Monday, May 09, 2011

The Impact of the Recession

As you know, I don't know much about economics. All of these supposed economic theories and laws don't mean much to me, other than giving talking heads with PhDs in economics excuses for why my 401k is in the toilet, nobody has jobs, and Republicans can believe that giving tax cuts to the wealthy and huge corporations benefits people who have no jobs and whose 401k's are in the toilet.

I believe in what I can see. Here are some of the signs of the recession that I've seen lately, along with the first robins of spring coughing in the trees...

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

The bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," and you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills are firing their nannies and learning their children's names.

A lady in New York had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, so she was re-possessed.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

Congress continues to investigate the Bernard Madoff scandal. This means that the man who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 billion disappear.

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, and the dismal state of my retirement funds that I called the suicide hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

And it's Monday. Sigh. Time to get ready to go to work so that I can make more money to pay taxes on so that people wealthier than I can pay less.

If you figure that one out, let me know.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



Amanda said...

Aw....with that kind of a start, I think the week can only get better for you.

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Typical gloomy Monday thoughts...


Is it Friday yet?

Raquel's World said...

Funny stuff- Suicide hotline in Pakistan. LOL

Mike said...

The wealthy are just being good examples so you'll work harder so they can pay even less taxes.

KathyA said...

Thank you, Shecky! errrr, Bill!

Saw a great cartoon in THE WEEK -- Bin Laden is swimming in the deep surrounded by big fish and is exclaiming "Seventy-two sturgeons!!"! Of course, I thought of you immediately! :)