Thursday, January 07, 2010

Attorney Season

Driven to distraction by perversions of the legal system? Astounded by how fast the lawsuits proliferate in the wake of any accident or terrorist attack? Amazed that lawyers would be willing to touch evil terrorists with a ten-foot pole, much less defend them? Wish you could do something about it?

Write to your local delegate to support the proposed new law governing the hunting of lawyers in Virginia (where there are more lawyers than deer, and that's saying a lot). Here, as a public service, is the text of the proposed legislation:

Proposed Virginia 2010 Attorney Season Regulations

Section 1300.01 - General

1. Any person with a valid Virginia hunting license may harvest attorneys.

2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.

3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.

4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.

5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash," "ambulance," or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.

6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.

7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.

8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, ambulances, or hospitals.

9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.

10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies and vermin.

11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

Don't forget - let your elected reprehensives know what you think!

No, wait! They're all lawyers, anyhow.

Never mind.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



The Mistress of the Dark said...


Phfrankie Bondo said..., THAT'S phfunny!...

Bandit said...

That is phfunny.

Mike said...

"Driven to distraction by perversions...."

I was about to say "YES!" and then I read the rest of the sentence.

Anonymous said...

Can't hunt them once they are in government??? What a rip....