Image Issues

When I crossed the traditional superannuation barrier of the big six-oh last year, I decided it was time to start working on an image makeover. No longer was it appropriate to be the devil-may-care, manly stud of my youth (those of you who knew me in my youth, just give me this one, okay?) ... I was now a grandfather of five (with a sixth now on the way), expected to maintain a certain level of decorum and to ooze wisdom and good cheer to those of lesser years.

Right.

Which leads me, in the roundabout way my brain tends to work, to this interesting article I found yesterday: Men's Insecurities About Their Looks and Rejection. The article lists the top things about which men are said to be insecure as they contemplate their level of desirability to the opposite sex. Well, sometimes to the same sex, too, the times being what they are. Here's the list, with my commentary ...

1. Hair Loss. Actually, I have found that I have not lost hair as I've grown older ... it's just migrated to different places. The solar panel on the back of my head is balanced out by the new growth in my ears. I still actually have plenty of hair, although the color is a bit less (okay, a lot less) brown than it used to be. Get over it.

2. Physical Fitness/Weight Management. Although Agnes and I don't dance quite as much as we used to, I can still cut a pretty mean rug, and experience shows that a man who can dance ... though his hair be gray and his shape a bit rounder than in earlier years ... can still draw attractive ladies like a bag of cash draws candidates for office. I may not pump iron, but I can toss the average lady pretty high when doing a corte with a leg lift while dancing the Tango. And weight management, in any case, grows more difficult as we grow older, particularly when one of one's hobbies is gourmet cooking. One of the corollaries of Einstein's theories dealing with the conservation of mass predicts that there is only so much mass in the universe, and when someone loses weight, it has to appear somewhere else. I'm doing my part to keep the universe in balance. You're welcome.

3. Aging. Getting old may be a pain in the neck (and in many other places, especially in the mornings or after chasing hyperactive grandchildren for a few hours), but it does beat the alternative. Two of my favorite comments about aging are:

"Age is an issue of mind over matter ... if you don't mind, it doesn't matter;" and,

"The best thing for a man about getting older is that every year there are more women you think are attractive."

And, in my humble opinion, means that there are a lot of beautiful women out there ... many of whom actually read (and comment on!) this blog. This means, of course, that they're not only beautiful, but they're attracted to my sparkling wit and insightful commentary.

Which, when you're an over-sixty, gray-haired, moderately-fit, and gently rounded fellow, isn't a bad trade-off.

Have a good day. Age gracefully.

More thoughts tomorrow.

Bilbo

P.S. - A bonus item from the Only-in-America collection: 2 Teen Girls Sunbathing on Pennsylvania Road Struck by Car.

Oy, vey.

B.