Monday, December 06, 2010

Guest Post

Hi! It's me again ... Nessa! I'm back.

It's been a while since I've been able to post anything here. Bilbo has been trying to keep me away from the computer because he doesn't like the loose hair on the keyboard. I don't know why he gets so bent out of shape about it ... it's not like he isn't losing hair, if you know what I mean.

Anyhow, I thought I'd get on the computer while he's in the shower and bring you up to date on some of the things going on here from a canine point of view.

Christmas is coming. This is something that gets Bilbo and Agnes all spun up every year for some reason. It seems to start when Bilbo builds a great big tree that comes out of a big box and somehow doesn't smell right. Then he puts a bunch of lights on it, except that some of the lights don't light up and he uses all kinds of words I don't hear very often. They must be special magic words, because Agnes tells him not to use them so much. Once he gets all the lights on the big, non-smelling tree, Agnes tells him to move some of them around because they aren't in the right place. Bilbo uses more magic words, and when the lights are all spaced out correctly and they're all lit up (well, most of them, anyhow), they hang a bunch of other sparkly stuff on the tree. When they're done, it looks really nice. I'm not allowed to pee on it, though. What's up with that? Why else would you put a tree in the house? It would be soooo much nicer to pee on that tree in the nice warm family room than to go outside in the cold and do my business in the yard. I need to talk to Bilbo about that.

They put up a lot of other decorations, too. Most of them just get in the way, as far as I'm concerned. Bilbo put up this stupid electric candle right in the middle of the window I guard the yard from! It blocks my view of all the things I'm supposed to be guarding him from, like squirrels and mailmen and deer and foxes and that evil UPS guy. I bark at the people who bring the Domino's Pizza, too, but that's just because I need to make sure Bilbo and Agnes get to the door right away so we don't waste any time getting down to the business of eating that pizza. I get the bones, you know. Anyhow, I keep knocking that stupid candle down and Bilbo keeps putting it back up. Don't worry, though ... I'll win in the end.

Bilbo also put up a bunch of lights outside the house. He used a lot of magic words on those, too. I still don't understand why he puts up all those lights outside ... it just makes me have to go farther from the house to find good, dark places to poop.

This Christmas thing also seems to be an excuse for Bilbo and Agnes to eat lots of fancy stuff. That's fine with me, because I can use the Sorrowful Lab LookTM to get stuff I'm not usually allowed to eat. I'm waiting for that good ham they usually make on Christmas Eve...

Well, I'd like to write more, but I really need to go. It's almost time for the evil newspaper delivery guy to show up, and I need to knock down that stupid electric candle again so I have a good vantage point to bark hysterically at him from. It's almost 5:30, and the neighbors should be getting up, anyhow.

Bilbo will be back tomorrow. Until then, have a good day.




Dallas said...

Hi Nessa. My name is Dallas and I am a Jack Russell. Sometimes Bandit calls me a Jackass Russell. Do you have a stocking? Bandit hung mine in my special place. I like to sit under it and wag my tale. Soon there will presents there for me that I open myself. I love those little toys that I open up and kill those evil squeakers.

Have a good day. I have to go lay on the sofa now until its time to eat or bark at the back door to go out and pee.

KathyA said...

Thank you, Nessa. Your take on things is ALWAYS enlightening.

Raquel's World said...

"magic words" ...cute

Mike said...

Nessa, I'm going to be needing some magic words soon. Can you mail me a list?