Finally, a sudden blast of common sense has blown through Washington, DC. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to have affected the Executive or Legislative branches of the government yet, but it's very welcome in its own way. DC Superior Court judge Judith Bartnoff has decisively dismissed the stupidest lawsuit of the century: a claim by another judge (!) for $54 million (down from an original $65 million) against a local dry cleaner for losing his favorite pair of pants.
In her 23-page finding of fact, Judge Bartnoff wrote: "A reasonable consumer would not interpret 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' to mean that a merchant is required to satisfy a customer's unreasonable demands or accede to demands that the merchant has reasonable grounds to dispute." She also concluded that the plaintiff had "not met his burden of proving that the pants the defendants attempted to return to him were not the pants he brought in for alteration." The attorney for the defendants said, "Judge Bartnoff has chosen common sense and reasonableness over irrationality and unbridled venom."
This ridiculous lawsuit has provided fun for late-night talk show comics and has been a staple of local discussion for months. But beyond being utterly stupid, it has had the unfortunate collateral effect of making a laughingstock of the law.
If you've been reading this blog for long, you know that I strongly believe in justice and the rule of law. The guarantee of fair and impartial justice is one of the bedrock principles that makes America the great country that it is. When the system is abused (as in ludicrous lawsuits like this one) or ignored (as by those who argue for limitless rights for illegal immigrants), it demeans the dignity and power of the law and encourages people to ignore laws they don't think they should obey. And when we decide not to obey the law, it doesn't take long for the veneer of civilization to peel away.
It's a shame that it took so long for a sensible judge to throw out this ridiculous case and order the plaintiff to pay the court costs. She should have ordered a bailiff to throw the moron out of court on his backside as well, and I hope she also orders him to pay the defendants' legal fees. It's too bad tar and feathers are no longer part of the sentencing guidelines, because I think these would be appropriate, too.
Respect for the law is what separates us from the animals. A strong, fair, and impartial legal system is what separates America from paradises on earth like Saudi Arabia and Iran. To the extent that he has undermined respect for the law and caused financial loss and anguish to the defendants, administrative law judge Roy L. Pearson deserves the ridicule and condemnation he has so richly earned.
Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.
Bilbo
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