Things I Don't Do

Because I'm feeling lazy this morning, I thought I'd just plagiarize share with you a list I got from my friend Bob yesterday titled "Things I Don't Do."

Actually, the list of things I don't do is much longer than this, but it includes a lot of boring, common sense stuff like "smoke," "take drugs," and "hang out with Republicans." Bob's list is more fun ...

1. I don't do windows because I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.

2. I don't wax floors because I am terrified a guest will slip and hurt himself. I'll feel terrible and he'll probably sue me.

3. I don't mind dust bunnies because they are very good company. I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.

4. I don't disturb cobwebs because I want every creature to have a home of its own.

5. I don't do Spring Cleaning because I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.

6. I don't plant a garden because I don't want to get in God's way. He is an excellent designer.

7. I don't put things away because I'll never be able to find them again.

8. I don't cook gourmet meals when I entertain because I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.

9. I don't iron because I choose to believe labels that promise my shirts are "Permanent Press."

10. I don't stress much on anything because "A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' person!

Not a bad list. So, how am I doing with it? Here's the scorecard:

1. Yep. Birds love me. I care about birds a lot. In fact, everyone always says that I'm for the birds.

2. Absolutely right. Hardwood floors + Wax = Lawsuit Waiting to Happen. Especially when you live close to Washington, DC, which attracts lawyers like a magnet draws iron filings.

3. This one's spot on. I like Nessa for the same reason ... I can tell her anything, no matter how stupid, and she'll look at me adoringly as if to say, "You are absolutely brilliant! Can I have a treat now?"

4. This one, not so much. I don't like spiders or cobwebs. Good in theory, though.

5. Absolutely right. I clean when absolutely necessary, regardless of season. I subscribe to the old Amish adage that a home should be clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy.

6. False. I do plant a garden each year. I am the King of Basil. I do need to speak to The Deity about those weeds He insists on sharing with me, though.

7. Right on the money! Agnes is forever handing me things and telling me to put them in a safe place where we'll be sure to find them again. This is an absolute guarantee that they'll end up resting for all eternity with Jimmy Hoffa and one of each of my sock pairs.

8. Wrong. I love to cook and I'm pretty good at it. I don't worry about stressing my friends about what to cook when they invite me because most of them don't cook and would rather buy me dinner at a restaurant, anyhow.

9. I absolutely believe the "Permanent Press" labels. And I also believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Republican concern for the middle class, and the Democrats ability to come up with coherent policies.

And finally,

10. I do stress a lot, actually. I got it from my father. I've been a "wrinkled-up, crusty old person" - at least in my heart - since age 10.

So, Dear Readers, what are the things you don't do? Share them in the comments so that we can all know each other better.

And have a few laughs at each others' expense, while we're at it.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo