Thursday, April 19, 2012

Up or Down?

One of the current cliches of the political world is the need for "up or down votes" on presidential nominations and contentious pieces of legislation - no discussion, no debate, no "secret holds," no endless pontificating in front of the cameras, just a simple yes or no. Put that brain back on the shelf, Congressman, you weren't using it, anyhow ... just vote and be done with it.

Up-or-Down is an issue in other areas of daily existence, too, especially with the Man-vs-Woman issue that has been with us since the dawn of the flush-toilet era: should you leave the toilet seat up, or put it down?

Men and women have been fighting about this divisive issue ever since the padded seat in the warm house replaced the splintery unisex hole in the unheated outhouse. Men put the seat up to compensate for their poor aim; ladies put the seat down because ... well ... because they do. Men are pointers, women are setters. Vive le difference! Here's a flow chart that depicts how to address the problem:

Any questions?

Which brings me to this old joke ...

A young Jewish couple arrived at a luxury hotel to celebrate their honeymoon. The new bride needed to use the toilet before stepping into the shower, but neglected to check to see if the seat was down. It wasn't, and the unfortunate lady dropped straight down and became wedged in the bowl with her legs in the air.

She screamed for help and her new husband raced to the rescue, but found that his bride was wedged too tightly in the bowl for him to free her ... he needed help! He ran to the telephone and called the concierge to send a maintenance man to help with "a plumbing problem."

When the knock came on the door, it suddenly dawned on the poor man that his wife was wedged, stark naked, in the toilet, and now a stranger was going to witness the unfortunate spectacle. Thinking quickly, he tried to minimize his wife's embarrassment by whipping off his yarmulke and placing it gently over her exposed nether parts before admitting the maintenance man to the room.

The workman strode into the bathroom and set his box of tools on the floor next to the toilet. He carefully studied the poor lady wedged tightly into the bowl with a yarmulke between her legs, then stepped back, shook his head sadly, and told the frantic husband,

"I can get the lady out of the bowl, but the rabbi's on his own."

Have a good day. Make sure the seat is down.

More thoughts tomorrow.



eViL pOp TaRt said...

A great story, Bilbo!

Having two older brothers, I don't mind when the seat is left up. That means that I won't get an unpleasant surprise when I lower it for use!

Duckbutt said...

Now all we need is for a peaceful resolution of the toilet paper over the roll versus under the roll crisis!

Big Sky Heidi said...

By all means, leave the seat down.

But everyone should check where it is before use.

Mike said...

Evil has it right. How does the lady know that the guy that used it before put the seat up?

Amanda said...

Big and little A have been trained to be sitters...for now. Obviously their aim is terrible so thats the best solution.