcase, so I suppose this isn't so far out as you might think ...


That's good to know before you go to the store ...


I wonder how this will rank in the "cause of death" statistics for 2020 ...


And that's it for the final collection of editorial and signage gems for October. I hope you enjoyed them. I also hope you have either already voted, or plan to turn out this coming Tuesday. It's never been more important.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow for more thoughts and our final collection of Halloween-themed cartoons for a year that's already frightening enough ... at least I can help you laugh about it for a few minutes. 

Bilbo

Sunday, October 25, 2020

Poetry Sunday


Anybody hungry? For a story, I mean ...

The Witch Has Told You a Story
by Ava Leavell Haymon

You are food.
You are here for me
to eat. Fatten up,
and I will like you better.

Your brother will be first,
you must wait your turn.
Feed him yourself, you will
learn to do it. You will take him

eggs with yellow sauce, muffins
torn apart and leaking butter, fried meats
late in the morning, and always sweets
in a sticky parade from the kitchen.

His vigilance, an ice pick of   hunger
pricking his insides, will melt
in the unctuous cream fillings.
He will forget. He will thank you

for it. His little finger stuck every day
through cracks in the bars
will grow sleek and round,
his hollow face swell

like the moon. He will stop dreaming
about fear in the woods without food.
He will lean toward the maw
of   the oven as it opens

every afternoon, sighing
better and better smells.


Have a good day, enjoy the rest of your weekend, and be careful what you eat.

More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Saturday, October 24, 2020

Cartoon Saturday


Oh, dear gawd, just make it stop ...

Republican members of the Senate Judiciary Committee brushed aside a Democratic boycott to advance Amy Coney Barrett’s Supreme Court nomination to the full Senate, aiming for confirmation before Election Day; in an unexpected outcome of the coronavirus pandemic, turkey farmers fear they will be stuck with hundreds of thousands of huge turkeys that won't sell in a time when traditional large family Thanksgiving gatherings are unlikely to be held; according to the Catholic News Agency, Pope Francis has for the first time declared his support for civil unions for same-sex couples; Der Furor and Joe Biden faced off in their final debate before the election; and in Kansas, a naked teenage boy covered in ranch dressing crashed a vehicle at a Kansas gas station.

This week, for our next-to-last Cartoon Saturday for the month of Halloween - and given that we've been hunting them all year, we offer a salute to witches ...

That's probably how it would work ...


Oops ...


How one gets to be a really good witch ...


Even witches modernize ...


One of Der Furor's ancestors, no doubt ...


Where does a witch buy construction materials? ...


So that's where that expression came from ...


It's a business question ...


There are all sorts of problems with "reply all" ...


Alfred Hitchcock meets L. Frank Baum ...


And there you have it ... the fourth Halloween season edition of Cartoon Saturday (the first three looked at werewolves, mummies, and Frankenstein). We'll round it out next weekend with a salute to bloodsucking monsters ... vampires, not tax collectors ... but in the meantime, click back in tomorrow for another eerie Poetry Sunday. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Friday, October 23, 2020

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for October, 2020


Every month this year seems to last at least 120 days, and it sometimes seems as if I need to announce these awards daily, rather than every two weeks. But it's better to keep them less frequent so that we are forced to concentrate our scorn on only the very "finest" ass-clownery.

And so it is that we announce, after much head-scratching and agonizing over relative levels of yuck, 

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for October, 2020


Attorney General William P. Barr
(Fourth Award*)


The mission of the Department of Justice, which is headed by the Attorney General, is

To enforce the law and defend the interests of the United States according to the law; to ensure public safety against threats foreign and domestic; to provide federal leadership in preventing and controlling crime; to seek just punishment for those guilty of unlawful behavior; and to ensure fair and impartial administration of justice for all Americans.

By this measure, the performance of William Barr as Attorney General has been abysmal.

He has shown himself again and again to be a shameless apologist for and tool of Der Furor, starting with his mendacious twisting of the results of the Mueller Investigation. 

He has parroted Der Furor's castigation of lawlessness attributed to liberal or minority groups (such as the amorphous "Antifa"), while ignoring, if not tacitly encouraging, the threat posed by heavily-armed extreme right-wing militia movements. 

He has taken no significant action to address threats to the safety and security of our elections.

He has ignored systemic legal bias against minorities and taken no actions to address abuses of authority by police.

Attorney General William P. Barr, the man who may be the worst Attorney General in recent history, is our Left-Cheek Ass Clown for October. If you're looking for the Equal Justice Under Law advertised on the Supreme Court Building, don't bother asking Mr Barr to help you find it.

Have a good day. If you haven't voted yet, get out and do it, or plan to visit your local polling place on November 3rd. The future of the nation is at stake.

More thoughts tomorrow, when we enjoy some laughs on Cartoon Saturday.

Bilbo