The Dying Art of Being Nice

By now you've surely heard of the flight attendant who finally snapped. Details of the story vary, but apparently it went something like this: after being mistreated by a passenger, flight attendant Steven Slater cursed the passenger out over the intercom, took a beer from the galley, opened the cabin door, deployed the escape slide, slid to the ground, and went home, where he was later arrested on a variety of charges. He's now out on bail, and a hero.

So, did he do the right thing?

Lizzie Post, a spokesperson for the Emily Post Institute, suggested that the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) needs to set a code of conduct for passengers to match the informal Passengers' Bill of Rights grudgingly and loosely agreed to by the airlines. She also noted that...

"there should have been a system in place that was clear to passengers that when they buy a ticket they must abide by certain rules. This binding code should be focused on safety, and safety alone. Behavior issues -- children kicking the seat in front of them, say, and other annoyances are not on the same magnitude: they are etiquette problems, to be dealt with, but not matters for the F.A.A."

Writing yesterday in the New York Times, commentator Benet Wilson agreed that airline passenger behavior has grown worse recently. She blamed it in part on a reaction to the many inconveniences and indignities that air passengers face, but said that...

"...the solution isn't to impose a code of passenger behavior. Creation and enforcement of more rules would only create a whole new set of problems for both passengers and flight attendants. Airlines should work with their flight attendants to come up with common sense guidelines that passengers can live with but will also be enforced."

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! She said common sense! Is she crazy?

Well, no. Not really.

The fundamental problem is one of a lack of good manners and the diminishing level of simple politeness in our interpersonal relations. Instead of treating each other with kindness and goodwill, many people insist on a level of perceived respect that they are unwilling to show to others. While it's true that the airlines have driven passengers to distraction with swarms of new fees and charges, smaller seats, unexplained delays, and other indignities large and small, passengers haven't reacted with much patience and goodwill, either.

I'm no saint, of course. I can be just as nasty as the next guy (well, unless the next guy is Kim Jong Il), but I like to think that it takes a fair amount of effort on the other person's part to get me to be that way. I've always believed, like my mother used to say, that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar...and she and my father constantly impressed on us the importance of politeness and good manners.

Today, sadly, politeness is often viewed as weakness to be exploited rather than a noble quality to be appreciated. Respect is demanded, but not given in return. We're reduced to suggesting - as Lizzie Post did - that government impose rules to force us to behave. At one time, parents did that.

Our favorite local restaurant has a prominently-displayed sign that reads, "Be nice or get out."

Which, after all, isn't such a bad policy.

Have a good day. Be nice. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo