Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Snow Diary

Well, almost all of the snow from our blizzard last month is gone, just in time for more snow to be forecast for tomorrow night and into Friday. Somehow, sitting here and singing "I'm Dreaming of a White January Twenty-Second" just doesn't have a very good ring to it. We don't need any more snow. I'm ready for spring and summer...pretty girls in tank tops...firing up the barbecue without putting my parka on first...driving up our hill straight, not at a 45-degree angle.

Enough snow, already!

You've probably seen some variation of the famous "Snow Diary," but this one from my friend Bob is as good as any. Amanda, think about this while you're enjoying your steamy Australian Christmas this year...

The Snow Diary

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow! The first snow of the season: we made cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge, soft flakes drift down. It looked like a Grandma Moses romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: Woke to a blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years; felt like a boy again. Did the both driveway and sidewalks. Later, the snowplow came along; I got to shovel the driveway again. What a perfect life.

December 12: Sun melted all the lovely snow but our neighbor said we'd have a white Christmas. Then commented that by the end of Winter, I'd never want to see snow again. Not a chance!

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! Eight more inches last night, and cold, too. Wind took my breath away, but I warmed up shoveling again. This is the life! Later the snowplow came back - again - but I'm getting in better shape. Just wish I didn't huff and puff so much.

December 15: Twenty more inches forecast. Sold the van and bought a 4x4, along with snow tires for the wife's car. Shoveled out again, then stocked the freezer. Wife wants a wood stove in case power goes off. I think that's silly - we aren't in Alaska, after all!

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Landed on my butt trying to salt the driveway. Hurt real bad. Wife laughed for an hour. (I think that was very cruel.)

December 17: Too cold and icy to go anywhere. Power was off for 5 hours. Piled on blankets to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to upset her. Can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. (Won't admit that I should have bought wood stove: hate it when she's right.)

December 20: Power's back on and had another 14 inches of the stuff. Shoveled all day. Snowplow came by twice. Kids too busy playing hockey to help. Hardware store sold out of shovels, salt, sand, and firewood. Next shipment of snow blowers due in March. Neighbor says I have to shovel or city will have it done and bill me. (I think he's lying.)

December 22: White Christmas!!! Thirteen more inches of the white stuff; it's so cold, it won't melt 'til August. Tried to shovel - just too tired. Tried to get help from neighbor who has snow plow on his truck but he said he was too busy. (I'm sure he's lying.)

December 23: Only two inches of snow today, and it warmed up to 0. Wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house. What is she, nuts? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did. (I think she's lying.)

December 24: Six inches. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. I'm gonna get that snow plow driver...I know he waits around the corner to see if I'm finished, then roars by at 100 mph, shoving all the snow back into my driveway. Wife wanted me to sing carols with her while we open our presents, but I was busy watching for the &%#$ snow plow.

December 25: Merry &%$! Christmas. Another 20" of the slop. Snowed in again; the idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation. I wanted to hit him over the head with my shovel. Wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot, and if I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'll throw her in the snowbank.

December 26: Still snowed in.

December 27: Temperature dropped another 30 degrees. Pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to -25. Still snowed in and the wife is making me crazy!!!!!!

December 29: Another ten inches...neighbor says I have to shovel the roof before it caves in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. Another nine inches forecast.

December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house: no more shoveling.

January 8: I feel sooooo good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why are these straps holding me to the bed?

Have a good day. Without any more snow than necessary.

More thoughts tomorrow.



The Mistress of the Dark said...

Our snow is gone too, but we didn't have nearly as much as you did, and for that I'm thankful. I still lost 2 full days of work that I couldn't afford to lose because of it though :(

Mike said...

January 8: - Just lie still and enjoy the buzz.

Wv: stoma - A real word if you know what it is.

Amanda said...

Ha! Ha! Ha! Thats going to be me when I move to some snowy place in the future.