Sunday, June 10, 2012


No, not this one ...

You may have seen this headline on CNN's website yesterday: Somali Islamists Offer 10 Camels As Bounty for Obama.

Apparently, as a jibe against the American practice of offering multi-million dollar bounties for information leading to the capture or death of wanted terrorists, the radical al-Shabaab group in Somalia is offering bounties on American leaders which are geared more to the needs and wants of the local population. After all, if you are a dirt-poor farmer in Somalia, chances are that your opportunities to spend a million-dollar reward are fairly limited ... there aren't any Best Buys or Macy's outlets in Berbera, Starbucks hasn't made it to Mogadishu yet, and the average Somali woman probably wouldn't shop at Juicy Couture even if there was one in Kismaayo. Camels are probably a more useful reward, and are easier to eat than blocks of hundred-dollar bills once their usefulness has been exhausted.

The story points out that the average cost of a camel in Somalia is about $700, meaning that a ten-camel reward only costs al-Shabaab about 7 large ... an amount well within its budget, which derives largely from the huge ransoms paid to recover ships hijacked by Somali pirates. From the perspective of the American taxpayer, this is a pretty good deal, as most of us who are not CEOs or major political campaign contributors can't augment our flat or declining incomes with large-scale piracy.

The Somali reward structure is interesting, with a bounty of ten camels for President Obama and two for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. One wonders what other meaningful bounties al-Shabaab might offer to starving Somalis for lesser luminaries ...

500 pounds of manure for Rush Limbaugh or an equivalent useless political gasbag;

1-10 pigs* for a pork-barreling member of Congress (number of pigs depending on the success of the member in steering pork to his or her district);

One or two bulls each for Nancy Pelosi, John Boehner, Harry Reid, or Mitch McConnell (the lesser number is okay, because the bull will generate its own BS, which increases the value of the reward); and,

Five peacocks for Donald Trump ... because it just seems appropriate.

The possibilities are endless. What bounties do you think would be appropriate on certain individuals or groups? Leave me your suggestions in the comments.

Have a good day. Reward yourself appropriately. More thoughts tomorrow.


* This one may not work out as well, ham sandwiches and BLTs not being overly popular in Islamic countries, but it sounds good.


Duckbutt said...

Keith Olbermann -- a bag of dog poop on your porch, set on fire.

Kim Kardashian -- anything round and firm and fully packed.

The Tennessee Legislature -- a pile of churt overgrown with Johnson grass.

Dave Letterman and Jay Leno -- helium balloons.

KathyA said...

Michelle Bachman -- Twinkies?

Big Sky Heidi said...

Tenn. State Senator Stacey Campfield -- stale baloney

Joe Biden -- $50 for a vow of silence

Nancy Pelosi -- a dustbin from North Bay

Al Gore -- more time to reinvent the internet

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

U.S. Congress ..... a damp box of Tampons and a jar of pickles.

MSNBC ...... the contents of Bubba's litter box

Harry Reid ..... just give him a bus ticket home

Mike said...

If we offered camels instead of money for Somali pirates and terrorists we might get a better response.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

A great topic!

Years ago, some inhabitants on Vanuatu tried to buy Prince Philip, as they regarded him as a god. Maybe we could rent out some of our politicians? Or make them ambassadors to countries we're angry towards.

KKTSews said...

In the 70's my minister and his family visited the Holy Land. Included in the family was a teen age son and a daughter, about age 19. The daughter was blond and, um, rubenesque. The two kids visited the arab market in Jerusalem, where the son was offered many (I've forgotten the number) camels for his sister. Like any typical teenage younger brother...he seriouisly considered the offer. LOL.