Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Signs of Stress

Things have been pretty ... intense ... at work lately, lately being defined as the last year or so. I tend to be a fairly laid-back fellow, but it's all starting to get to me. How do I know? Because I recognize a few signs of stress...

Relatives that have been dead for years are visiting and suggesting I should get some rest.

The Sun is too loud.

Trees are chasing me.

I can see individual air molecules vibrating.

I've been examining the mechanics of setting up an IV drip for espresso.

I wonder if brewing is really necessary, or if I can get the same effect more quickly from just snorting coffee grounds.

Mimes make too much noise.

Conservative/Republican social and economic theories are starting to make sense.

Liberal/Democratic social and economic theories are starting to make sense.

I asked the drive-thru attendant if I could get my order to go.

I keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING ME!!!" even though I'm the only one in the room.

My heart is beating in 7/8 time.

I have filed for divorce from reality.

I can skip without a rope.

People seem to be speaking to me in binary code.

I recognize antacid tablets as a basic food group.

I think office supplies have an innate, aesthetic beauty.

I started talking to myself, disagreed about the subject, got into a nasty argument, lost the dispute, and haven't spoken to myself for three days.

Teddy bears bully me for milk and cookies.

I'm just glad that I can soothe myself by watching the calm and statesmanlike behavior of my elected reprehensives, or I'd be in real trouble.

Have a good day. More thoughts tomorrow.



The Mistress of the Dark said...

I'd like to file for divorce from reality too

eViL pOp TaRt said...

I;ve noticed these signs too . . . . and have lately found solace in the Jon Frum religion. Coffee centers me; and reality has only visitation rights.

The ASPCA is staking ou the road to Bethlehem, looking for rough beasts. One was last seen wearing an orange UT t-shirt.

Raquel's World said...

The sun is too loud?
I thought it was just me ;)

Mike said...

"The Sun is too loud."

It's not just you Roc. This is not a joke. It's true.

Duckbutt said...

I'm in a friends with benefits relationshiip with reality.

Chrissy said...

I can only imagine the stresses at your job!! Yikes! I can barely keep sane changing diapers ...and you work at the pentagon!

Hang in there!!

Bilbo said...

Great comments, everyone! And Chrissy, there is really no difference between what you do and what I do, if you get my drift...