Sunday, March 28, 2010

Something Else to Worry About...

At one time, back in the distant era between the Wright Brothers and, say, about 1955, airline travel was fun. Airlines pampered you, your luggage arrived when you did (and in one piece), you didn't need to be x-rayed, probed, and patted down, and your belongings pawed through before you could get onto an airplane.

But that was then, and this is now.

The 70's gave us fanatics advancing their causes through airline hijackings. Then came bombs in suitcases, and then bombs in carry-on bags, then bombs in shoes, and - most recently - bombs in underwear. You might have thought things couldn't get any worse.

You were wrong.

I direct your attention to this article from Faux News Online: Terrorists Could Use Explosives in Breast Implants to Crash Planes, Experts Warn.

Yes, exploding underwear and shoes weren't enough for those seeking to meet their 72 virgins in some imagined we have to worry about exploding boobs. "Blonde bombshell" has taken on a whole new meaning.

According to British intelligence sources, radical doctors - some of them trained at leading Western teaching hospitals - have developed a way to surgically insert exploding breast implants into prospective female suicide bombers, using the techniques developed for ordinary breast augmentation. The implants are said to be "virtually impossible to detect by the usual airport scanning machines." And if that weren't enough, the same intelligence sources report that extremists are also inserting the explosives into the buttocks of some male bombers.

This is not so far-fetched, as someone not too long ago tried to blow up a Saudi prince by means of explosives stuffed into his ... um ... rectal orifice.

I guess it's not enough just to be a religiously-bigoted ass ... you now have to have an explosive, religiously-bigoted ass.

Well, I guess there's not much we can do about this new threat except try to make the most of it. As soon as TSA starts hiring breast inspectors, I'm quitting my job and getting in line. If nothing else, I can do my patriotic part to fight this threat by carefully eyeballing the generous bosom of every lady who appears to have high-yield breasts.

It's the least I can do. But someone else can do the male buttock checks. That's why TSA has female officers, after all.

Have a good day. Watch out for exploding breasts.

More thoughts tomorrow.



Bandit said...

This can't be without more thoughts from "Airplane." Maybe airport security can use inflating the autopilot. Couldn't hurt!.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

I'm glad I don't fly at all.