Monday, April 02, 2012


I noted yesterday in this space the old adage that in the spring, a young man's thoughts turn to love. Well, to sex, actually, but love sounds better in an all-audiences blog. Wouldn't want to make some hardshell Republican's head explode, you know.

In the spring, the air grows warm, the grass grows, the flowers bloom, the birds sing in the trees, and we pay our income taxes. The ladies wear more revealing clothes (not applicable in Saudi Arabia, Iran, and Pakistan, and other hyperconservative and sexually repressed places). We think about renewal - the blossoming of new life for a new year before we begin the long slide to the dead of the next winter.

Ah, spring! The time when we think about new life and applied desire.

But as we think about that new life and applied desire, we don't always think about what it means for the long term. And this morning my daily Writer's Almanac e-mail offered this wonderful poem by George Bilgere that pretty much sums it up ...

by George Bilgere

The slim, suntanned legs
of the woman in front of me in the checkout line
fill me with yearning
to provide her with health insurance
and a sporty little car with personalized plates.

The way her dark hair
falls straight to her slender waist
makes me ache
to pay for a washer/dryer combo
and yearly ski trips to Aspen, not to mention
her weekly visits to the spa
and nail salon.

And the delicate rise of her breasts
under her thin blouse
kindles my desire
to purchase a blue minivan with a car seat,
and soon another car seat, and eventually
piano lessons and braces
for two teenage girls who will hate me.

Finally, her full, pouting lips
make me long to take out a second mortgage
in order to put both kids through college
at first- or second-tier institutions,
then cover their wedding expenses
and help out financially with the grandchildren
as generously as possible before I die
and leave them everything.

But now the cashier rings her up
and she walks out of my life forever,
leaving me alone
with my beer and toilet paper and frozen pizzas.

All you men out there will understand.

Have a good day. Enjoy the scenery. More thoughts tomorrow.


P.S. - apropos of today's topic, I note that today is also the birthday (in 1725) of renowned libertine Giacomo Casanova. In addition to being a noted lover and seducer of women (his name is now defined in the dictionary as "A man who is amorously and gallantly attentive to women; a promiscuous man; a philanderer"), Casanova was a soldier, poet, gambler, lawyer, librarian, and spy. One wonders how he had the time to fit in all that seduction.



Mike said...

'beer and toilet paper and frozen pizzas'

Yeah, but what more could a guy want?

eViL pOp TaRt said...

In its way, it's a touching poem that helps understand guys that check you out.

And it's better than that other Spring poem, "The Wasteland," that we have to suffer through in English Lit.

Big Sky Heidi said...

I enjoyed the poem.

Banana Oil said...

So did the guy with beer and cigarettes and frozen pizza take cold showers?